Thank you for all the kind reviews! Love hearing from fans :)
This chapter contains descriptions or insinuations of sexual assault. Nothing graphic but I wanted to added a trigger warning just in case.
As always I don't own the walking dead, its characters or storylines. I will be using dialog form the show but it may appear in different sequences or times.
Thanks again and ENJOY!
Rick grabbed Andrea's arm and pulled her into the prison. Sam watched the others retreat with them. Merle looked up and raised an eyebrow silently asking her to join him. Sam nodded, "Can you guys take watch?" Tyreese and Sasha both nodded and took the rifle from her. Sam entered the common room to join the conversation. She had to see the woman who willing fucked the Governor.
Carol was hugging Andrea and told her, "After you saved me, we thought you were dead."
Hershel sat down and smiled at the woman. Andrea saw his leg and exclaimed, "Hershel, my God. I can't believe this." She looked around and asked, "Where's Shane? And Lori?" Everyone shook their heads or looked away awkwardly. Sam didn't know Shane but assumed they lost him before she arrived. She knew Lori was Rick's wife and felt a pang of sadness for him and his son.
"She had a girl. Lori didn't survive. Neither did T-Dog" Hershel answered her questions.
Andrea looked at Rick, her face filled with sadness and pity, "I'm so sorry. Carl. Rick, I- You all live here?"
Rick cleared his throat and shifted his weight awkwardly, "Here and the cell block."
She looked toward the cellblock and made a move to walk toward it, "There? Well, can I go in?"
Rick stepped in front of her and put a hand up, "I won't allow that."
Looking at him in surprise with a hurt expression Andrea said, "I'm not an enemy, Rick."
Rick stomped toward her, "We had that field and courtyard until your boyfriend tore down the fence with a truck and shot us up."
She looked around at the others. Sam narrowed her eyes at the woman. She was rubbing her the wrong way. She seemed so naïve.
"He said you fired first." She replied, glancing at everyone.
"Well, he's lying." Rick scoffed moving away slightly.
Hershel chimed in, "He killed an inmate who survived in here. We liked him. He was one of us." She sighed and crossed her arms, "I didn't know anything about that but I know you killed three of our men."
"After they killed Axel and tried killin' us." Rick scoffed and walked further away, his hands resting on his hips. Sam shifted her position next to Merle. Her anger was flaring up. The woman was so naïve and oblivious. Merle looked down at Sam and his eyes narrowed slightly. "Ya ok?" he whispered.
Sam looked up and leaned her head up to his ear, "She's a blind bitch." Merle smirked and nodded, "Uh huh."
Andrea glared at Michonne. "What have you told them?"
Michonne looked at her blandly, shrugging a shoulder. "Nothing."
The blonde wandered around the room, her gaze falling on everyone, "I don't get it. I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?" Sam wanted to roll her eyes. Andrea pointed at Merle, "He worked for him. His right hand man! You let him in here without a worry"
Merle snorted, "I ain't fuckin' the sick bastard." Andrea glared at him and crossed her arms defensively. "I don't see what that has to do with anything."
Sam glowered at the woman, her temper flaring and her blood boiling. She was seconds from exploding at the woman. Merle must have felt her vibrating with anger because he placed his hand on her lower back and whispered, "Easy girl."
Sam took a breath tamping down her hostility. Andrea went on though, "Look, I cannot excuse or explain what Philip has done. But I am here trying to bring us together. We have to work this out."
"I'd hope you aren't making excuses for that sick fucker." Sam seethed. Merle placed his hand on her forearm.
"What's it to you? I don't know you. Keep your mouth shut." Andrea snapped.
Sam glared at her. "Yeah you don't know me because I was kept in a fucking windowless room in your fucked up boyfriend's torture den."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Andrea said dismissively, her eyes cutting to Michonne. Sam shook Merle's hand off and stepped forward, "That's because you're a blind. You wanna see what your lover boy's capable of huh? You wanna see the scars?"
Andrea narrowed her eyes looking at the lightened bruises still marring her neck and face, "You look fine to me."
Sam growled moving even closer to Andrea. Merle grabbed her from behind trying to keep her under control. Pulling away from him, Sam yanked her shirt off and turned around. "You see this? See those? That's what you sick fuckin' boyfriend does." Spinning around standing in only a bra Sam continues, "That's the leather belt. You wanna see the chunk he bit out of me?!" Merle grabbed her waist and pulled her back. His arm wrapped over her chest, trying to keep some of her modesty.
