A/N: Hi Ummm! I responded to your concern on the review page! I hope that clears things up somehow. LOL at the Guest who wanted the unadulterated passion! Your review made me laugh! It was very funny :3
That being said, hi everyone! It's been a while, but I'm working on responding to everything once again and updating more regularly. It's going to take me some time though. (This chapter hasn't been revised yet).
Thank you for the sweet words and comments! You guys are absolutely wonderful and I really truly appreciate you guys always being there for me at my worst. I don't have anything but words of praise for all of you for being exceptional and caring human beings with so much kindness in your hearts. I really love you all! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Girl Meets World, but… eh I got nothing…
"Okay. I think that's decent enough," Maya muttered, satisfied with the taste of the soup.
She set the mixing spoon back in the pot and cut off the stove top, wafting the fresh scent of the homemade chicken noodle soup she'd made for Anna. It'd been a little while since she'd made her Gammy's recipe, but it came out pretty well.
Of course, this had been after she'd spent a good ten or so minutes having to rummage through the entirety of the Friar's cabinets and cupboards and the shelves to try to find everything she needed. A plus side was that their pantry and fridge was pretty well stocked though, so she'd had all the ingredients she needed in order to make something good for a sick child. But Lucas being tall, most of the silverware and other things needed were located on higher shelves and cupboards, much to her chagrin. It was a bit of a struggle to climb up on the counters just to get them. In the end, looking for things got annoying, and she decided to settle for making quick soup so she could use the bare minimum of supplies.
She wasn't really sure what Lucas did for Anna when she got sick, but Maya couldn't really ask her since she wasn't totally coherent. Getting some rest at school had definitely helped her regain some energy, but the commute from the elementary school to their apartment had near wiped her out. Maya decided to let Anna rest up for another forty-five minutes or so while she made the soup so she could have the energy to eat.
Maya opened the freezer and pulled out the ice pack that Mrs. Mooney had given her to cool down Anna if she got too overheated. Taking the plastic leopard bowl that had been in a low cabinet—the only one in a low cabinet—she poured some of the soup in it before replacing the pot into the stove and putting it on warm so it didn't lose its heat. She covered it with the lid and then popped a spoon in the bowl before picking it and the ice pack up and slowly making her way back to Anna's room.
The Friars lived in a pretty nice apartment—spacious—and what she deemed a pretty good size for a growing child to run around and play in. Some of the furniture looked like antiques possibly passed down through generations, but otherwise, it wasn't worn down or damaged. It was sensibly furnished with the décor all matching in colour scheme. What surprised her most was the fact that despite Lucas being a bachelor and Anna being an energetic little girl, the place was pretty neat save for a shoe here or there and some sweaters on the couch. No toys scattered all over the floor, no suspicious stains dotting the carpet, no torn furniture or scratches all over the wood. It was surprisingly better kept than the biohazard that was her and Riley's apartment.
When Maya had walked into the apartment a little less than an hour ago, Anna nearly falling asleep at her side, she'd been pleasantly surprised. The place was well kept. There was also the fact that Lucas' scent seemed to permeate the entire dwelling, an all-encompassing type of scent that clung to every surface. It was nice, though she hoped it wouldn't cling to her clothes. Riley's nose was extra sensitive these days, and Maya was certain she'd catch the scent and give her hell for it. It was bad enough that Maya had lied and told Riley that she had softball practice that night until late in the evening. If Riley figured out the truth, she'd jump to unpleasant conclusions and the last thing Maya wanted was for Riley to start up her insinuations once again with Missy.
"Anna Banana? I made you some soup to eat," Maya said, padding softly into Anna's room and over to her bedside.
She groaned incoherently, but turned over onto her side and faced Maya though her eyes stayed closed.
"I don't wanna…" she muttered in a nasally voice.
"I know you're tired, but you need to eat something to help you get your strength back. At least half of it and then I promise you can go to bed."
"Fine…" Anna grumbled, sitting up slowly with a pout.
Once Anna was situated and leaning back against her headboard, Maya sat on the edge of the bed and handed her the bowl of soup, making sure it was stable in her hands. Anna took a cautious sip from the spoon, taste testing it carefully. She looked genuinely pleased and took another careful sip, blowing on the hot soup so it wouldn't burn her tongue.
"Is it okay?"
Anna nodded, giving Maya a small grateful smile. "It's yummy."
Maya sighed in relief. "That's good to hear. I wasn't sure what your father does when you get sick."
