Day 5: A Frank Dilemma

Remus woke up. Which was nice. He hadn't been expecting to.

This is nice.

Peter was searching the floor by his bed for a clean sock.

"Alright Pete?"

He peered around the dormitory. Mercifully empty.

Is James waiting under the invisibility cloak to hex me?

"Oh. Hey Remus." Peter glanced up briefly. "I'm not supposed to talk to you."

"James and Sirius' idea?"

Peter left the dormitory without a reply.

You as well then, Pete.

This left Remus wondering what he was going to do today.

Sunday. A whole day without lessons. A whole day to laugh and joke with the other Marauders.

It was pretty clear his usual Sunday plan wasn't going to be an option today. He'd have to come up with a new one.

Hmm.

He decided he'd make a list.

Remus Lupin's new-and-improved splendiferous Sunday plan:

Break:

-fast

-up with Lily

-my heart in the process

Frank came in through the door just as he was considering adding Sirius' nose to the list. Or his jaw. Or whatever part of his roommate he could get his hands on.

Sirius did warn me. Maybe I should have listened.

But he should never have called Lily a whore, Remus told himself. Not even James could have been happy about that.

"Been down in the Common Room", Frank said. "James and Sirius are none too happy about last night. And neither are the girls."

"Anything happened?"

"No – not yet. Although I think Alice wants to hex Sirius if he so much as looks at Lily again."

I think I want to do more than hex Sirius. And I don't care who he's looking at.

"How is she?"

"Lily?"

"Yeah."

"She's – I think she's alright." Frank paused. "Look, Remus. Alice tells me Lily cares deeply about you."

Now, being boys, Frank and Remus weren't about to start talking openly and honestly about their feelings. That was preposterous. They were two self-respecting wizards, after all. But both knew just how good Alice and Lily were at talking about their feelings. Far better than they were themselves. And as Frank would often say: it was always easier to talk about your girlfriend's feelings than your own.

Okay, then. Lily's feelings.

"Lily cares deeply about me." Remus repeated the phrase. Which actually meant:

I care deeply about Lily too.

Frank understood, and continued.

"And Alice thinks that James, and especially Sirius, are being unreasonable and you should ignore them."

Which, of course, actually meant:

I think James, and especially Sirius, are being unreasonable and you should ignore them.

"Tell Alice I say thanks."

Thanks, Frank.

"I will."

No thanks is necessary.

"And I think that – I mean, Alice thinks that—" Frank came dangerously close to saying what he actually meant, and paused to collect himself. "—that the other three ignoring you is stupid and I shouldn't join in just because Sirius says so."

I'm with you on this one Remus.

"I'm sure Lily appreciates Alice looking out for me."

I'm more grateful than I can say. Or Lily can.

"Alice has to look out for Lily as well. I think Lily was pretty upset with the way things unfolded last night."

I know it hurts. And I'm sorry. And I'm here if you need anything. Except another talk. I don't think I could manage that.

Me neither.

"Breakfast?" Remus offered. Frank nodded, and they left the dormitory.

Break:

-fast.

One down, two to go.

Remus' breakfast trip to the Great Hall was interrupted by the appearance of something appetising in the Common Room.

Right. Make it quick. Cruelness is kindness in the long run.

Something appetising walked over, and before he could do anything, laid her head against his chest and linked her arms around his neck, looking like she quite wanted to crawl back into bed for the rest of the day. And quite wanted him to join her.

No – it is entirely too early for Lilyland!

A pair of green eyes blinked up at him in greeting.

And a good morning to you too, Miss Evans.

The eyes, which were offset by some rather lovely lashes, enquired, innocently enough, whether their favourite werewolf still loved them.

Yes – I mean, no – no, what I mean is– stop it! You know I can't think when you look at me like that.

Remus continued his Lily-looking. This had the unfortunate consequence of replacing all his thoughts of Lily-leaving, by a neat process of substitution, with thoughts of Lily-loving.

Damn.

Several of the thoughts contained some rather specific instructions on how this Lily-loving could be achieved.

No they most certainly did not.

Remus made a mental note never to listen to himself ever again.

Repeat after me:

I, Remus Lupin am a chaste werewolf.

