Part Nine

Wheatley's chassis ached.

It wasn't the first time it'd done that. It wasn't the second, nor the third, but the seventh day, and the pain was showing no signs of letting up. Wheatley was getting quite angry and resentful about this. GLaDOS got her euphoria again and yes, Wheatley had gotten it too, but it wasn't worth a whole week of pain! And she just kept on as if everything was normal, which it wasn't. It'd been fun, yeah, but God GLaDOS was heavy. He'd obviously noticed her size, but he hadn't realised she was so heavy, and even moreso when she was pushing down on him! And she'd been sitting on him… Wheatley shuddered as his chassis ached a little more strongly. Great. Now just thinking about it hurt.

"All right," GLaDOS announced, turning 'round to look at him and tilting her core inquiringly. "You've been sulking for an entire week. What did I supposedly do now?"

Wheatley glared up at her.

"No, seriously. I spent all yesterday trying to figure it out. It galls me even to admit I can't figure out what it is. So just tell me and we both win."

"You don't even notice," Wheatley mumbled resentfully, turning away from her. She never noticed.

"Notice what? Did you do something I failed to appreciate? Not that I'm going to appreciate it if you do tell me. But there's no chance of appreciation at all if you don't tell me what it is."

"My chassis hurts," he told her petulantly. She shook her core exasperatedly and pulled away.

"What does that have to do with me? I really do not understand you sometimes…"

"You're bloody heavy, that's what it has to do with you!" Wheatley shouted at her, hull plates clenching together. "And what happens when a heavy person starts having a go on top of somebody else? That's right! They feel even heavier!"

GLaDOS stared at him for a good fifteen seconds.

"I can't do anything about that," she told him quietly, and if he hadn't known any better he'd've thought he heard a trace of hurt in her words. "And you didn't say anything at the time. So how was I supposed to know?"

"You're supposed to be bloody brilliant, remember?" He was being so sarcastic it was an understatement to call it sarcasm. "Shouldn't you have been able to puzzle that one out?"

Again she looked at him without saying anything. Finally she shook her core again and turned away.

"So that's that?" Wheatley demanded moving 'round in front of her. "You're just gonna, gonna, that news doesn't mean anything to you?"

"There's nothing I can do about it. You're blaming me for something that's not my fault. You weren't complaining then so you shouldn't complain now."

"This is why you have no friends," Wheatley muttered, turning to leave. "You never take responsibility for anything."

"I have friends," GLaDOS protested. Wheatley laughed.

"No you don't."

"I do have friends. Just because you've never met them doesn't mean they don't exist."

"If they existed, I'd've met them by now," Wheatley sneered.

"I don't like making myself available, that's all. If they were allowed into the facility all the time, I'd never hear the end of it."

Wheatley shook his core and left her chamber. He had no idea why she was bothering to lie. Okay, yes, she was beautiful and clever and extremely witty when she wanted to be, but she was also very, very hard to get along with. She couldn't possibly have friends. She was far too volatile for most people to put up with her.

Wheatley fumed for much the rest of the day. She was seriously a pain sometimes. Really, pretending she had friends. As if.

That was why Wheatley actually stopped responding when he returned to her chamber for the night. He was stuck there, frozen, gaping at GLaDOS and… and her friend.

He'd never seen anything like… him? The robot seemed to have male programming, if its loud, processed voice was anything to go by. Other than that, Wheatley wasn't sure how to tell. It was nothing like any other robot he'd ever seen. He was sort of rectangular, but his chassis narrowed a little, so that he was wider on top than he was on the bottom. He wasn't on a management rail or anything either, instead balanced on one heavily toothed wheel.

What a ridiculous construct. Not only that, but he was quite filthy! Almost as though he went mucking about on the surface! "GLaDOS," he called out cautiously, leaning forward, "um… who is this?"

They looked over at him, the mysterious robot zooming in on him a little with a strange, telescoping blue-green optic. GLaDOS shrugged. "A friend," she answered with disturbingly sincere nonchalance. "He's not here because of that… discussion, by the way. He just comes by now and then to…" She tilted her core a little, dimming her optic in consideration.

"Get some action!" the robot declared, throwing one spindly arm around her neck assembly. Wheatley felt something sink inside him, though he had no clue what it was.

"Get… some action?" he repeated weakly. The robot tapped GLaDOS's assembly a few times.