"Mrs. Coleman was the only one who ever took care of me when I was sick before." Anna sniffled, the small trail of snot on her upper lip disappearing back into her nose. "But she would always make this yucky ginger carrot lumpy stuff. It was so gross!"
"What about…" Maya hesitated briefly. "What about your mother?"
Anna shrugged, staring down at the bowl with a slight frown on her face. "I don't really remember her."
It was expected after all. Lucas had said Anna had only been three when it became just the two of them.
"But I'm not sad! Everybody takes care of me and my aunties and grandma are really nice," Anna quickly said. "And there's the music teacher Miss Joy and my Sunday school teacher Miss Mary. And I have you too, don't I Miss Hart?"
"Of course you do." Maya smiled, placing her hand on Anna's forehead under the curls to try to gauge how warm she was. Maya was relieved that she didn't feel as warm as before. "I'm glad there are people taking care of you."
Anna continued to eat her soup while Maya gathered the clothes Anna had tossed on the floor before hopping into bed, putting them all in the laundry bin in front of her closet door. She wondered whether not remembering her mother or not having one in her home was actually possibly affecting Anna more than she let on. Maya wasn't psychic by any means, but she could definitely understand and relate to Anna's emotions and something about her response didn't inspire confidence. Maya knew how good Anna had already become at hiding what she was feeling or what was going on with her. There was a good chance she wasn't letting anyone know what her actual feelings were on the matter.
"Miss Hart? I'm all done."
Maya walked back over to her bedside and took the now empty bowl. She helped Anna to lay back down in a comfortable position for sleep, her head propped up on a bunch of pillows to help with her congestion. Maya was glad to see that a little bit of the colour had returned to her pale face.
"Are you comfortable?" she asked softly, smoothing Anna's tangled hair out of her face as she snuggled further in the covers.
"Mmhmm…" Anna mumbled, blinking up at her through bleary blue eyes. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome. Get some rest." Maya tucked her in tightly, enough so that she could be wrapped in a cocoon of warmth but not tight enough that it would make it hard to breath. Then she put the ice pack on Anna's head as the girl's eyes drooped shut. "I'll be right in the living room if you need me, okay?"
She left the room, walking to the kitchen to clean the dirty bowl. Maya vaguely wondered how she'd ended up in this situation taking care of someone else's child who was sick. Honestly, it was kind of crazy in and of itself and she knew if Riley ever found out, she wouldn't shut up about it.
Once she put the bowl back in its storage in the cupboard, Maya looked around, trying to think of what to do while she waited for Lucas to return. It wasn't her apartment, so she definitely didn't want to start digging around or using things that didn't belong to her. But she'd left her laptop at her own apartment that day and she'd already finished grading the homework worksheets earlier that afternoon. Watching TV was a no. She didn't want to accidentally wake Anna up from the noise.
She needed something to distract herself with because her thoughts were starting to drift down their typical dark road. Thoughts like how she could have had a chance to take care of her sick child had she only kept her. Thoughts of how she'd missed a real opportunity because of her stupidity.
"Maybe I'll read…"
She walked in the living room, heading over to the bookshelf that was nestled in the corner. A lot of the books were covered in thin layers of dust, and Maya knew they hadn't been touched in a while. She scanned the shelves, perusing the titles for something that could occupy her attention for the time being. The lower shelves had a lot of old textbooks and reference books for veterinarians. There rest were mostly children's books, but right in the middle, she caught sight of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Maya pulled it out of the shelf, wrinkling her nose when the dust flew in her face and almost made her sneeze. The book's pages were nearly yellowed with age and kind of falling apart at the seams and patches of dust caked on the cover were so old they would have to be scraped to be removed. It looked like it hadn't been opened in ages, not to mention the copy itself was very old.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz had always been Gammy's favourite book to read to her on nights when Katy was working late and wouldn't come home that night before Maya went to bed. Maya had fond memories of the book especially during the winter when the heater broke down and she would bundle up under her covers with her Gammy beside her and a cup of hot cocoa. Maya hadn't read it in years. Once Gammy had passed away, they'd donated all her books to a children's hospital as she requested in her will.
She walked over to the couch, sitting down and smiling as she opened it.
~.~.~
Maya was pretty deep in the book when she heard the jingle of keys in the lock and the apartment door opened. Lucas walked in shortly after with his briefcase and lab coat folded over his arm, clearly looking tired and if she really thought about it, a little somber. Maya put the book down on the couch and stood up, smiling in greeting when he turned and saw her.
