(Perrie)

I woke up to the warmth of Jade at my back and her arm wrapped around my waist, I felt safe and for a moment I had forgotten the accident. I just lay in silence, happy. Sadly however you can't lie in one moment forever. The accident crept back to the front of my mind refusing to let me forget its existence. I felt as though I was being mocked by the memory, as I tried to heal it seemed to stand in my way. Jade helped though, I carefully moved out from the comfort of her sleeping form. I tiptoed across my room and snuck out of the door. I felt guilty about last night, I shouldn't have burdened Jade with my problems, and she's struggling enough as it is without my issues pressing down on her.

I walked out onto the balcony lighting a fag and looking out at the world around me. Everything from up here seemed so normal, people went about their everyday business as me and the girls stayed inside trying to recover from recent events. Life felt as though it was moving extremely slowly, I was getting frustrated with doing nothing. I wanted to be working, recording and promoting. I wanted to see our Little Mixers and bond with them again.

Since I wasn't able to work I settled for the next best thing. Stubbing my fag out I walked into the living room and settled down with my laptop signing into our joint twitter account. I was immediately greeted by a ridiculous amount of messages.

' LittleMixOffic I hope you girls get better soon, can't wait for you to get singing again! #lovelittlemix'

' LittleMixOffic Us Little Mixers love you all and hope you get better soon'

The messages were endless and heartfelt. I carried on scrolling down smiling in only the way the Little Mixers can make me. Jade walked into the room and smiled upon seeing me. I looked up at her as she crossed the room toward me, she rubbed her eyes attempting to wake herself up as she sat down beside me.

'Morning' she spoke quietly,

'Morning' I replied as I turned my gaze back to the laptop and carried on scrolling,

'What're you doing Perrie?' she asked as she leant her head against my shoulder gazing down at the laptop screen. I didn't answer just continued scrolling, there was no need to answer as I felt her smile against my skin. We sat contently scrolling through the seemingly endless stream of tweets. Jade would occasionally laugh and point out her favourites as I felt some of the wall I had been fighting so hard to break began to finally give way. Jade's laughter and soft chatter became like music to my ears. Her voice brought a promise along with its sweet notes. A promise of love and unconditional friendship. I was content in the moment as I read out yet another comment.

' LittleMixOffic Can't wait to see you girls performing again, Love you all!'

Abruptly though I was stopped by one comment,

'R.I.P Tulisa, hope you girls are happy.' My jaw dropped, my heart was racing as I carried on searching through the comments, not understanding what stood before my eyes. Jade sat up straight no longer leaning against me, I felt her tense and the beginning of a sentence form on her tongue but shock had trapped our words and only silence filled the void.

The following comments mirrored the first in animosity and blame. Slowly however the comments began to take on a sick form of directed blame. Specifically at me. My breath caught as I read the comments.

'I heard that Perrie was the reason the crash happened, stupid bitch'

'Yeah, I heard she was on top of the driver and he couldn't see, clearly she doesn't care about anyone other than herself'

'I hope she understands what she has done, innocent people lost their lives'

My eyes scanned the words quickly, flitting from one comment to the next. I felt Jade move beside me as she shut the laptop lid, disallowing me to continue my search. The stinging began in my eyes, I tried to keep my breathing controlled as I fought to not return to the dark place of self-hatred I had been trapped in. The fight however was futile. As my first tear fell I heard a soft knock on the door, I didn't register the meaning nor did I move, I simply just sat and let the tears fall. Jade went to open the door saying a quick hello before quickly returning to me. As she walked into the room I looked up at her. Her brown eyes were sparkling with the tears threatening to form and her eyes held a look of worry and pity toward me barely blocking a fire burning pure anger. Jade's eyes were an open window to her feelings and at this moment they were lay on a platter for everyone to see.

My gaze quickly flickered to Jesy as she followed Jade into the room. Her face initially bright dropped when she saw mine,

'Perrie? What's wrong?' the concern was clear in her voice, the voice that I felt immediate comfort in,

'They are saying it was my fault Jesy and it was' I cried silently as Jade sat beside me and hugged me tightly. Her body offered protection but my sadness was already home.

'Look at the laptop Jes' Jade's words were dry and monotonous as she stroked my hair in an attempt to comfort me. I watched Jesy read, I watched her facial expression change as she read through the comments. A short time after when she fully understood the viral situation she closed the laptop placing it beside her and turned her attention to me. As she looked at me her eyes were full of understanding. Jesy didn't need much information to be able to sum up a situation accurately and she knew exactly what the problem was here.

'Perrie, listen to me' her voice was calm and soothing, I relaxed into it feeling the respect I had for Jesy force my mind to register her words more than most. 'These people, that are saying these things they don't know the situation. They weren't there on the night and they weren't there during the crash. We, your friends, band mates and sisters all saw what happened that night and it wasn't because of you. It was that taxi drivers fault, not yours.' She sighed before continuing. 'Perrie the thing is that if anything you saved us. Each of us woke up to someone because of you, I had Leigh beside me because you'd helped her and Jade was pulled from a ditch at the side of the road by you. You weren't the reason that this terrible thing happened but you are the reason that we're here coping with it now. You saved us Perrie, you reminded us that we are worth fighting for that our bond is worth fighting for and we love you more than anything Pez.' Her words warmed my heart, Jesy had become the unofficial mam of the group when Tulisa wasn't around and so her words reached my ears and fought to a place of understanding. Jade tightened the hug for a second,

'Jes is right Pez. I woke up alone and I couldn't move, I couldn't remember what had happened and I felt so alone. If it weren't for you I might have just given up there and then' I felt Jades head rest on top of mine as she sighed deeply.

'Thank you' My voice sounded chocked through the tears but their words really did mean everything to me. I knew that everything was going to be ok. That somehow together we would make it through these hard times and come out stronger. I leant against Jade and let myself relax.

'I love you guys' My words were soft the truth lacing the sounds and amplifying my affection.