Pain

The next morning at breakfast, Allison could barely eat. Her stomach felt as if it was flipping inside out. The anticipation of breaking up with Seamus was draining her. She had rehearsed how she might tell Seamus, but each time she started over. She pushed a piece of egg around with her fork and sighed. She knew there was no easy way out.

Hermione eyed her but said nothing. She was too busy trying to ignore Ron on the other side of the table. Harry also noticed her odd behavior and glanced at her suspiciously. "Are you okay, Allie?" he asked.

Surprised by his words, Allison looked up suddenly from her plate. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I guess just a little tired," she replied. She placed down her fork. "Excuse me," she said as she stood up and hurried out of the hall.

She walked towards a courtyard and sat down on one of the cold, stone walls. She gazed out at the cobalt sky and inhaled deeply. For a moment, she felt relaxed and confident that she could manage everything in her life. As she exhaled, the feeling faded, and she felt lost again.

She jumped as she felt a hand cover hers, which lay weakly on the wall. As she turned her head, she saw Draco smiling at her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly on her forehead. She rested her head on his shoulder and grasped him tightly. "Please, tell me I can do this," she whispered in his ear.

"I know you can do this. For us," he added encouragingly. Allison took a deep breath and held on to him. She pulled back from his embrace and nodded as if to reassure herself. Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around to find Seamus staring at her with a surprised look on his face.

"Hermione told me you wanted to talk, and I saw you leave in this direction," Seamus announced. He glanced suspiciously at Draco. "What's going on here?"

Allison looked at Draco. "I'll see you later," she whispered as he turned to leave. She refocused her attention on Seamus. "Listen, Seamus, we need to talk." She reached out to grab his hand, but he pulled away from her.

"I think you made things very obvious the other day when I told you I loved you." He stared back at her with hurt in his eyes. Allison noticed they were starting to glisten with tears. He turned his back and began to walk away.

"Seamus, please," Allison begged. "Let me explain."

He froze in his tracks, and his face twisted in agony. "What?" he barked.

Allison hesitated, trying to choose her words carefully. "I really like you, Seamus. I really do. I'm just not sure that I love you. I still want to be your friend."

"Allie, I get it. You don't feel the same way. But as for being friends, I'm going to need some time." He glared at Allison and waited, but she couldn't meet his eyes. He sighed and said, "Please, just let me leave." He left the courtyard and didn't look back.

Allison remained on the stone wall, crying and hating herself for hurting Seamus. The break-up didn't go as she had hoped, and now she felt like she had messed up. She thought about ways she could have made it easier, but her mind found none. She finally accepted that Seamus must have known it was over but didn't want to talk about it. She hoped deep down that he would move on and they could be friends again, but it didn't seem likely.

As Allison's tears dried, she realized that she couldn't stay on the wall forever. Her first class was about to start, and she was already going to be late. She wiped her face on her sleeve and smoothed her hair back. She slowly started to walk towards the school.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, she was pushed in to the hard wall, and she smacked her body one of the stones. Her shoulder felt as if someone had twisted a knife in it. Stunned, she turned around to face Pansy Parkinson, a snarky girl from Slytherin to whom she had never spoken to. Confused and surprised, Allison shouted "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Stay away from my man," Pansy growled. She shoved Allison again as if to emphasize her point.

"What are you talking about?" Allison asked, still bewildered and in pain. She rubbed her shoulder and tried to restrain herself from attacking Pansy herself.

"You know," she snarled. "I saw you two hugging this morning. Don't you think for one second that you've got a chance. He's mine, and you'd best stay away from him." She looked Allison over and shook her head angrily. She huffed away, leaving Allison dazed and confused.

Allison knew that Pansy had to be talking about Draco. She hadn't hugged anyone else that morning, and she already knew that Pansy had a huge crush on him. Yet threatening her and smashing her took things too far. Allison's anger flared, and she wished she had fought back. At the same time, she wondered if there was any truth to Pansy's statements; Allison knew that Draco wasn't exactly the perfect gentleman. What if he was playing her? What if everything he had said to her was an act or some sick game? These thoughts alone made her head spin, and she slid down the wall and landed in a heap. She felt like crying, but she had no tears left from earlier. She simply stared off blankly, thinking over the horrific possibilities in her head.

She felt completely alone and dejected. In the same morning, she had hurt someone she cared about and been hurt by someone she now hated. She wasn't sure if she had made the right decision after all. She wondered if everything she had done was really worth it.