TEN:

With you

I am here

No apologies

The bright midday sun was unbroken by any clouds as they walked the beach, side by side, wading ankle deep in the gentle waves. Liara had grown accustomed to the Asari predilection for nudity – even enjoyed it if she was completely honest – but chose to cover herself in a simple bikini top and bottom of white with a thin cloth wrap of teal around her waist. Shepard – with her limited wardrobe, chose to wear a faded grey sleeveless t-shirt and a particularly ancient pair of cut off jeans she dubbed 'her lucky pants'. The denim was full of holes, cut off just below her knees, and fit snugly to her athletic form – which Liara also enjoyed.

A steady breeze rolled in off the sea, cooling them from the punishing sun. It pulled at Liara's wrap and Shepard's hair as they walked, the sea-birds crying out overhead. Liara couldn't help but glance at her every few moments. She had been furious with her earlier – when she found her in a side alcove of the kitchen, a bloody rag pressed to her lips, still soaked from sweat and the rain from her morning run.

Shepard was cradling her side, her head tilted back as she attempted to stem the flow of blood from her nose and lips when Liara approached. She took a breath, attempting to reign in her outrage. Goddess help me, she prayed silently.

'Was that necessary, Shepard,' she asked, trying to sound casual but failing.

Shepard refused to meet her eyes as she shrugged. 'I've had better ideas,' she mumbled, sniffing wetly. 'Your Captain has some moves.'

Liara shook her head, sighing. 'Yes, that is why she is a Captain. I fail to see the purpose of this confrontation. I could have told you of her qualifications myself, if you had asked.'

Shepard shook her head, huffing a weak laugh which made her wince and grip her side tighter. 'You can't read everything in a service record Liara,' she whispered, finally turning her emerald eyes to meet dark blue. 'You should know that.'

Yes, Liara agreed. Long ago, when she had first come aboard the Normandy and met the scarlet-haired woman standing before her, she had dug up everything she could of her past. For research purposes, she had lied. Even then she had been…enthralled by Shepard. She wanted – needed to know more about her.

The memory drained her anger instantly – leaving the bitter taste of lingering jealousy in its wake. She was shamed by the truth of it. Tanari had made a mistake; she should have checked in before running off into the dark with Shepard, but no harm had come from it. Liara had sent the young commando off to Serrice chastised and humbled due to her jealousy more than any breach in protocol. Because she wanted Shepard to herself – Goddess, am I really so childish?

Shepard sniffed again, grunting as she shifted her stance, leaning on the counter. 'Think I bruised a rib,' she growled quietly. Liara reached for her instantly.

'Let me see.'

'It's fine,' Shepard pulled away. 'Just need some medi-gel,' she started to turn, but Liara stopped her with a gentle hand on her shoulder.

'Shepard, please,' she asked.

Her long curtain of wet hair - the color of dark blood - hid her features as she hung her head. She didn't speak as she seemed to consider her options. 'Ok,' she sighed.

'Follow me,' Liara nodded.

They walked to a nearby med-station connected to the commando barracks; filled with cupboards and storage cabinets of medical supplies, a simple examination bed and a scanning station built into the far wall. Liara asked Shepard to sit, while she locked the door behind them.

She moved around to Shepard's back, searching the cupboards for medi-gel and a bandage wrap as the human pulled her shirt off, grunting. Supplies in hand, she turned back – and froze.

Shepard wore her usual training bra under her shirt – the black fabric taunt against her skin. The lean, corded muscles of her back glistened with a sheen of sweat. Liara took in every freckle, every bulge, every scar. Goddess, what did you do, she felt her pulse hammering at the sight. Shepard's back was a road-map of scars. She could see the miniscule lights of cybernetic implants dancing up and down her reconstructed spine.

The right side of her torso along her ribs was already red – the impact site of her earlier sparring session with Danyssa. Liara came back to herself, unrolling the bandage wrap.

'That will most likely bruise terribly,' she said quietly.

Shepard looked away from her as she lifted her arm. 'I've had worse Liara,' her voice was pitched, barely above a whisper.

I remember, Liara thought. She bit her lip as she gently spread a film of gel onto the swollen area. Shepard's skin was hot. The smell of her sweat and the heat from her body was intoxicating. She edged closer, unable to stop herself, as she pulled the wrap around her torso. Her fingers brushed the frayed ends of her hair. Oh, she nearly gasped.

'Shepard,' the word escaped her lips; not a question or a statement, just a sighed whisper.

