Shudder Chapter Ten, a naruto fanfic

Thanks for those that voted in the poll. Um.... Thanks to all of you that reviewed! Honestly... it makes me so happy to hear people are liking this story! Um... Note at the end is semi-important if you wanna know stuffs... Um... I hate this chapter. Not that I think it's horrible or anything... it was just a bitch to write. :D Enjoy. -I like 'um' XD-

Chapter Ten

-Gaara-

When he took my hand, my heart tried to die. I kept myself from exploding into a happy pile of goo by wondering what exactly his hand reaching out for mine meant. For some reason, I tried to tell myself he might just be checking my hands for something, but that stupid, silly, girly side of my brain was cheering like I'd just won something. I expected the hand to retreat quickly, to be pulled away once Naruto snapped awake, but it remained intertwined with mine, the longer, strong fingers giving mine an occasional squeeze. Every few minutes, his thumb swept across the back of my hand and I found I couldn't breathe, my stomach fluttering nervously.

He held my hand the entire way back to the city, gently making it so I couldn't even think about all the things I should've obviously been thinking. When we came up to a red light, he looked at me for the first time since we'd gotten into the car. A soft smile tilted his lips and his eyes glittered brightly in the dark. My eyes lowered seconds after they met his, and I tried to calm myself down. It was the fastest hour I'd ever spent in a car while still managing to be the longest. When we stopped in front of the apartment complex, I pulled Konohamaru from his car seat while his papa grabbed the food, we walked up together, his hand seeking out mine once more.

I don't know why he felt the need to hold my hand, I really wasn't sure I could trust the signals he seemed to be giving me. I was confused and excited all at the same time, making different emotions play over my face every few seconds, but then he smiled at me and I just went with being happy. He unlocked the front door and stepped back, letting me step through it first. I tried to keep myself in check and set the three-year-old on the couch. He stared up at me with wide eyes as I pulled off his hat and coat, asking if I could put in Dumbo. I nodded with a smile on my face, but Naruto was already slipping the movie into the player.

I shifted awkwardly before turning away and walking to my room. I stared at the brick wall outside my window blindly, unwinding the long scarf slowly, trying to get a grip on what was going on with my blond haired, blue eyed employer. The dance we seemed to be doing around each other was thrown off by what happened today. The arm across my shoulders... the hand reaching for mine, fingers holding mine gently, the soft smile. I sighed and tossed the wool scarf on my bed, head falling forward and fingers reaching up to rub against my forehead. If he was trying to drive me crazy, he was doing a damn good job of it.

I slid the coat of my shoulders and tousled my hair gently as I threw it beside the scarf on my bed. I just didn't want to think about it anymore. My head couldn't take it.

"Hey, kid!" I shifted away from the voice and pulled the blanket over my shoulders. Warm hands landed on my arm shook me lightly. "Gaara!" The voice whispered again. I groaned and buried my face into my pillow, willing the nuisance I vaguely recognized as Naruto to go away. I was just too tired for whatever he wanted. That thought had me pulling from sleep gently. Naruto was awake before me? What time did that make it? "Wake up!" His voice was excited. Not good.

"Papa, way him up!" Konohamaru as well? I willed my eyes to open and moaned. It felt like I'd only been asleep an hour... I turned to look over my shoulder at the little Uzumaki family. The room was too dark to be the afternoon... too dark to be the morning really. Their faces beamed at me in the small amount of light that spilled from the kitchen, dark brown and bright blue eyes shining with excitement, both appeared to be bouncing happily. I glared at the blond and rolled over to go back to sleep. I was much too tired to deal with whatever weird thing had them so giddy so early in the morning.

The bed bounced as I felt Konohamaru latch onto my body, rubbing his face against me lovingly, forcing his papa to laugh, and the bed dipped again when he sat beside me. A warm hand ruffled my hair gently and I felt myself lean into it. "Konohamaru?"

"Yes!"

"I think we have a problem."

"Polum?"

"Yes. A big problem." I rolled my eyes behind my eyelids and attempted to block them out. In thirty minutes I could deal with the blue eyed man and his weirdness, not right then. "I think our Gaara has died." I stiffened, but Konohamaru only giggled. "Do you remember how they brought people back to life in Snow White?"

"Kiss!"

"Yes. With a kiss. We need to wake Gaara up with a kiss." My heart stopped at those words. What the hell was the blond idiot saying? Was he going to kiss me? In front of Konohamaru? No way. The bed shifted and my heart restarted itself at a furious rate. This wasn't happening, right? I was still dreaming. I had to be. Naruto didn't say shit like that anywhere other than in my dreams. I felt warm breath splash across my cheek and tried to remain calm. No way. He was trying to freak me out into waking up. That was it. Soft lips pressed against my skin in the form of a big, sloppy kiss on my cheek and realization dawned on me, leaving me feeling like an idiot. I turned my head and smiled at the big, brown eyes that met mine. Naruto laughed like an idiot. "It worked! Disney never lies!" He shouted as he hopped up from his place beside me.

"Shut up." I growled while the three-year-old giggled, snuggling into my arms.

"It did work, though." He beamed at me. I rolled my eyes and stretched my arms above my head, arching my back and stiffening my legs to pull at the still sleeping muscles.

"What time is it?"

"Uh... It's four something."

"In the morning?" I looked at the pair like they were crazy. "Shouldn't you still be impersonating a rock in your bed?"

"Ha ha." He smiled and lifted the little one from my arms. "I accidentally left the window open and--"

I sat straight up. "You left the window open?"

