I Want You to Stay

Denise was pacing – in circles, which meant something was wrong. She borrowed Big Gerry's study while he went back to his office to gather some documents he needed to work on. She was reviewing her file on Teddy's car accident and so many details were simply not adding up. There were discrepancies in the reported information and the police report filed. It seemed to her that someone was deliberately covering up the truth and obscuring the facts in favor of the only other person in the vehicle: Mellie. Her preliminary investigation into the incident produced no real results – no tangible evidence that she could present to Gerry. But her gut told her that something else was there and she acted on her gut instincts. Yesterday, she made a call to the team of investigators she employed regularly to dig where she could not and open doors closed to her. She would now have to await their phone call.

It still bothered her that Gerry had not called her sooner. She wondered at that. From what she could gather in talking to Fitz and Natalia or Nattie, Gerry found out the day of the incident and did not come home for 2 days. He told them the morning before the article was released. How had he kept the accident away from the news for 2 days? Why did he do it? Gerry's actions were suspicious and on top of that he was vague in his account of events. According to him, Teddy was driving Mellie back from a dinner party. Teddy had a little too much to drink. Mellie wanted to drive but he would not let her. They were arguing in the car because he was swerving the vehicle dangerously. And the moment Teddy was distracted he swerved into oncoming traffic. Mellie screamed and when Teddy tried to straighten the vehicle he skidded out of control and went over the embankment. Mellie barely survived. Mellie was taken to the hospital for her wounds but was released within 48 hours. Denise had a problem with this information first and foremost because Teddy was not a drinker, secondly, the coroner's report left out any mention of Teddy's blood-alcohol level being higher than legally acceptable while the police report repeatedly stated that Teddy was in fact, drunk. One eyewitness reported that after the accident they saw a woman walk from the driver side of the vehicle and faint. But his account was discarded because he later admitted that it was too foggy and he wasn't 100% certain what he had seen. That discrepancy in itself should have prompted Gerry to investigate the matter further but it had not. Why had he just accepted that his son was at fault in the accident? Why was he willing to allow his son, the Assemblyman's, name to be slandered as a drunkard? What was going on?

Denise cell phone rang and she answered, "Yes". She listened for the next 20 minutes as one of the investigators provided new details regarding the accident. She took brief notes on what was said. "How certain are you that this information is accurate?" She nodded at the response, then said "And when will you have the additional information you are speaking of?" When she was satisfied with what she heard, she concluded the call by saying, "Send the information you have to me in an encrypted file using the same protocol we previously established. Thank you. I'll be in touch." Denise disconnected the call.

She began pacing again, this time back and forth. She needed to think about how to handle this. She wished the information she received was not true; that it could be refuted somehow but it could not. She had held many secrets of the Grant family – some of which she was personally involved in. But this time, this secret was much too big to be kept under wraps. She couldn't share with Gerry since it appeared that he knew the truth and was keeping it from her. In this situation, he was not to be trusted. He would just muzzle her. She decided to go to someone she could trust; someone whose honesty could never be tainted but whose objectivity would help Denise to think clearly in this matter and handle it in the best possible way.

XXXXXXX

The funeral for Theodore Jefferson Grant was held at the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament in downtown Sacramento. The church was filled to capacity with members of government, their families and prominent citizens. It as an open casket funeral and many filed by to say their final goodbye's to Teddy. Denise and Olivia were seated in the family section as they awaited the arrival of the rest of the family. Trish and Mellie were seated just behind them on the same row as each of their families. Olivia noticed that Mellie appeared to have no injuries beyond a slight gash on the top of her head that was covered with a small white bandage. She thought Mellie should be thankful she was not injured further. She greeted Trish earlier when they arrived at the church and gave her a hug. Trish' usual excitable personality was much subdued. Olivia wondered if she and Fitz had some type of falling out. Trish had visited the Grant household the day before and when Olivia greeted her at the door she offered to go and get Fitz. Olivia found Fitz in his bedroom and knocked to make sure it was okay for her to enter.

"Come in," Fitz called out.

"Fitz, Trish is here to see you. Do you want me to tell her you're on your way down?"

Fitz was standing looking out the window. From his vantage point he would have already seen that Trish had arrived but he made no move to come downstairs and greet her. Fitz never turned; he just continued to stare out the window with his hands in his khaki pants pockets.

"Livvy, why do you think people pretend to love you when they really don't?"

Olivia closed the door and sat down on the chair in the room. She wanted to be patient and allow Fitz to say whatever was on his mind. He had barely spoken in days and she hoped he would now open up about his feelings. She kept silent, knowing his question was rhetorical and that he would continue speaking eventually.

