I'M SO SORRY FOR THE JIM GAFFIGAN JOKES!!!! MY FRIENDS (NO, NOT YOU GUYS ON FANFICTION) WANTED ME TO WRITE THEM DOWN AND STUFF! ONCE AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE!!! TRUST ME, I WAS SICK OF IT TOO!
Nothing to say… Besides the fact that I DON'T own Hamtaro. AND I GOT A "B" ON MY ALGEBRA FINALS! YES, I ACTUALLY PRAYED THAT I WASN'T THE POOR SOUL WHO GOT A "D"!! THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO RETAKE ALGEBRA NEXT YEAR! THE ONLY BAD PART IS THAT I'M GOING INTO GEOMETY NEXT YEAR! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Chapter 10:
I'm Not Your Boyfriend!
"Hey, kids. Laura told me to come babysit you all," a person said as she entered the room. She must have been Kennedy, the person that Laura sent to take care of the kids for a while. Immediately, Cappy recognized her and started growling and hissing at the girl. Kennedy looked on and raised one of her eyebrows before walking towards the desk.
The only two that had gone home were Jingle and Sparkle, whose parents had picked them up. Sparkle managed to get a police escort to her play "I'm Perfect". To her surprise and our relief, no one attended.
"Okay, I'm pretty sure that you all are pretty nice… Besides that kid." Kennedy tossing her head towards Cappy. "So I made up some games for you guys to play. Let's see, there's always the Sharpie game-"
"DIDYOUSAYSHARPIES?!" Stan yelled.
"IWANNASNIFFTHESHARPIES!" Sandy shouted.
"GIMMETHESHARPIES!" Maxwell ordered and held out his arms.
Kennedy raised her hands up in the air and said, "Okay, okay! You have to find them though, that's the point of the game. Once you find the Sharpies, you can do anything you want with them… besides drugging other people and turning into a bunch of hippies."
"AWESOME!" the three chorused and dispersed into different directions, setting off to work to find the Sharpies.
"Um, next game is tag. I hope that I won't regret that," Kennedy mumbled, but the rest could hear her loud and clear. All of the boys screamed out in agreement to play tag, but Bijou and Pashmina begged to differ.
"Vee don't vanna play tag!" Bijou cried. "It'll get my 'air messed up!"
"What the albino said," Pashmina agreed and was hit the back of the head by the French girl.
"All righty, you two can go over and color or play dolls. Maybe even have a tea party," Kennedy said calmly. Bijou and Pashmina happily nodded and swarmed over the pint sized table for a tea party with all of the other dolls.
"These kids are too easy," Kennedy chuckled as she went back to the desk to relax. "I don't know what Laura was so worried about."
In a jail cell…
"You can't arrest me! I'm only thirteen!" Laura objected behind the cell's bars.
"GASP!!! She's only thirteen and on the FBI's top ten most wanted list? Write that down, write that down!" Jim Gaffigan shouted to a cop. "And she must be an identity thief!"
"I'm and identity thief?! I'M AND IDENTITY THIEF?!"
"She confessed! We have to get that!"
"I demand that you get me out of this jail cell!" Laura ordered and banged a mug on the bars.
"And she's annoying! You got that one?" Gaffigan asked to his companion.
"Sorry, chief. I'm going to have to ask you to repeat the other fifty that you said earlier. The ones after the whole 'author on FanFiction and tricking the good people of the Hamtaro section to read this story' thing…"
Back at the Daycare…
"Tag! You're it, Boss!" Panda giggled and fled from an eccentric Boss. Boss was wildly waving his arms in random directions, already knocking off a couple of teapots from the girls' tea part.
"So, Mr. Fuzzers," Pashmina began. "You want some sugar in that tea?"
Pashmina held out some "sugar cubes" (They were actually rocks she found on the playground) towards Mr. Fuzzers and waited patiently for his answer. When the stuffed bear just stared at her for what seemed like hours, Pashmina threw the sugar cubes at him.
