Author's ramblings: Not much to say this time, besides that I'm getting sick of QuickEdit deleting characters and destroying my formatting... But I could rant about that all day, and I know you're not here for my witty conversation, so I'll just let you move on to the story.
Reviewer responses:
Randomgrrl122: Curious about Yssandra's history, are you :grins: Then you'll like this chapter, I'm sure - explanations ahead!
Lady11Occult: This chapter wasn't supposed to take so long, but real life proved very uncooperative. School is evil, and I'm just an innocent victim, honest... ;)
Emmy: :lol: No, no sugar; it's my inspiration that's chained up, not me. I would have starved to death if I couldn't leave the comp. :makes puppy eyes: You wouldn't want that, would you?
arkynox: As ordered; update with explanations of why Yssandra is the way she is.
"Good book?"
Saetan looked up, startled, to see Yssandra standing just inside the door of his room, a smile on her face.
"You didn't answer when I knocked," she explained, coming closer to settle in the chair across from him at the small table. "The aural shield should have been an inch from the door. That way, the noise won't bother you and people won't feel like they're being ignored."
"I'm sorry, but I don't remember having any appointments tonight," Saetan retorted lightly, more intrigued than annoyed by the invasion of his solitude. "What brings you here?"
Pale fingers reached up to allow dark hair to twine around them. "I promised I'd tell you about the Realms," Yssandra said quietly, "about the dragons and about me."
Saetan belatedly closed his book, laying it on the table with his reading glasses on top. He kept his movements unhurried, giving the woman time to compose herself.
"You are sure you want to do this?" he asked gently. "I will not mind."
The last comment seemed to relax her, bringing her smile back. "I think you would, although you'd try to hide it. You always were curious, probably more than was good for you."
"Probably," Saetan agreed. "But I've only ever been bored when I was being sensible. It's a fair trade. And Jaenelle's taught me to handle shock."
Yssandra shook her head, chuckling lightly. "I see why Geoffrey likes you. I didn't remember your sense of humor being that dry."
"Remember?"
"I may not have visited the Realms often since I was exiled, but I can never be cut off from them. Some things touch my dreams, and occasionally they stir me into consciousness. You and Cassandra were not the first nor the last of them." Yssandra shifted in her seat. "Her name unsettled me, but you were the one to hold my interest. Hell hasn't had more than one Caretaker from the lighter Realms before you. He was chosen by me personally, to see to the ones who'd crossed over. After him, the waiting ones have chosen their own leaders."
Saetan studied her for a moment. "Why did you make Hell?"
"I needed it."
He wanted to prod for a more detailed answer, but something in her eyes held him back. She needed to tell her story at her own pace.
"Have you ever wondered why there is no word for night in the Old Tongue?" she asked. Saetan shook his head, unsure where she was heading. "The language was evolved from draconic speech, and the dragons had no word for night. There were shadows and black mountains, but no true darkness. Dragons didn't wield the power I do, not even to the extent of the Blood. They didn't have it in them."
"But Lorn –"
"Lorn is special," Yssandra interrupted, "and he is much younger than me; barely older than Draca. They have nothing to do with the making of the Realms."
She paused to collect her thoughts; weighing her words carefully. "I don't know how Terreille and Kaeleer were made. I don't know how the dragons came to be. All I know is that they were there long before I was born." She smiled sadly. "They were beautiful, Saetan. Golden scales that shone as bright as the sun, the power of Light surrounding them in warmth. They didn't just rule the two Realms – they were the Realms. The lands were void of any other life, because no one but the dragons could take sustenance from the Light."
"So the Jewels aren't colored by the dragon they come from?"
Yssandra chuckled. "No, they are as dark as their bearer need them to be. Wherever did you get that notion?"
"I've wondered about it since I first met Lorn, and realized what the Jewels are," Saetan admitted, refusing to feel embarrassed about her reaction. "So little is known of your kind."
"They are not my kind," Yssandra snapped, her voice sharp as a blade. "I have never been, nor will I ever be, one of the golden ones. And if they'd had their way, I would not call myself a dragon."
"But you are a dragon, no matter what your color."
She was grateful that Saetan made it a statement, not a question. Although he didn't yet understand the difference, it was heartening to hear that he had not separated her from the other ancients. It gave her hope for acceptance.
"In a way," she agreed, "but their power is not mine."
"You mentioned that they held Light instead of Darkness," Saetan said carefully.
Yssandra nodded and took a deep breath, as if to steel herself for what came next.
"I was born in the first night that ever fell over this world, and the Darkness came with me." She smiled bitterly. "The eternal paradox; I was born in Darkness, and yet I brought it to the world. I am its mother as well as its child; one can not exist without the other."
Saetan looked surprised. "You don't know which of you came first?"
"There is nothing to know; we are one, the Darkness and I. Dependent on and entwined with each other." She caressed her hair absentmindedly. "I doubt the dragons understood what we were back then, or even when they faded. I don't believe they wanted to understand."
"They feared you."
Yssandra tilted her head to the side, studying his face. "Not always."
She rose and walked over to the window. Staring down at the moonlit inner garden, she spoke slowly. "At first, they held nothing but contempt for me, perhaps even revulsion for my differences. I was a hatchling, too small to be a threat to the power of the dragons. But I aged, grew and darkened. My scales deepened from black to ebony, and even darker. Nights were short and far between, but as I became stronger, they grew longer. With the night came a decrease in temperature, clouds and rain, the cooler light of moon and stars. In time, rivers became lakes, lakes became oceans, and life covered the Realms."
Saetan watched her quietly, startled by what she was implying; that she was not only the mother of Draca, but of all life. He couldn't find the words to ask anything.
"I was born here, and this is the Realm my power is most deeply ingrained in. We changed Kaeleer before we even thought to reach for Terreille." A soft chuckle escaped her. "There was a time when we knew humility, and allowed it to rule us."
