Chapter Nine: Costa del Sol ("Mommy? Daddy?")
Luis steps off the boat and looks up into the bright sky, shielding his eyes from the glare.
Luis: Heeeeeeey, that's the portal thingie…………………..shit.
He runs into the resort town. Jessica stumbles off the ship, looking a little green. Tifa runs off the boat and bursts into the inn, demanding a shower. Aeris, Nanaki, and Yuffie walk into the town square, looking at the different shops—Yuffie's instantly taken by the materia shop. Barrett, Cloud, and Terrell head toward the bar. Jessica, after regaining her bearings, follows Luis down to the beach, where he's standing behind two beach chairs seating a man and a woman.
Luis: Mom? Dad?!
Mom: Luis!
Dad: Louie. What's up?
Luis: Oh shit… are you guys alright?!
Mom: We're perfectly fine, as you can tell, just getting some sun.
Dad: Though how we got here is a mystery.
Luis: Um, I can explain… but first, let me fix something. (looks up at the portal) I need to stabilize it so it stays in one spot. Now how does it go again…?
Jessica: (walking up and flipping through the book) Um… it's one of the missing pages.
Luis: Nevermind! I remember now!! (holds his hands up) Magnus Ariousis Exvertum!
As pink foam wraps itself around the portal, and instead of stopping it, speeds it up, making it spin around the planet at high speeds.
Jessica: Nice.
Luis: Ah fuck.
Jessica: I suppose you don't remember anything else from the missing pages, huh? Like, how to get home, maybe?
Luis: Um… no. I remember how to open up more portals though. See?
He waves one hand and opens a portal right beside him, where Sephiroth stumbles out, looking really haggard and disheveled.
Jessica: AHH! It's you!
Luis: Oh, Sephypoo! (smile smile)
Sephiroth: (screams and faints)
Luis: Well, he's not supposed to be here now, is he? (kicks him back into the portal)
Jessica, Mom, Dad: (stare) …
Cloud, Tifa, and Nanaki descend the sand-covered stairs and meet with the others.
Tifa: Ah, finally. Shower.
Nanaki: Cloud…
Cloud: Hey, Jess, did Sephiroth show up here? (looks around)
Jessica: Er…
Luis: Portal Seal! (the little portal closes)
Jessica, Mom, Dad: (stare) …
Nanaki: Um, Cloud…?
Cloud: What the hell was that?
Tifa: Another portal?
Luis: Ah, not exactly. It was a… mirror into my mind! Yeah, yeah!
Jessica: I pity the person that looked into it.
Mom: (raises an eyebrow) Your mind…?
Luis: Um, yeah mom. Uh… hey! Why don't you both stay here for a little while and have a good time, on me! (chucks a bag of gold at them) We'll get home soon enough!
Dad: Where did you get all this gold?
Mom: Gold?! (looks in the bag)
Luis: Eh…gambling! Yeah, that's right. On the cruise I just came off of! We'll see each other later, okay? Bye! (walks away)
Tifa: Those were your parents?
Cloud: Weird…
Nanaki: CLOUD!!!
Cloud: (turns around) WHAT?!
Nanaki: (motions over to someone in a beach chair off to their left) Isn't that Hojo?
Cloud turns and looks at the scientist, who is looking at Luis.
Luis: Hojo! Squeeeeeee! (runs to nuzzle)
Jessica: (shudder) Eeeeww.
Tifa: Yeah really.
Cloud: Hojo! What are you doing here?
Hojo: (pushing Luis away to answer) Everyone needs a change of scenery sometimes. I came here to relax; that's what you do on a vacation.
Luis: Hojie! (nuzzle nuzzle)
Jessica: Eeeeww.
Tifa: What about Sephiroth? Aren't you chasing him?
Hojo: Well, yes, that too.
Cloud: So where is he?!
Hojo: And why should I tell you?
Cloud: Dammit.
Luis: Oh he will.
Hojo: (stares) And you are…?
Luis: (deep voice) A nightmare wrapped up into an enigma and given god's powers. That's what I am.
Nanaki: That's a hell of a thing to be, isn't it?
Luis: (back to normal) Uh-huh. I had gas. (smile smile)
Jessica: (rolls eyes) Oy vey.
Cloud: (looks at Hojo) Tell us.
Hojo: (being stupidly arrogant) I think I'll just let you find out for yourselves. After all, how could anyone but a brilliant genius such as myself know that Sephiroth is heading toward North Corel and the Gold Saucer to retrieve the Keystone.
Cloud: (blink)
Tifa: Uh… right. Thanks.
Nanaki: (shaking his head) Let's go.
Jessica: Idiot.
They leave. Luis is still clinging to Hojo.
Hojo: What are you, really?
Luis: (gets up; sky turns dark; deep voice, again)
Author's Note: I was bored, I had a little bit too much to drink last night, and I felt a little weird… but I think I like it! Anyway, back to story…
Luis: Like I said before, Hojo. (slaps a hand to his forehead) Now reveal your secrets to me!
Hojo: (screams and starts babbling every secret detail he knows, including that about the Shin-Ra, Sephiroth, and things in his personal life Luis really didn't want to know)
Luis: (pulls away) Well. That was interesting. Never really thought it would work though—first time doing it.
Hojo: (wide eyed) You are a god… (faints)
Luis: (shakes head) Whatever. But thanks for all the technical knowledge! I'll be making some interesting things in the near future. (teleports away)
Back on the dock, where they agreed to meet, Cloud is sitting and polishing his new sword.
Jessica: (remembers how it was made) Eeeeeeeeewwww……..
Yuffie: Why the 'eeewww'?
Terrell: (shakes head quickly) You don't want to know.
Barrett: (next to him) Can I have pockets now?
Terrell: Get away, man.