"STUPID BEAR! I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU KNOW! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ON YOVILLE! I WAS ABOUT TO HOOK UP WITH THIS HOT GUY FROM ALBANIA AND HE JUST LOGGED OFF!" Pashmina sobbed and ran to a corner. Bijou was in the middle of pouring a cup of tea for Ms. Snuggles, a rabbit whose ear was bitten off. As Pashmina ran off, Bijou sighed and looked around for another person to join her tea party.
"Sandy! Vill you please come over 'ere?" Bijou called over to Sandy.
"SHARPIE, SHARPIE, SHARPIE! LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, GOTTA FIND THE SHARPIE! SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPIE!!!"
"I guess zat vas a no." Bijou spun her head around to see Hamtaro and Boss playing tag with the other boys and she grinned.
"Yoo hoo! 'Amtaro, could you come over to play wiz me?" Bijou's lip quivered and tilted her head to the side like a puppy dog. Hamtaro, clueless as he was, skipped happily over to Bijou and plopped down on the chair without another word. He quickly grabbed a teacup and teakettle. Then, he tipped the teapot towards his teacup to find that the tea didn't come out.
"Hey! This tea disappeared!" Hamtaro gasped as he shook the tea pot a little to see if any liquid would come out. "I've been hacked!"
"Oh, you silly boy. Vee never had tea," Bijou giggled.
"What kind of tea party doesn't have tea?"
Bijou laughed again and said, "It is just pretend, silly. Now 'ave a scone."
"What the heke is a scone?!" But it was too late. Bijou shoved a scone into Hamtaro's mouth and the boy slowly chewed it with a pained expression. However, the more he chomped on the pasty, his face lit up and he swallowed. Pounding his fists on the table, he pointed his finger to his mouth.
"More cones! I want cones!" Hamtaro yelled.
Kennedy cast an alarmed expression towards Hamtaro and Bijou.
"It is called 'scones', 'Amtaro," Bijou said, a dreamy expression on her face as she reached for the plate that the scones were placed on.
"Whatever! This crap actually tastes good!"
Kennedy sent out another mortified face to Hamtaro.
"Oui. Vould you also like jelly donuts?" Bijou offered as she held out a plate of donuts.
"Yeah, yeah! And some Tech Dicks! I collect a lot of those, I put 'em in a jar in the back of my closet for safe keeping."
Kennedy's jaw dropped as she stared at the orange-headed kid, eyes bugging out of their sockets.
"I zhink zat it is called 'Tech Deck'," Bijou whispered and fed Hamtaro some more scones and jelly donuts. Hamtaro quickly gobbled the delicacies down and soon enough, the kid was stuffed. He picked at his teeth and rubbed his stomach in satisfaction.
"Man, those are good, Bijou!" Hamtaro complimented as he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and gave Bijou a quick hug. He got out of his seat and stretched, ready to leave the tea party that didn't have tea. Bijou smiled and then a light bulb went off in her head. She daintily waved at Hamtaro.
"Don't vorry, it is vhat girlfriends do."
Hamtaro screeched to a stop and stopped his designated course. He slowly turned around to stared at Bijou for what seemed like hours. Bijou only looked at him absentmindedly, eyes fluttering and she sent out kisses every couple of seconds. Hamtaro's eye winced before he took off towards his friends.
"GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!" Hamtaro shouted to them. Right now, Cappy was 'it' and had just tackled Oxnard to the ground. The laughter and merriment ceased to a stop as everyone cast their attention towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro's mouth moved, but no words came out and he kept sending glances over his shoulder towards Bijou. Each time, the French girl gave a small wave and kiss, leading Hamtaro to whirl back around. Boss couldn't take any more of this.
"Spit it out, Hamtaro!" Boss ordered. Hamtaro seemed a little too dazed to speak.
"What?" Panda asked. "Did Maxwell find those Sharpies?"
Panda's question was answered from a "NO, NOT YET! BUT I BET THAT THEY'RE IN THE SEWER! DIVE, STAN, DIVE! I'LL TAKE ON THE ALLIGATOR!"
"Did ya have an accident?" Howdy inquired.
