10

He called her around five to let her know he probably wouldn't make it for dinner. Each of the people he was trying to meet ran late to the scheduled appointments, even the ones he pushed back to make up for the previous one running over. He was tired and aggravated and still had another meeting to go before calling an end to the night. Sensing his stress, she told him she'd have a plate for him when he got there, but they wouldn't wait to eat.

When he finally showed up a little after eight, his muscles were tense and his head was aching. He was leaning against the doorframe when Sara opened the door and pulled him inside. From any other source, a loud noise would have infuriated him, but the sound of Kimmy yelling his name as she ran toward him only made him smile. She jumped into his open arms when she got to him and he hugged her close, feeling his tension slip slowly away. Sara wasn't the only person he needed anymore.

As he set her back on the floor she asked, "Wanna watch my movie with me?"

"I'm going to eat dinner, then I'll be back out, okay?"

She nodded before running back and flopping herself onto the couch. He silently followed Sara into the kitchen where she pulled a plate from the fridge. Interrupting her path back to fridge after she placed the plate in the microwave, he pulled her into his arms instead. He enveloped her in his embrace, pressing every inch of her body to his, needing her as close as possible.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, only pulling herself tighter to him and whispered into his chest, "Rough day?"

"Yes. Never let me do things like that on my own again, okay? I needed you with me."

She silently nodded against his chest. They stood in silence, comforted by the other's embrace until the beeping of the microwave stole their moment. He reluctantly let her go, feeling immediately as though he was missing something.

They sat together at the breakfast bar and talked while he ate the casserole she'd prepared for him. With elbows on the counter and her chin resting against her hands she asked, "So, other than the fact that everyone was late, which I know you hate, did everything else go all right?"

"I suppose. Nothing was very hard, I just had to go through all the necessary paperwork to get everything done."

"Is there anything else that needs to be taken care of?"

"I don't think so." He went down a checklist in his mind, hoping Sara would think of anything he hadn't. "Her bank account was cashed out and the funds were transferred to mine. I wrote and mailed out all the checks to charity that she requested and I paid off the one credit card she had. All of the household bills have been transferred into my name and the house now belongs to me. Her life insurance policy is being directly deposited into my account at the bank and I paid the funeral bill in cash. I guess all I have to do now is go through the house and figure out what can be given to charity or thrown away then I have to figure out whether I want to sell or not."

"There's no other family that would want anything to remember her by?"

"No. She had a few very close friends that she asked be given something. Maybe I'll call them tomorrow to see if they'd like anything in particular."

"Well, I go back to work next Wednesday, but until then I'd be glad to help you out going through stuff at the house if that will help."

"Thanks. That would be nice." There was a short pause before, "You know, I just realized that I have no idea where you work."

"I teach eleventh and twelfth grade physics."

"I didn't know you minored in education."

"Yep. With Kimmy, I had to find a day job. I knew even if I switched to the day shift as a CSI, I would still work long hours. The pay's not nearly the same, but I saved a lot over the years and we're doing fine. Once she gets a little older, maybe I'll make a change and do something that will bring in a little more cash, but for now, I really like it. Summer school starts on Wednesday and runs for three and a half weeks."

"So, then you get more time off until the regular school years starts?"

"Yeah, five more weeks."

They fell into silence as he finished the rest of his dinner then, "Kimmy goes to bed in about twenty minutes. Wanna head out and spend a little time with her before bedtime?"

He nodded then set his plate in the sink before both of them joined Kimmy in the living room. She immediately gave him room to sit with her on the couch and then crawled onto his lap while Sara curled up next to them saying, "I think I've been replaced."

He kissed her on the forehead and replied, "No one can replace you."

They were silent for a few minutes until Kimmy suddenly jolted up. "Can I give it to him now, Mommy?"

"Yes you can."

She ran out of the room and upstairs before he had the chance to ask, "Give me what?"

"You'll see. She made something for you during quiet time."

He didn't have to wait much longer before she came flying back down the stairs and stood in front on him with something behind her back. "Close your eyes," she said. Once they were closed, he heard the rustling of paper, then, "Open."

She had drawn a picture of him and put hearts and bug stickers all over the page. On top was 'Mr. Grissom' in her handwriting. "Thank you very much, Kimmy. I love it!"

"I made it today. I practiced my letters and asked Mommy how to spell your name."

"It's perfect."

Once they put Kimmy to bed a few minutes later and her story was read, they both headed back to the couch. He sat on one end and she made a move to curl up with him, but he stopped her with, "Wait. I have something for you."

She protested as he reached into his pocket, "Grissom. You don't have to buy me something every time you come over."

"I didn't buy you anything." He reached his open palm out to her, revealing his gift, "It's my college ring. It's big and bulky, and I don't expect you to actually wear it, but I want you to have it."

She took the ring from his hand, "Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"Me too. I do see you in my future Sara. I want to be with you and I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you. I know I've made a whole list of terrible mistakes and I've hurt you more times than I care to admit, but when you left I realized that I can't live without you. I never should have let you slip away from me, and now that I've found you again, the only thing I know for sure is that I can't lose you again. You're a part of me. A part of me I didn't even know existed until you left and took it with you. I've been missing a part of who I am for these past couple years; I could actually feel the empty spot in my life. Now that you're here with me, I finally feel complete again. Please tell me that you'll give us a chance. I know I have no right to ask but…"

She put a finger to his lips to silence him, "Grissom, you're rambling." He smiled and kissed her finger. "We have a lot of talking to do. A lot of figuring out what the hell happened. But I've figured something out over these past couple years without you. For some reason, I'd rather spend the rest of my life with you, trying to figure out if we'll ever make it, than spend the rest of my life without you worrying whether it ever could have."