Andrea stood her eyes hard and her arms crossed. Sam struggled against Merle as he tried to pull her out of the room. "You know you're the only one who willing fucks that guy right?"
Rick is shouting, "Merle get her outta here."
"You know he a rapist right?" Sam screamed her feet kicking at Merle's legs, he grunted at the impact. Her body was out of control, her mind spinning.
"You know what its like to listen to someone be raped? I still hear them screamin', I still hear him laughin' while he does it." Sam shouted as she struggled under Merle's strong grip.
The desire to pummel someone, anyone raged through her. All the pent up anger from her ordeal was overflowing out of her.
"You know what its like to wait for you fuckin' turn?! No, you don't do you?! You dumb fuckin bitch! Next time ya fuck him think of the women he raped with that pathetic prick of his!" Sam is screaming and flailing trying to get away from Merle but he pulled her out of the common room into the cellblock.
Her chest is heaving as the rage she'd been holding in burned up. Merle was talking to her but she couldn't hear him. She was panting as he physically carried her up stairs to her cell. Setting her down he bent down to see her wild eyes, "Ya with me Sam?"
"Fuck you," she growled her anger still engulfing her. Sam wanted to lash out, she wanted to hurt someone, anyone.
"Now that ain't very nice Sugar." He drawled his hand still gripping her arm. She shook it off and said, "Leave me alone."
"No." he replied before saying, "Sit down and cool off."
"Fuck you Merle. That fuckin' bitch…" she started and then felt a lump form in her throat. The emotions she'd been shoving down and not feeling came bubbling up. All the stuff that she only felt when vulnerable in her sleep came pouring out. Sam clenched her eyes shut and looked at the ground. Swallowing thickly she scrubbed her eyes with her fists violently.
'You are NOT a pussy. Don't you fuckin' cry over that man. Don't you fuckin dare Sam.' She growled at herself.
Feeling Merle watching her breakdown Sam wouldn't look up at him. Refusing to make any eye contact she turned and grabbed a shirt from her bag since she was still standing there in only a bra. Keeping her back to him even after she was clothed, Sam took deep breaths and scrubbed her face. Chewing her lip she listened to yelling in the common area and a few doors slamming.
"Ya gonna look at me?" Merle asked. Sam sniffed loudly and sighed. "You should go Merle." She replied quietly. Her chest hurt, her body ached, Sam wanted to curl up in a ball and never get up.
"No. Ain't goin' nowhere. Come sit with me." He said from his spot on her bed.
Sam rubbed her nose with her shirtsleeve before turning back and sitting on the bed. Still refusing to look at him she stared at the ground and her lap, her hands in tight fists. She felt the nails digging into her palms but she didn't stop. Physical pain was better than the aching in her heart.
Sam startled when Merle's hand covered her fist. His fingers working into her tightly balled fingers, peeling them open. "Gonna hurt ya'self."
"I don't care," she said finally making eye contact. Merle nodded and said, "Hurtin' ya'self ain't gonna make ya feel better. Stop." His hand spreading her fingers out and turning her hand over, looking at her palm before moving to the other hand. Deep crescent marks were in her palm but no skin was broken.
They sat silently as Sam tried to calm her frayed nerves. Her chest hurt and she knew she just exposed more than just her body to everyone. They just saw what had been going on in her head since she arrived. All the hate for what happened, all the hurt. She'd been stuffing it down and avoiding it, it just spilled all over the prison floor for everyone to see.
Merle watched her reeling her out of control emotions back in. The unadulterated rage she had in her eyes when she was screaming at Andrea was surprising. Merle began to realize she'd been holding in everything from her ordeal. He thought she was just handling everything well. That she hadn't experienced enough to affect her long term but now he saw it. Saw the real damaged the Governor inflicted on her. The terror she must have felt sitting in the dark waiting for her turn. Hearing others being tortured. Listening to what was coming for her. His heart hurt and the guilt he felt increased ten fold.
"Sam," he rasped waiting for her too look at him. Her turbulent eyes finally looked up from her lap. "Ain't gonna happen again ok? You're safe here."
