A/N: I want to apologize in advance for the graphic nature of this fic, but I'm not sorry. It's freakin hilarious, but not for the faint of heart. And we need something of offset the depression caused by chapter 9 of "The Shattered Looking Glass." Please don't unfollow me!
These are definitely not my characters, despite the liberties I have taken with them.
Mulan and Aurora sat patiently in their friends' little living room at Granny's. Being the granddaughter of the manager had its advantages, including having her own suite in the bed and breakfast. The little sitting room, despite being decorated in Granny's style, still had elements of its occupants. Technically, it was Ruby's place but Belle's presence was still felt. The large flat panel television sat on top of a little entertainment center, with some electronics for Ruby to watch TV shows and movies or play video games. The small coffee table was strewn with books and magazines, reflecting both girls' tastes. Mulan and Aurora's steaming mugs of tea sat on coasters near the edge of the table.
Aurora leaned over to take up her mug again and took a sip, and she glanced at her girlfriend nervously. Mulan gave her a firm smile despite feeling a twinge of uneasiness herself. They could hear Belle and Ruby's hushed argument from the next room, making the two newcomers nervous. They had only been in Storybrooke for a few days. Snow White and Emma were the only people they knew, but Ruby and Belle, being their neighbors in the inn, were quick to become the girls' mentors in the new world. Still, they didn't know what to expect when Belle asked them to come over for a little "family chat."
Finally, Belle strolled into the room holding small boxes and Ruby followed closely with her laptop. Ruby shoved some of the clutter on the table to one side before setting down the computer. Belle put down the boxes next to the machine, then tried to straighten the mess her partner made. The two women stood before their visitors.
"Okay," Ruby started, "I'm sure you're both wondering why you're here." She looked down to her friends, who looked back up with silent expectancy. When neither woman spoke, Ruby continued. "I remember what life was like in the Enchanted Forest, and what a pain some things can be. But we've decided to show you one of the best inventions of this world: pads and tampons."
Belle smiled down and pointed to the boxes. Aurora stared at them with interest, expecting the boxes to start doing something. Mulan frowned, not understanding. The boxes seemed plain, with same words Ruby had uttered. When the princess realized the boxes didn't possess any extraordinary features, she looked back up at her friends. "I'm sorry. I don't understand," she commented. Mulan nodded in agreement.
The two instructors looked at each other, Belle nodding slightly and Ruby grinning. The latter bent down to open her laptop. "I'll show you some videos - moving pictures with sounds - to try to explain what we're trying to convey."
Ruby stood up and looked to her friends as the video played. Belle watched the video with interest. The educational video went on dryly for a few moments. Suddenly, Aurora gasped and Mulan choked on the tea she just took a sip of.
"You wanted to bring us here to talk about... our monthly flow?" Aurora shouted. She patted Mulan's back, who was still trying to catch her breath from coughing.
Mulan and Aurora continued to watch in horror as the video concluded.
"Was that... necessary?" the warrior asked warily.
Belle smiled. "Well, now you know the WHY! And this," Belle said as she picked up the box of pads, "is one of the things we use." She took out a pad, took it out of the wrapper and held it up for her friends.
Aurora frowned. "Where is the rest?"
Ruby chimed in, "This is it."
Mulan laughed. "I doubt that will contain anything! It is no thicker than the cloth of my sweater!"
Belle reached over for her own cup of tea, then slowly started pouring it onto the pad. The girls watched in amazement as the pad absorbed the mug of liquid without spilling a drop.
"What is this sorcery?!" Mulan shouted, standing up. She took the pad and held it. Slight moisture was felt on her fingertips, but the liquid was absorbed. She sniffed the pad before placing it down on the table. Mulan wasn't sure what she was expecting. It smelled like tea.
Belle gave Mulan a questioning look, but said nothing as she pulled out another pad. She took a pair of panties from her pocket and demonstrated how, with the adhesive backing and wings, it stayed on the underwear. "And when you're done, you just throw it away!" Belle showed as she removed it with ease.