She watched as her pale, freckled flesh pebbled in that amazing phenomena unique to human anatomy – 'goosebumps' Shepard had called it. She ached to run her fingertips across it.

'I'm ok, Blue,' Shepard took her hand then in a gentle squeeze. She sniffed wetly, raised her head and pulled her hair back with her other hand.

Liara saw her face. One eye was red, a match for the dried blood from one nostril and the miniscule gash on her upper lip. She wore a small smile despite it.

Liara matched the smile, dabbing her lip with a small deposit of gel. 'No one has called me that in a long time,' she confessed. She bit her bottom lip again. 'I never enjoyed that nickname,' she lied.

Shepard smirked then. 'You're a horrible liar, T'Soni.'

Liara moved away, dropping her head as her face flushed indigo. She took a breath. Steady, she told herself. As she returned the supplies to their respective containers, she heard Shepard grunt as she replaced her shirt.

'I need a shower.'

Liara laughed. 'Yes,' she looked over her shoulder. 'Join me for breakfast when you are ready. I cleared some time from my schedule today - I would like to spend it with you.'

Shepard smirked again as she inclined her head. 'Ok.'

And so, they walked the beach. Liara had been rambling for the majority of the journey so far: speaking about her work, of course. How she had rebuilt her mother's house and founded the T'Soni Relief Institute; a non-profit charity focused on aiding refugees and collating lost antiquities of Asari culture. She talked about finding Danyssa, of their collaborative efforts in finding orphans and lost souls, welcoming them into House T'Soni – a chance to heal and live in peace after so much tragedy.

Shepard listened, as was her way, asking pointed questions about minor details at random intervals. She always made others feel valued – no matter the topic, Liara smiled. She wanted to reach out and take her hand, as Shepard did in the med-station earlier, but self-control got the better of her. She cherished the contact, brief as it was.

'Where is everyone,' Shepard asked suddenly, breaking the silence as she arched an eyebrow at Liara. 'Hogging the whole beach? Seems a bit selfish, T'Soni,' she teased.

Liara laughed. 'A perk of being one of Thessia's most influential figureheads, no doubt.'

Shepard shook her head, emerald eyes taking in the view again. To their right, the green water stretched to the horizon, crystal-clear, beautifully serene. To the left, past the bright white sand, the gently rolling hills had turned to cliffs of dark rock, growing ever taller as they walked.

'I never thought…,' Shepard began, her voice trailing off as she stopped walking. Liara watched her, cocking her head slightly.

'Shepard,' she asked.

Shepard took a breath, tilting her head back as she ran a hand through her hair. 'I'm…happy for you, Liara,' she whispered. She turned then, gesturing to the paradise around them. 'You made it…you…,' she paused as their eyes met. Liara took a step closer, watching the roiling emotions in that emerald gaze. 'You deserved this, Blue,' Shepard finished quietly.

Liara bit her bottom lip as she nodded, dropping her eyes. Her mind went back to that horrible day in the hospital – relived Shepard's harsh words and the painful tears in her eye. There were no words for the pain it caused her, yet she knew that Shepard didn't truly mean them at the time. Before her stood a woman who – for as long as she had known her – had always put others before herself. She stormed the middle. She took the fire. She sacrificed everything, in the hopes of giving others a future worth having.

Liara fought back the tears, willing her bottom lip to cease trembling. All I ever wanted was to share it with you, she thought.

'So do you,' she whispered instead.

So do you.

She said it in a breathless whisper, yet it cut to Shepard's very soul. She turned from her then to hide her trembling lips and resumed her walk, unable to speak for several long minutes. Goddammit Blue, she ached inside. You don't know what I've done – what I've become.

'Shepard,' Liara called.

No, not now. She couldn't do this. She couldn't let her see. She won't understand, or forgive you – you'll only hurt her, shatter any delusional image you think she has of you – how you used to be. You're a fucking disgrace. What the fuck are you doing?!

'Shepard, stop,' she persisted, and she felt a blue hand lace into hers. Liara pulled her around then, and she found herself locked into deep blue orbs of endless emotion. It terrified her and captivated her in equal measure. She couldn't hold it for long, so she dropped her head with a slow shake.

'Liara, don't,' she pleaded.

'Shepard –'

'You don't owe me anything,' she heard herself whisper. 'You've done enough already.'

She closed her eyes, unwilling to see Liara's reaction. She hears the Asari take a deep breath. Just leave it alone, Blue, she thought.

'Is that what you think,' Liara paused, shock and doubt coloring her tone.