"How's Anna?" he asked, dropping his things on one of the loveseats.
"She's fine. I made her some soup and then she went to sleep. Hasn't made a peep since."
"That's good to hear." He made his way across the room towards Anna's bedroom door. "Thanks again for watching her."
"It's no problem at all. Also, I made too much soup. There's some on the stove if you're hungry."
It wasn't lost on her that the whole situation reeked of a wife and husband scenario, but she pushed the thought out of her head quickly. This was all Riley's fault for putting weird ideas in her head.
"I'll definitely take you up on that offer. Thanks."
Lucas sounded like he was speaking on autopilot and his response was a little absentminded. Maya wondered if work had really drained him because he seemed like he had no energy whatsoever.
He pushed open Anna's door, standing in the doorway with Maya and watching her fondly as she slept.
"She's a pretty calm sleeper," Maya said. "It's so different from her normal rowdiness."
Lucas sighed. "It's a miracle, isn't it? I can never get her this quiet normally."
They stood in the doorway in silence for a little while longer, lost in their own thoughts.
"Do you think I failed her?" Lucas muttered absentmindedly, sounding like he was thinking out loud.
But Maya had heard it loud and clear.
She frowned, glancing up at him. "You're being way too hard on yourself. You didn't fail her. And at least you're trying. Sure, she probably wanted you here, but Anna is a sensible girl. She's smart. She understands the situation. She'll be just as happy to see you when she wakes up."
As soon as the words left Maya's lips, Anna shifted in her bed, her face twisting a bit. A tear trailed down her cheek and Maya realised that she was crying in her sleep.
"…Mo…mmy…" she mumbled. "Mo…mmy…"
Lucas froze entirely, bristling from her words, a pained expression on his face as he watched Anna. Even Maya was really alarmed. She hadn't been expecting that at all. She'd suspected that Anna wasn't being completely honest before, and it looked like she was right. Maya couldn't believe she'd missed the signs. Of course Anna wanted her mother. She was pretty vulnerable right now, and honestly, Maya knew how it felt to want a comforting presence in one's mother.
Maya moved past Lucas and headed over to Anna's bedside, crouching beside her.
"…Mo…mmy…"
"Mommy is here…" Maya murmured soothingly, stroking Anna's cheek and shushing her gently. "It's okay, Anna Banana. Mommy's here…"
Anna sniffled again, but her lips curved up into a small smile and she quieted, relaxing in the covers as her breathing grew deep once again. Maya waited until she was sure Anna had calmed down before slowly rising to her feet. Letting out a long breath, she turned back around, glancing at Lucas in slight embarrassment. She hoped he would understand that she'd done what she had to do for Anna, but it wasn't like it was supposed to mean anything subliminally. Lucas looked a little shellshocked, the expression in his eyes hard to read. It reminded her of the look he'd given her after he'd walked her home after the Little League tryouts.
"Maya…"
Maya could feel her cheeks beginning to burn with a blush from his unwavering gaze, a slight fluttering in her stomach from the way he was watching her.
"Do you think this has happened before?" she asked quickly, cutting off whatever he was about to say.
She didn't know how she would or could respond to any questions, especially if he asked her why.
"I don't know." Lucas walked over to Anna and bent down, kissing her forehead gently. He fixed up the placement of the ice pack on her head before he stood up and left the room with Maya. "I've never heard Anna mention her mother before. I wonder what exactly she was dreaming about for that to happen…"
Maya wouldn't put it past Anna. The girl was incredibly clever and clearly very adept at effortlessly hiding her concerns and burdens. To think she'd already developed that kind of mindset easily at such a young age. She was headed down a fast trajectory of trying to bottle everything up and Maya knew firsthand how that kind of life was guaranteed to lead to struggles in her teen years.
"She told me earlier that she doesn't really remember her mother."
"I wouldn't expect her to," Lucas said, suddenly looking utterly exhausted and melancholic.
He had this far off look on his face, a glazed over look that made him look like he was in pain. Clearly there was something grave weighing on his mind. Something that he probably would prefer to deal with in privacy. Maya was starting to feel that maybe she'd overstayed her welcome a bit. This was getting a little too personal now. It was time for her to leave for sure.