She looked at him for a long time without saying a word. Merle felt uncomfortable with her unwavering stare but let her work through whatever was going on in her head.
"Nowhere is safe, Merle. There's safer places but nowhere is safe." She said finally before looking out the cell door as Rick climbed the steps. He approached the cell cautiously. Merle stood up and asked, "She gone?"
"Yeah. We're setting up a meeting." Rick said glancing at Sam. Merle looked back and saw her fuming again. Merle cleared his throat and said, "Le's talk about that in a little while."
Sam snorted, "Oh no, go ahead talk about your peace treaty with a sociopath." She stood up and brushed past both of them, stomping down the steps. Merle stood with Rick watching her leave. They moved into the library where Hershel, Glenn and Daryl were waiting.
"Andrea says he's gearing up for war. Told the whole town he came to introduce himself, share supplies, get a trade of sorts going. That we fired on them. Killed three of their men." Rick said his arms crossed, leaning on the table. "Told us there was room for us in town." Rick said with a scoff.
Merle laughed and shook his head. "She's blinded by him. He's a fuckin' charmer. Regular Jim Jones type."
Rick rubbed his chin, "Asked her to get us inside and she refused. Wants us to meet. I'm goin' out tomorrow for more weapons. I'm gonna check my old station. Carl and Michonne are coming with me."
Merle raised an eyebrow at Michonne's presence on the trip. Rick replied, "Keep an eye on her, see if she's trustworthy."
Merle cleared his throat, "So what ya meet him and what? Sing kumbaya? He ain't one to stick to a deal. 'specially no peace treaty. Dangerous to even go near 'em."
"We see what he wants but also prepare to be attacked. Once we see what he is movin' to do, we decide. I'm not sure about goin' back into that town." Rick said leaning back in his chair.
Glenn said, "What're the chances of us making out alive if we go into that town?"
"Slim to none now that Sugartits visited us." Merle drawled, "She's gonna go back 'n confess her little heart out. She'll think she's pullin the wool over his eyes, workin' a deal where everybody's happy but he ain't gonna be fooled. He's gonna assume she's helpin' us. The woman's as good as dead now that's she's snuck away."
"He'll kill her?" Hershel asked his brow furrowed.
Merle shrugged, "When he's done with 'er. Yeah. It's what he does. Everyone's expendable to 'im."
The group fell silent and contemplative. "We're leavin' at first daylight. Hopefully get more guns. Meeting is in three days at a feed store between here and there, unless we hear otherwise."
The group broke up and walked back toward the cellblock. Merle was walking next to Daryl. "She ok?" Daryl asked while cutting his eyes to Merle.
Merle grunted and said, "Guy needs to die, then she'll be fine."
Daryl nodded and slapped his brother on the back. "We'll take care of it brother." Merle looked at him in surprise and nodded stiffly. He was warring with himself. The desire to just leave, drive there and kill the bastard was strong but he knew he wouldn't make it out alive now that security would be even tighter. Most people would think the reason he wouldn't risk not making out alive was self-preservation. In reality he didn't want to risk never seeing Sam again. He needed to keep her safe. Merle wasn't sure when it happened exactly but the girl was his responsibility. One of the first responsibilities that he willing accepted, hell not even accepted, more like begged for. He wanted to take care of her and not because she couldn't do it herself but because he cared for her already. It's what made not running out the door and burning Woodbury to ground so difficult.
'Shoulda killed him when I opened that fuckin door,' he thought. 'Never shoulda let him walk away.'
Merle walked upstairs and saw Sam sitting in her cell sharpening her knife. He knew it was plenty sharp, he'd done it himself. "Gonna hone away the blade sugar." He said sitting done next to her.
"Doubt it," Sam muttered and kept smoothing the edge, the gentle scrap sound filling the tiny room.
"Ya don't gotta worry about some fake peace treaty." He told her, laying his head back against the wall. "Ricks just seein' what the guy wants. Plan accordingly afterwards."
"He wants everyone dead." she said looking at him.
Merle nodded, "Yeah we know."
"So what's the point? Rick should take a shooter with him, snipe that fucker's ass." She said sliding her blade into the sheath.
"He'll scout the place before, Prolly have spotters all along the road. Just get e'erbody killed." Merle said and added, "We'll figure this out ok?"