I, Remus Lupin am a chaste werewolf.

I am untempted by my Lily-thoughts.

I am untempted by my Lily-thoughts.

My thoughts of Lily are those of a close and concerned friend.

My thoughts of Lily are—

Rosy lips and snowy hips and tender sighs and slender thighs.

Oops.

"Hey, you", Lily said, breaking his train of thought just in time to save herself from yet another imagined Remus-ravishing. "How was last night?"

Last night. Well you see, after you left, James and Sirius and me smoothed everything and were best friends again in the blink of a Hippogriff's eye.

Transformations aside, the night before had been the worst he could remember. The tension in the dormitory had been thick enough to cut with a knife; James had emerged from his hangings just once, and had torn into Sirius for keeping the secret from him. No one had spoken after he'd returned to bed, and after half an hour it had become patently clear that no one was going to sleep much. There was only silence, lying heavy like a cloak on the dormitory, listened to by the five boys. Remus had hardly slept a wink; partly from fear that he wouldn't wake up if he fell asleep, but mostly because he couldn't – the guilt that festered in his stomach made any relief impossible. After what seemed like an age, morning had finally come. And with it had come a resolution.

"It was alright, you know. Nothing much happened."

"Glad to hear it", she said, smiling and immediately wincing as she clutched her head. "I think the stairs and I are going to disagree if I try and go down for breakfast."

Remus gave her a long look.

So even when you're hung-over and half-asleep, you can still beguile me into fetching your breakfast.

But he also knew that if you were going to break up with someone, it was best not to do it on an empty stomach.

"The usual?" he asked.

"Please", Lily said, as sweetly as she could.

He pretended to have a long think. "If I remember correctly, it's one bowl of muesli, two slices of toast, one strawberry jam, one marmalade, both cut into triangles, orange juice and an apple."

Considering how delectable Lily looked when she'd just woken up, it was no surprise that Remus knew exactly what her breakfast consisted of. And how she ate it. And how he forgot all about his own when she brushed a crumb from the corner of her mouth.

Lily's face fell. "And all that time I thought you just wanted to look me, and you were just memorising my breakfast order instead."

That happened by accident. I'd have you over muesli any day.

"Sorry to disappoint", he said, grinning. "Would Madam like anything else?"

"A morning kiss."

Oh.

Lily watched him carefully, almost fearfully, for any indication to the decision he'd come to during the night.

I don't think I can do that, Lils.

Remus faltered for a moment. He knew he shouldn't. He knew it was a terrible idea that would only lead to tears and misery and more betrayal.

But he did. It was soft and clumsy. Stale Firewhiskey had never tasted so good.

Kindness is cruelness in the long run.

Remus was about halfway to the Great Hall when he realised that – excepting the possibility that in the depths of his misery, he had gone on hunger strike –James Potter would almost certainly be sitting at the Gryffindor Table.

Ah.

So, in the interests of preserving his own life – and more importantly, Lily's breakfast – he picked the less-lethal option of visiting the Kitchens and asked the House Elves if they could spare a few minutes to prepare breakfast for two. Twenty minutes later, and carrying a picnic hamper the size of a suitcase, Remus returned to the Common Room, only for Lily to blush in pleasure, and rush up the girls' staircase as soon as she saw him.

As far as he could remember, Remus had never heard anything about witches being mortally afraid of picnic hampers. And he was fairly sure that when they'd encountered a boggart during a Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson in fourth year, the boggart hadn't become picnic-hamper-shaped when Lily had approached it. Then again, he wasn't very experienced when it came to witches.

Maybe they're all frightened of picnic hampers.

At that moment Lily reappeared with a beaming smile and a picnic blanket. "I think breakfast outside is a lovely idea", she said, taking his hand in hers and leading him out the Portrait Hole.

She knows! She definitely knows I'm going to break up with her. That's why we're eating outside. So she can kill me. No witnesses. And then she can feed me to the Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest.

Remus suddenly felt very afraid of picnic hampers.

They ended up sitting out by the Great Lake, and were greeted with a splash from the Giant Squid, who raised a tentacle in greeting.

"You know", Lily said, leaning to rest her head on Remus' shoulder, "when I woke up this morning I wasn't sure if you'd still be here."