Luis: (teleports behind Barrett) Sure, you can have pockets now!
Everyone jumps, startled. Barrett whimpers and hides behind Cloud. Cloud looks at him, then up at Luis and the "normal" smile on his face.
Cloud: Are you…okay?
Luis: Quite fine. (drops his voice again) Barrett, here now if you want pockets!
Barrett: (whimpers, shakes his head vehemently, and cowers behind Cloud)
Aeris: Um, excuse me, Mr. Luis? May I have pockets?
Luis: Okay Aeris, come here.
She walks over and he slips a hand into her pocket. All of them raise their eyebrows. Isn't he gay…?
Luis: (deep voice, again—this is his spell voice, if you haven't noticed. His scary voice too.. shudder) Dimensions of light, Dimensions of darkness, turn into Pockets!
Aeris: (blink; reaches into her pocket and pulls out the head of a behemoth, which leaps out and stands ready to attack)
We can't see Aeris anymore.
Jessica: Oooh pretty!!
Luis: (staring at Jessica) What did you do?!
Jessica: Nothing!! (when Luis looks away, she pulls out his laptop and closes the word document she had been typing on) Heeheehee.
Cloud: What the hell is that?!
Tifa: I dunno, but it's pretty!
Terrell: It's dangerous!
Luis: (looks over at her) You started this. Finish it.
Jessica: (pouts) Aw man.
Nanaki: Hello, if we haven't noticed, there's a big-ass creature standing in front of us, and he looks kind of pissed…
Indeed, the Behemoth is furious at these people who are ignoring him and the flames pouring out from between his fangs. He roars and Jessica turns to him impatiently.
Jessica: We're not done talking, you rude thing! Shut up!
She casts a Blizzara spell in its mouth and it blinks, utterly shocked. The others look at her as Luis giggles.
Luis: At least you're learning.
Jessica: So, who's fighting?
Cloud: I will.
Tifa: Me too!
Yuffie: I'll steal from it! …then run.
Nanaki: How brave of you.
Terrell: Ah, I'll sit this one out. Have fun.
Luis: Hmm… I will too.
Jessica: Huh? You're not fighting?
Luis: No, I am. See? (pulls out the Lionheart)
Jessica: Ho-kay! Let's go!
The Behemoth, at this point, is still really angry and just a little confused. It lunges at them, trying to breathe fire, but that Blizzara spell is really doing its job; only a puff of black smoke shoots out. Angered even more (how do you think an angry Behemoth fights?) it rears up on its hind legs and brings its claws down a little too close for comfort. Jessica simply climbs onto its paw and is lifted back up into the air as it rears for its second attack. She sits on its shoulder and waits for it to notice her.
Jessica: (smile smile) Hi.
The Behemoth begins bucking wildly—mind you, Aeris is somewhere beneath it... The others come forward to fight, Jessica hopping back down and hiding behind Cloud, who goes at the beast with his new sword. Tifa is trying to use that "wind materia" and is finding it to be, well, not working.
Tifa: Huh?!
Jessica walks over to Luis and taps his shoulder.
Jessica: You actually going to do anything?
Luis: Of course I am! Watch. (pulls back the Lionheart) Heart's Evolution!
In a Squallish-like manner, Luis raises the gunblade high over his head, a red light swirling around him and being sucked into the blade, which is growing taller and broader.
Terrell: (jumping up and turning away) I'm out man, I'm sorry.
Jessica: Eeee….
Nanaki: Wow.
Cloud: I'm gonna—
Tifa: Jump the hell outta the way! (grabs him and jumps behind the ship)
Yuffie: Meep! (follows them)
Barrett: Sweet mother of god! (runs too)
Jessica: Hey, where's Aeris?
Terrell: I thought you'd be the last to care about what happens to her right now.
Jessica: Ah, I just wanna see if she's in Luis's path, that's all. (demonic smile)
Terrell: (lifts an eyebrow) You know, Jess, you're really weird.
Jessica: I know. (smile)
Back to Luis. That red light? Yeah. It's in the form of a huge-ass beam that's lost in the clouds above. Right before it comes down on the Behemoth, that portal, remember that? Well, the portal just adds it's own twisted spell to the attack and the beam comes down on the Behemoth's head. As the red explosion knocks everyone off their feet, Luis flings the sword up into the air and dashes forward as it spins upward into the air. He runs forward, his fists glowing silver, and starts beating the shit out of the poor Behemoth. Punch punch punch kick kick punch punch kick and a lot more of them too.. then jumps back and catches the sword from its fall. He holds it like a shotgun, clicks the double hammers back and the blade opens up on four different points, a red heart-shaped glow in the center. Then the energy slams into the Behemoth, leaving a heart-shaped hole seared through its body as it lands in a bloody heap on the dock, the blood pooling out into the shape of.. a heart.
Author's Note: Again I say, I was a little bored and a little drunk, and well…
Jessica: (looks out at the damage) …….eeeeeeeeeewwwww.
Terrell: Holy fuck… what are you doing with a move like that?!
Cloud: (looks out too) What the—?!
Tifa: Wow…. Teach me!
Luis: Not that hard, really.
Jessica: (looking faint) Not that hard..?!
Nanaki: You, sir, have some issues.
Luis: I know.
Barrett: Aeris!?
They look. In the very center of the heart-shaped bloodstain and the heart-shaped hole in the dead Behemoth, lies an unconscious Aeris.
Jessica: Ah, she's okay.
Cloud: You call that okay…?
Terrell: Well, she's right; she's not dead.
Tifa: Pity.
Jessica: That's what I said.
Luis: (sigh) Children, what have I said about playing nice? (turns to Aeris) Revive! Demon bunnies.
Aeris shoots up screaming.
Luis: She'll be fine.
All: …