"Yeah, I was reading and forgot to shut it when I fell asleep, but listen--"

"You were reading?"

He sighed and made a face. "Oh, Very funny." I gave him a smile and he returned it, sapphire eyes dancing brilliantly. "Anyway, before I'm interrupted again. It snowed!" He bounced on his feet, his look of pure happiness mimicked by his child. "Look! It's still snowing! There's a lot!" Konohamaru echoed his words happily, bouncing in his papa's arms. I stared at them like they were both out of their fucking minds before rolling back over and pulling the blanket over my head. "Hey!"

"I. Can't. Believe. You. Woke. Me. Up. At. Four. In. The. Morning. All. Because. It. Snowed." I growled.

Konohamaru giggled. "Not just because it snowed," The blanket was torn from me, and I glared up at the blond. "We're all going to play in it." The three-year-old cheered happily and ran from the room. I continued my glare up at the blue eyed demon who was just begging to die.

"I don't play in the snow."

"What!? No way!"

"Yes way." I reached for the blanket, but it was pulled back further. "I'm a normal human being. We stay in bed and drink warm things when it snows. It's too cold. It's just frozen rain. Nothing to be excited over."

He laughed. "You can't throw rain at people. That alone is worth the excitement."

I rolled to face the wall and huddled into a ball against the cold. "That is just another reason to hate it. You seriously don't expect me to get out of bed at four in the morning just so you can, basically, hurl balls of ice at me, do you?" The bed dipped behind me again, announcing that he had taken a seat beside me once more. "Not my idea of fun." I whispered, trying to distract myself from the fact I was only in a tee shirt and boxers while Naruto was in my bed.

"If you don't get out of bed, I'll be forced to bring the snow inside. Just for you." I glared at him over my shoulder. He looked completely serious. "Or I could just carry you down as you are."

"I would hate you forever."

"Would you leave?"

"No."

"Then I'd live with it."

That made a blush stain my face. My heart sped up again and I turned my body to face him, releasing my hold on my legs. The smile on his face became softer, his hand raising to brush his fingertips against my face. What was he doing? Did he have to look at me like that? The fingers brushed my hair from my face, leaving a tingling trail from my forehead, down my cheek, following my jaw line and ending at my chin. I had to remind myself to breathe. His thumb gently swiped against my lips and his smile grew. "Now come on. You're coming with us, whether I have to carry you out in your pajamas or not." He stood and walked from the room when Konohamaru called out for him, leaving me breathless and stunned.

I climbed off the bed and stood on shaky legs after several minutes of mentally calming myself down. I dressed quickly, jeans, an undershirt, a tee shirt, a hoodie, my coat and my scarf on my body in a minute, trying my best to bundle against the cold I knew would meet me when we went outside. I cursed under my breath at the fact I never bought a hat or gloves. Stupid me.

I joined the two in the living room, glaring daggers at the ecstatic blond and smiling gently at the bundled toddler. Konohamaru bounced around my feet like the best thing in the world was about to happen as we walked to the street below. I wished I could share his enthusiasm. "I regret getting out of bed already." I muttered as Naruto pushed the door open and a blanket of white was revealed, fogging my breath as soon it left my mouth.

The blond laughed, picked up his son and grabbed my hand. "It'll be great! I promise."

"Yea, Gaawa!"

We walked to the park, the street lamps still lit and the sun still hiding. The snow was an inch above my ankles and slid into my shoes with each step while the freezing air numbed my ears. By the time we made it to the park, I was ready to turn around, go home, crawl into bed and pray for the sun to melt away the white that plagued the ground. Naruto and Konohamaru, however, seemed to be getting even happier. So I held my tongue and endured.

After a few minutes of huddling by a tree watching the two play, they dragged me out into the field of white and forced me to play as well. Moments later, I forgot I was cold. I helped them build an igloo and laughed when the poorly constructed snow fort caved in on the blond's head. We built a snowman and got stuck at the face, before finding rocks and sticks to make him smile. We threw snow balls and rolled in the soft, white snow, stopping to make snow angels. The sun was up before I realized it and it was Konohamaru who began complaining about the cold first.

Naruto led us to a small diner on the other side of the park and ushered us inside. We sat at a booth, our faces pink from the cold, all of us smiling and the two with me laughing happily. I pulled Konohamaru's coat, mittens, and hat off, laying the wet articles beside me on the vinyl seat and Naruto ordered us coffee and his son cocoa. While the toddler busied himself with coloring a child's place mat, his papa turned to me with a smile. "Wasn't it worth getting out of bed?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah."

He picked up a stray crayon and handed it back to the three-year-old. "Y'know, I've been meaning to ask you, why were you on the fire escape?"

"Before you..."

"Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck, a sheepish smile on his face.

I smiled. "The ladder was down, so I climbed up to the roof. I don't know why. I just wanted to climb up and watch the few stars that can be seen in this city." He chuckled and tilted his head, a soft smile lifting his lips. We fell into an easy conversation after that, ordering a breakfast that Konohamaru barely ate because he said it didn't taste right, before leaving to walk back to the apartment.

When we got back, I changed the three-year-old into warm, dry clothes before slipping off to my room to do the same. When I came back out, Konohamaru jumped into my arms and we both settled on the couch, a throw blanket covering our laps as we watched Alice in Wonderland while Naruto cut up vegetables and meat for tonight's dinner, throwing it into a crock pot to simmer all day.

We were both out before the little girl fell into the rabbit hole.