Aurora's eyes lit up. "No more washing and hanging them to dry?"
"I wish I had those during my time in the army. Training was... difficult, to say the least," Mulan mumbled, taking her seat back on the couch.
Ruby bent down to her computer again. "No, THIS would have made your days in the army better. These are better for being active." Pressing play on the next video, the she-wolf stepped back and watched her friends. This video was brief. The princess made a face at the grossly anatomical picture on the screen, but watched intently as the voice gave instructions.
"Point the applicator and push up," the video announced.
Aurora gagged and buried her head in her girlfriend's chest. Mulan turned pale while putting her arms around the other's shoulders. "You expect us to put what? Where?!"
Belle raised her hands in defense. "I know this is a lot to absorb right away. And quite a personal issue, but it's important. Maybe you should start with the pads." She handed Mulan one box. "When and if you're ready, you can use the tampons." The other box was then placed in the warrior's hands.
Ruby closed the computer. "We're sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable, but we just want to help."
Pulling her head up and regaining her regal stature, Aurora sat up and said, "Thank you, Belle, Ruby. We appreciate your efforts."
She looked back to her lover who stiffened. "Yes, thank you." Without another word, the two took up the boxes and returned to their room.
"I think that went well, right?" Ruby asked. Belle shrugged.
Emma and Snow sat at the booth, waiting for their friends to come in to Granny's. They were glad to see that the girls seemed to be settling in to life at Storybrooke after only one week. The newcomers were quick learners and very social, making new friends all around. Even Granny seemed to take a liking to them, acting as a surrogate grandmother at times.
The bell chimed merrily as the expected women entered. Aurora saw their friends immediately and went to join them, Mulan following closely. After friendly greetings, they sat down to look at the menu while starting small talk.
Just as Ruby started making her way towards the group of women, a man at a nearby table let out a small noise. "Oh, no! I spilled some of my soda! It's this wobbly table..." he complained loudly to himself. The table, as it shifted side to side, caused some of the drink to spill out over the sides of the cup.
"Don't worry, Ruby! I can help!" Aurora said brightly as she jumped out of the booth. From her purse she removed a pad. Taking it from the wrapper, she wiped up the spilled liquid. Then, she took out another pad. She took off the adhesive backing and stuck it on the floor. She moved the table leg on top of it, keeping the table steady. The princess smiled at the stunned man, before returning to the booth.
"Where was I? Ah, yes! Emma, what was it you were saying about 'bacon'?" Mulan asked.
Ruby who had been frozen in shock the entire time, finally approached the table. "That's not what we meant when we gave those to you!" she whispered rashly at the pair.
The warrior looked up and said proudly, "No, but Aurora and I have found many uses for these items. They are very handy."
"And so absorbent!" Aurora beamed.
"She does have a point," Snow sighed in agreement.
"I might regret saying this later but... Do you want a job, Aurora? That was pretty innovative," Ruby offered.
Emma closed her menu and slammed it down on the table. "I don't even want to know what's going on... Rubes, I'll just have the usual."
"Mmm! Something smells good!" Belle said as she entered the little kitchen at Granny's B&B, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.
Guests didn't normally use it, as they opted to go to the diner instead, but Mulan felt like taking advantage of her resources. "I am frying chicken. I thought you and Aurora could have lunch here before you go out. She will be down soon," Mulan explained.
When Belle opened her eyes, she stood still in surprise. There were pads wrapped around Mulan's hands, wrists and forearms up to her elbows. The woman softly whistled to herself while she pushed the chicken around the pan, the oil sputtering happily.
"Um…. What are you doing?" Belle asked warily.
"Is this not how to fry chicken? I have been doing it the same way for years. Aurora certainly enjoys this dish, so I thought you would too."
The other girl tried to hide her grimace. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or to scream. "I mean, what are you wearing on your arms?"
"It is the same as my leather bracers. They are quite useful in protecting my arms. Or did you prefer that I lose my hand?" the warrior offered. As if on cue, a large pop came from the pan. Mulan didn't flinch as oil splattered towards her and safely landed on the feminine hygiene products.
