Author's Note: I've heard this episode referenced as a favorite among K/S fans (besides the obvious episodes like Amok Time and Shore Leave) and I couldn't quite remember why. Then I watched it just now in preparation for this project and I thought, "Oh, THAT'S why."

We K/Sers…we're not so delusional.

Also, I added a little bit to the end of Balance of Terror. It cleans things up a little. =D

Season One, Episode Ten: Dagger of the Mind

The episode opens with a shot of cargo labeled 'Destination: Tantalus Penal Colony." A random crewman sets it on a transporter and they try to transport it but they can't seem to do it. Kirk comes in during the attempt and afterwards reminds the random crewmen that the location is a penal colony and you have to request for the force field to be opened. DUH.

The crewman transports the cargo, and then beams up cargo for the Enterprise from Tantalus. Kirk then teases the crewman a bit and leaves.

(((What the hell, Kirk? Is that you flirting with a random crewman?

Look at his behavior towards the guy. Sly smiles, gentle teasing…and we all know what happens when Kirk grins. Just a thought, nothing terribly concrete.)))

The cargo meant for the enterprise (cunningly labeled as CLASSIFIED MATERIAL and calmly orders anyone looking to DO NOT OPEN) then opens slowly from the inside, revealing an older, CrAzY looking guy with a breathing mask. He sneaks up behind the only crewman in the room (who is just so fascinated by anything that will keep his attention over THERE instead of over HERE) and knocks him out cold.

We come back from opening titles. Kirk muses about wanting to have met Dr. Adams, the guy who runs the Tantalus V penal colony, instead of just trading cargo. The bridge gets a message from Tantalus then, saying 'whups, we lost one of our crazies, keep an eye out, k?'

The crew is alerted and everyone goes on the lookout. Crazy dude is spotted, and Kirk contacts Tantalus to tell them as much. He ends up talking to Dr. Adams himself, which he thinks is pretty neat.

McCoy approaches Spock.

Spock: "Interesting. You Earth people glorify organized violence for forty centuries, but you imprison those who employ it privately."

(((That's a pretty big punch in the gut to the American way, especially for the 60s. Go Roddenberry.)))

McCoy and Spock chat a little bit more until the crazy dude appears on the bridge and gives a random crewman a judo chop to the neck. He demands to know where the captain is, and Kirk announces his presence.

Crazy dude introduces himself as Van Gelder and asks for asylum. He wants Kirk to promise that he won't make him go back to Tantalus V.

Kirk makes eyes contact with Spock, and starts to move closer to Van Gelder.

(((This is a lovely moment of teamwork between them.)))

Kirk says he can't promise anything and keeps Van Gelder's attention as Spock starts to move into place behind Senor Crazy. At the last moment, Van Gelder sees Spock. Kirk kicks the phaser out of Van Gelder's hand and Spock is quick with his famous Vulcan Nerve Pinch.

Cut to Kirk and McCoy standing over Van Gelder in sick bay. McCoy says that Van Gelder is saying a lot of things, not finishing sentences, generally talking crazy, but it always has a bit of a ring of truth to it.

Kirk questions Van Gelder, but it's reallllly hard for him to get out valuable information. He does manage to get out that he was the Director of the Tantalus colony. He says that he knew more, but they 'erased it.' He then starts to freak out at the thought of going back to Tantalus and McCoy sedates him.

Fade to Kirk walking into the bridge. He sees Spock (currently off camera), notices that Spock is captivated by something in his scanner and approaches him, taking his usual position of leaning next to him.

Kirk: "Estimating arrival at Tantalus..?"

Spock: "57 minutes, 30 seconds captain."

Kirk leans in close and peeks into the scanner for a moment.

Kirk: "What's so fascinating?"

Spock: "An identification tape from our ship's library on Dr. Simon Van Gelder."

(((Kirk no likey Spock's attention being somewhere else. When Spock responds with the ETA, he doesn't even look up, which makes Kirk believe that whatever has Spock's attention must be REALLY interesting 'cause Spock hasn't looked at him yet. The rest of the convo is pretty close quarters and as I've said before: Closeness is, in fact, cute.)))