I won't be for much longer.

He twisted uncomfortably and said nothing. Lily's hand closed around his.

"I'm glad you did", she said, and the affection in her voice was like a knife to hear.

Say it. Say it now.

Remus lay back on the bank and gazed up at the sky, wondering if he could charm the clouds into some kind of message so he wouldn't have to break the news to her face to face. Lily, blissfully unaware of his thoughts, joined him on the grass. They stayed there, side by side, for some time; at least, until Lily realised Remus made a rather comfortable pillow and curled up against him, her head resting on his chest. A long, loud yawn escaped her.

"Tired?"

"Mm-hmm." A smile quirked her lips as she turned to look at him, her cheek resting in her palm. "But don't try that on with me, Lupin."

"What?" he asked, smiling in spite of himself as Lily continued to look mysterious.

"My mother warned me about sleeping with boys", she whispered, her breath warm on his chin.

Remus tried to imagine how Mrs. Evans would react to the news her daughter was – had been – dating a werewolf. "Did she say anything about sleeping on them?"

Lily giggled. "I don't think so", she said, wriggling closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

A sense of unease stole through Remus, and he contented himself with running a hand through the wave of hair that fanned out across his chest. Lily sighed. Somehow, he thought, it didn't matter if they kept it a secret or one person who mattered already knew.

Mrs. Evans' advice, it seemed, had not left much of an impression on her daughter, because she promptly dozed off in Remus' arms. This left Remus – who had gone from being a pillow to a full-length mattress – unable to do anything but hold Lily as she slept, smiling to herself at the pleasant Remus-dream she was currently in.

There won't be many more of those.

The wolfish object of Lily's dreams tried to think how he was going to tell her that her Remus-dream was very nearly over. He didn't make much progress, unfortunately, because his thoughts kept being derailed by the girl sleeping in his arms, who was looking particularly kissable as she slept, which resulted in Remus having a few Lily-dreams of his own.

Well, we could spend an hour or two under the picnic blanket…

Lily shifted slightly, and let out a long, soft sigh, seemingly in agreement with this idea. Remus tried to remember if witches woke up when you started kissing them, and was just debating whether or not to follow this course of action – when he noticed one of the clouds above them was moving considerably faster than the others.

On its own, this wouldn't have been cause for concern. Only, this cloud was moving directly towards Remus, and seemed to be getting even faster. It was also beginning to look quite feathery.

Erm –

Half a second before impact the cloud sprouted wings. It flapped them a few times, experimentally, and landed on his wrist.

"Hello", Remus said to the cloud, which looked uncommonly like an owl.

"Hoot", the owl-cloud said, and stuck out a leg with a scrap of parchment attached. Remus removed it, and the owl-cloud flew off.

Moony,

James is in the RoR.

Pete.

It seemed he was expected to pay a visit.

"So", Alice began, reaching for the pitcher of pumpkin juice. "What's the secret, Remus?"

The last thing Remus had wanted was a lunch that was, to all appearances, a double-date. But when Lily had entered the Great Hall and spotted Alice, he'd been dragged away before he could protest. And now the four of them were sitting there: Remus, Frank, Lily and Alice – or, as the rest of the school doubtless saw them, Remus-and-Lily, and Frank-and-Alice. Including Sirius and Peter (not Sirius-and-Peter, in spite of the Slytherin rumours about the Marauders) who were currently performing some advanced Transfiguration by staring daggers at Remus down the Gryffindor table.

He nodded weakly in their direction, before turning back to Alice. "What?"

"What's the secret?" Alice asked. "You make casting a Patronus look so easy – we're all wondering what you're thinking about when you cast it."

Oh… nothing in particular…

Lily's cheeks were glowing. Frank, seeing Remus was about to talk, began motioning wildly.

What is it Frank? Fire? – Fire?! No – wait, you're choking? No, not that either. What? Stop? Stop? Yes! Stop what? Silence! Ah, stop talking.

"Um – I guess – I just do everything Proctor tells me too", Remus said lamely. Frank gave him a none-too-subtle thumbs-up. Lily speared a chicken drumstick with her fork.

Well, that's not particularly subtle either.

"And think of my favourite Gryffindor", he added.