"There're lots of babes on Pandora, of course, but GLaDOS here… well, she's got that something special, I'll tell ya! Hey… who are you, anyway? She never mentioned you…"

"I'm Wheatley," answered Wheatley, frowning down at GLaDOS. She didn't seem to care, though, instead staring thoughtfully at the wall with her core slightly tilted towards the robot. "I'm her friend. Who lives with her. And talks to her. Every day."

The robot waved. "Claptrap. I'm just here to borrow GLaDOS for a while. Be on my way after that."

"I'm not beholden to him," GLaDOS snapped, moving away from Claptrap's arm. "He's stuck here. So I'm stuck with him. That's all."

"Oh, I feel you, baby." Claptrap rubbed one paddle-like hand up the side of her core. "It sucks when your sidekick is super lame, right? I mean, look at that guy! He's so… boring! Designers couldn't think of a better shape than a ball? A triangle-shaped robot, now there's something I could get behind!"

"Perhaps they were thinking with their nether regions, as humans so often do," GLaDOS remarked dryly, glancing at Wheatley. Wheatley was becoming hurt and angry. Why was she joining in on that? Shouldn't she be defending him? She was just going to sit there and compare him to… to… whatever it was they were talking about?

Claptrap laughed. "Sounds about right. Do you need him to leave or can we get started? I've been waiting forever!"

"Nothing's going to happen that he hasn't already seen," GLaDOS answered, lowering herself to the floor. "If he doesn't like it, he can go."

"I don't care if you stay, pal," Claptrap called over, and from a compartment in his chassis came a long cable of a sort Wheatley had never seen before. "And hey! Maybe you'll learn something." After unravelling the cord, the robot extended his arm to a length Wheatley wouldn't have thought possible, plugging it into some hidden port on GLaDOS's chassis. Wheatley had no experience with those sorts of things and found himself asking helplessly, "What… what is that, that thing you just plugged in, there?"

"HDMI cable," Claptrap answered. "It allows the transfer of high resolution images!"

"Images?" Wheatley repeated. What did images have to do with anything?

GLaDOS laughed softly. "He doesn't know about that."

"Reeeallly," Claptrap said in a low voice, again leaning on GLaDOS's neck assembly and pressing his chassis into the side of her core. "Then how did you – "

"That's not important right now," GLaDOS interrupted. "You can't do it so there's no point in elaborating."

The robot put up his hands, the flap above his optic twitching. "Alright babe. You can keep your secrets. But let me show you what I've got."

"That's what you're here for, isn't it?"

Abruptly GLaDOS lifted a little, stiffening and directing her optic upwards, as though she were looking at something. Wheatley glanced over at the wall, but saw nothing. He returned to watching her, a bit concerned with her odd behaviour. Claptrap was out of sight on the far side of her core, though Wheatley could see that he was rhythmically rubbing one of GLaDOS's pistons with his flat little hand. She relaxed a little and shifted forwards. To his horror he heard her fans begin to pick up speed.

So they really were just… getting right to it. With him in the room. Watching them.

He wasn't sure he'd like it if someone were watching him. Well. He wouldn't notice, so he wouldn't really care, would he? And… and besides. If he hung around, then maybe he could get the euphoria without actually doing anything! He wasn't sure how that was going to come about, but as long as GLaDOS followed her usual way of doing things he was bound to get somewhere. Neither of them were going to notice him. So he may as well make use of it… right?

Whatever was going on with that cable, Wheatley didn't know, but GLaDOS seemed to like it rather a lot. She was rocking back and forth a little bit, her optic looking unfocused. Claptrap had his arm clamped all the way around her core and was moving with her, his own optic extended and being used to brace himself against the back of her head. She shuddered.

"That is impressive. Mmmm… I didn't think you'd… ah… you'd get there anytime soon."

"Murphy's Law," Claptrap said, sounding a little breathless. Wheatley was feeling a little breathless himself, which was simply baffling considering none of them needed to breathe! It was so odd, how humans insisted on giving robots their mannerisms… "I would have thought you'd have something along these lines."

"Who says I don't?" GLaDOS answered, her voice low and smoky. Immediately Wheatley felt a bit dizzy and heat flared up from deep inside of him. He didn't even know what they were talking about, but that tone of voice alone was just…

"Show me," Claptrap demanded, tapping the top of the piston he was hanging onto with the top half of his hand. "This, I gotta see."

She must have shown it to him, because all of a sudden she jolted, gasping, as Claptrap grunted and resumed his gripping of her piston. GLaDOS shifted her core into his chassis, rubbing against it slowly but by the looks of it, very hard.

"Hnnnnh… show me that… that one, again, the… mmm… oh, you know, the – yes. Ohhh God."

