Without a Sound
Disclaimer: no. I only own my dreams…
I'm so happy that I'm finding SoraxLeon fans out there! It makes me feel like I'm not alone! I went to MechaConvention yesterday and I saw a lot of Sora cosplay and I only wished there was a Leon cosplay… Then I would have put them together for a picture! But anyway, here's the next chapter of WAS! (I love acronyms!)
Chapter 10
When I woke… I had no idea where I was…
I let out a dry cough and when I made to sit up, there was a sharp pain in my hand and wrist. I quickly flopped back down and looked at my hand…
It was bandaged completely; there wasn't an inch of skin showing.
I looked to my other hand it had an IV in it.
W-what happened to me?
FEAR! DO YOU LOVE IT! I FEEL IT EVERY DAY! REJOICE IN IT! IT'S LOVELY ISN'T IT!
The memories came flying back to me… what did I do! How could I have done something like that?
The terrified faces of my teacher and peers came flashing into my mind. I snapped… I just lost it… I was so angry…
But I didn't want to scare anyone… I just wanted the heat crawling under my skin to go away…
That's a lie… why am I lying to myself? I wanted them terrified. I wanted them to feel how I felt… but why do I feel so guilty?
I looked out the window of the hospital room and sighed. I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I turned to see a crying Roxas standing over me. 'Sora! You had us so worried! Why did you do that! I have our friends calling me telling me that they want nothing to do with you! Why would you scare your friends away?' he signed.
I scoffed at that remark. I used my IV hand to sign that his friends never wanted anything to do with me in the first place, and that I never had any friends at school.
'What are you talking about Sora? You have tons of friends!' I read his lips this time.
I smacked my hand on the bed railing in an attempt to portray my anger. After I seemed to have his attention I finally told Roxas the truth.
'I have no friends! Your friends only pretended to like me during those few times we're together with them. When you're not around, I'm always hurt, abused, criticized, harassed, and oppressed. All of those letters you said were love letters, they all tell me to die. And I wanted to die… but I couldn't let go… I wanted to so badly. Things would only be so much easier if I was gone. And you know it, don't you?' I signed.
I was taken aback by the hands that gripped my face tightly. 'WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! NOTHING WOULD BE EASIER WITHOUT YOU! YOU'RE MY TWIN! MY BROTHER! YOU THINK THAT I COULD HANDLE LOSING YOU! THEN YOU'RE COLD SORA! YOU'RE A COLD HEARTED PERSON! I LOVE YOU! MOM AND DAD LOVE YOU! WE'VE BEEN AT THIS RETCHED HOSPITAL FOR HOURS WORRYING AND CRYING AND WISHING THAT YOU'D BE OKAY! EVEN THAT MATH TEACHER GUY HAS BEEN WAITING WITH US! I DON'T KNOW WHO GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE NOT CARED FOR, BUT THEY ARE COMPLETELY WRONG! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME? WHY WOULD YOU HURT YOURSELF?' Roxas screamed and signed hysterically.
My eyes widened.
'Yeah, we know about it! The doctor came to us and said that you had signs of abuse on almost every part of your body and also that you had cuts on your thigh and wrist. He said that you did them… that you tried to kill yourself… why? Why Sora? Why didn't you tell us that people were hurting you? Why would try to kill yourself?' he signed a little slower.
I huffed and signed angrily. 'I'm miserable! I've been suffering for eleven years! Ever since I lost my voice! I'm tired! So tired of being terrified! I'm so tired of being taken advantage of, of feeling worthless, of being too weak to fight back!' I started to shake as tears fell down my face.
All of a sudden I was hugged tightly. I felt Roxas shaking as well. He climbed up on the bed and pulled me tighter.
We cried together… letting it all out. How?... How could I have possibly forgotten about this? I love Roxas and Mom and Dad and Pluto and math and knowledge and even…
Mr. Leonhart?
How could I give up when I have so much to lose?
That's when a weight was lifted and I cried harder even lifted my arms to wrap them around Roxas.
I cried for Roxas.
I cried for Mom.
I cried for Dad.
I cried for math, knowledge, and even Mr. Leonhart.
But most of all I cried for myself.
Was this liberation? Was this tranquility? Was this…
Security?
I had it all along… but I rejected it… I looked at it and called it a lie.
All of a sudden I felt more weight around me. I looked around to see the crying faces of my mom and dad clinging to Roxas and I.
I looked to the doorway and saw Mr. Leonhart leaning against the wall.
He gave me a small smile.
I gave a small smile through my sob.
After about ten minutes I pulled away from everyone and with the most sincerity I could must from every part of me I placed my fist on my heart and rubbed in a circular motion.
I mouthed the words I so longed to say.
I'm sorry.
Roxas, Mom, and Dad all gave me a surprised look before smiling and signing.
All is forgiven.
I lifted my IV hand and put my middle and ring finger down.
I love you.
They reciprocated the sign.
I turned to Mr. Leonhart and placed my hand on my lips before gesturing my hand out to him.
Thank you.
He nodded and left the room.