Maya picked up the book from the couch and moved to put it away on the bookshelf. In her haste, she accidentally dropped it on the carpet near Lucas. He looked down at it, an odd, slightly unhappy expression on his face as he bent to pick it up. Maya wondered if he was peeved by her negligence or the fact that she'd snooped through his bookshelf.
"Crap, I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "I shouldn't have even touched your stuff. I just haven't read that book in a long time and it was my favourite when I was a kid so I thought I'd read it while I waited."
"It's fine," Lucas said slowly, opening the front cover and staring at the inside of it. "I just… I forgot I still had it."
"What do you mean?"
"This was Sophia's favourite book too." Lucas lifted up the cover, showing Maya the choppy handwriting of a name written in glittery ink. It said Sophia Sidwell. Maya must have missed it when she'd started reading. "My wife. Ex-wife now, I guess."
"I didn't mean to uh… remind you of your ex." This whole evening had turned into one big awkward mess. "You know what? I should just go."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Lucas assured her as he put it back into a place on the bookshelf. "Besides, deep down, I think I always knew our marriage wasn't going to last too long."
"Did the divorce hit you hard?" Maya asked.
She didn't know why she'd asked him the question, but there was this proverbial dark raincloud hanging over his head, and Maya couldn't help but feel like she was responsible. Plus, she'd seen what Katy's divorces had done to her morale over the years. Part of her just wanted him to cheer up if she could help at all.
"Wasn't a divorce." Lucas stared out the window, his brows furrowed. "Sophia passed away."
Maya was sure her breath caught in her chest. Why had she just assumed? And now, no doubt, she'd reopened what was probably a pretty bad wound.
"Oh my God… I shouldn't have asked… I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." He turned and gave her a small, barely there smile, the kind of smile that Maya herself would use to get people off her back when they showed her any kind of pity. It was a diversion technique. It clearly wasn't okay, and she felt bad for asking that question. "My mom had been warning me for some time that it was inevitable that I'd lose her pretty quickly. I chose to ignore it. That's love for you."
He sat down on the couch, sighing as he loosened up his tie and tossed it over the back of the couch. Maya didn't know how she knew, but something about the way he'd responded made her realise that maybe he wanted to talk to someone about it. Maybe he was tired of getting pity. Maybe he just needed someone to listen to him. She slowly sat down beside him, feeling a little weird. She wasn't really sure what to say. Especially not to someone she didn't really know.
"I uh, wouldn't know. Can't relate," Maya said. "But I do think that it's really sweet that you stuck with her despite the odds. Sounds like you were really happy together."
"Wait, what do you mean by 'wouldn't know'? About love?" Lucas stared at her, looking pretty surprised.
"Yeah. It's not an option for me right now. I'm… dealing with some things in life."
Maya couldn't find happiness for herself when she had yet to atone for ruining her child's life. She didn't deserve to be loved or to love when she should have loved the baby she gave up enough to fight to keep her.
"Oh. I kind of thought you were in a relationship right now."
Maya frowned in confusion. "Why?"
He scratched the back of his head, chuckling a bit nervously. "No reason. You're just… uh, attractive. So I assumed, you know… that you had a boyfriend."
"Oh." Maya could feel her cheeks heat up the slightest bit. "No. Not since before college."
"I see."
They both grew uncomfortably silent, Lucas staring at the ceilinged and Maya counting the rhinestones on her heels to keep from fidgeting. She wasn't particularly uneasy, but she did feel kind of sheepish after he'd complimented her. She could never understand why people called her attractive. It certainly wasn't the way she saw herself.
"So, uh… How long had you been with Sophia?" Maya asked, trying to break the short spell of tense silence. "If you don't mind me asking."
"We were close friends all through high school and dated in college. But she was always a pretty sickly person. Usually in the hospital because of some sickness or another." He leaned his head against the back of the couch, a nostalgic look on his face. "She had a pretty severe congenital immunodeficiency disorder. The doctors could never really figure out what to do about her or whether she would even make it each time she was admitted. So naturally we got married right after college."
"You didn't know how much time she had left. What happened?"
He nodded. "She got worse as the years continued. The week she passed away, I had just gotten a new job at a clinic and was gone all day. Anna was at a day care. We never even realised Sophia had pneumonia until it got really bad. She was coughing that morning and kept telling me she was fine, so I left. She passed out in our apartment and when I came home, she was barely breathing."