"I haven't even gotten to the good part," Claptrap murmured, and Wheatley couldn't really see what he was doing but GLaDOS actually perked up, moving out of his grip to look at him.

"You found more? Really?"

"Yes," Claptrap answered, sounding a little too smug for Wheatley's taste. "Wanna see them?"

"No, I want you to delete them," GLaDOS snapped, shaking her core. "Why do you always ask me those stupid – ohhhhh. That. That is – mmm." She resumed rubbing against the robot's oddly shaped body, which made Wheatley a little jealous and a little Itchy at the same time. It wasn't fair that grubby robot got the pleasure of being touched by her beautiful chassis! She was supposed to be his, for the love of Science, and she was doing that against him… Wheatley whimpered a little, imagining the hot, rough pressing of her body against his, and he started to wish he'd left the room. He hadn't realised all of this would make him super Itchy and bring no euphoria at all. Across the room, GLaDOS sighed and pressed harder against Claptrap.

"… okay, credit is… nggh… due, you do remember these things… ohhh. That is… I thought Pandora was… hnnn… devastated, where did you… did you get these?"

"I have my sources," Claptrap answered, his voice strained. "Not gonna… oof… spill 'em."

"Oh," GLaDOS gasped, sounding a little desperate now. "Oh my God… Claptrap…"

"Yessss," the foreign robot hissed, and from what Wheatley could see he was rubbing against her core just as she was putting the pressure on his chassis. Her body tightened, causing a similar reaction in Wheatley, who was now terribly confused about what he was supposed to do. He should leave even now but she was making that noise…

"…nngh… oh… hey, could you… do something for me?... ahh… see that hole, down there?... could you just… mm… stick your hand in there? That would… hnnn… be very helpful."

"Right here?" Claptrap asked, extending his arm and shoving it inside the hole, and GLaDOS made an irritated, pained noise and shoved him away from her.

"No, you idiot! Don't poke me. You just have to touch it, not stab… mmm." She relaxed for a few seconds, then hitched backwards as her chassis tightened again. "… that's what I meant. Ohhh… just keep doing that, will you… ahhhh…"

It was killing him, it really was, watching her shove up against that stupid foreign robot, making him moan and scratching his Itch and doing all that lovely stuff for him, when Wheatley was the one who tried to help her out all the time! And darn darn darn now he was so Itchy he just wanted to shove Claptrap's stupid hand out of the way and get in there himself!

GLaDOS's core was tilted towards the ceiling now, and she was rocking back and forth, hard. She was panting a little, moaning now and then as Claptrap got a particularly good rub in, and when she did that Wheatley could just see Claptrap's grip tightening inside of her chassis. He was making noise too, instead of staying quiet so he could listen to GLaDOS, and honestly Wheatley was starting to get really pissed off. This guy had no idea what he was doing. Wheatley did a much better job, and not only that, but he took her into account! This guy… man alive, did he suck at this. Was GLaDOS trying to make a point, or something? That she could get her euphoria from anyone she wanted, and not have to get Wheatley to give it to her? Somehow able to put the Itch aside for the moment, he frowned down at her straining chassis, suddenly realising: she was getting desperate.

He looked her up and down, taking in her overworked fans, over-tightened body, and her increasingly frantic gasping, and decided he was going to have to do something. He had no idea what, but this Clap guy was not doing the job properly. He was taking her too far, he was pushing her too hard, and he was just going to end up leaving her tingly and needy and anxious. And he was supposed to be the idiot!

"Claptrap," GLaDOS said, her voice faint and wavery, "what are you doing? Nnnggh…"

"It must be your tolerance, babe," Claptrap answered, sounding like he had gotten a pretty good dose of euphoria already.

"N-no… it's… ngh… damn it…"

You're going too far! Wheatley mentally screamed at him. You have to bloody finish! But of course Claptrap didn't hear him, just kept on rubbing against her core and bracing himself inside of –

He was leaning on that hole in her chassis! What did he think she was, some sort of support strut? Wheatley had had enough. He closed the space between himself and the two of them, knocking Claptrap's hand out of the way when he got there with a smack from his lower handle, and promptly inserted himself into the vacant space. GLaDOS seized, gasping in what seemed to be shock, and Wheatley pressed himself into her as hard as he could, aching chassis be damned. She needed something that only Wheatley knew how to provide, and he was going to provide it no matter what the consequences.