"Did you premiere on a television show called 'Hamtaro', but you were cancelled?" Dexter inquired as he adjusted his glasses.
"I loved that show! Hamtaro, little hamsters, big adventures!" Oxnard sung.
Just then, Cappy got face to face to Hamtaro, their noses only centimeters apart. "Did you die?"
"N-No," Hamtaro started slowly. "B-Bijou-"
"Bijou! Did she want to go on a date with me?" Boss asked excitedly and jumped up and down, sending a look of endearment towards his crush.
"Eww, Boss, girls are icky," Cappy gagged to get a swat in the back of the head by Boss.
"Bijou said that she was my girlfriend!" Hamtaro spluttered out.
"WHAT?!" all of the boys screamed.
"What?!" Kennedy yelled as she woke up.
"What?!" Pashmina screamed from her corner.
"What?!" Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan screeched from underground and popped out of the sewer.
"What?!" Laura and Jim Gaffigan cried out in the police station.
"What?!" the sun hollered.
"What?!" ChargingFowardBlind, HamtaroXbijouLover, Awesomewriter123, Michaiah, Emily H., BabyBlueHamster, Chipmunk4ever, and all of the other appreciated readers/reviewers gasped.
"WHAT?" the sky boomed. "I'M WRITING THIS AND YET, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
"What?" an old lady four hundred miles away said. "What? I can't hear you, dearie, my hearing's not what it used to be."
"That's what I said! Bijou said that she was my girlfriend!" sobbed Hamtaro. The boys all felt bad for Hamtaro, but the last thing that they wanted was to have Bijou love them. Boss stepped up to Hamtaro with a face of pure hatred on his face for Bijou choosing Hamtaro over him.
"Look, Hamtaro. If Bijou said that she was your girlfriend and you don't want her to be… You don't want her to be, right?" Boss stopped in the middle of the sentence for Hamtaro to answer. To his relief, Hamtaro nodded. Then, Boss continued, "Just let her down gently."
"Let her down gently?" Hamtaro repeated in awe. Boss nodded happily, praying that his plan would work.
"Thanks a million jillion, Boss! I'll let her down gently!" Hamtaro said and rushed over to Bijou. Gotta let her down gently, let her down gently, Hamtaro thought with every step he took towards Bijou.
"Bonjour, 'Amtaro," Bijou greeted with a wide smile.
Gotta let her down gently…
"Did you vant anymore scones or donuts?" Bijou batted her eyelashes.
Gotta let her down gently…
"Uh, Bijou," Hamtaro started uneasily. Gotta let her down gently…
"Oui, 'Amtaro?" Bijou asked, staring brilliantly with those sapphire eyes.
Gotta let her down gently…
"I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!" Hamtaro snapped before his attention turned to the treats sorted out on the table. "Hey, can I have some?"
"Oui, I got zhem especially for you," Bijou sighed. She handed Hamtaro a scone and Hamtaro skipped back towards his friends, happy as could be before she said, "It's vhat girlfriends do."
"Girlfriends?" Hamtaro stopped dead and looked down at his cookie.
"AH, CATS!"
***
"Oh, hello, 'Amtaro," Bijou said, trying to sound seductive. Hamtaro was planning another escape from Bijou's fantasies and he ran back to her. He whipped out a wrapped present, held together with blue ribbon that matched Bijou's own ribbons.
"A present? For moi?" Bijou gasped and quickly opened up the present. A giant, mutant hamster came flying out onto Bijou's hair, hissing and screaming. Hamtaro crossed his arms across his chest, satisfied that the plan might work.
"Pretty gross, huh? Bet you don't want me to be your boyfriend anymore," Hamtaro said lazily.
"Oh, my gosh! I love it!" Bijou squealed and whipped out another mutant hamster. "Now, Ms. Snoogiewoozims has a boyfriend of her own!"
"Ah, cats!" Hamtaro stormed off and before looking around his shoulder and spat at Bijou, "I'm not your boyfriend!"