The conversation reveals that Van Gelder used to be Dr. Adams associate. Kirk then contacts Dr. Adams and they chat a bit. Dr. Adams says that Van Gelder was experimenting with a beam that they had hoped would rehabilitate prisoners and Van Gelder insisted on taking the risk before anyone else.

McCoy has appeared, however, to call B.S.

Kirk and McCoy have a little debate until Spock chimes in and says that they should ask if Dr. Adams would like Van Gelder returned.

Spock gives Kirk a little "Well don't you think?" look and Kirk takes Spock's advice.

Long story short (too late): Kirk tells Dr. Adams that he's required to investigate and form a report to make sure that all is well.

Dr. Adams is more than happy to oblige, he only asks that a small party beams down for security reasons, and Kirk sees nothing wrong with that 'cause…well…there isn't.

We come back from commercial and Kirk contacts McCoy from the bridge to see how Van Gelder's doing (which isn't very well).

McCoy: "Van Gelder's still violently agitated, captain."

Kirk: "And you'd prefer to keep him here until I complete my investigation anyway."

Spock: "I believe we should, Jim."

(((WHOA, back up. Spock doesn't bust out the 'Jim' card very often. So why now? Well actually…I'm not entirely sure why now. All I know it's that it's weird. Maybe Spock was using the informal name to show how strongly he felt about the decision without having to do much. That's the closest I can really come to a theory.)))

McCoy says that the doctor he recommended to go with Kirk to Tantalus is Dr. Noel, and is waiting in the transporter room.

Cut to Kirk and Spock entering the transporter room to find Dr. Noel.

(((Here's where shit gets interesting.)))

Upon seeing Dr. Noel, Kirk is stunned. There's a swell of 'hey look a pretty girl' music, but Kirk isn't stunned at her beauty. Noel smiles slightly, fondly, knowingly.

Noel: "Dr. Helen Noel, captain. We've met."

Kirk immediately looks to Spock, who gives him a slow "Oh reeeaaallllyyyyy?" look back.

(((Whenever it comes to Kirk and a girl, Spock always has a strong opinion/thought about it.)))

Kirk doesn't seem too thrilled about the whole thing, and reluctantly takes his place next to her on the transporter pad.

Noel: "Don't you remember? The science lab Christmas party?"

Kirk: "Yes, I remember."

Noel: "You…dropped in-"

Kirk: "Yes, yes, I remember."

(((Look at that bit. Kirk is trying his best to shut her the fuck up, but in the quietest way possible. The moment absolutely reeks of "I don't want to talk about it, especially not HERE."

Now why wouldn't Kirk want to talk about a particular endeavor in front of Spock, eh? EH?! It's always curious when a woman from Kirk's past (or a woman at all) pops up. Spock always has very little to do with anything, and Kirk NEVER hits on a woman when he knows Spock is watching, not even when he has a clear ulterior motive for doing so (which is quite a bit). And if someone has to accidentally barge in on Kirk and some chick, it's always Spock.)))

"Problem, captain?" Spock asks innocently.

(((Spock, you snarky BASTARD.)))

Kirk thinks, glances at Noel, then steps off the transporter pad and walks up to Spock so that his next words are private.

Kirk: "Spock, you tell McCoy that she had better check out as the best assistant I ever had."

(((Translation: Know the bitch, hate the bitch, don't wanna work with the bitch, so the bitch better be good at her bitchy job, the bitch.)))

(((Kirk is very clearly NOT happy about all of this. What a way to treat the Dame of the Hour Kirk, geez.)))

Kirk goes back up to the transporter pad and leaves Spock with a 'well well WELL' look on his face.

Earlier I mentioned that Spock always has an opinion/thought when there's a Dame of the Hour. Well now I'd like to suggest what that opinion/thought might be:

I think Spock has a shit load of fun whenever a Dame of the Hour arrives, because he loves poking fun at Kirk about the whole thing with his trademark little glances and expressions. Why would he want to poke fun at him for this? Because Spock knows damn well what's happening between them.