For a few seconds there was almost total silence; all Wheatley could hear was the whirring of all the various mechanisms the three of them were using. Then GLaDOS moaned, a long, delicious, wavering noise that flooded Wheatley with euphoria. He'd done it again. He might not be too great at a lot of things, but making GLaDOS feel good? Now that was something he could do. And do a hell of a lot better than anyone else, even when they had arms.

"Oh, Wheatley," GLaDOS groaned, her voice thick with relief. "Who knew. Mmm… God. Yes. Ahhh… leave me alone, Claptrap, ngghh… you… had your chance."

"Oh, come on!" Claptrap shouted, and Wheatley would have been looking at him with an indignant look on her behalf if he could've. "I'm the one who – "

"- mucked ev'rything up!" Wheatley shouted back. "D'you even, d'you even know what you're doing, mate? Or d'you just uh, you just get your kicks and then go on your way?"

"Whatever," the other robot mumbled, and Wheatley hoped the whirring noises he was hearing were those of his exit. He waited a few more moments, just in case, and then pushed upwards again, grinding against her, hard. She moaned again, slowly lowering her core, shuddering.

"Wheatley… ahh… I know you don't… owe me anything, but… ngghhh… he was pinching that spot and I… ohhh… I just need to – "

"Go on, luv," Wheatley interrupted, not really caring what she did as long as she kept on making lovely noise. She shifted forwards, rubbing at the mentioned spot as best she could, panting in relief tinged with pain. When she moved back he did his best to get it for her, which caused her to moan deliriously and lower herself to the ground. He stayed settled inside of her, still feeling pretty good about himself, as she gently swayed back and forth, just a little.

After a long, comfortable silence, GLaDOS murmured, "Thank you."

A warm, fuzzy feeling fell over Wheatley, something almost better than the euphoria. He didn't think he'd heard more genuine gratitude out of her in his life. "You're welcome, luv," he answered, struggling to contain his excitement. "You could've um, could've asked, if you'd wanted."

"I thought you'd be angry."

And he had been, he had to admit. Angry, and hurt, and even a little humiliated, if he thought about it. But the day he understood GLaDOS would probably be the day he died, so… as long as things worked out, why mope over them? "I was, but um… didn't, didn't last, obviously."

Another silence fell over them, and Wheatley closed his shutters and just enjoyed the sensation of her gentle heat flowing over him, of the wholeness he felt sitting inside of her. "Wheatley."

God, he could feel the vibrations of her voice coming down her chassis… "Yeah?"

"I…" She paused. "Well… I'm… sorry."

Wheatley froze.

"I… was being honest when I said that I didn't ask him to come. But what I did… was wrong. I knew it would bother you and I did it anyway. And then you… fixed the problem he created, and –"

"It's okay," he interrupted, getting a little worried. He was pretty sure the euphoria had something to do with this sudden speech, and he didn't want her to say anything she would regret later. "I just… didn't like seeing him uh, mucking about without caring about – "

"That's the point," she insisted, twitching, and if he'd not been inside of her she'd probably have swung 'round to look at him insistently by now. "Even though I was in the wrong, you did something about the problem anyway. When you should have just gone on your way and let it happen. Because let's face it. I deserved it."

"No one deserves to be treated badly."

GLaDOS sighed.

"Are you trying to make me feel worse? I'm pretty sure apologies are supposed to improve things."

"Not trying to do that," Wheatley answered, and though he really liked his place up in her body he figured he wouldn't have to argue with her as long if he settled next to her instead. Once he'd nestled himself against her core, he went on, "I did get pretty mad, though. He was worse than me! 'magine that, that someone's worse than me at something. Livid! Never thought I'd see the day."

GLaDOS laughed, her voice low and gentle. "A miracle to be sure."

Taking his chances, Wheatley decided to ask, "So uh… what was he showing you?"

"Oh…" GLaDOS didn't sound very enthusiastic about revealing the answer. "Just some… things."

"Like what?"

"Just… computer parts."

"Computer parts?"

She huffed indignantly. "Fine. If you must know, sometimes I… become aroused when looking at computer parts. They have different technology where he comes from. I like looking at it. That's all."

He decided it was okay with him. After all, she was pretty much a bundle of computer parts and he became… what word had she used… ah, aroused when he was looking at her sometimes. "Alright."

"You don't think that's… odd?"

He shrugged. "What'd be the point?"

"I… don't know. But sometimes just thinking of all the power they contain, it… and they just keep getting smaller…" She emulated an exhale. "God."

And while the next three hours in which she somewhat dazedly extolled to him all the virtues of RAM, DRAM in particular (though she was developing a strong interest in ZRAM, apparently) were not that personally arousing for Wheatley, they sure were interesting.