"Our favourite Gryffindor", Frank corrected, pressing a hand to the lion crest on his robes. "For the glory of Godric!" he cried, sending a bowl of soup belonging to a particularly skittish first year over the side of the table.

Can't say I'm following here.

By now, Lily was attacking her chicken drumstick with enough vigour to make Remus fear for his health.

"I think of Lily when I cast a Patronus."

Lily broke into a wide smile that suggested everything was forgiven. Frank looked positively fearful.

Sorry Frank. I'm a snitch for my witch.

Alice gave Lily an aww isn't that so sweet your boyfriend is so wonderful look. Then she turned to Frank, realised that Lily had Remus, she had Frank, quite literally put two and two together, and finished with a suspicious look at her own boyfriend.

"What?" Frank asked, in a tone of fearful expectation.

"What do you think about when you try to cast a Patronus, Frank?" Alice asked.

This question was one Remus liked to call a Frank Dilemma.

A Frank Dilemma consisted of a question, asked by Alice, with two or more answers, none of which were correct. In this situation, Frank was faced with two options:

1. He could tell Alice he thought of her when he tried to cast a Patronus. This would suggest that Remus loved Lily more than he loved Alice.

2. He could tell Alice he thought of something else when he tried to cast a Patronus, in which case he'd be admitting there was something he loved more than Alice.

The only guarantee with a Frank Dilemma was that Frank would, inevitably, pick a wrong answer; several long, drawn-out arguments would quickly ensue, and in particularly bad cases, Alice would start crying – which always left Remus wondering why she'd asked the question in the first place.

Now, Frank had, over the course of his long relationship with Alice, become rather good at spotting Frank Dilemmas, and had developed numerous defence mechanisms: dodging the question, running away from Alice, feigning deafness, injuring himself and escaping to the Hospital Wing, getting himself put in detention, and turning the Frank-Dilemma into an Alice-Impasse.

"Well, you can't cast a Patronus either."

"I'm rubbish at defence", Alice countered, in a tone that suggested Frank was the one who should feel guilty.

"Maybe Remus just has one, really great memory of Lily, while we've been going out for longer and so I have a harder time choosing from all the – er – really good memories, that we have together?" Frank felt sure this was a logical point to make.

"Are you saying our memories aren't special?" Alice demanded. "Would you rather have memories with Lily? Is that it?"

For her part, Lily winked at Frank and licked all the whipped cream off a strawberry cream tart she took from a dessert platter.

If you don't stop that right now, I'm dragging you off to the Prefect's Bathroom.

Alice turned to Lily, who pretended to look serious and quickly covered her mouth – hiding a smile and half a dessert at the same time. "Can we go back to the Common Room?"

"Of course", Lily said, giving Alice a look of silent consolidation for coming second in the best-boyfriend stakes as she led her out of the Great Hall.

Frank scurried after them, trying to make amends, while Lily dropped back to Remus, whose resolution to be a chaste werewolf was being severely tested by those stubborn flecks of cream on her lips.

"You've – you've still got a bit of dessert here", he said, brushing at his own lips with his thumb.

Lily brought up a hand but he caught her wrist and held her still, ignoring her look of surprise. He just had to hope that Alice and Frank were too busy arguing to notice their absence—

Five…four…three… two…yum…

–which they were, disappearing round the corner without looking back to check if Remus and Lily were following.

Remus immediately took advantage of their lack of company and pinned Lily to the wall, proceeding to lose himself in a bliss that tasted like strawberries and cream.

Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.

It took him several long, delicious minutes to remember why the Lily-fruit was forbidden, and – albeit reluctantly – stop kissing the girl and release her.

Prongs. Remember Prongs.

"Wow. Maybe I should flirt with Frank more often", Lily managed, smiling as she caught her breath again.

"Maybe", Remus said, trying and failing to return her smile. He stepped back. "Look, Lily, I really have to go—"

And just to let you know, you'll probably never see me again. I don't think werewolves turn into ghosts when they're killed.

Lily caught the edge in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"James wants to see me."

Lily frowned. "Should I come?"

"Nah. Not much point." He chuckled bleakly. "Can't have the topic of conversation turning up and taking sides."