After several minutes he did continue, "People are constantly pretending – pretenses and lies. That is what my life is about. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of pretending to be happy when I'm not. I'm tired of pretending I want something out of life that I really don't. Pretending is not happiness – its misery. Especially when you know that happiness is out there. I feel like I can be happy if I can just get away from here even for a little while."

He turned and looked at her as if to make sure she was still present and listening to him. He gave her a slight smirk and turned back to the window. "You know me better than most although we only met about a year ago. You read me better than others simply because you've actually taken the time to know me. Others only look for what they WANT me to be; not what will make me happy. Even the girl waiting for me downstairs…"Fitz trailed off as he laughed to himself.

"Trish has aspirations and goals. She wants to be on the arm of a successful politician. If it's not me then it would be someone else. I don't fool myself to think that she loves me because she doesn't even know me. She knows what she wants me to be. And if I don't fulfill HER dreams, oh I'm sure she would leave me quickly.

"I'm a miserable man Livvy. I'm miserable and angry. Everyday my anger grows and I'm attempting to control it before I lash out and do something I regret later. So I need to go away. I can't say how long I will be gone but it will not be for a short time. I hope you will continue to check on my mother. She cares for you like you were her own daughter; she needs you. I can't be gone without knowing that you are here looking after her when you can. I know it's a hard burden to put on a girl of your age but I have no other choice. There is no other person that I can trust with my mother. If I could stay I would but I can't" he paused as he ran his hand through his hair and continued, "I'm leaving after the funeral."

Mrs. Grant had prepared her for this but hearing it from Fitz' mouth still made it unbearable for Olivia. She wanted him to stay. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to help him heal from the death of his brother, but he would not allow her to. He needed to do this on his own. She had to allow him to do so. If all he asked of her was to look after his mother, then she would gladly do so. Anything to make his departure easier, in hopes that one day he would come back.

"Where will you go?" Olivia asked in a barely audible whisper but Fitz still heard her.

"My mother has family in Italy. Her cousin works in the Council of Ministers and is sure that he can get me an internship. I don't speak fluent Italian but I took some classes in college and hopefully some of it will come back to me. Either way, I hope to learn as much as I can and be useful. I need something to occupy my mind."

They stayed in silence. Olivia kept her gaze on his back, wishing he would turn around and all of sudden everything would be okay and right and they could move past the tragic event that claimed their lives. She wished for the return of his blue eyes. But he never turned. Olivia stood and finally said, "I will be happy to continue to look after your mother Fitz. It's not a burden or a chore; I would be happy to do so. Perhaps if you give me your email address, I can send you regular updates on what's going on here", she paused briefly and said, "Fitzgerald please don't leave here thinking that no one cares for you. We care for you more than you could ever know. I know you think of me as a little girl, but", she stopped because her voice broke out of emotion. "I want you to know that I do love you. I care for you and I want you to be happy. So take however long you need. Do whatever it takes to help you heal from this. And when you are done come home, knowing that there are people who want you here. People who need you here…..I will tell Trish you will be down momentarily."

She turned to leave but before she could exit, Fitz said, "Thank you Livvy, I love you too."

She closed the door behind her and she willed herself not to cry.

Now in the church, she watched as the Governor came down the aisle followed by Fitz pushing his mother. Fitz kept his sunglasses on; with his head erect looking straight ahead. They came and entered the pew in front of Olivia and her mother. The service began and it was beautiful. The priest highlighted Teddy's wonderful qualities and successful accomplishments. After the service, the priest came and shook hands with Gerry, Nattie and Fitz. He offered them comforting word and encouraged them to continue to look to the church for healing.

After the funeral, Gerry insisted on having friends and family come back to the mansion. He was really the only member of the family that socialized with everyone. Nattie had retired upstairs and Fitz was nowhere to be found. Olivia kept herself busy by ensuring everyone had what they needed. She knew the family had a staff that could service the guests but she felt she needed to do something. If she stopped moving she felt like she might breakdown from the weight of it all – Teddy's death and Fitz's imminent departure. Olivia saw Trish and Mellie huddled in a corner and wondered what their conversation was about. She made her way over under the pretense of filling drinks and eased closer until she was in earshot.

"So what are you going to do?" Trish asked.

"Nothing, daddy has taken care of everything," Mellie responded. "There is no need for me to say anything. Besides I'm the one who is alive; Teddy's dead, God rest his soul. I have to worry about MY political future. I can't be tainted by this incident. I have to move on."