"I won't let you down, Sara, ever again."

With a smile, "That's a start." He returned her smile and she asked, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Why were you able to go out to dinner with Sophia and not me?"

He knew the questions were coming, and that they would get harder as time went on, and he was willing to answer every one asked without argument. "Because I wasn't afraid of getting emotionally involved with her like I was you."

"But you had to have known she was interested in you."

"Honestly, no. I never saw her that way, and I didn't realize until after we went to dinner that she was romantically interested in me. My interest in her was purely work related. She had a different approach to handling a crime scene than I had ever seen and I wanted to observe her technique. Once I realized she had other intentions, I backed off."

"If you were so afraid of getting emotionally involved with me, why did you save my job all the times that you did?"

"Because I pushed you to make all of the mistakes you made. You got caught drunk driving because I was too much of a coward to give you a substantial reason why I promoted Nick over you. You put in for the leave of absence because I ignored you to the point of making you feel unneeded. You exploded at Catherine and Ecklie because you had all that pent up anger toward me. It was my fault entirely. I knew that, even then. I didn't understand it fully, but I knew it."

"Do you understand it now?"

"Mostly, yes." He paused. "I do have one question, though."

"Okay."

"The night I brought you home after you got pulled over, I offered to stay with you, to spend the night. Why did you refuse?"

"I wanted you to stay. But I wanted you to stay because you loved me, or at least cared for me, not because you thought it was the right thing to do."

"I was offering because I cared, if that makes a difference."

She smiled meekly, "Thanks, it does."

He waited a few moments before reaching for her hand and tugging it toward him, "Come here."

She climbed onto his lap and he brushed the hair back from her face before saying, "Never doubt that I care for you." He loved her; there was no doubt about it. But knowing it and saying it out loud were worlds apart in his mind. For now, he needed her to know he had deep feelings for her.

"I won't."

She pressed her lips to his before he could say anything else and this time it was her tongue that slipped between his lips, delving into his mouth. He opened his mouth to her, loving the way her tongue felt dancing with his and sliding along his teeth. Tilting his head to the side, he let her deepen her exploration, tasting and touching every inch of his mouth.

He was shocked when she abruptly broke their contact. Reaching over him, she placed the ring he'd given her on the end table and then repositioned herself over him, straddling his lap. His heart jumped into his throat when he realized the step they were about to make. Huskily he whispered, "It's been a long time since I made out with a girl."

Holding up two fingers, "Two rules. Number one, quiet because Kimmy is upstairs. Number two, no marks. I hate that." He swallowed hard when she lowered her lips to his chin, leaving a hot, wet trail of kisses along his jaw line and up to his ear. When she gently bit at his earlobe and then sucked it into her mouth, he couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath and the shudder that ran up and down his spine.

Finally finding movement, he ran his hands up and down her back, kneading as he went. He pulled her against him when she attacked the side of his neck, feeling shock run through his body. She froze on his lap when his tongue found its way to the soft, bare skin of her neck, licking and teasing, kissing and nibbling. He found new courage when one of his hands slipped under her shirt, meeting bare flesh, and she moaned into his neck. Quickly running both hands up her back, her found her shoulders and pulled her sideways, giving him access to the other side of her neck.

Passion erupted between them both like a violent volcano, lips and tongues seeking any available flesh, always searching for the untouched, hands pressing and grasping, trying to find any way to get closer to one another. When her fingers met with the curling hair on his chest, he felt his control start to slip away. His mind raced, telling him to stop before it was too late, but the tantalizing brushes of her fingertips across his chest were an action no man could deny. His head fell back when her lips moved down his chest, teasing the skin that was revealed by the open buttons of his polo.

Stopping was becoming more and more out of sight as his hands dipped lower and toyed with the waistband of her shorts. It was the husky whisper of his name that caused him to grab his last shred of self-control. It wasn't a request to stop, but a plea to give her more. His body wanted him to give in to her need, fulfill the desire that she obviously had for him. But his heart needed to wait, wait for passion to become spoken words of love and devotion as they took the most intimate step of their lives together.

With all the strength he could find, he grasped her waist and gently pushed her away. The passion swirled in her eyes, making his words seem almost harsh. "We…I need to stop." The unspoken question in her eyes made his heart break. "There are still too many questions you need answered, too many things I need to explain. This isn't a step I take lightly. It means a whole lot more to me than…a role in the hay."

Her brow furrowed, "Is that what you think it means to me?"

His hands immediately went to her face, "No! That's not what I'm trying to say." His head hung for a few moments before he said, almost to himself, "Wow, I really am horrible at this." After a deep breath, he looked into her eyes again, "What I am trying to say is that, when we…make love…I need it to be just that, love. I'm not denying that I am incredibly attracted to you, or that, as a man, I could ravish you this very second, but I am saying that, as far as our relationship goes, I need to wait."

A smile widened across her face, "I think you're better at this than you give yourself credit for."

"Really?"

"Really." She kissed him before asking, "Does this mean you're not staying tonight?"

"I think, under the circumstances, I need to go home." She silently nodded. "Do you have any plans for tomorrow?" After a shake of her head, "Good. How about, since I have your car still, I pick you guys up in the morning? We'll go get breakfast then you can come over to my place. Bring a couple things to keep Kimmy occupied and maybe you could help me go through some stuff."

"Okay." She walked him to the door and he gave her one last kiss before leaving.

His body was scolding him as he got into the car.

Twenty minutes ago, he could have been entwined in bed with the love of his life.

Now, he was heading home to a cold shower and a lonely, empty bed.