-Naruto-

I smiled when I walked into the living room and spotted Gaara and Konohamaru fast asleep on the couch. Pale arms circled around the three-year-old's tiny form, his head thrown back in a position that looked uncomfortable. I let out a light laugh and sat beside them on the couch, pulling both into my arms. Gaara's head landing lightly on my chest, Konohamaru's landing softly on the teen's stomach. I stretched my leg out against the back of the couch, neither of them even stirring in their sleep when I shifted them around. I smiled and buried my face in the soft, crimson waves. My arms slid under his, cradling both the teen and my toddler in my arms.

This was all I wanted. Everything I really wanted in my life fit in my arms. Konohamaru already was mine, I suppose. He was mine to take care of, protect and love. Gaara was another matter. I just had to take it slow, I had to show him that I cared, that I wasn't going to run away this time. I smiled. I hadn't felt the urge to date in such a long time. Ever since the accident it was all about meeting Konohamaru's needs, making sure he was happy. But Gaara came along... and now all my sleeping needs reared up and swept me away. I knew that what I was feeling wasn't love, but given time and nurtured right, it could be. That fact scared me but didn't change my decision to pursue him.

It felt weird to come to a decision like that. For as long as I could remember, I never stopped myself and held back like I was doing with Gaara. I just saw a person I wanted and went after them. No real thought behind it, but with the redhead, I found myself doubting every little move, every sentence, fearing something I did would send him farther from me. What made it all the weirder, was that I could just drop everything and let myself be me, just a little more cautious. Something about him put me at ease yet on edge, part of him screaming 'unbreakable' while whispering 'fragile'. The nervous feelings he made burn through me was becoming addictive...

I kissed the red hair beneath my lips and nuzzled my nose into it gently. He let out a soft sigh and shifted against my chest, making the smile on my face grow. I turned my attention to little Alice on the screen as she approached the easily offended caterpillar and was out before the rhyming began.

I wrapped my arms tighter around the warmth and inhaled the familiar scent deeply. It wasn't a strong scent. It was faint, light and easily defeated by the other smells around it, but it was so welcome to me. It was like sugar. Red flashed behind my eyelids. Yes. Gaara smelled like sugar to me. Pure cane sugar. I took another deep breath and sighed. "I don't know. It was just me and Konohamaru when I fell asleep." His voice vibrated his back against my chest pleasantly, and I inhaled again. "I think he's sniffing me."

"I think that's normal behavior." A deeper voice laughed. I frowned slightly and tightened my arms. The teen laughed, and I buried my face in his hair, smelling the sugar smell once more. It wasn't just sugar... it had a touch of... Vanilla? Cinnamon? Something. I couldn't really say what the other smell was, but I knew I adored it just as much as the sugary one. "I'm gonna get Konohamaru ready, you wake up sleeping beauty."

"Dat a gul. Papa boy." We shifted slightly, and I heard footsteps wander off.

Gaara tried to move from my arms, but I pulled him back, burying my face in the silky hair again. "Who's here?" I growled.

"Are you awake?" he asked, shifting in my arms.

"No." I moaned.

"Liar." I smiled and let him pull himself from my arms. "Kiba's here. Said something about Christmas shopping." I kept my eyes closed and grimaced.

"Then I'm definitely still asleep." He laughed and stood up. I finally got my eyes open in time to see the red head stretch, his arms above his head, back arching slightly, shirt riding up to expose the creamy skin it usually hid so well. Oh damn. Was everything he did so attractive? My eyes scanned his body longingly and I had to swallow before I began drooling. Thankfully, Kiba and Konohamaru reappeared before my instincts could overcome me and I pinned the redhead to the floor.

"Good. Now that your not molesting red anymore, we can go." I glared at the brunet man as I felt my face heat up, but he just smirked.

"Do we really have to today?"

"It's the first week of December, it's practically mandatory that we go. We gotta. Come on, it'll be fun. Battling the crazy women, trying not to be mauled, we could even sing Ho Ho Hopefully." He grinned.

"Not funny." I smiled.

"Whatever. Get your coat. Are you coming, red?"

I turned to look at Gaara. The teen just glared at my shaggy friend. "I do have a name, you know? And I think I'll sit this one out."

"You sure? We're going to pick out a tree and everything." I smiled, and he nodded.

"Yes. I've had enough snow for one day." I laughed and walked to grab my coat from the hallway closet.

"We'll be back in an hour." Kiba gave a laugh, and I sighed. "A few hours." Konohamaru said his goodbye, and I waved as we left. It was quiet as we made our way down to Kiba's SUV, our footsteps the only real noise. The street below was full of activity. Faces smiling, a few not so happy, everyone on their way to something or someone. Konohamaru was shifted from my arms to Kiba's as I pulled his car seat from my car and to my friend's.

We pulled away from the curb and into traffic slowly, before the dog lover turned to me with a grin. "So... molesting him in your sleep is a step forward right?"

"Shut it."

"But you, my dear, need to know~!"

"I'm warning you."

"This year I want you alone~!"

"I will kill you."

"Ho ho hopefully, this holiday will make us belie-- Ouch!"

"You seriously dragged him out at four am to play in the snow?" I nodded and took another drink from the paper cup in my hand, watching my little one look at toys and remembering each thing that caught his interest. Kiba roared with laughter and I joined him, forcing several heads to turn our way. "Damn. How'd that go?"

"Honestly? It was awesome. He totally hated me for the first twenty minutes, but he got into it after the igloo caved in."

He snorted and shifted the bags in his hands. "We never did find a way to successfully build an igloo, did we?"

"Nope." I clucked my tongue. "That was my reason for going into construction, too. Dang." He laughed and punched my shoulder playfully.

