Chapter 10: I have secrets I don't share
After a couple of sessions of cutting in the bathroom with Roxas while holding conversations with him passed by, I kept hearing more and more of Yuffie.
She was at my old school, I thought she was my friend but she just broke me down and turned my best friend against me, and now she transfered schools to make my life a living hell hole! She even bothers me with glares when we're both in class and I'm trying to listen to the teacher but only hear her annoying voice that I want to hear drown in my tears. Yuffie is the devils spawn and I want to hit her in the face with a pan in cooking class that I am surprisingly passing...
"Hey, Kairi!" A familiar voice yelled but I hardly takled to the voice, I turned around and saw Namine being dragged across the hall with a girl in her arms. The girl was unique, she had one blue, and one green, eye. Yet she was such a beauty that a lot of people went daft around her. Her name was Yuna Ichinose.
"Oh, hi Yuna, what do you want?" I aske her in a friendly tone.
"I actually wanted to ask you a question."
"Sure go ahead."
She blushed looking around, "It's sorta a girl question that I don't want everyone to hear..." She dragged me away in her other arm as I held small talk with Namine wo was also being dragged there like a rag. Yuna was freaking strong for her small self.
"How're you, Riku was a little worried about you."
"Why?" I ask in wonder.
"Oh, he just noticed that you eat less and less of his 'gourmet' cooking."
He noticed? I actually started this obsession of weighing less than I already do to make Sora notice that I'm here and he should help me, but I only smile at Namine and her gaze locks my eyes and I couldn't move them away from her. "Na-Namine...please, stop." I whisper and her invisible hold on me released and I felt a weight from my chest lower majorly.
She nodded in understandment eventhough I didn't tell her anything, "I know that Sora's been acting weird, but maybe you just need to let him broaden his horizen for a while, he'll see the real world for a bit and when he's ready, he'll come back to you." She said to me with a warm smile.
I looked at her like she'd just slapped me across the face, "Riku and Roxas...and even Xion said similar things. So, maybe it's true...?" I mutter to myself in a muffled tone.
When we reached the girls bathroom, Yuna looked down at us and took a deep breath, "I'm in love."
"With who?" We both, namine and I, gasp. Yuna and I didn't talk to much and I noticed that she had so many popular friends, why would she tell us?
"His name," She squeezed out the last of her ability to squeal when she said his name, "is Tidus, and he's so brilliant! But I dpn't know how to talk to him, and since you 2 hav a lot of guy friends I wanted to ask both of you."
"Well, you should just stay calm when you talk to him and don't act to awkward." I advised her.
Yuna turned beat red, "That's the rpoblem, I already made a complete fool out if myself and did something bad when he was about to kiss me."
"It couldn't have been that bad." Naminec smiles encouraginly.
"No, no, you don't understand, I mean, I punched him in the face, Namine, his beautiful FACE!" She wailed and sunk down in despair, "I haven't talked to him since and I'm going mad!"
"Well, just stand proud before him, and start over." I said.
"How do you think I could do that?" Yuna sobbed.
"Get up," I grabbed her arms and yanked her up. "let's say I'm playing you, and you're playing Tidus."
"Okay."
"Hi there, my name is Yuna Ichinose and I want to start over." I say holding out my hand towards Yuna, (tidus).
"Get away from me, freak." Yuna said slapping my hand away.
"YUNA! What was that?"
"You told me to play Tidus, and I did."
"He wouldn't do that, you were over reacting!"
"Improvised!" Yuna said loudly an stomped towards the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked after her.
"I'm going to start over with Tidus like you told me to!" She grinned and sped away.
"Come on, Kairi, eat up." Riku said to my untouched plate and me unfront of it. I looked up at him as if he was speaking another language.
"Yeah," an annoying voice pitched it, Yuffie had stayed for lunch, sitting next to Sora, "maybe you need to appreciate hat you've got a little more."
I glared at her, ice in my eyes, as I smiled to myself as she turned away from me and burried her face in Sora's shoulder.
Sora shot me a look and I also smled at him curtously.
"I think, I'm going to go to work early today , I'll be in the bathroom getting ready" I said getting up from the table. Roxas knew that I was going upstairs to cut again and gave me a weak smile.
UPSTAIRS
The children ddin;t make me feel much better. I gave a sweet smile on the outside, but was crying on the inside wanting Sora to hold me, just touch me, brush past my shoulder even once to make me warm inside again.
It was late and Olette was cleaning up with Riku, when Xion came inside and started to talk to me.
"It hurts, Xion, it hurts." I let out a sob on her shoulder as she hugged me.
"I know, Kairi. You just need to stay strong and keep moving towards your goal. Life goes on."
"Without Sora, it seems like it stopped. He hates me."
"Hey," She chuckled, "Hate is just a breath away from love, it shows that he cares to have such a strong emotion towards you."
"But it hurts so much."
"I noticed you and Roxas in the bathroom, and the porr job you 2 make trying to clean up everything from skin to blood. The stains can leave, but the scars, can't" She whispered to me pulling my sleee up to examine my arm, when she saw it, she smiled sadly and shook her head. "You need to stop it."