***
"Oh, hello, 'Amtaro," Bijou greeted in a dreamy state. Hamtaro was back at it again, but he put on a black mustache. Hamtaro rocked back and forth on his feet, sweating like heck right now.
"Uh, hello, Bijou. I have a message to you from Hamtaro." Hamtaro tugged his mustache and said quickly, "Which I am not."
"Yeah," Bijou said tiredly, knowing that it was actually Hamtaro before her.
"Um, Hamtaro has moved far, far away and cannot be your boyfriend anymore," Hamtaro told in a ridiculously low voice.
"Vhere did 'e move to?" Bijou countered, half closing her eyelids.
"Um… Across the block, to the next city-"
"Uh huh?" Bijou giggled.
Hamtaro looked at Bijou for a long time.
"He's dead. Hamtaro is dead," Hamtaro finished flatly. Bijou shrugged and held out a scone.
"Vant a treat, 'Amtaro?"
"WOULD I?!" Hamtaro hastily grabbed the pastry and stuffed it down his throat. It took a while before he realized that he just blew his cover.
"Ah, cats! I'm not your boyfriend!"
***
"Aren't you taking this a little too far, Bijou?" Pashmina scolded as Bijou had just completed her picture of Hamtaro and Bijou with hearts all around the page. Bijou ignored her friend and just kept coloring Hamtaro's tuxedo and her bouquet, scribbling in the hearts surrounding herself and Hamtaro. Seeming to be contented with her work of art, Bijou took a tack and nailed the picture to the wall for the entire world to see. Bijou sighed at her masterpiece while Pashmina immediately wanted to throw up.
"Bijou!" Hamtaro called over. "I'm trying to tell you something, something important, but I just can't say it. Here it goes, a little song that I made up for you."
Bijou squealed and clasped her hands together before sitting herself on one of the blue stools, dragging Pashmina with her. Hamtaro cleared his voice.
"I'm not your boyfriend! I'm not your boyfriend!" Hamtaro sung. Okay, so it wasn't really singing, it sounded more like a printer while a madman wrecked the cartridge with a chainsaw, but it managed to make Bijou tear up when Hamtaro finished, "I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!"
"Oh, 'Amtaro! Zat vas zee sweetest song ever!" Bijou yelped and ran over. She gave Hamtaro a huge bear hug and whispered into his ear, "You are zee best boyfriend ever!"
And with that, Bijou kissed Hamtaro on the cheek.
~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~
Hello, all and welcome to my imaginary room inside the computer. We're sorry for the interruption to this horrible story, (No, no we're not…) but we are experiencing technical difficulties with the amount of horrendous screams that Hamtaro yelled. There is no way to tell you how much Hamtaro ran around the room and letting all of his emotions out because it would just be useless, no one could type enough of that to make you feel exactly the same way as Hamtaro. Now, I'm sure that some of you has been kissed by someone you did not want to be kissed by. That's what Hamtaro felt combined with the full force of the dreaded fear of cooties and so that, multiplied with the fictional elements of this story, equals 69,886 full kiloscreams. Shocking, I know. Let's get back to the story. Oh, and just so you know, recent news states that construction workers found three little kids running around the sewer system in a frantic search for Sharpies. That is all.
~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~
"Uh, Hamtaro, what are you doing?" Boss asked when he opened the bathroom door to go to the bathroom. He found Hamtaro sitting in the sink (The toilet was clogged so Hamtaro didn't dare go in there.) and rubbing his face with water.
"A girl kissed me and now I'm trying to rub it off," Hamtaro grumbled as he took a bar of soap and scraped it against his cheek. Boss sighed and leaned on the doorway.
"Listen, kid," Boss started slowly. Hamtaro turned his head towards his friend. "A girl kissed you. Kissed you."
"I know, it was gross!" Hamtaro sobbed and waved his arms up and down to emphasize his situation.
"You know what happens when a girl kisses you?" Boss asked while raising his eyebrow and leaning in.
"No… Do you have to go to the dryers and try to find those old socks in the back of the washing machine?" Hamtaro guessed.
"Uh, wrong answer."