Imagine watching a guy, who you know is attracted to men, having to deal with women from his past.

Yeah, it's pretty damn funny to think about.

And so far Kirk has shown no genuine interest in a woman.

Food for thought.)))

Kirk and Noel are beamed to Tantalus V which doesn't look like the planet from the pilot episode in any way, shape or form…::cough::

Kirk and Noel begin to walk to the nearby elevator.

Kirk: "In here I presume, doctor."

Noel: "Perhaps it would be simpler if you called me Helen, captain, since-"

Kirk: "This is another time, another place, and another situation."

(((Well now, what happened at the Christmas party, I wonder? It must have something seriously hot and hetero to have Kirk acting like this. Hmmmm…)))

The second they step into the elevator the doors slam shut and elevator rockets downward. Kirk grabs a hold of Noel out of fright and they both hold on, wondering that the fuck is going on.

(((It's probably worth pointing out that Kirk really does grab her out of fright. The moment comes off way more as "EEP!" than "You must be frightened, let me put my manly arms around you and cop a feel.")))

We finally meet Dr. Adams, and Noel throws out a couple of lame jokes. Kirk contacts Spock to and tells him that all is well. It's not long before Lethe enters, a former prisoner of the penal colony who stayed on to become a therapist after treatment.

Dr. Adams introduces her to Kirk and Noel. Her personality looks like this: ……….

Kirk asks her a few questions.

Kirk: "Before you came here…?"

Lethe: "I was another person. Malignant, hateful."

(((Now I'm monotone, soulless.)))

Kirk: "May I ask what crime you committed?"

Lethe: "Does it matter? That person no longer exists."

Dr. Adams chimes in and says that burying the past is part of treatment, and Noel (stupidly) agrees that the approach is wise.

Fade to the end of the grand tour. Kirk notices a room they haven't looked at yet.

Kirk: "Doctor…?"

Dr. Adams: "Ah, I was afraid you'd ask about this, captain. One doesn't like to talk about their personal failures and all. Just an experiment that went wrong, I'm afraid."

Kirk: "May I see it?"

Noel: "Captain, if something hasn't worked out and therefore has no scientific val-"

Kirk: "Shall we leave that up to the doctor?"

Noel: "Since you brought me down here for advice, captain, I-"

Kirk: "One of the advantages of being captain, doctor, is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it."

(((I love this, 'cause he puts her in her place with a smile. I also love this, because we all know whose advice he respects enough to actually FOLLOW more often than not...as we have been shown repeatedly, and even earlier in this very episode. ;) )))

Cut to sick bay, where McCoy and Spock are standing over Van Gelder, who says something about a 'neural neutralizer.' Spock tries to get him to elaborate, but the guy is too much pain-and-wild-facial-expressions to really say anything.

Cut to Kirk/Noel/Adams in the experiment room.

Dr. Adams: "A neural neutralizer. Experimental. Actually, we don't expect to get much use out of it at all. That beam from above neutralizes brain waves, relaxes the face and does them no harm, of course. The effects are only temporary."

Even though the thing doesn't work, they still use it in hopes of calming the more violent cases. They all leave, except for Kirk who stays behind to ask the random worker how it operates. Then they all find out that Van Gelder's injury happened under the neural neutralizer 'cause he just HAD to try it alone and shit.

They all leave, and we get to see the random worker tell the prisoner under the neutralizer to forget what had just happened, ramp up the neutralizer's power, and cause the prisoner a great deal of pain.

(((In case you didn't realize it by now: Something's rotten in the state of Tantalus V.)))

Later, Spock contacts Kirk via communicator and tells him Van Gelder believes Kirk to be in danger down there. Noel chimes in with a "That's foolish!" because she's a little stupid.

(((Not 'Rand' stupid…but stupid.)))

They swap info, which isn't much, then Kirk says that they'll spend the night on the planet. Van Gelder hears this and starts screaming "NOOO!" because he, for some reason, is the only one who thinks that is a BAD idea.

All Van Gelder can get out, though, is that Adams will destroy something in manner that is "like death."

Cue long shot of his horrified, hi-larious expression.