I sighed and looked to my family.
'Sora…' Dad started. 'We heard about the cuts… and about the bruises. More than anything we want you to be okay. So that's why we're asking you if you want to stay in school. We know how much you love learning… and we only want to accommodate that. But we don't want you to be hurt…' Mom picked up after he paused.
'If you're hurting Sora please talk to us. I feel so helpless as your mother when I can't even tell the difference between that fake smile you always have and the real one. I… we want you healthy and we want you happy. So tell us what we can do to ease any pain, to raise any burden, or to make it okay.' Mom finished.
I looked at them and started. 'I want to stay in school… I don't want you to stress yourselves. I don't like it when you spend sleepless night trying to help me in some way. I don't like it when you're sick in bed and the only thing you can think about is whether or not I made it to school okay. Please, I can handle at least that much. I want you guys to be happy and I want you to stop worrying so much. I am capable of taking care of myself for the most part. I just want to live normally. I understand the magnitude of what I've done. I would assume that you want me to talk to someone… like a therapist… I don't need it. I don't want to die… and I want to try my hardest to get stronger.' I finished.
'Sora?' Roxas caught my attention.
I nodded.
'Were all of my friends mean to you?' he signed.
I shook my head. 'Riku neither hit me nor teased me. I think the only reason he didn't do anything about my abuse was because he didn't want to upset you.' I signed in reply.
Roxas sighed in relief. 'At least one good friend I can still hang around.'
I gave Roxas a sad smile.
'We talked to your school, they suspended you for two days. And none of your classmates are pressing any charges against you but-'
'I want to apologize to them… and the artwork I broke, I want to replace it. I feel terrible about it. What I did was unacceptable.' I signed.
'I'm really glad that you said that. I think apologizing will make you feel better.' I read Mom say.
'Well, the doctor said that you were free to go. But do you want to talk to that math teacher of yours? I mean… he did kind of stay here with you until we came and made sure that you were okay.' Dad said.
I nodded and watched them leave the room.
After a couple of minutes, Mr. Leonhart walked into the room.
He had a hardened look on his face. 'Sora… I… I'm so sorry.'
I shook my head. It's alright.
'No it's not. I let you down. I was being a coward. I care about you but I ignored my feelings and only focused on consequences. Some of which, don't even apply to our situation.' I read.
I gave him a puzzled look.
'I was scared of going to jail. But you're eighteen, a legal adult. I won't go to jail for having a relationship with you.' He explained.
I nodded.
'I've been to prison once before… for I crime I didn't commit… but that doesn't exactly mean I didn't deserve to go to jail. I spent ten months in an iron pen. Terrorized by tyrants for more evil than I. I was so afraid of going back that I broke off from you without thinking rationally. I really do want to try a relationship with you Sora. If you'll still have me, I wont back out or give up on you… I promise.' Mr. Leonhart articulated.
I smiled and placed my hand flat on my chest and rubbed I a circular motion.
Please. I mouthed with my sign.
Mr. Leonhart walked over to me and took my face in his hands. He gently ran a hand in my hair and I leaned into the touch.
He took my injured hand and kissed my palm and wrist softly. I placed my uninjured hand on his cheek and kissed the scar on his face.
When I pulled away he put his forehead to mine. He seemed to understand what I meant by my gesture.
It's alright. We're healing, both of us.
I gasped when I felt his lips on mine. I put my hand on his arm and melted into the kiss.
No one's ever made me feel this way. I was so relaxed but excited at the same time. When he pulled away he gave me a very firm look.
'Sora… if I ever find out that you're hurting yourself again, I will break up with you. I'm serious. The cutting thing is ending today.' I read.
I nodded and looked away from him. I'm so ashamed.
Mr. Leonhart grabbed my chin and I was forced to look at him. 'I'm not looking down on you… I just… I can't take care of you if you don't take care of yourself.'
I nodded and I pecked his lips. I blushed and hid my face in Mr. Leonhart's shoulder.
His shoulders shook with a chuckle and I felt a hand on my side.
I flinched. Mr. Leonhart pulled away and gave me a questioning look.
I frowned but jumped when I felt a hand lifting the hospital gown.
I frown deepened when I saw Mr. Leonhart's eyes widen at the sight before him.
My body… battered and torn.
'Sora…' he started and placed his hand on the big bruise on my side form earlier today.
I quickly pushed his hand away and pulled the gown back over me. I covered my face and cried again.
It was so embarrassing… he saw how disgusting I am. How can someone be attracted to someone with a body like mine?
I cried silently for a second before a hand pushed my arm from my face.
Mr. Leonhart was glaring at me… I dare you to cry some more, see what happens.
I wiped the tears from my face and sat quietly.
Mr. Leonhart kissed me, this time one of his hands ran gently up and down my side… Don't worry about this… we all have scars.
I sighed and relaxed again. Mr. Leonhart's other hand remained on my face, his thumb gently caressing my cheeks…
I'm here, you're safe.
A/N: And there you have it. Fluff was needed after all the pain and sadness.