Ruby walked into the kitchen, attracted by the smell, and caught the last bit of the conversation. She stopped suddenly when she saw what her friend was referencing. "That's… not quite the same. Good luck getting those off. It's going to hurt like a bitch."
Mulan smirked. "I do not understand your phrase, 'Hurt like a bitch.' You have not been able to hit me yet in sparring practice. Perhaps you are overestimating the viciousness of the female hound."
"I am SO going to kick your ass next time!" Ruby growled.
"I have yet to see that."
Aurora walked down, interrupting the deputies' banter. "Hello, friends! Are you joining us for lunch?" she said cheerfully, embracing first Belle then Ruby in greeting. She walked over to her lover and gave a kiss on the cheek. "Ooh, that's my favorite! And how smart of you to protect yourself! It took weeks to heal after the last time you made this!" the princess crooned proudly, looking from the pan to Mulan's proud face.
Ruby sat down dejectedly. "Well, lunch certainly sounds good."
There was a lot to do in Granny's while they prepared for the big celebration that night. Though it was Aurora's day off, she still came into the diner to help prepare. It was her first time to attend a party in Storybrooke and she was anxious to see what it was like. In the corner of the diner, Aurora was surrounded by various paints and making a large banner on a canvas sheet. The princess was happily painting to herself and didn't notice the people standing a few feet from her.
Regina and Emma noticed Aurora painting so they stood up from their booth to greet her. However, they weren't sure how to approach her once they had a chance to really see what the princess was doing. Aurora stuck her arm out to the side to dip her brush into the paint. The string sticking out from her palm stuck out suspiciously. Neither of them thought that Aurora was using a traditional brush.
"Ahem, Granny Lucas, if you needed financial assistance in securing simple tools like a paintbrush, you only need to ask," Regina offered warily.
The older woman smiled at the princess. "Oh, I have paintbrushes, Madam Mayor. Aurora just seems to insist that those things work better. I'll let the girl do what she wants. She's a hard worker and she's enjoying herself. There are other things I could be worrying about."
Regina glanced over again. Her eyes widened at the sight. "Alice! What are you doing?" she called out.
Her precious little girl was standing with Aurora, the pair smiling at each other. Armed with a tampon of her own, Alice started adding her own artistic style to the banner. When she heard her name being called out, the little girl held up the "brush". "Aurora said I could help!" the child announced proudly.
"With her skills, this sign will look so much better!" Aurora chimed in.
Emma hit her forehead with her palm and looked down. "Alice, no… Just… no. Please. For your mother's sake," she whispered more to herself than her daughter.
Mulan, who had been silently watching, reached over for a tampon too. "I shall assist as well!" she cried.
Aurora frowned at her, causing the warrior to put it back down. "I don't think that's a good idea, darling. Your artistic skills are questionable. Let's leave it to the expert."
At the word "expert", Alice smiled broadly and energetically set to work on impressing the princess. The two girls worked side by side, painting and drawing together.
Regina slapped her partner's arm. "Emma! Do something!"
"What am I supposed to do? She wants to help… Regina, look at how sweet they are together. It's so cute. And we should be encouraging Alice," she offered.
The brunette's face contorted in a confused pout. "But… I know, but… Emma…." She was at a loss for words. It warmed her heart to see her daughter so social and making friends, and of course she was proud of Alice's skills. Yet to allow a little girl to use such an intimate item, even if she didn't know what it was…
"Oh…" Emma sighed. Her surprised eyes were focused on the banner.
Looking up, Regina saw what Emma was looking at. As if in denial, she asked, "Emma… WHAT is she painting?"
The blonde gulped. "I think… it's a lily. Oh my god…."
Regina walked towards the counter and sat down. "I need a drink. I can't handle this," she muttered.
Granny chuckled as she set down a glass of scotch in front of the woman. "It's not easy being a parent," the older woman sighed. Regina took the drink and drained it in one gulp.
A/N: I really do hope you enjoyed this story! It only gets better! Please review!