"Dang, I thought I finally had a chance to get that Dora the Explorer stocking," Hamtaro groused and went back to washing his face, not interested in hearing any more of Boss's words. Boss started at Hamtaro a long time before spilling the beans. (Strangely enough, news reports that day said that some idiot spilled the biggest bean can in the world.)
"It means you have to marry her."
~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~
Hello all, and we apologize for the technical difficulties again. However, this time, the reason for this special message was not because of the inability to actually type what Hamtaro felt or said, but how LOUD his scream was. In fact, his scream was so loud, that the giant, supercomputer (the iMac I'm typing on) shattered into billions of broken pieces. The monitor went haywire and soon enough, I had to evacuate the house just to find out that the tornado sirens in my neighborhood went off so I was stuck in the middle of a burning house to my right and a whirling vortex of death to my left. Hamtaro's scream was that loud, yes it was, to cause to a tornado and blow up my house. And in recent news, it seems that a thirteen-year-old girl has been captured for plagiarism, identity theft, illegal driving, child abuse, wearing a painted face, having an awesomely cool t-shirt that made the police jealous, swearing, talking on the cell phone too much, writing this story… The list goes on for about five miles, so why don't you just look it up? I'm too lazy to type all of that up. That is all.
~BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP~
"I HAVE TO MARRY HER?!" Hamtaro gasped as he jumped out of the sink, soaking wet.
"Hamtaro," Boss scolded. "A girl kissed you. If word gets out that this girl kissed you and you didn't marry her… her reputation would be ruined."
"OH, NO!" Hamtaro screamed and made a bolt for the door. "I HAVE TO GO SAVE BIJOU'S REPUTATION!"
***
Bijou was chatting away to Pashmina about Dexter and Howdy and which one Pashmina should choose. The girls laughed and talked, not caring about anything else in the world… until Hamtaro ran up to Bijou. Pashmina frowned while Bijou had a confused look stamped onto her face. Hamtaro quickly got down on one knee and held one of Bijou's hands, heaving in deep breaths.
"Bijou…" Hamtaro huffed, out of breath from the run. "Will… You… You marry… me?"
"Vhat are you talking about?" Bijou asked as she dragged her hand back towards herself.
"Saving… your reputation…even though I have no idea what that is…" Hamtaro choked out, coughing a little. Bijou rolled her eyes.
"Look, you're getting vay too clingy. You come by every five minutes!" Bijou moved her arms around her to indicate her statement. "See zhis? Zhis is my space. I need my space. But vee can go out vhen ve're older, 'kay?"
Bijou then left with a laughing Pashmina, acting as if nothing had happened. Hamtaro was still on his left knee and staring at Bijou, wincing his eye and trembling his lip. For some reason, he felt empty in his stomach like he had missed Bijou already. The feeling of her kiss overtook him and he really wanted her to kiss her again. But he shook his head and got up, picking up a scone before singing joyfully,
"I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not your boyfriend. Even if I sort of want to be… But for now, I'm not your boyfriend…"
Okay, I just HAD to write HamtaroXBijou! I kind of like them more than SandyXMaxwell right now. Shocking, huh? Anyway, the true facts in this story were the tornado thing. As some of you may know, a tornado hit around my neighborhood on Sunday. It didn't hit our house, but the hail totally hurt the backyard and dented the mailbox. The tornado hit the MALL. Out of all of the places, it hits Southlands?! WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN JAMIE'S HOUSE?! WHY?! OH, WHY, WHY, WHY?! THAT'S TWO WEEKS I CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES OR MACY'S!!! And then, today, there was another tornado and the sirens when off. So I grabbed my hamster, Daisy, (cuz I liked her more than my brother's hamster…) and went down in the basement, waiting to die. Only guess what? No tornado. That was an hour of my life wasted. Anyway, please review!
(Yes, there ARE tornados in Colorado. Believe it or not, the part of Colorado I live in, which is the eastern side, is part of tornado alley. GASP! THAT MEANS I'VE SURVIVED TWO TORNADOS! IN ONE WEEK!)