Olivia turned away, disgusted by the conversation. This is what Fitz meant, pretenses, Olivia thought. It wasn't her place to judge whether Mellie really loved Teddy or not. She was just sad that Teddy spent his last years on earth being with such a woman.

When everyone had gone and the house was settled; Olivia tried to find Fitz to tell him goodnight. She had already seen after Mrs. Grant and made sure she was comfortable. As she was coming downstairs she heard raised voices in the study. It was Fitz and Big Gerry. Fitz had apparently chosen this time – the day before his departure – to tell his father that he was going away and would not be enlisting in the Navy.

"Son, we are a family of winners, not losers. Your brother understood that. When things happen as tragic as they may be, we stay and fight we don't run and duck for cover. I thought I taught you to be stronger than that. You are a Grant; you should act like one. You will go to the Navy as we previously arranged and you will not be going to Italy to stay with your mother's family that neither you nor I have ever met. I wish you were more like me, more like Teddy."

"You're right I'm nothing like you but neither was Teddy. We are both better men than you are. I'm not leaving because I'm weak. I'm leaving because I'm strong. I'm strong enough to understand that if I stay here I might literally kill you. You think I don't know what you did. Sure you fixed it so that no other papers spoke about the drinking and driving but that doesn't cover up what we both know you did. You really think mom and I are that stupid? And don't tell me you did what was best for this family because you didn't. You did what was best for you; all for you. You are a selfish son of a bitch. I'm leaving in the morning. You take care of yourself Gerry."

He left study although his father kept calling his name. When he came out he saw Olivia sitting on the first step of the staircase. As soon as she saw him, she stood up.

Fitz put his hands in his pockets and walked over to her, "Pitiful family aren't we? I bet you're sorry you ever got wrapped up in our lot." He tried to make light of it but she couldn't follow his lead.

"Don't ever say that. The summer I met your family was the best summer of my life. You are like my family."

He walked over to her and traced her face with his hand. He was thinking about something and frowning at his thoughts. He looked like he wanted to say something to her but kept convincing himself to be silent. "You really are a beautiful young girl Livvy. You will make some man very happy one day. Make sure he isn't screwed up like me or this family." He kissed her cheek and added, "I'll be gone when you wake up in the morning. I'll miss you Livvy. I love you, take of yourself. I'll be in touch soon." He gave her a final goodbye hug and took off upstairs.

True to his word, Fitz was gone by the time she woke up the following day. Olivia had cried herself to sleep and she woke up exhausted. She forced herself out of bed as she too had to pack her things so that she and her mother could leave the mansion today as well. As she was arranging her room, she noticed that an envelope pushed under the door. She picked it up and noticed that it was in Fitz' handwriting. She opened the envelope and found a thank you card inside that read:

Dear Livvy,

Despite what you say, I know I have laid a heavy burden on you. In the past couple of days you have dealt with my family's emotional baggage and you continue to look after my mother. Please don't think I'm abandoning my responsibilities. I just need to be a better man so that I can give everyone what they need, including you. Don't ever change, sweet Livvy. It's a ridiculous cliché, but I love you just the way you are.

Love,

Fitz

Olivia folded the card and placed it in her suitcase. She didn't want to read it again because she was afraid she would start crying again. She continued to get dressed and pack all her belongings so that she could be ready when her mother wanted to leave.

Afterwards she made her way to Mrs. Grant's room. She was sitting up in bed writing on her journal which she put way when Olivia walked into the room. Olivia gave her a kind, sad smile.

"So he has left."

Olivia nodded yes and walked over and put her head in Mrs. Grant's lap. She burst into tears.

"I know sweetheart I know. He will come back, you'll see. And after searching high and low, he will realize that no one has loved him the way that you have. Please don't think I mean for you to put your life on hold waiting for Fitz; don't do that. I know you have come to care for Stephen too. He seems to be a good boy. He will treat you well." She never commented on how much Stephen looked like Fitz. She decided to let that one fact go. Olivia too, would find out soon enough that no one could take Fitz' place in her heart, no matter how hard they tried.

Olivia sat up, drying her eyes. "Thank you….I will be back in a couple of days to check on you. Maybe we can talk more then. I love you Mrs. Grant. Thank you for all the love you have shown me. I am so grateful to have you in my life."

She hugged Mrs. Grant tightly and left the room.

As Olivia and her mother drove away; she realized that she once again had a life-altering event at the Grant home. As she looked back, she was already missing Fitz. A dull ache had settled inside her and she was sure it would never fully go away until he was back at home. She would try to continue living her life. But what kind of life it would be, she knew not; it would surely be a shell of the life she had known and even less than the life she imagined.