Shepard wrapped her arms around herself, watching her feet through the gentle lapping waves. She took a deep breath. Her mind raced. Her heart was thundering in her ears. She could feel her walls cracking with every passing second. Get out, get out, get out, her mind screamed.

'I'm not who you think I am, Blue,' the confession fell from her trembling lips as she turned away. She didn't hear Liara follow. She walked several more steps, using the distance to swipe a tear from her eye and run a hand through her hair. 'Fuck,' she swore at herself.

'Shepard. Look at me,' there was something in Liara's voice – a strength she never heard or had somehow forgotten. She turned hesitantly, every synapse in her brain telling her not to.

Liara stood with her arms at her side, her palms open, fingers spread. Her head was tilted down, but her eyes watched every move Shepard made. In that patient, hopeful gaze, Shepard saw nothing of judgement, pity or pain. Only a longing, a look she knew all too well.

'All I know is this - I am here,' Liara paused, bringing a hand over her heart, 'and you are here,' she held out the other. She shook her head slowly, as her bottom lip trembled. 'Do you not know why,' she whispered. Her eyes had never been more beautiful, shining in the sunlight, pleading in their intensity.

Damn it, Blue, she felt a fresh tear roll down her cheek as she looked at that open hand. All she had to do was reach out – and take it. It wouldn't ease the pain in an instant; she didn't know if anything could. But it would open the way – if she could just let go of the past. She felt the weight of it pressing in on her – bearing down, unforgiving and unbearable.

Let it go, a voice buried under the years of guilt, shame and pain cried out.

Pale flesh wrapped around blue.

The next thing she knew, they were kneeling in the water as Liara held her. She couldn't stop the sobs, couldn't fight the tears. All she could do was apologize, over and over, as Liara hushed her.

'I am here,' Liara whispered, a mantra through the pain.

It was afternoon when they decided to head back to the house. Following the breakdown, they both turned inwards – little needed to be said. Liara felt her cheeks ache from smiling. She had never felt so good. There was still so much left to say – they both knew it – but enough progress had been made for one day. We have time, she told herself.

Ribbons of clouds had rolled in, promising an afternoon shower. Shepard had commented about not wanting to get sun burned, so they agreed to head back. They walked, hand in hand now, along the shore.

Shepard stopped after a few minutes, releasing Liara's hand as she knelt to examine something. Puzzled, Liara followed suit. She saw a sad smile curve the human's lips. Shepard ran her fingers over a conch-shaped shell, half buried in the wet sand.

'Mordin,' Shepard whispered.

'The Salarian. On Tuchanka,' Liara remembered. Shepard looked to her, watering emerald eyes bright.

'Yeah,' she looked back to the shell, sniffed, then chuckled. 'He was a hoot. Always singing silly songs,' she paused, gesturing to the shell. 'Before he…cured the Genophage, he told me he'd like to retire on a beach.' She looked up, taking in the scenery. 'Said he'd like to collect sea-shells,' she whispered.

Liara saw the heart-ache on Shepard's face. She had known Mordin, briefly, during the war. He was part of Shepard's team during her stint with Cerberus – he had helped her take down the Collectors. After his death on the Krogan home-world, Shepard had spoken about him once – to Wrex and Bakara – and only once.

'Tell me what happened,' Liara asked.

Shepard sniffed wetly, pulling the shell from the sand. She turned it over in her hand as her eyes unfocused. Thunder rolled in the distance as the storm approached.

'I tried to stop him,' she paused as her eyes squeezed shut. 'The Shroud was on fire, falling apart around us. I tried to talk him out of it – but he wouldn't listen. I watched him get in that elevator and die – because I couldn't find another way.'

Liara frowned. How many lives must you burden yourself with, she thought. How much guilt can one person carry, she wondered. 'He was your friend, Shepard,' she closed her hand over the shell, taking her hand. 'I did not know him as you did, yet I do not think he would blame you, or want you to blame yourself.'

'He was…happy,' she barked a laugh. 'I've never seen someone so…proud, knowing they were going to their death.' Liara watched her nod as she sniffed again. She shook her head. 'All this…bullshit in my head…I'm sorry, Liara,' she raised her face, clouded green seeking blue. 'I'm a mess.'

Liara smiled then, hesitantly, taking a risk by cupping a pale freckled cheek. 'No apologies,' she used her thumb to wipe a tear. 'There is no shame in caring for the lost, Shepard.'

The heavens opened as they stood, letting the rain wash a little more of the pain away.

(A/N: Thank you all for the comments, and your continued indulgence :))