We come back from commercial to hear Spock talking about how he will now use an ancient Vulcan technique to enter Van Gelder's mind and try to make sense out of this whole mess. Spock seems hesitant to do this.

McCoy: "Spock, if there's the slightest possibility it might help…"

Spock: "I've never used it on a human, doctor."

McCoy: "If there's any way we can look into this man's mind to see if what he's saying is real or delusion we should-"

Spock: "It's a hidden, personal thing to the Vulcan people…and our private lives."

McCoy takes a brief moment. Now he has to break out the big guns.

McCoy: "Now look, Spock, Jim Kirk could be in real trouble. Will it work or not?"

Spock says nothing, and goes over to Van Gelder and begins the procedure.

(((AHA!!! Until McCoy brings up that JIM KIRK could be in danger, Spock is all 'well it's like uber private and never been done on humans and I dunno it's kinda hard…' but man, the second he hears Kirk's name, he sucks it up and does it anyway.

McCoy knew it would work too, you can see him make the decision to go there before he says "Now look…"

Why McCoy, you manipulative little country doctor, you. XD

He uses a similar tactic on Kirk in a later episode, only it's even MORE telling then.)))

Cut to Noel's quarters. The door buzzes and she answers. Why, it's Kirk! There must be some sexy sex on the way.

"Good evening," Kirk says as he strides right past her and into the room.

"Good evening," Noel cheerfully greets.

Kirk is still concerned, "What did you think of the inmates we saw this afternoon?"

(((Shoot down #1)))

"You could've waited until tomorrow morning to ask me that, captain," she quips with a light playfulness.

"I didn't," Kirk quickly states, not swayed by her tone in the slightest.

(((Shoot down #2)))

Noel finally picks up on his vibe and her tone turns professional, "I thought they were happy. Well adjusted."

From there Kirk says that he wants to get a closer look at that room and off they go.

(((We get from Kirk's behavior that something is on his mind, and it's most certainly not Noel. So much for hawt sexy sex action.)))

And now back to Spock's Vulcan mind probe thingy. Spock learns that the neutralizer is used to re-shape any mind Dr. Adams chooses, and he wiped out Van Gelder's memory. The neutralizer makes the person's mind completely blank, to the point that any thought or suggestion can be absorbed.

Cut to Kirk and Noel in the neutralizer room. Kirk has Noel operate the machine and he has a seat in the chair.

(((Well this can only end with sunshine and rainbows.)))

They try a shot of the neutralizer at minimum intensity for a second or two, and all it does is make Kirk's face go completely blank. They try it again, and Noel suggests that Kirk is hungry. When she turns the machine off, he makes a comment about being hungry.

They decide to try it again, and Kirk tells her to try "something unusual, an unusual suggestion that we can both be sure of."

Noel turns the machine on.

Noel: "At the Christmas party. We met. We danced. You talked about the stars. I suggest now that it happened in a different way. You swept me off my feet and carried me to your cabin."

(((So the big 'Christmas party' encounter was a conversation about the stars? Nothing happened? Not a thing? WOW. Are you shocked? I'm not.

So wait, then why does Kirk dislike this chick so much? Sure, she's kinda dim, but other than that she's just a pretty girl with the hots for the captain. Maybe he got sick of her advances because he's just NOT interested…wonder why that would be…)))

Now we get to see Noel's fantasy on screen. Kirk carries her into his chamber, they're both laughing.

Kirk: "Merry Christmas."

Noel: "Captain, do you think the crew saw you carry me here?"

(((No, I don't think they noticed the captain of their ship sweeping a woman up into his arms and leave giggling like a school girl. ::Headdesk::)))

Kirk: "My crew…is sworn to secrecy."

Noel: "But my reputation…I mean, just having met like this…of course, it would be different if you cared for me."

Kirk: "You want me to manufacture a lie? Wrap it up as a Christmas present for you?"

Noel: "No. I'd prefer honesty."

Kirk then proceeds to ram his tongue down her throat.

/end fantasy

(((Okay…so even in Noel's FANTASY he doesn't have any real feelings for her? Wow…just…wow.)))