Sam snorted and shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, I know you wanna get this shit figured out and dealt with just as much as me but… that guy, he's not gonna stop. Only way this is stopping is if he's dead and I'm not sure if these people have the balls to do what needs to be done."
Merle smirked and bumped her shoulder with hers. "Don't worry Sugar I got enough balls for whole group."
Sam looked at him blankly for a moment and Merle thought maybe he picked the wrong time to joke but she finally snorted.
"Ass." She muttered before laying her head back. "Did I really tear off my shirt in front of a room full of people?"
"Yeah ya did Sugar. More than I want ya showin' off to a crowd." He said with a chuckle.
Sam raised an eyebrow, "More than you want huh? Maybe I wanna flaunt what I got." Merle scowled and shook his head, "Not on my watch girl."
Shrugging she sighed, "Don't worry about it. I don't have a huge desire to have more people pity me."
Merle looked at her and asked, "That what ya think? People pity ya?"
"When they see me covered in scars, fuckin' bite marks. Of course they will. Poor little girl, weak and broken." Sam said hatefully. "Fuckin' pathetic girl who couldn't defend herself." She picked at her nails, refusing to look at Merle.
Shaking his head Merle asked, "That what ya think? That ya're weak? That ya didn't defend ya'self?"
"Well yeah! I was fuckin' was stupid. I got my ass taken, got myself stuck in that room with him. I shoulda… I shoulda done somethin'!" she growled standing up and pacing, her arms flailing, "I fuckin' just… I didn't fight hard enough. I should've been able to…. And now. Now I'm just some fucked up girl with scars and a fucked up head. Can't sleep no more, can't fuckin close my eyes without that bastard showin' up. It makes me weak. If I could've just… If I just…" she ranted until her throat seemed to just close up. Her eyes were watery as she stared at Merle, her gaze unfaltering. His eyes burned and his head was throbbing at all the information she spilled.
Sam blamed herself, thought she could have stopped it, could have fought. She thought she was broken and weak. Merle knew there was nothing she could have done different. Nothing Sam could have done to fight back. If she had, she'd be dead now.
"Sam. C'mere." He said quietly pointing at the bed. Sam wiped her hand over her face, rubbing stubborn tears away. Once she sat stiffly next to him Merle said, "Now I want ya to lis'en to me cuz I ain't gonna tell ya this again. Ok?"
Sam chewed her cheek and finally nodded. He could see the thick tension in her shoulders and back. Pain and self-hate rolling off her body in waves.
"There was nothin' and I mean nothin' you coulda done to stop what happened to ya. Nothin'. Ya ain't weak, ya ain't broke. Ya got that? If ya had done anythin' to fight back in that room ya'd be dead now. He woulda killed ya if ya were too much trouble." Merle told her and added, "Ya ain't broke or fucked up. Ya got scars and ya know what that says about ya?" He waited for Sam to respond but she only shook her head once in a jerky fashion.
"Says ya strong. Says ya survived. No one in that type of situation who quits or gives up has scars cuz they're dead. Ya got outta there with my help but ya worked for it. I didn't carry your ass here. Ya made it ya damn self." He told her, watching her carefully hoping she would understand, that she would stop blaming herself, stop judging herself so harshly. Sam sniffed and wiped her face angrily. "Just cuz I ran doesn't make me strong. I ran away instead of dealing with it."
"Ya ran to fight another day." He said flatly. "Ain't nothing wrong with playin it safe. Now we can take care of him. We will take care of him. Got it?"
Merle raised an eyebrow at her waiting for a reaction but she just shrugged and looked at the floor. "We will Sam."
They sat silently for a long while. Merle listened to her breathing relax after her ranting session. He could tell all the things that she spilled were thoughts that had been roaming inside her. All the self-doubt that tore her up.
"Ya need to eat." Merle said quietly after hearing her stomach rumble, "Ya burned a lot calories tryin' to beat Sugartits ass."
Sam chuckled and said, "Sugartits huh? I just get Sugar and she gets Sugartits?"
Merle smirked, "Yours is pet name, Sugar. It's a compliment."
Sam raised and eyebrow, "And hers?"
"What can I say I like pissin' the uppity lawyer bitch off with sexist nicknames." He laughed gruffly. Sam rolled her eyes and laid her head on Merle's shoulder. "Come on, I'm fuckin' hungry." He told her bumping her temple with his shoulder.
