Chapter 9

Six Months Later…

Costia kept her promise of writing to Lexa at least once a week, telling her everything and anything that was happening in Ton DC.

She wrote about Dara ("Lex, she's so ridiculously huge, you'd think she's having twins! Do not tell her I said that!") She wrote about sparring with Lincoln ("Embarrassing. You deprived me of a worthy opponent and I'm stuck with leftovers,") or Nyko ("he's getting really good at this whole healer thing. Dad had a gas problem and Nyk gave him something that really helped. Don't tell dad I said that!") Or Anya ("still grumpy, she needs a new pet,") and other small tidbits like the fact that Dara was teaching her how to make bread, or that people were complaining as always about their village chief, or that there seem to be an increase in the number of Reapers, and so on.

Lexa corresponded with Nardo and Dara as well, and on a very rare occasion she got a dry note from Anya which was enough to tell her just how much Anya cared. But Costia's letters were naturally her favorites.

She rushed to her room every evening after the day's classes with the hope of finding a letter on her bed. Sometimes she got two or three a week from her best friend and it still didn't feel like enough. It made Lexa realize that instead of letting the distance pull them apart, they were growing even closer.

Just like Costia shared every tiny detail about the happenings at Ton DC, Lexa told her all about Polis and her classes and what she was learning. Lexa really liked everyone in her class. Fid could've been a bit much at times, being the oldest and all, but other than that they were an interesting and kind bunch. She could talk to them about Natblida business, they really got Natblida business, but Costia got her. She knew Lexa through and through. When Lexa shared a frustration, Costia understood straight away. When Lexa had a rough day at class or clashed with one of her classmates, it was Costia she turned to in the form of a letter. The Natblida had to share so much with one another. A teacher, the Heda's attention, a floor at the same building, and an unknown fate. Sometimes it felt a bit crowded. But Costia? Costia was hers and hers alone and when things got so muddled together after spending days in on out with the same people, and Lexa wasn't even sure who she was anymore, Costia reminded her.

And Lexa missed her, all the time. She couldn't help but wonder every now and again how their lives would've looked like if she didn't have to leave, if she wasn't a Nightblood, if Costia didn't have to be the best friend of a Nightblood.

But then we would not be us, and everything would've been different, she knew.

She was sitting on her bed, showered, enjoying her own nice smell which she was only able to indulge in at night, and was reading Costia's latest letter.

"And so, I regret to inform you, Leksa kom trikru, Heda to be, best friend and second half, that it'll probably be a little bit longer than usual until my next letter. I'm really sorry, Alex. Dara is ready to pop at any moment now and she and daddy are driving me mad. I know they're going to need some help when the baby is born, but I promise you, as soon as I can, I'll send you a letter with all the gory details about the human birth. No longer than a week of silence, I swear. I'll write it in my sleep if I must.

I wish you could be here to meet our new brother or sister. It'll be much harder for me to come and visit now. I should've insisted on doing it sooner but there always seem to be something urgent to do before the baby arrives. Maybe I should just sneak out before the birth and hide in your room for a month or two? That's not very sisterly, though, is it? Maybe you can dress as a water girl and sneak out? That Titus person wouldn't like that very much and you wouldn't be teacher's pet anymore. And I know how much that's important to you. Yes, I am most definitely giving you an evil smile right now.

I miss you. We have to find a way to see each other soon. I need to go help daddy collect some wood for the fire.

I love you. Don't get stabbed in the face."

Lexa put the letter down, sporting a big hearty smile. It turned into a frown moments after. A baby was about to be born into Costia's family, the family that took her in, and she was in Polis, working to become a leader, but missing out on life.

She contemplated asking Titus for a couple of days away from Polis to go and be there for the birth, or soon after. She shook her head remembering Titus words about personal ties and how they weaken the Commander.

She may have not accepted his views on the matter, may have thought things were not so black and white, but she knew the man who was preaching to them about creating emotional distance wouldn't look kindly on her request.

A week. I can go a week, she thought. A week and then some good news.

"Push!" Kay was encouraging poor Dara.

Nardo, Nyko and Costia were all standing on the other side of the room, completely entranced but also terrified.

"Is this really what you want to do with your life?" Costia gave Nyko the kind of look that very clearly said "why would you willingly subject yourself to this?"

"I'm having second thoughts," he admitted just as Dara screamed in pain once more.

"Daddy!" Costia scolded. "Go to her! Hold her damn hand!"

"No!" Dara objected between one painful breath and another. "Not him. You!"

"Me?" Costia blurted, petrified. "But I have such delicate hands, girl hands!" She tried her luck.

"You heard her," Nardo stated smugly, "she wants you and the pregnant lady gets what she wants."

Costia gulped, but nodded and started to walk, albeit extremely slowly, toward the bed on which Dara was yelping and crying. Her father gave her a very encouraging shove and she glared at him in return. He looked at her all innocent like and she huffed and took her place by Dara's side, grabbing her clammy hand.

"Push!" Kay repeated, and Dara squeezed Costia's hand so hard Costia had to bite her lips so she wouldn't scream in unison with Dara. She could feel herself drawing blood and she was quick to lick her lips.

"Yes, yes, I need to push! I know!" Dara growled in frustration, "That's what you've been telling me to do for the last hour so I think I know that by no…"

"I see the head!" Kay cut her off.

"That's it," Nyko declared, "I'm out. This is what midwifes are for!" he turned around to leave the room but Kay stopped him.

"Don't you dare leave!" She barked. "You wanted to be a healer's apprentice, that's what you get. Now, as a punishment, move closer, stand by my side," she ordered.

Nardo was laughing from his post by the far end of the unfolding events, while Nyko, whose face went completely white, walked bravely to where Kay wanted him.