Dr. Adams and his men suddenly arrive and restrain Noel. Dr. Adams takes over offering the suggestions and cranks up the power of the neutralizer.

Dr. Adams: "You're madly in love with Helen, captain. You'd lie, cheat, steal for her. Sacrifice your career, you're reputation."

(((::Clears throat::

Kirk does in fact lie, cheat, steal and sacrifice his career and reputation for someone over the course of TOS and the films. That someone is Spock.

…

That is all.)))

Noel: "No, doctor, no!"

Dr. Adams: "You feel it, captain. You must have her or the pain grows worse. The pain, the longing for her."

Kirk: "Helen…"

Dr. Adams: "For years, you've loved her, captain. Years."

Kirk: "For years, I've loved you."

Dr. Adams: "You must continue to remember that, captain. Now, she's gone."

Dr. Adams cranks up the machine, then makes Kirk drop his phaser on the floor. Kirk struggles with this order, because deep inside himself he knows this is the wrong thing to do, but he does it. Dr. Adams tells him to drop the communicator next, but Kirk manages to open it and tries to hail the Enterprise. Dr. Adams jacks up the power yet again until Kirk screams in pain.

Commercial.

Kirk is now laying in his quarters as Noel dabs his head with a cloth. His eyes pop open.

Noel: "They've taken you from the room, captain. You're in your own quarters now."

Kirk: "Helen…Helen for years I've loved you."

(((This would be really sweet…if he wasn't completely hypnotized into thinking he loves her at the moment. Once again, when Kirk actually shows interest in a chick, it's not his idea.)))

Noel gets Kirk to remember Dr. Adams and the neutralizer. He temporarily snaps out of the trance, sees an air duct on the wall, and gets an idea. He sends her through it to get to the power supply to short circuit it and get rid of the force field.

Just as she gets through, guards arrive to take Kirk to another treatment.

Now Kirk is back in the chair. Dr. Adams comments that Van Gelder was on his hands and knees, sobbing at this point in the experiment.

(((We're meant to gather exactly how strong Kirk's mind and will are when it comes to pain.)))

(((Brace yourself for quick cuts. Shit happens fast.)))

Dr. Adams hears that Noel is gone, and he tries to force information out of Kirk until Kirk collapses.

Cut to Noel. She gets to the main power control room and Spock is on the Enterprise trying to get the transporter to work despite the force field.

Noel manages to shut off the main power, and the neutralizer shuts off too.

Cut to Kirk beating the shit out of the Dr. Adams and the guard and running off.

Cut to Noel. A guard shows up and turns the power back on. She kicks him into the power supply and he gets electrocuted, shorting out the force field.

Cut to Spock on the Enterprise. He immediately hops in the transporter and beams down. He then turns off the force field but turns the main power on, reactivating the neutralizer.

Cut to Kirk. He's back in his quarters, and Noel has just arrived in his quarters via the duct she left by.

The hypnosis takes over and Kirk pulls her out, kissing her.

Noel: "This isn't right, captain."

Spock enters then, and sees them kissing.

(((Check out Spock's shocked expression. How very INTERESTING.)))

Noel pulls away.

Noel: "Dr. Adams did this to you!"

Spock arches an eyebrow, as if to say "Oh…really?"

(((There he goes again, having an opinion about Kirk and a woman.)))

Kirk: "Dr. Adams…"

Kirk looks at Spock, snapping out of it. Spock cocks his head to the side, as if to say "What mess did you get yourself into THIS time?"

Kirk: "Dr. A…the treatment room. Follow me."

Kirk, Noel and Spock run off.

(((Kirk "loving" Noel is never again addressed. We're left to assume that the hypnosis has been broken. When did the hypnosis break? When Kirk saw Spock.

……

……….

Don't look at me, I didn't right this stuff.

You watch some more of the episode while I go track down my mind. If that fucking thing reels one. more. time…)))

The Enterprise's crew now has control of the colony, and Kirk and company rush into the neutralizer chamber to find Dr. Adams dead. The machine was turned up enough to kill, and Kirk muses that he died because his mind was empty and he was all alone.