"So... now that it's snowing, construction's gonna slow down, isn't it?"

"Nope. Gai said the boss is going with the winter construction idea and a lot of the projects are just putting in the dry wall after the electricians and others get done." I followed Konohamaru around the corner of the aisle, shifting the heavy bags in my hand and set the empty cup on one of the shelves. "So I won't have to dip into the... yeah. We'll be good this year." The air around us hung awkwardly for a few seconds before Kiba changed the subject easily.

"Are you getting Gaara something?"

My head turned to him so quickly that I felt something pop. I'd been wondering if I should since we walked into the death trap known as the mall. "Well, I was thinking--"

"About wrapping yourself in a velvet ribbon and molesting him under the tree?" I tried not to laugh at that, but failed. "I can see his face now. Best. Present. Ever."

My shoulders shook with the silent laughter. "Not funny, dude, not funny."

"And yet you laugh."

-Gaara-

I unwrapped the scarf around the lower half of my face and walked to my room, bag of presents in my hands. The smile I'd been fighting to keep off my face since I woke up in Naruto's arms that afternoon spread out easily, safely hidden from the world in my room. If there was a better way to wake up from a nap, I didn't know it. And then he hadn't let me go. I could still smell him around me, a mix of cinnamon and deep, earthy, musk that was both calming and thrilling. When had he joined us in the living room? Did I lean against him first? Or had he reached out for me?

Who cares? I smiled at my thoughts. All that really mattered to me was he kept holding me even after he'd woken up. I grinned like a moron and leaned against my door. My mind was peaceful for the first time in ages. But then that ugly little voice of doubt rose in the back of my mind. Naruto was used to holding Konohamaru all night... wouldn't he naturally just cling to whatever was in his reach? And he had reached for me automatically all those times I'd woken him up the first few days I'd been here...

I stopped thinking at that point and walked to my closet, pushing the toys I'd bought for the three-year-old to the back, reaching for the happiness I'd been feeling before, but it was far out of reach. Why did I always have to bring myself down? Why did I always have to over think everything? Drugs? Nope. Alcohol? No way. Why would I need those things when my mind was the most self destructive thing I could get my hands on? I let out a heavy sigh and changed my pants for dry ones.

I laughed lowly as I tossed the snow dampened pants into the basket with my other ones from this morning and returned to the kitchen to stir the ingredients in the crock pot. The smell of meat and softening vegetables warmed me from within, and I had to stop myself from humming. I made a face, dropped the lid back on and walked to the living room. Maybe that jerk, Sasuke, had been right... I was practically acting like a little freakin housewife. Stirring dinners, cleaning house, secretive shopping. I crinkled my nose in distaste, curling up under the throw blanket from this afternoon on the couch.

I stared at the wall in front of me for a while, keeping my mind blank for once and just listened to the silence. It wasn't a pressing, demanding, awkward, harsh silence, it was a nice, cozy silence that left me feeling peaceful. I smiled at the rarity of such a quiet before it was shattered. I almost laughed. "Gaawa. Twee!!" The three-year-old shouted as the door slammed open and little footsteps ran through the hallway. I closed my eyes and waited. Warm breath that smelled like cookies splashed over my face and invaded my nose seconds later. "Gaawa." The voice whispered, tiny fingers pushing hair from my face. "You leep?" His voice was so amazingly sweet in its little whisper, I felt something swell in my chest.

I managed to keep a straight face and let out a low growl, my hands shooting out, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him to my chest so quickly I even startled myself. The little boy gasped loudly and laughed when I rubbed my face into his stomach. "Montu! Gaawa montu!" He shouted and laughter burst from my mouth. His giggle grew and he returned my growl, rubbing his nose against mine. "Kohamoo montu!"

"The scariest monsters ever." I smiled and he wiggled around in my arms, pulling a small candy cane from his pocket and pushing it up to my lips. I opened them slightly and he pushed it in gently, waiting for my teeth to clamp down so it wouldn't fall out. I laughed and opened my mouth to ask around the red and white candy stick where his papa was when something clattered to the floor in the hallway.

"Dang it. Watch out for that... whatever that was." Naruto's deep growl made its way to my ears, making my heart thump in response.

"What was it?"

"I dunno. Turn it a bit... No, dumba- idiot, the other way." Something else fell to the floor. "This isn't working."

"How'd we get one in last year?"

"Who the hell knows? Just, kinda... I dunno. Push." There was a yelp, followed by a loud crash. I jumped to my feet and walked to the living room's door, Konohamaru still in my arms. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. The blond lay on the floor, half of the large pine tree covering his legs, while Kiba lay in the doorway, flat on his stomach over the trunk. Naruto had his eyes closed and his lips twitched, in annoyance or fighting off a laugh I couldn't tell. It took several seconds for Kiba to burst into loud, snorting laughter, Naruto's deep chuckle joining moments after. "Well, it's in at least." That only added volume to the brunet's crazy laugh. Brilliant, blue eyes opened slowly, landing on me instantly, as if he knew I'd be there, forcing the air from my lungs momentarily. "Hey, kid. How's it going?" I just shook my head and walked away.

It took them half an hour to right themselves, rearrange the furniture, argue about placement, and move the furniture again before the tree was actually in the stand and ready to decorate. Konohamaru clapped loudly when they finished and ran around the dark green addition to the living room, pulling at the pine needles curiously, making faces when he sniffed his hand. He held his hand out for me to see the clear liquid, nose crinkled slightly. "Twee pee on me." I hid behind a hand as I laughed.

