Hey guys! I know its been an obscenely long time since I've updated this and I'm really sorry it's taken so long to get back to it. Good news is that the muse is back and she's got lots to say. I've got a short but sweet little update of a chapter for you all here and a few ideas for the next couple of chapters so there'll be another update or two in the next few days. Thanks for being so patient guys and I hope you all enjoy the next bit!

He woke in a cold sweat…another ratty hotel room, another lumpy queen sized bed with scratchy sheets, another god-awful soul shattering nightmare. Rhea…oh god, Rhea. Gone. Because of him. Air…he needed air…needed to get away from these four walls that felt like they were closing in on him.

Dean wasn't really sure how he got there, it was a bit of a blur really. Lack of sleep did that to you. All he knew was that he was now sitting on the hood of his Impala in nothing but his boxer briefs, a t-shirt and his scuffed up biker boots. Yeah, he was a mess alright.

They'd spent the day walking Cody through Rhea's childhood and what little they knew about Cody's dad. What he did know wasn't much, pulled from the dozen or so books filled with her writing that he'd found in her room the day after her death. Diaries. One a year since she'd turned ten. It was enough to give Cody a pretty detailed idea of what it had been like for her as a little girl.

Tomorrow…tomorrow they'd stop at Cody's old school, his daycare…Rhea's work… God, the graveyard, and then the house. We're coming home Rhea. Almost there. We'd be there now except that I'm so goddamn weak I just can't face it. I'm so sorry baby. So sorry I failed you.

Flashes of that night danced behind closed eyes. Head in hands, elbows on knees and he was so close to just falling apart. Felt himself losing the fight even as the motel door opened ahead of him.

"M'fine dude."

"Yeah. Right. I can see that."

Great. Well he knew Sam wouldn't believe him but couldn't he let it go just this once?

"Good. So now that you know I'm okay why don't you go on back in there and get some sleep? No use in both of us being up all night."

He had to try right? Unfortunately Sam wasn't going for it. Dean felt a nudge to his knee, a silent 'move over' so his brother could sit down next to him. Oh well, it was worth a try. He was too strung out to be able to fight it right now anyway. Maybe if he let Sam get what he wanted it would be over faster and he could go back to licking his wounds alone and in peace.

He could feel the car dip a little as Sam settled in. He'd never admit it, not in a million years, but the heat of Sam's arm where it just barely touched Dean's was a small comfort. Made him feel a little less alone.

"So… you want to tell me why you're out here in you're boxers and boots in the middle of the night?"

"Isn't it obvious? M' tryin' to catch a tan, Adams family style."

Sam's soft chuckle made him feel a little better. Not much, but a little… and not for long either.

"Nightmare?"

It wasn't a question. Sam knew damn well why he was out there. Dean didn't need to answer.

"You ever gonna let it out Dean? You ever gonna talk about them?"

Sam watched as he huffed out a heartbroken sigh.

"Nothin' to talk about Sammy." This one's mine to carry.

"It's not your fault Dean. None of it ever was." Sam's voice was soft and sure, filled with the kind of conviction only the innocent ever had.

"Mmhm." Only it was his fault. Nothing Sam ever said would change that.

He knew… knew that Dean didn't believe him. Knew that nothing he would ever say could change that. That was something Dean had to figure out for himself. Sam just hoped that he'd get around to it soon, before all that guilt he was carrying crushed him.

They spent the rest of the night there, forging two identical little dents in the hood of the Impala that Dean would say nothing about in the morning. In a few days Dean would fix them like he did every year and never mention how they got there. For now though he was happy just to sit quietly and not be quite as alone as he really felt.

Sometime near dawn Sam stood up and took a walk to grab them a couple of coffees. They'd be living off the stuff for the next couple of days. Dean to keep the nightmares at bay and Sam because he wouldn't leave Dean to do this alone. Not even to sleep.

As the first rays of light tinted the edge of the horizon with an orange glow the motel room door opened again. A pajamaed Cody came out and folded his frame into Dean's lap making the man smile as he wrapped both arms around the boy. This too was a yearly tradition. Three of them watching the sun rise from the hood of the Impala. Dean's chin resting on the top of Cody's head, Sam's long body sprawled comfortably next to them. Each of them enjoying the moment of respite before things got difficult again. One thing was for sure…it was going to be a long, long day.

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