Cut to later, on the bridge. Kirk enters, his mind clearly occupied, his movements slow. Spock informs him that the treatment room has been dismantled. Kirk takes his seat. McCoy stands behind him.

McCoy: "It's hard to believe that a man could die of loneliness."

There's a solid four seconds of silence as Kirk's mind works.

Kirk: "Not when you've sat in that room."

There's a few more seconds of silence.

Kirk takes a breath and glances over at Spock.

Spock looks at Kirk, concerned for him in a very quiet, deep way.

Kirk smiles gently at him.

Kirk: "Take us out of orbit, Mr. Spock. Ahead Warp Factor One."

Spock smiles slightly.

Spock: "Acknowledged, captain. Warp Factor One."

Spock steps away, Kirk is still smiling.

(((…………..

……………………..

……………………………..

Every now and then I have a thought. What if Kirk/Spock fans are just wrong? What if we're crazy? What if we just hope so hard that we convince ourselves something that just isn't true?

Then moments like this happen, and those thoughts vanish instantly.

Let's take a closer look at this, shall we?

Beat One: Just after Kirk has said 'Not when you've sat in that room' he's looking out ahead at nothing. He is clearly haunted by the torture he endured, and something else as well. Kirk already had a fear of ending up alone to begin with. We learned in The Naked Time that he desperately wants someone, he doesn't want to be alone. It's an aspect of his character that recurs throughout the series and movies. So to throw in torture that leaves you blank and alone on top of that is just down right cruel. During this beat he's contemplating the reality of his deepest fear, and he has been since he entered the bridge (hence his odd behavior).

Beat Two: Kirk glances at Spock. For a brief moment, we see Spock watching Kirk. He's concerned, worried, his expression is incredibly subtle, but his inner life is yelling at the top of its lungs. Nimoy, my friends, can ACT. This is a suspended moment, as triggered by Kirk's inhale before he glances over. We're all on the edge of our seats.

Beat Three: Kirk smiles. He smiles at Spock. As he delivers his order to Spock, we see that he's put at ease. He knows he doesn't have to fear being alone…when he looks at Spock.

Beat Four: During Kirk's last line of his order, we get to see Spock's expression. Spock is now relieved as well, his inner smile so great that we get to see a physical one. He glances at McCoy, checking to see if the doctor has picked up on what has just passed between him and Kirk. Spock delivers his line with lightness, and ends it smiling one of his trademark verrry subtle smiles.

Beat Five: Spock walks away. Kirk is now smiling widely.

Beat Six: Kirk's mind travels back to the torture he has endured and his smile fades, an affect that would happen to any man having been through torture.

All of this communicated in 19 seconds of footage, with some beats lasting barely a moment.

If you're thinking that this is fucking impressive, you would be right.

All of that to convey something that's pretty simple: Kirk knows he will never be alone because he has Spock. This isn't the only time that this point is brought up, either. Only next time it gets smacked over our heads in a moment that's much longer, with events that you can't ignore. This moment slips by, but if you really look at it, you can see that it's all there.

Roddenberry, Nimoy, and Shatner were absolute geniuses at pulling this off.

…and we're not even to Shore Leave yet.)))

End of episode.

The Score So Far:

(This is the 'full edition' that I throw in every five episodes. It features everything I'm keeping track of that has made it onto the score board so far. There's still plenty of stuff I'm tracking that hasn't happened yet.)

Times a god-like being is featured - 1

Times a disease threatens the crew - 1

Time the transporter breaks/malfunctions - 1

Times immortality is found – 1

Random crewman body count - 7

Times Kirk Kisses a Woman While Driven By an Ulterior Motive/Controlled by Other Force - 2

Times Kirk completely ignores/resists a pretty woman when he has no 'reason' to - 4

Times Kirk rips/loses his shirt/has no shirt at all - 6

Times Kirk is injured - 1

Kirk Taken Hostage/Prisoner - 2

Pointless Rolls - 2

Times Kirk outsmarts computer - 2

Times Spock is injured - 2