I opened my mouth to tell him it wasn't pee, but Naruto cut me off, eyeing the tangled lights in front of him with doubt. "Better wash it off or you'll turn into a tree and we'll have to plant you outside."

Chocolate brown eyes widened and his little mouth fell open at his papa's words. "Don't be ridiculous, Naruto." Three sets of eyes turned to me, two in amusement, one in relief. "We'd plant him in a pot and keep him inside." Kiba roared with laughter, arm reaching out and punching me gently in the shoulder, while Naruto hid his face with one hand, shoulders shaking. Konohamaru just looked shocked. I grabbed him by the clean hand and led him to the kitchen, setting him on the counter and scrubbing the tree gunk away, reassuring him that he would not become a tree. The toddler stayed by my side for the rest of the night, sticking his tongue out at his papa every now and then.

"You've got to push it."

"Like this?"

"No, like this."

"That's how I was doing it."

"You have to do it harder."

"I can't do it any harder!"

"That's much too hard. You have to find the middle ground. Just let me do it."

"No! I want to!"

"Do you guys always fight like a married couple? Or is that only in front of me?" I tossed a glare at the smiling brunet, my arms covered to my elbows in flour, several large powdery hand prints on my waist and chest from where Naruto had grabbed me to get to the bread dough on the counter. I felt myself blush slightly while Naruto laughed and pressed down on the dough, forgetting to fold it over again.

"You're doing it wrong again." I rolled my eyes and elbowed my way between the blond and bread dough. The blue eyed male let out a huff and folded his arms across his chest, smearing the flour and sticky dough all over his shirt. I laughed and shook my head at the childish reaction, kneading the bread quickly before throwing it in the bowl to rise.

"I coulda done that." Naruto muttered, picking at his fingernails.

"But you didn't." I replied, wiping the flour from the counter with a sponge. I looked over at the toddler by my bedroom door, playing with his blocks and Akamaru, ignoring us for the most part, lost in his own little world. He'd spent the week as a bouncing ball of energy, excited for Christmas, going on and on about Santa Claus, begging his papa to sing the carols that played on the radio and TV. I'd never seen the holiday with a child around. Witnessing his happiness made me excited as well. It was just so infectious.

The blond was cheery as well, complying with Konohamaru's every wish, dragging us out to play in the snow after he'd get off work, whining until I'd make hot cocoa, cookies and everything he couldn't. Unfortunately, that included most sweet things which he craved like a kid. The first time I made homemade bread, I thought his face was going to break from smiling so widely.

I placed a hand towel over the ball of dough and set it aside, opening the cupboard to grab the almonds for the cookies Kiba had begged me to make earlier. I sighed at the thought of being stuck in the kitchen for another hour and pulled the rest of the ingredients onto the counter. I had the batter almost finished before Naruto turned to me again, eyeing the contents of the bowl in front of me. I rolled my eyes, already knowing the question he was going to ask, and poured the almonds in. "Almond chocolate chunk cookies." I was startled by the look that appeared on the blond's face as soon as the words left my lips. He was practically drooling. "What?" I asked, taking a step away from him.

"... You have just made me the happiest man in the world."

My mouth fell open and I felt it twitch. "Uh, it's just a cookie."

"Just a cookie? No way. It's the king of cookies! The greatest cookie ever invented. Mom used to make these every Christmas. No matter how much I begged her to make them the rest of the year, she would say they were only for winter!" I looked over at the brunet who just gave me a happy, triumphant grin. "They are so not the same store bought, and I've never been able to make them. Oh man! Can I have the spoon?"

I jerked the bowl away when he reached for it, a smile on my face. "No."

"No way! Not cool, kid, not cool. Come on!" He begged, hands clasping together under his chin. I just shook my head and finished mixing the chocolate into the batter.

"Gaawa, I hap spoon?" Konohamaru asked with a smile, suddenly by my feet, eyes pleading with me.

I grinned. "Sure." Kiba roared with laughter from behind me.

"Ack! Favoritism!!" Naruto shouted, throwing his hands up. "That's total favoritism! You all saw it!" I laughed and turned to grab the cookie sheet from a cupboard, giving the blond the perfect opportunity to snatch the bowl. He gave a triumphant cry and ran from the room, cradling the bowl to his chest.

"Naruto!" I growled loudly, handing the spoon to the toddler and running after his childish papa. I chased him through the living room, down the hall, around his bedroom, and into Konohamaru's room. "Don't you dare." I muttered, glaring at him playfully as his fingers started for the cookie dough. He grinned and moved even slower, daring me to do something about it. "I'm serious." His smile just grew, his fingers almost in the bowl.

I lunged for him, but he raised the bowl over his head, stupid smile still plastered on his face. "What's the matter? Need a stool?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me, enjoying the differences in our height. I rose on my tiptoes, fingers straining for the bowl, scowl on my face.

"Give it to me!" I growled, giving a little jump.

"Bwa ha ha ha!" He laughed mockingly, managing to lift it even higher. "Once again tall people have the advantage!"

My eyes narrowed even more as an idea came to me. "Give it back or face the consequences."

"Oo! Scary." He mocked, still holding it out of my reach.

"Fine. Can't say I didn't warn you." I grinned, making his eyes question me. My hands landed flat on his chest, forcing his eyes to widen and mouth to fall open. My fingers drummed against him as my hands traveled down, his eyes growing and growing until I was sure they would pop right out of his head, and began tickling him. The reaction was immediate, his body curling over as he tried to back away, wiggling wildly, laughter trying to stay quiet.