"You mean that you knew what this change would mean before you challenged the Light?" Saetan asked. "Or was it instinctive?"
Yssandra turned that idea over in her mind, never having considered the possibility before.
"There was no challenge. It was instinct to turn my surroundings into something more accepting of my existence," she mused, "and I did not predict the full consequences of that change. Darkness wove its way into a world made from Light, and it was not without conflict. The dragon council – which was little different from the council of humans here in Kaeleer – decided that I would take a mate. A male strong enough to bind my power."
"They could – There was someone capable of doing that?" Saetan didn't know what to think.
Yssandra sighed. "No one dragon was as strong as I. If we had truly joined, Orolin would have weakened me, but ours was a joining of flesh, nothing more. There were desire and some small caring between us, but as much as opposites attract it wasn't enough to make us love. If we'd had anything in common then, I believe we could have loved, and loved deeply. As it was, we spent an age in a mating that was at best passionate and at worst resentful. Long after I'd come to my full strength, after the beginning of life, we had a daughter, Draca, who had the power of both Light and Darkness. She was given to Lorn, but unlike Orolin and I, they bonded their very souls."
Yssandra turned to look at him, and even though her face remained impassive, Saetan could read her eyes well enough to know that she was tired.
"Lorn never told you that he used to have golden scales, did he?" she asked, barely waiting for Saetan to shake his head before continuing. "He got the silver tint from joining with Draca, from taking some of her Darkness into himself. That scared them worse than anything; that his Light could fade like that, could turn as cool as mine. It was then that I was exiled under penalty of death." She snorted in a most un-ladylike fashion. "As if they would dare try and kill me. But I didn't want a fight, so I created a new home for myself; the Dark Realm. The Darkness binds it to the other Realms, and through that power I could watch my daughter."
She lapsed into silence and Saetan hesitated for several minutes before daring to break the stillness.
"Why didn't you fight them?"
Yssandra smiled humorlessly. "What was there to gain? If Jaenelle couldn't unleash her full strength against Terreille for fear of destroying the Realm, what do you think a war between Light and Darkness would do?"
Realization filled his eyes, and Saetan nodded in acknowledgement.
"You've told us before that you made Hell and the Abyss," he said, "but it was Draca who made the Blood. Why did she do that?"
Dark eyes studied him, searching his face for something he couldn't guess at. Yssandra's expression was one of mingled sympathy and resentment.
"Have you ever been hated, Saetan?" she asked. "Not simply feared or envied, but truly hated? Have you ever felt hatred for your own kin? Have you ever allowed hatred to become your world?"
He shook his head mutely, suddenly wishing Jaenelle were there. She would have been better suited to handle her mother.
Yssandra smiled. "I will tell you this; for the love you hold for my daughter, the love for my Realm, and the trust Geoffrey has in you. It is not something I want Jaenelle or anyone else to know of. At least not until she's had her child."
Saetan nodded, and she rejoined him at the table.
"I hated the dragons," she said simply. "I hated them for fearing me, for hating me, for exiling me. More than anything, I hated them for rejecting me. Hell was a lonely place, even with the hounds clamoring for my attention. Without my daughter for company, I lost myself in thoughts and memories, became unable to separate them. To escape, I made the Abyss and settled into sleep at the bottom of it."
Yssandra's hands caressed her agitated hair, and her gaze momentarily left Saetan's. It seemed to take great effort for her to look back at him.
"I slept for a long time, and I'm not sure when the dragons began to fade, but fade they did. Draca told me they seemed to loose interest in the new world, where the Light could no longer sustain them and they had to hunt to survive."
"That doesn't make sense," Saetan protested. "You said they were Light; how could it suddenly not be enough? Had they darkened as Lorn did?"
"As long as the Light was pure, unmarred in its brightness, it was all they needed," Yssandra expanded. "They basked in it, breathed it, exuded it. The cycle was complete. When the Darkness came it ruptured the balance, tied parts of the Light to it and left the dragons to starve."
Saetan nodded his understanding, allowing her to continue her original line of thought.
"When they faded, they gave up their bodies, but the Light remained. So much power flowing unbridled… It was a time of great distress; for the children as well as the Realms themselves. The dragons had ruled for so long it was unthinkable that they would disappear."
"But not all of them disappeared."
Yssandra gave him an amused look. "You're thinking of Lorn and Draca."
"Them and Orolin," Saetan clarified.
"Lorn and Draca are not so simple as myself and Orolin. They are of mingled power, like all you short-lived beings." The beginnings of a glare silenced any questions Saetan would have asked. "When I woke, the dragons were gone. All but one had faded, and he had retreated into a refuge much like my Abyss. Whatever else his Sanctuary may be, it is a place of Light that can only be reached by that power. I am as incapable of entering the Sanctuary as Orolin is of entering the Abyss."
Yssandra paused, sparing another look at the window before refocusing on Saetan.
"He accepted the faded dragons' power and took it into himself. He is now the only wielder of Light, the counterweight for my Darkness."
Saetan nodded, having expected as much.
"Does he visit the Realms as you do?"
"No." There was a world of longing in that one word. "Our powers touch, and the balance has yet to do more than tremble… But he has not left the Sanctuary."
Silence fell, pensive but not awkward, and for along time neither felt compelled to break it.
"We can't give you Light, Yssandra," Saetan said eventually.
She blinked, brought out from her thoughts by his voice. A sad, grateful smile softened the grave expression on her face.
"But perhaps the warmth of life can give you comfort," he finished.
The smile grew, sadness fading into happiness.
"It already has, Saetan." Dark eyes spoke louder than her words as she repeated, "it already has."
A/N: Please leave a review! They make me happy!
Daughter of Night