Author's Note: Time for something a bit different. I know it's been a while, but I just couldn't get myself in the mood to write. That hasn't really changed, and I apologize to those of you who were hoping this would be me returning with a vengeance, but hey, here's a chapter! In case you're wondering why it's taking this sudden turn, well... I got my friend into a certain series, and I know he'll be tickled to death by this when he reads it.

Before the gang made much headway into their D&D campaign (they only made it as far as Ralph's unfortunate run-in with Cy-bugs in Hero's Duty), they received a knock at the door–a rather harsh one at that. Muffled voices could be heard arguing on the other side.

Without missing a beat, Calhoun retrieved her gun from its holster on the inside of her jacket, which was laying on the armrest of the couch she was sitting on. She easily and quietly made her way to the door while using the side of the wall for cover.

"I'll just open it," one voice muttered just loud enough for her to hear.

"Oi, you can't just go walking into people's homes," another retorted, though more faintly.

"We don't have time for this. Move."

Calhoun stood at the corner by the door in stunned silence as she heard the locks click as if they were unlocked from the inside.

"Easy as that," the first man said again as he calmly opened the door and walked inside, only to be greeted by the barrel of Calhoun's gun in his face, "Good grief."

"See? That's exactly why I told you," The second said smugly as he palmed the side of his face. His hair was silvery-white and flawlessly styled up into the shape of a pencil eraser, though his hairline was somewhat receded. His ears were adorned with jagged half-heart earrings.

"Might want to put that away before you hurt somebody," the first man said bluntly as he began to slowly raise his hand to Calhoun's gun, while his other stayed firmly planted in the large black jacket he was wearing, which went all the way down to his knees.

Not seeing any other way out of this situation, Calhoun winced and pulled the trigger. It wasn't the first time she'd shot her gun by any means, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to blood decorating the wall behind the towering black-haired man who stood in front of her.

"Oh, she sure showed you," the second man said, uttering a laugh as the bullet hovered in the other's face–still in pristine condition. "Let me handle this, Jotaro," he continued as Jotaro stepped aside. He leaned one hand against the wall, and planted the other on his hip, "He-llo nice lady. We mean you no harm. Just the opposite, in fact. Can you let us inside?"

Calhoun blew out a huff in frustration as she lowered her gun in defeat, "Doesn't look like I have much choice now, does it?"

"Now, now," the second man laughed bashfully as he walked inside, with Jotaro following after, "Ooh! Dungeons and Dragons!" he yelled excitedly upon noticing the coffee table, "Hey, Jotaro have you ever played?"

"We don't have time for that, Polnareff," Jotaro said bluntly in an attempt to refocus his friend.

"Ah, yeah," Polnareff said through a wide grin.

"Good grief," Jotaro muttered as he sat down on the sofa, stretching his arms along its back before shooting an indifferent glare at Ralph, who was sat down on the opposite side.

"Hey, it's safe to come in now, Swizz," Polnareff called out before taking a seat by the coffee table to inspect the various game pieces strewn about.

Vanellope, already unsure what to make of the situation, slumped down a bit.

"Can we.. help you?" Felix asked reluctantly.

"Hah? Nah, just think of us as bodyguards," Polnareff answered. Then again...

"Swizz, you mind explaining what's going on, already?" Vanellope asked, not in the most charitable of tones. While he was most certainly among the people she wanted to see least–for a number of reasons–she at least was confident that they weren't there to hurt her or her new friends.

"You wound me," Swizzle said, placing one of his hands firmly across his heart. He tried to laugh it off, despite the obvious bruising his ego had just taken. "Plainly put, we are here on behalf of the Speedwagon Foundation. Due to certain circumstances, your lives are very likely to be in danger. Far more danger than you could imagine."

"We aren't entirely sure though, more like 90%," Polnareff added as he shook one of Felix's d20's in his right hand, "Given your past together, Swizz had volunteered to set up a meeting with you." He rolled a 1. "Tch!"

I did try to avoid that... Vanellope grumbled. Her questions were only increasing, though she tried to limit herself to one at a time. "I thought you were a sports columnist," she said, hoping to at least clarify his position first.

"That's.. not exactly true," Swizzle admitted, "Sorry. I'm something more along the lines of a secret agent, I guess you could say."

"It suits you," Vanellope said dully. "And that still doesn't explain what all this is about. What danger am I in? Besides the obvious."

"Short answer? We have reason to believe somebody has been recruiting serial killers, and your attempted killer is likely among them soon, if he isn't already," he answered.

"How? Why?" Vanellope asked.

"This is where it gets complicated."

"Try us," Calhoun huffed. She was beginning to get impatient–more so than Vanellope–at them beating around the bush.

"Yeah," Ralph added in a bid to make himself more relevant.

"One of our agents went rogue," Polnareff began, finally becoming serious, "He was initially tasked with guarding a certain artifact, however he instead saw fit to steal it for himself. This artifact, whether you believe it or not, bestows upon whoever it strikes–and survives–supernatural abilities the likes of which normal people could not hope to match."

"Well that would explain it," Calhoun said after thinking on it, "The bullet I shot at this guy didn't even reach him." She gestured at Jotaro with her thumb, though her arms were more or less crossed.

Jotaro, who had been holding onto the bullet this whole time, silently placed it on the table right-side up for dramatic effect before leaning back into the same position he was in before.

"We call these abilities 'Stands'," Polnareff continued while briefly gesturing the number 1, "With some exceptions–mainly among relatives–each Stand user has an ability unique to them. My Stand, Silver Chariot, for instance, is a mechanical humanoid which wields a rapier."

"Did you leave it in the car?" Ralph asked, as he was certain that he would have noticed something of that sort if it were in the room with them.

Polnareff burst out laughing, just barely shedding tears at the corners of his eyes as he repeatedly slapped his leg. Even Jotaro was briefly amused.

Ralph was confused by their reaction, not to mention embarrassed.

"I was getting to that," Polnareff answered in a somewhat apologetic tone as he wiped the bottom of his left eye, unintentionally revealing two prosthetic fingers on his left hand. He crossed his arms. "Most Stands are invisible to anyone but other Stand users. Not to mention Stands are usually not always 'out'."

"So this rogue agent," Calhoun said, since she was fairly confident they had the gist of what 'Stands' were.

"He is a Stand user, of course," Polnareff confirmed, "And a particularly troublesome one at that. While its combat power is rather limited, it's still a great deal more powerful than the average person. Once given a person's name and face, however, it can easily track them down to the millimeter."

"So you're just gonna sit here with us until... when?" Ralph asked, "That doesn't seem to be a very effective strategy, especially if he's out there building himself an army."

"Well, you're not wrong," Polnareff acknowledged. He sighed and stroked his chin with his right hand, "There is a 'solution', but that depends on various factors. And it wouldn't exactly put you in less danger either. You would just have to become even more dangerous–if you are able... Well, that all depends on you."

Author's Note: For those of you well accustomed to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, I'm sure you're wondering where exactly this falls in the timeline. To be honest, for the sake of this story, I'm ignoring just about everything after the end of Part 3. That is because I wanted to use these characters, and at the age they were then. The years don't match up either, but let's not worry too much about that.

I know it probably rings hollow considering my absence, but I truly appreciate the continued support :).