"No! Stop!" I laughed and just continued my assault. "You win! You win!" I just kept tickling. "I give!" He snorted, laughter finally breaking through and surrounding us in the small room. "Take it! Take it! Please!" I finally pulled my hands back and grabbed the bowl before he could change his mind, walking confidently from the room. I heard him follow me back to the kitchen. "Short people suck." I rolled my eyes, dipped a spoon into the batter and handed it to the pouting blond.

"Right after Christmas it's his birthday. So I figure if I just buy a whole crap load of stuff and divide it seventy-thirty it'll work out better." He grinned at me, stuffing another wrapped box into the hall closet. Naruto had been keeping the presents he'd already bought in the trunk of his car, waiting for Konohamaru to take a nap to bring them in. It was a good idea, but the blond kept forgetting or falling asleep right beside his son. The holiday was next week and he was just now getting around to lugging them all upstairs. He stuffed one last brightly wrapped box into the closet and pulled a blanket over them.

"What are you going to do with the rest?" I raised an eyebrow at the armful that still lay in a bag on the floor. He grinned up at me.

"Can I put them in your closet? Mines already full..."

My mouth fell open. "How much stuff did you buy him?"

"Um... a lot?"

I laughed and picked up the bag, walking to my room. Naruto followed, talking happily. "This'll be the first Christmas where he's able to walk. Oh! He'll be able to open the presents himself this year, too. This really is exciting! I wonder where my camera is... I gotta find it." I grinned and pushed the bag into my closet. "We've gotta take a lot of pictures." I shut the door and turned around to face him, gasping silently at how close he was. "And it's the first Christmas you'll be with us." That did it. I took in a sharp breath, staring up at him, my back flat against the closet door. The way he said it... the first Christmas... as if I'd be with them to celebrate more. My face heated with a blush, and I bit my bottom lip.

His hand grabbed mine softly, the other rising to my cheek, caressing it softly. My heart jumped against my rib cage, thudding so loudly I was sure it could be heard throughout the entire city. Sapphire eyes peered into mine gently, searching for something, burning with something... "Gaara." Oh, god. Don't say my name like that. I'll be destroyed. "Gaara, I... I..." It looked as if he was struggling to find his words. I swallowed nervously, shivering suddenly.

The sudden movement of my body seemed to snap him to his senses and he took a step back, hand releasing mine, the other one dropping back to his side. "So, um... uh, I'll just go... and... be somewhere else." He flashed me an uneasy smile and backed out of the room quickly, sliding the door closed quietly.

The weird behavior from the blond just continued. As soon as we were left alone, he'd somehow get so close to me, eyes darkening with emotion, feather soft touches placed on my arms, face and neck, before something would stop him and he would jump back as if I had the plague, mumbling some nonsense and disappearing.

To say it was frustrating would be the understatement of the year.

It was beginning to wear me down. Was I doing something wrong? What did this mean? Why was this hurting me so much? His indecision tore me apart and made me wary of being around him. I found myself hiding away when Konohamaru took a nap or went somewhere with Kiba, Udon, or Moegi. I couldn't handle the quiet that pressed around us when we were together. It was suffocating, crushing.

I was losing hope.

I began doubting the signs I thought he'd sent my way. Every touch put me on edge, and I found myself backing away from the blond. If I misread the signs again, I would be the only one hurt by it. I couldn't bear the thought of being turned away again. I was losing it. Everything. It was slipping away from me. The only time I seemed in control, normal, was when Konohamaru was around. When the three-year-old was in the room, the three of us seemed natural. There was no awkward silence, no careful avoidance. We just were. And I was thankful of the little boy for that.

I held the little boy in my lap on Christmas eve, his head resting against my chest, waiting for him to fall asleep. His eyes drooped and he yawned every other minute, but he was determined to stay up, wanting to catch sight of 'Santa'. I smiled and rubbed my face in his hair. Had I been like this as a child? Stubbornly waiting for a fictional character to show up and leave me presents and happiness? I doubted it. It was already ten o'clock, way past the normal time he'd be passed out and tucked into bed, but he refused to give in.

"Papa?"

"Yes?" Naruto smiled down at the three-year-old from his place beside us, fingers brushing gently over mine, making my heart race while my mind told me to not get excited.

"Sing me tismis song." Another yawn warped the last word.

Naruto let out a low laugh, taking my hand with one of his, the other reached up to ruffle the toddler's wild, brown hair. "December first, I'm in a foreign state." I smiled and lay my head against the back of the couch. Kiba had been trying to get the blond to sing the song all month. I recognized the first line from the dozens of times the brunet had started, but the rest of the song was a mystery to me. "I hope for better this year. But you, my dear." His hand squeezed mine gently, forcing my head to turn his way, his blue meeting my teal. His smile softened. "Need to know, this year I want you alone."

Heat rose to my face. I tried to remind myself it was just a song... just a song. But why did it seem as if he was singing it to me...? "This holiday will make us believe that we're exactly where we're supposed to be." Happiness exploded through me. Why did if feel like he was saying those words only for me? Was I reading too much into it? I refused to believe I was. The words poured into me and made hope rise within me again. "He makes me feel alive inside. And when I look into his eyes, I see the blue and green like Christmas lights, like Christmas lights. Oh, what a sight." I could've died then and been happy. What a stupid thing to be excited over, but who wouldn't be? "He's asleep." Naruto whispered, pulling me from my thoughts gently.