I snap back at her for some strange reason, and yank my arm away from her. "I don't need help!" I hiss, stomp away, and decide.
Today I will walk home.
It was freezing and my fingers went so numb. By the time I reached the city, home was still miles away. When a car rolled by me, a college guy rolled the window down and drove by me very slowly.
"Hey babe." The guy said. I ignored him and continued to walk away. I could hear him get out of the car, "Come on sweet heart, don't be like that." He said from behind me as he snuck up.
I started to walk faster but he swung his arm around me and threw my weak body to the ground in a dark alley.
"Don't walk away from me, hun." He said and I could smell the alcohol in his voice as he bent over me and pushed me down to the ground and shifted his whole entire weight on me.
I couldn't breathe and tried to bite him, which failed and resulted him in holding my mouth shut and whispering in my ear as he felt me up. His dirty hands touching me was enough for me and I tried to knock him away.
He grunted."Listen, I promise you it wont hurt if you stop squirming around, you'll just end up hurting yourself." He snarled in my face.
I get close to his face and spit in it.
"You little bitch!" He screamed at me and I gathered my mind and started to run away until I was away from him as far as my legs could carry me. I felt blood trickle from my elbow and see that it was scratched up. My head hurt and I just wanted to lay in my bed.
Until I recognized a car near me. It was stopped by a light and I could see Roxas's worried expression sitting in the car. I ran into the street and knocked on his window. He scrolled it down until he saw my face and let me in on the passenger seat.
"Where the hell have you been? I've been looking all over for you!" He started to yell and calmed himself down as he looked at my pale face, "What happened?" He said in a soothing and soft tone.
" Some guy was trying to hurt me. I was so fraked.I was so scared, Roxas. I was so terrified." I say looking only straight ahead of me.
"It's over now, don't be scared anymore."
"I want Sora to hold me now." I whisper all the way home until I reach my bedroom.
Yuffie was sitting on my bed.
Wearing my dress I had on at my first date with Sora. He gave me that dress, what was she doing wearing it?
"Get out of my dress and get out of my room." I say to her calmly.
"It's my dress now. Sora said I could have it, that you didn't deserve it." She snarled checking her nails quickly and smiling. "I think it fits me more seeing how I have a more curvyer body that you. You're so scrawny and skinny, are you anorexic or something?" She laughed lightly at me.
"Please Yuffie, get out." I said even nicer.
"Beg."
"What?"
"You heard me, get on your knees and beg. Beg for me to get out of the dress and out of the room." She smiled.
I did as she told me, I got on my knees in front of her and begged, "Please Yuffie, please." I say.
She laughs loudly in the air and comes down to my face and says in a nasty tone, "No."
I wanted to hit her, I wanted to rip the dress off of her. So many things wanted to do but didn't dare try.
"Yuffie, what are you doing in here?" I head Sora's voice and spun around quickly to see him and take in his image eagerly.
"Oh, nothing, just picking up my dress." She said as she walked past me into Sora's arms.
"S-Sora...but, thats- thats my dress, Sora. You gave it to me. You said I looked dashing in it." I cry out to him.
"Well, I cana decide who want to have it." He said back to me coldly.
"B-but, it's the only thing I have of you. Why are you acting so strange?" I ask and he tells Yuffie to wait outside for a minute when he walks into my room and shuts the door behind himself.
"Kairi, I just don't feel the same, after you said that about Yuffie in the car. I just can't deal with it."
"But she used to go to my old school, make fun of me, she is the the reason why in the first place I am here. She is trying to make my life hell, and now you take her side and you hate me!" I say to him with an hurt expression in my eyes.
He shakes his head,"No, she's been nice to you since she came here."
"She told me to beg for the dress and beg for her to leave me alone. I got on my knees, Sora. I got on my knees and begged to her for you!" I felt tears falling down my face as I watched him resist the urge to hold me, he still had feelings for me.
"I don't know if you really like who I'm around. You're acting very selfish and clingy." He spat sadly and didn't even look at me.
I walked towards him and turned his head to face me.
I took off my jacket, so I was onlyy wearing my tank top. I raised my wrist to his eyes and let him see the scars. "Look what all this does to me." I whisper to him in a faint crying sound.
"Kairi, you-you cut yourself?" He asks with his wide eyes looking at my scarred wrist.
"I can't feel your love for me, I can't feel anything. I want to die, Sora, I want you to know that." I say to him in a cinfident voice with a sad smile on my face.
"You need to stop doing that to your body." He tells me putting my arm back down to my side.
"Why would you care? You already took everything I had away from me, you already made me this way. I never want to feel again. But this pain in my chest keeps growing bigger when ever I just look at you." I shake my head slowly and he takes my hand and traces patterns on my lips to quiet my raging self down.
"I said, you need to stop it."
"Do you love me?" I said to his face. Looking in his eyes that kept trying to get away from mine as I repeated, "Do you love me?"
"I love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you."
"I'm in love with you, Sora. I love you so much, I won't stop loving you until the day I find a way to find my tear in the ocean." I say to him and dare myself something drastic.
I dared to kiss his cheek, open my door and psuh him gently out.
I fell back on to my bed and had the sweetest dream I've had in days.