"I lost her within twenty-four hours." He sighed, staring down at his hands. "I had trouble getting back on my feet after that. The regrets kept piling on and on. I kept thinking that if I had gotten home sooner, if I had stayed home, if I had kept pressing if she was actually okay, if I had done something different, maybe I'd still have her. I don't know… it was like I lost a piece of myself."
Maya knew exactly what it was like experiencing loss. When she gave up her baby. When her Gammy died. She'd still never recovered after all these years. She could understand why Lucas was still stowing over it.
"I put in more work hours because I needed the distraction. Taking care of a child and trying to handle my grief at the same time wasn't working out right." Lucas turned to face her. "You asked me earlier today if I was okay. I wouldn't say I'm not necessarily, but today is our wedding anniversary."
That explained why he'd had such a packed schedule today. He'd done it so he could keep himself busy so that he wouldn't have to think about it. Maya wasn't sure how healthy that was though. He wasn't really acknowledging the problem. He was avoiding it, and eventually it would pop up again and slap him in the face.
"…How are you doing right now?"
"Handling it the way I normally do. Immersing myself in my work as usual," he explained. "After Sophia died, Austin got hard to live in so I moved us to New York. I tried to be a father, but people grieve in weird ways, and I guess I hadn't quite been done yet, hence the workaholic dad stage. That's why I'm glad you brought up my negligence when you did. I could have really messed up and ruined my relationship with Anna."
"You're a good father, Lucas, if not a little neglecting at times. But I think you'll get the hang of it one day." Her phone beeped in her pocket and Maya glanced at it, noticing the time and that Riley was texting her wondering where she was. "…It's getting late."
"Maya."
She looked at him, a little taken aback by the sincerity in his sea-foam green eyes.
"Yeah?"
Lucas hesitated for a second. "…You told me once that you grew up with your mother barely being there."
Maya stiffened, though she nodded slowly, trying to figure out why he was bringing it up now. "Yeah."
"I don't know what it's like for a girl to miss her mother, but if it's anything like the way my dad was emotionally absent in my life, I understand completely how hard it is." His fists clenched, a frown on his face. "And the more I think about the way I was with Anna, the more I realise I had difficulties being a father because I don't have a good example to pull from. And it makes me ashamed to think I almost became him."
"Lucas." She put her hand on top of his, giving him a gentle squeeze. "The fact that you're taking a different stance now, that you're trying to find a way to reconnect with your daughter already makes you a better father than yours ever was. That's the difference between a bad parent and a good one. The good ones try. Stop beating yourself up. You'll do better and one day, you might just win the father of the year award."
He met her gaze, a small smile on his face that made his eyes dance in warmth. "Thank you. For listening. And for helping me with Anna. I owe you."
They fell silent for a moment, staring at each other. Maya wasn't sure what was going through his mind, but the look he was giving her made her a little jittery. It was hard to tear her gaze away, especially since his eyes were really nice to look at.
The moment was broken when her phone suddenly rang once again, alerting her to another text. Maya blinked, breaking eye contact and pulling her hand away with a nervous laugh.
"Anyway, I should probably head home. Leaving Riley alone for extended periods of time isn't a good idea." Maya stood up swiftly, running a hand through her hair and hoping she didn't look as frantic as she felt. "Make sure to take Anna's temperature in a few hours."
Lucas chuckled, standing up too. "Give me some credit. I know how to take care of a basic cold."
"Alright." Maya drawled. "I'm just making sure you don't feed her ice cream or something."
Lucas rolled his eyes goodnaturedly. "You'll never let me live that down, will you?"
Maya picked up her jacket from the couch, putting it on. "Lucas, don't overwork yourself, okay? I get that working is your escape, but if you work too much, you'll make yourself sick."
"I'll consider it," Lucas said, walking with her to the door. "Do you want a ride back to your place?"
"No, I'm fine taking the subway." Plus if Riley saw her leaving from Lucas' car, the third degree interrogation would never end. And if she found out Maya was at Lucas' apartment of all places, her imagination would spiral out of control. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Maya," he said softly, opening the door for her.
She smiled in thanks and rushed on her way out and down the hallway, her heels clicking loudly from her brisk pace to get the heck out of there. She felt a little too fidgety for some reason, and she knew a lot of it had to do with the way the evening had ended. Helping him with Anna hadn't been such a bad thing in general, but something about her staying longer than she'd intended had felt a little too personal. Not to mention pretending to be Anna's mom for a few seconds.
She was crossing some sort of line, for sure. But she would never do that again.