The blond lifted his child, and I disappeared into my room, pulling out the bag of presents stored in my closet. I brought them to the living room, being as quiet as I could possibly manage. Naruto emerged from his room moments later, arms full. I laughed quietly and helped him arrange them under the tree. I expected the terrifying awkwardness to surround us again but it seemed the mood wouldn't allow it. The blond was much too happy and I was still lifted by the stupid song. "There's a smaller one in blue paper... do you see it?"

"Here." I tossed it over to him. He caught it with as smile and buried it in the branches.

I raised an eyebrow and he laughed. "Uzumaki tradition." He stretched his arms above his head, before pulling the remaining boxes towards the tree. "My mom's dad, the one Konohamaru takes after, always did it, as did his dad and so on, until before anyone could remember. It's going to keep going." His smile twitched to non-existence after that. I worried about the silence I knew would follow. I didn't want it to come, to destroy the mood that the holiday created.

I moved to stand up after we'd finished but his hand reached out to stop me. I looked over at him, blue eyes pleading with me silently. "Naruto?"

"Gaara... Can we talk?" Hope and defeat warred within me, but I found myself taking a seat beside him instantly.

"Sure..." I mumbled quietly. He shot me a brief smile, never releasing my hand, before his eyes drifted to the tree. Silence blanketed us, thick while managing to be warm and comforting. It was a strange feeling, pulling the edge away from whatever kept us apart the past week and replacing it with a sort of gentle intimacy. I loved it. I adored it. I wanted it to go on and on.

The blond sighed as that thought passed through my mind and stared up at the ceiling, his long fingers stroking the back of my hand. "This... This is gonna make me sound like a really bad person." I watched him carefully. Was he going to push me away again? Some part of me had been foolishly thinking we were going to be making progress tonight, but the dark tone in his voice had me inching away from him slowly, waiting for the hurt he was surely about to hurl my way. "I'm, god, this is hard to say, I'm kind of happy... no that isn't the word, but I can't think of another word for it... I'm kind of glad that my mom died."

His words made me freeze and confusion flooded my mind. What? What?

"I loved my mom, don't doubt that. I still love her. I miss her all the time. I wish she was alive every day, I wish she was still here to give me advice, to hold her arms open for me to fall into, to love me, to give me strength... But I thank god everyday that she died as well." Sapphire eyes glittered with tears that had yet to fall. "My mom... Our mom... she was thrown from the car when the truck hit them because she wasn't wearing her seatbelt. That was the first thing the police told me about the details of the accident. It didn't make sense to me at all. Mom was so frustratingly anal about wearing her seatbelt. She'd check to make sure I was wearing mine twice before even starting the car.

"Konohamaru was always in his car seat behind dad. That was just this weird thing they always did. Youngest behind the oldest. I never understood that." He laughed and moved his hands over my arms softly. "But when they found Konohamaru, his car seat wasn't even buckled down. The officers tried to tell me they were careless, probably forgetting to fasten the car seat properly, but I knew, I knew that wasn't like them. They would never forget to buckle little one in. It took me a minute to figure out what had actually happened. My parents weren't careless. My mother had taken off her seatbelt to save her baby. The drivers said they saw her jump over the seat before the impact."

The tears fell from his eyes and slid down his face silently, and I resisted the urge to reach up and wipe them away. Something about the look on his face told me not to. "It makes sense that she would do that... My parents had trouble conceiving. They always called us their miracles. They always told us they would die to protect us. If both dad and Konohamaru would've died in that crash, I have little doubt my mom wouldn't have been able to handle it. She would've still had me, but part of me knows that wouldn't have been enough... Konohamaru got sick after they first brought him home and they had to take him to the hospital for a few weeks... I'd never seen my mom so... unable to function. Dad worried about her so much, driving her to and from the hospital everyday just so she'd come home."

He cleared his throat and pulled me closer to him, arm winding around my waist. "The drivers side was completely crushed. My dad didn't have a chance. If Konohamaru had been behind him... there's no doubt he would've died as well. And he almost did... The truck hit them hard enough that the car broke through the guard rail and landed in a lake. He almost drowned before a bystander could get to him. They had to break a window because the door was useless..."

He let out a deep shuddering breath and stared into my eyes, tears still falling quietly. "Do you know what I was doing while all this was happening? Getting wasted with Kiba because Sakura had turned me down." He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I know my being with them wouldn't have mattered, it probably would've just added to the number of deaths. I know that if I was with them, the truck still would've lost control and there would've been nothing any of us could've done. But it... the police couldn't even reach me because I was so out of it." He hung his head and squeezed my fingers.

"I took off after the police had me identify my mother. I didn't even stop by the hospital to see my baby brother. " A sad laugh escaped his throat. "I couldn't help it. I was so... angry. I was so angry at the one-year-old because our mother had given up her life to save him. She was my mom." The hand holding onto mine let go and raised to cover his eyes. "Now that I look back, that anger makes me sick. It wasn't his fault, it was her choice...

"It took me a week to remember Konohamaru would be left to me if they died. They told me after I'd turned eighteen that they'd changed their wills to make me the guardian of my baby brother, should anything happen to them." He smiled sadly. "I was still angry at the world for taking my family, but I knew I had to step up. He was the only family I had left. I couldn't let someone else raise him. I found a job as a construction worker, bought an old, beat up car for six hundred dollars and found a cheap apartment with the account my father had set up for me. It took me weeks to work up the courage to go get him. I couldn't face anyone with the cowardice I'd shown... I couldn't, but I did. I couldn't smile for a year. I could work up a fake one for a few minutes, but I couldn't feel it.

