The Platonic version

Dean nervously walked into Cas's room and shut the door behind him. The angel was sleeping, but stirred when he sat in the chair by his bedside. The hunter kinda hoped he wouldn't wake up yet; he needed a minute to figure out what he was gonna say.

He felt a pang of guilt as he realized how sick Cas had been. Fevered to the point of delirium? He should've been here. He knew how bad flashbacks could get. God, why hadn't he talked to Cas about this? The guy had been possessed by freakin' Lucifer! He had no idea what the Devil had been doing to him that whole time. But he could only assume the worst.

"Dean?" Cas's rough voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Hey, buddy." He tried to smile. "How you feeling?"

"Better. How was the hunt? Are you alright?" Cas sat up, and Dean noticed how his arms shook slightly with the effort of pulling himself to a sitting position.

"It was good. We got the werewolves, no injuries."

"That's good. I was worried about you."

Dean gave a short laugh. "You were worried about me? You're the one who was burnin' up. Mom said things got really bad for a while." He couldn't hide the concern in his own voice. "Looks like you're still...not doing very good."

"I'm fine."

"You know, you keep saying that..." Dean cleared his throat. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course." Cas nodded, staring at him with those intense blue eyes.

"I mean, it's kinda heavy, so if you're not up to it..." Dean trailed off. Maybe this was a bad idea. Cas was still in pretty rough shape. He could barely sit up...

"Dean, I'm okay. You can always talk to me, you should know that." Cas said earnestly.

"Alright...but you tell me if you need to stop, okay?"

Cas nodded.

"Mom said you were...seeing something earlier, when your fever was up. Do you remember what?"

"Yes,"

"Okay, what was it?"

Cas reluctantly answered, "I thought Lucifer was still possessing me."

"What did he do to you, man?" Dean finally asked.

Cas bit his lip nervously. "I don't think you want to know."

"I do. If it's not too hard to talk about."

"Why? Why does it matter? It's over." Cas seemed to be getting worked up, and Dean wondered if this was a mistake.

"Hey, relax." He put a hand on the angel's arm. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay." Cas sighed. "I just don't see why it matters."

"Cause it's obviously still affecting you. I never thought about it; I just...assumed you were fine, cause you always are. I should've...I should've been there for you." Dean's voice wavered. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I wanna know what he did to you. Sam always says - and I guess he's right, but don't tell him I said this...it helps to talk about it."

Cas was silent for a moment.

"I mean... you need to know that you're not alone. You don't have to hold this shit in. I know I haven't been the best example, but-"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes."

Cas's gaze dropped to his lap. "It was nothing compared to what Sam endured in the cage. He never even touched me." He took a deep breath. "He would...tell me things. Show me things. Sometimes I...didn't know if they were real."

"What kind of things?"

"He would pretend to be y-" Cas stopped, eyes flickering up to Dean's face for a moment. "He would show me visions of people I cared about; saying they hated me. Telling me I was better off dead."

"Shit..."

"I didn't know if it was actually happening, I only got a glimpse of what he was doing with my vessel, my body. Sometimes I could see things through his eyes, like when he was trying to kill Sam. But other times I was just stuck in this place, in my mind somewhere. He'd trick me into believing you all hated me."

"That bastard." Dean hated Lucifer. Hated him for what he'd done to Sam, and now Cas.

"When Amara expelled him, I thought it was a trick at first. It took a while for me to believe he was truly gone."

Dean bit the inside of his cheek. That explained a lot, actually. Cas had acted...weird the first few days. Of course, it was the end of the world and everything was a little weird, but he still should've noticed...

"He put on my face, didn't he?" The look on Cas's face at this question only confirmed his suspicions. "What did I say, man?"

The angel couldn't meet his eyes. "That I disgust you. That you hate me. I keep coming back, like a disease. I should've stayed dead. You don't know why you wasted time looking for me in Purgatory. I always fuck things up."

Dean's chest felt like it was constricting, his heart breaking. All these awful things...He knew they were straight from Lucifer's mouth.

"Cas..." Dean breathed. "None of that is true. That was all Lucifer. You've gotta believe me, you have to...I would never..." his voice broke. "I would never think those things about you. I don't hate you. Every time I thought we'd lost you...it tore me apart, man...just ask Sam. I was a fuckin' mess. We need you."

Cas's eyes were misty, and Dean was close to tears as well. "That douche was wrong, okay? He didn't know what he was talking about." He leaned closer, moving from the chair to sit on the bed with him. "Fuck. There's something I've gotta say to you, and I want you to listen. This is me talking, alright? Not the Devil."

Cas nodded, hanging on every word.

"You're family. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're my brother. I'm serious, man...I'm so sorry...if you didn't feel like you belonged." Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "You belong here, with us. Sammy loves you like a brother too, and Mom's already basically adopted you."

"Thank you," Cas said quietly, voice thick with emotion. "Words cannot describe how much that means to me." Cas said, blue eyes shining. "To have a family again...a home."

Dean nodded. "You never have to be alone again, capiche? We're here for you."

"Yeah," Cas just beamed, he'd never looked so happy. "I capiche."