Chapter 10: You And Me In The Summertime

One Week Later

Julie spent the next several days in a state of numb confusion, going about each day feeling as if she were in a trance, never fully able to grasp the details of her day but knowing they were real. She felt as if a wound had been opened and a large red target placed on her back with this looming threat of Winthrop and the copycat. The only thing she could do to give her any sense of control was visit John in the hospital and work on tracking down Paul and Jared's biological mother May Winthrop. All Julie had to work with was the fact that Collin Winthrop had sent his daughter to that Seattle convent after she became pregnant at fifteen with the twins. That preacher Brother Larson was the twin's real father and had no connection to May or the rest of this case since February so he was no help. Julie combed every shred of evidence they had collected in the last year, re-reading files and notes until her eyes burned.

John was recovering well from his injury, doing therapy and set to be released later today. When Julie visited him, his world got brighter. She filled his life with so much love and compassion even when she was rapidly scanning case files or snapping angrily at her slow running laptop that sat perched on her knees during her visits. Often times he had to pull the device away from her to get her to calm down or at least listen to him.

On the day of his release, he was given instructions on what to do and what not to do and how to care for his healing wound. Julie focused on the doctor giving these instructions, knowing John probably wouldn't follow them. When the doctor suggested having family or friends stay with him to help care for him, he protested, until Julie spoke up.

"What if you stay with me?" she asked with hopeful eyes "I know we said we wouldn't live together until we were ready but I want to help you, please?"

Having John with her might not drive thoughts of the lingering case out of her heard but it might mean feeling less vulnerable cooped up in her condo. John was taken aback by her offer but also quite pleased by it.

"I suppose so," he said "I don't want to be a burden."

"You won't be," she assured him sinking onto the bed "it'll be nice, we can watch movies and have dinner, maybe work on the case together."

She threw in a work related thing, still trying to stay professional but also feeling her stomach tingle at the thought of being with him everyday. Relationships terrified her but this one was different and if this was how they were supposed to take the next step, she would let that happen naturally.

"That sounds lovely," John agreed at last making her smile properly for the first time in days.

After signing the paper work and helping gather up all the personal items that had collected in the hospital room during his stay, John was able to leave. Julie drove him back to her condo, glancing at him in the passenger seat every few seconds to make sure he was o.k., eyeing the sling around his arm with a pang of guilt. Once inside her condo, she locked all three of the locks on her door and reset her security system before turning to John and saying "Are you hungry?" I can make us dinner if you want or if you're too tired still you can just sleep and I'll wake you when it's ready, or we can order take out or-

She was stopped mid sentence by him kissing her.

"I really appreciate all of that, love," he said when they separated, then reaching for her hand to hold, he gently guided her over to her couch and made her sit there with him.

"This is all I need right now," he said "to be here with you, everything else can wait."

She smiled again, amazed by his resilience and strength.

So they did exactly as he wanted, staying on the couch and watching TV, flipping between movies, sports for her and the news for him. After finishing another movie, she told him to watch whatever he wanted while she slipped into her bedroom to shower and change. She had finished and was adjusting the sleeve of her favorite sweater she had put on when she heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen. She jumped violently and reached instinctively for the gun in her nightstand, raising it and preparing to fight whoever had invaded her space. She crept along the wall slowly, sliding into the kitchen, gun drawn, finger inches from the trigger only to find herself face to face with John.

"Whoa, easy," he said raising his arms comically "I've already got one injury, I don't need another."

Her heart was hammering in her chest, the fear slowly leaving her when she saw it was only him.

"Why the gun show?" he teased her.

"I heard a noise," she said trembling "I thought-

"Oh that," John said "sorry love, I was going to surprise you but-

He nodded to the large metal pot that had fallen onto the floor and been the source of the noise she heard.

"I got hungry," he said shrugging.

Julie sighed with relief but still felt her heart race. She closed her eyes, lowered her gun and leaned back against the closest wall, how long was this heightened fear going to cripple her? Her knees gave way, trembling like they had when she was waiting in the hospital for John a week ago and she felt herself slide down the wall and collapse onto the floor, curling up in defeat.

"Hey," John said kneeling down in front of her "what's wrong?"

"I can't live like this," she said looking at him with tear filled eyes "I hear one noise and I almost kill you, this is killing me."

"Its o.k.," John said reaching out to grab her shoulders, feeling the tension in them.

"How is it o.k.?" she challenged him, demanding to know "how is it o.k. to hurt the people I love and put them in danger? How is it o.k. for people like Winthrop to win even when they are in jail? How?"

She had dissolved into tears again, this time they were falling too fast for him to wipe away like he had before. Instead he sat with his back to the wall like she was, letting her lean on his uninjured shoulder and sob out all the pain she was feeling.

"I have an idea," he whispered into her hair "I don't know if it'll help but, let's not stay here tonight, let's stay at my place instead."

She glanced up at him, tears still clouding her vision, as she sniffled and nodded in agreement.

John's apartment was a few stories up unlike her condo which sat on the main floor. Though she had been here a few times in the past three years, she couldn't help but stand awkwardly in the foyer as he shut the door and piled up both their coats and bags in the corner. She was still trying to calm down, sniffling occasionally and looking around the apartment with watery eyes.

"Come on," he instructed her, motioning for her to follow him.

"What?" she asked feeling stupid for not paying attention.

"You're going to get some sleep, right now," he practically ordered, getting her to move by tugging on her wrist and guiding her into the bedroom.

"I can't," she said meekly and he knew she had been lying when she told him she was sleeping at home whenever she left the hospital for the day.

"Yes you can," he insisted turning down the covers on the bed, sliding in and patting the space next to him.

She remained standing at the foot of the bed feeling foolish. She had never feared intimacy or being close to someone, but after her coma and this recent turn of events, she felt contaminated, dirty, unworthy of the love and attention John was trying to give her. At the same time, she felt her heart ache with gratitude for him, for the fact that he wasn't abandoning her like she feared but was instead offering to stand with her and fight this nightmare. So she let her heart win and her feet drag her slowly to the bed, crawling into it and laying down, letting her body rest at last. She closed her eyes, feeling them burn from all the crying, her aching head soothed by the coolness of the pillow. She shivered once and felt John pull the covers up around her, tucking her in carefully. When she opened her eyes again to look at him and express her gratitude, he was reaching up to turn off the lamp on the nightstand. She reached for his hand to stop him and say "Leave it, please?"

Fearing the dark was irrational, she knew, but if it made her feel safer, he didn't care. He left it on, raising his uninjured arm and letting her snuggle in against him. As tough as she looked, she was the epitome of affection, always wanting a life like this, someone to come home to, to care for her when she needed it and not care if she stole all the covers. Feeling relaxed and no longer on edge, she did just that, pulling at the covers more, wrapping herself in warmth and burrowing into his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

Within minutes, his protective arm around her, the warm blankets and a single kiss to her forehead had lulled her to sleep. Pleased that she was finally resting, he let out the sigh he had been holding in. This case was eating at her and he was at it's mercy, unable to stop her from throwing herself into her work but always here to pick up the pieces when she felt like she was losing control again. As Agent Ryan had told them, this wasn't over and he knew Julie wouldn't stop fighting until she was completely safe again. What the cost of that fight would be, physically, emotionally, he did not know, nor did he want to think about what might happen if she pushed herself too far. Knowing Julie, she was already in over her head. She couldn't fight this alone and he wouldn't let her no matter how much she protested. Watching over her as she slept, giving her some sense of security was all he could do in the moment, and right now, that was enough.