"Then Konohamaru called me papa." He smiled. "The last bit of anger and depression weighing me down lifted with that one word. I'd failed him after our parents died, but after he called me papa for the first time, I swore to myself I would do everything in my power to keep from disappointing him ever again. I know that's a stupid goal, but I made it, and I'm doing my best to keep it."

All the information I'd just heard swam around in my head, it was hard to absorb. Naruto... I don't think I'd ever met such a selfless person, such a caring and gentle man. I cleared my throat softly, forcing his hand to drop and those gentle blue eyes to meet mine. "Why?" The word hung in the air for a moment, a confused look flashing across the darkened face, blue, green, and red flashing over us, making his eyes dance.

I opened my mouth to word my question better, but he seemed to understand what I had asked. "I want you to know about who I am, to know the past I'm ashamed of." He brought his hand to my cheek softly, caressing my skin with his thumb, as his face lowered to mine. "I want you to know me, Gaara." He whispered softly, breath spilling over my skin, other hand raising to my neck. I shivered as one of his fingers landed on a pulse point, each frantic beat of my heart pulling his presence further into me, straight to my heart.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" I asked, swallowing nervously. I pulled back slightly, but his hands didn't leave me, just as his eyes refused to let mine go. "You make me think you want me... When you touch me, when you stare into my eyes like this... when you say things like that. You build up this anticipation inside of me, then pull away." I willed my eyes to blink but they stubbornly stayed connected with his. I tried to distract myself from the hurt that was sure to follow, the moment he'd pull back, tried to distract myself from the awful feelings welling within me, destructive feelings that wanted to build and overflow again. "It isn't fair." I whispered the words so softly that I wondered if I'd even said them out loud.

"And I'm sorry for that." The pain reared up and my eyes finally slid shut against it. I struggled against him, trying to get to my feet and leave him behind. "Please let me finish," he whispered softly, lips next to my ear, making me bite my lip. "I really am sorry about my idiotic behavior. I'm sorry for what I did on my birthday, but not for the reason you think." He pressed a gentle kiss against the area just below my ear, forcing me to give a quiver of delight. "I'm sorry I said I was drunk when we both knew that I wasn't. I'm sorry I didn't say what I was thinking." My back hit the floor softly, forcing my eyes to snap open and peer up into the darkened blue of his. His hands landed on either side of my head, creating a cage, trapping me in his arms, his face so close to mine I found it hard to keep breathing. "I curse myself every night for what I did, but never because I regret kissing you." His fingers brushed against my face gracefully, traveling down my neck to that vein once more. "Touching you, not that at all. I wish I would've told you what I was feeling then."

I swallowed nervously, my hands rising to cup his face delicately. His eyes flashed with something that made my heart stop. "Tell me." I whispered breathlessly, trying to keep my emotions from breaking me.

He didn't answer right away, his eyes holding mine for the longest time before he lowered his head slowly, stopping only when our lips were a simple movement apart. "I don't know... I don't know how to explain... Explain the feelings that take over when you're around." Each word made his lips barely brush against mine, making it hard to focus on anything else. He held himself up with one hand as the other swept down me tenderly, outlining my body and driving me insane. I couldn't think, I couldn't breath, I couldn't move. What was he doing to me? How could I give him the power to make me feel so helpless? "It's so thrilling and terrifying all wrapped in one amazing and beautiful package."

He tipped his head forward then and his lips met mine for a second time. Gentle and soft, they fell into a rhythm and I was swept away. I'd been kissed frantically, passionately, sloppily, painfully, even sadistically, but never had I received a kiss so gentle, so sweet. I gave into it easily, arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His fingers scorched my skin as they spread out across my neck, cradling my face. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip delicately and I parted them further for his tongue to slide in. Even then he was so amazingly gentle, not a heavy battle of tongues as it had been the first time, rather a soft exploration that made me shudder. I found it impossible to remain aware of what was going on, all I knew was that he was above me, pressing his body into mine and his mouth was quickly creating a new addiction for me.

His tongue swirled around my lips one last time before he pulled back to look down at me. The sapphire eyes scanned my face, a soft smile tilting up the corners of his mouth. I felt myself return it and tried to keep myself from rising up and latching my mouth onto his once more. His smile grew and he placed a gentle, simple kiss to the corner of my mouth. We lay there for a moment, staring at one another, a comfortable silence between us, before I found my mouth opening to ask a question that I prayed wouldn't destroy the moment. "Where does this put us?" I whispered, hoping with everything I had he wouldn't snap awake and take back all that he'd said to me.

"I don't know." He answered, his smile growing slightly, his eyes dancing happily, still darkened with emotion. I gave a soft chuckle and his smile only grew until I figured it couldn't get any bigger. His fingers caressed my face affectionately, his lips pressing against my eyelids that slid shut just so he could. "All I know is I want to be able to call you mine." I tried to keep the insane look of bliss off my face, but figured I failed when he laughed and captured my lips again.

I could've cried.

...I think I could write harlequin romance novels. -dies- Oh mi. They are 'together'.

Okay, here's the dealy. This is the LAST update for about two months. T.T My sister had a baby and I've been elected to go and be with her. Why? Cause I fell asleep during the family meeting and couldn't object... And my sister lives in the land of no cell signal and doesn't have a computer.... I'll have mine, but the chance of finding wi-fi out there is absolute zero. T.T (I hate the country side!!!) So unless I can write a chapter in three days -or by some miracle get to go into a city/town with internets access- ... this is it until September. Just thought I should let y'all know so you don't think I'm an abandoner...

Thank you for reading!! Leave a review? -cause you love me... remember?-