After dinner Merle went into his cell and lay down. He was dreading Sam's nightmares since they would probably be worse than most nights. She had dredged up quite a bit of emotional damage and it was bound to disrupt her sleep. A knock brought his head up.
"Huh?" he grunted while sitting up.
"I'm just going to apologize in advance," Sam said with a small smile. Merle grunted and shook his head, "t's fine."
"No it isn't," she scoffed. "Maybe I can find you some ear plugs."
"Don' need to not hear ya girl, need ya to not have 'em. Wanna help ya not have 'em." Merle said carefully feeling like he was exposing a little too much. Sam chewed on her lip her cheeks bushing, "Could I sleep on your top bunk?"
Merle's eyebrows shot up and his mouth felt dry. 'Well why the hell not? Gonna end up goin' in her cell anyways.' He thought with a snort.
"Sure girl. Ya want a bedtime story or lullaby too?" he teased with a cocky grin. Sam shook her head and grunted, "Shuddup old man."
Sam hopped up onto the bed, the springs squeaking as she lay down. "G'night Merle."
"Night girl. Try to keep your trap shut tonight huh?" he said gruffly. He heard her snort and a hand appeared over the edge of the bed, one finger raised. "Now, now that's not lady like girl." He laughed.
"Think a lady would hangout with the likes of you?" she retorted and a chuckle.
Merle laughed hoarsely. "S'pose you're right. Sweet dreams Sugar."
Sam lay on the cold floor. It felt like he just left when she heard the footsteps again. Her body was shaking violently as the thump of his boots approached. She crawled as far as her chain allowed, her wrist pulling against the weight. The loud screech of another door opening caused Sam to release a breath of relief. He was visiting someone else. As soon as that relief swept through Sam, a wave of guilt followed. Her fortune was the misfortune of another.
The muffled voices weren't discernable yet but soon, soon they would.
A terrible howl reverberated against the metal walls. They were next door. Sam felt her heart race again. There was a thumping of someone punching and the grunt of a person being hurt. "Fuckin' TELL ME!" he screamed.
Sam cowered further away but the sounds became louder. The woman screamed, bloodcurdling screams that became drowned out by his laugh. That deep maniacal laugh.
Sam could hear clothing tearing and the rattles of chains. Crying and screaming muffled by the slapping of flesh. Sam squeezed her eyes shut, her fists covering her ears. "Stop." She mumbled over and over. It wouldn't stop. The sounds were just getting louder. Soon it was if they were in the room with her. A hand grabbed her. Shaking. Shaking. Shaking.
"Sam, girl come on. Wake up," Merle said, her shoulder in his hand. He had woken to the bedsprings creaking while she mumbled 'stop'. "Wake up girl."
Her eyes flashed open, wild and terrified. Merle watched her gasp, her fists clenching the blankets and his arm.
"Breath Sam," he said quietly. Sam shook her head as she struggled and when it wasn't helping Merle sighed. "Up, come on now." he motioned for her to come to the edge of the bed. Once there he pulled her to bottom bunk, sitting her on the edge with her feet on the floor. "Deep breath and hold it," he said quietly, his hand flat on her back.
Merle felt her take a shaky breath in and hold it while he counted down. After a few rounds of that her body relaxed. He felt her almost curl into herself. "Better?" he asked his hand still on her upper back, his thumb stroking back and forth.
"Yeah," she said her throat hoarse. Clearing her throat she whispered, "I'm sorry Merle."
"Stop. s'nothin." He told her his hand stroking her back. Sam laid her head against his shoulder. Merle could tell she was exhausted. "Come on. Ya need to sleep more."
"Pfft. Right." She mumbled and shook her head. "Well I gotta sleep girl. I'm old." He grumbled while rubbing his face.
"Scoot over." She said. Merle looked at her in confusion. "Huh?"
"Scoot over. I'm not going back up there." She said pushing his shoulder. Merle sighed and moved closer to the wall. Sam lay down next to him on her side, facing away from him. They laid silently, Merle on his back looking at the bunk above him, his mind now quite awake. His shoulder was against her back and he could feel each breath she took.
'How the fuck did this happen?' he asked himself. His eyes were heavy though and her body warm. Eventually sleep rolled over him as his body relaxed next to Sam's.
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