"Now follow what I'm doing carefully," she demanded.

"What you are doing?" Dara yelled, "I'm doing all the hard work here!"

Nyko looked at Costia miserably. "You are lucky, you are not seeing it from this angle," he whined.

"Shut up!" Both Dara and Kay shouted in unison. "And you…" Kay turned to Dara. Costia never seen the woman looking so intimidating, she gulped and Kay's wrath wasn't even directed at her. "I am here to deliver your child. You do as I say even if it means listening to me repeat the same word for three more hours. And don't be a bully, only I can be a bully when I'm in charge!" she concluded and Costia was certain Dara would fall in line.

Instead, Costia could see the rage pouring out of Dara's eyes. "Three more hours? No! This baby is coming out right now!" She determined and locked Costia's hand so hard that Costia's eyes started to burn.

Dara pushed as hard as she could while Costia was mentally saying goodbye to her hand.

Your fight is over, hand.

All the flowers I could've picked;

All the pages I could've flipped.

I will never pick up a sword again.

Lex is going to be disappointed.

"Almost! One more, Dara, just one more!" Kay promised encouragingly to the miserable, sweaty woman who did as she was asked with a last heavy breath and a last deadly grip of Costia's hand.

"You did it!" Kay announced excitedly, "It's a baby boy! Nyko, hold the baby for a seco… Nyko?"

She found him on the floor passed out. Costia shook her hand in disapproval, as well as her hand, now freed from misery.

"Oh, the miracle of life," Nardo sighed in joy and stepped over Nyko's body to grab the baby. Costia was about ready to burn holes in him with her eyes. But as he came around the bed and stood next to her and to the now exhausted but smiling new mother, Costia couldn't stay upset with him. She was too transfixed by the new person in her life.

"Hey there, little boy," Nardo cooed. "We are so glad you are here. This is your mother, and this teary wuss is your sister."

She looked at her father, but his comment had no bite, and her eyes were glistening with tears of joy.

"What are the three pillars of being a Commander?" They were sitting in a semi circle in front of Waldron's throne. His classes were Lexa's favorite. She learned a lot from Titus, on so many levels, in so many ways, but who was best suited to teach them how to be the Commander if not the Commander himself?

Her hand shot up into the air. She knew this. She always did.

"Yes, Leksa," the Commander allowed and she wasn't sure but she thought she saw a ghost of a knowing smile on his face.

"Wisdom, strength, and compassion," she replied in confidence. Every time that she thought about those pillars, she kept compassion for last. It was her favorite.

"Very good," Waldron confirmed and moved on to the next question.

Not too far, by the entrance to the room, Titus was standing and observing the young novitiates.

Indra walked in and stood by him. "Titus," she nodded in respect, he nodded right back.

They were watching the ongoing class for a few more moments. Lexa answered another question correctly making Indra smile in pride.

"You have done well with her, Indra," Titus acknowledged. "She is the most promising student in her class. She's only been here six months and she's already the most promising student I have ever had," he admitted softly.

"Leksa is very special," Indra agreed, thinking that it wasn't just her doing. There was Anya, there was Lexa's family, there was Costia, and above all, there was Lexa herself. She was made for this.

"She's focused, very talented with a sword, extremely wise," Titus noted. Most importantly, she has that rare spark. A spark could start a fire, grow into a flame, he knew. "But I can't help feeling that something is missing," he shared his conclusion, "something is blocking her from achieving her full potential."

He's asking for an advice, Indra realized. She knew what he meant, she also knew what was missing, but she didn't think he'd like her reply very much.

"If you are asking for my honest opinion, Fleimkepa, it's her best friend." Indra almost said that Lexa was clearly missing her best friend, but she decided against that phrasing. "I think it's worth considering bringing her best friend to Polis," she added cautiously. "They always brought out the best in one another. Costia's presence would be a good influence. It will have a positive effect, of that I'm sure," she summarized, seeing immediately that her conversation partner was ready to object.

"The privilege of accompanying a Natblida in Polis is reserved for family and advisors alone," he stated coldly. He didn't like seeing the novitiates being so emotionally attached, but since some of them were destined to die, and at the Commander's orders, one family member was allowed to come to Polis with the Nightblood, to share the novitiate's quarters until they either ascended, or died at the conclave.

"This girl may as well be her family," Indra insisted, "Kostia's father took Leksa in years ago."

"You speak of Nardo's girl?" Titus inquired, his curiosity peaked, wondering if having the warrior's daughter around would be beneficial. He was torn between doing what tradition demanded and doing what might help Lexa soar.

"Yes," Indra confirmed simply, thinking that she may have actually managed to convince him.

"This is quite unorthodox," he pointed out and Indra could see his struggle on the matter even though he was trying to mask it. "But ultimately…" he started, hesitantly, "it's Leksa's choice."

"Leksa is trying to do right, to follow the rules. I don't think she'd even entertain that she has that choice, Fleimkepa. Like you said, it's a bit unorthodox," Indra provided, trying to not sound disrespectful. "Maybe she should be given the offer."

"Maybe," he said, staring straight at the semi circle in front of them, not giving any thought away. "Maybe."

Lexa was so exhausted when she walked into her room that she didn't even bother to look at her bed. She just dragged herself toward it, closing her eyes before her body even hit the mattress. She lay flat on her stomach realizing that her face hit something, a piece of paper.

All of a sudden she was completely alert. She got up and laughed in joy when she saw a letter from Costia.

Has it really been a week already?

She ripped the envelope open and two pieces of paper fell out. She could already see it was a relatively short letter, but she didn't care. It was Costia's handwriting, and Costia's words, and at that moment it was all Lexa needed. She started reading.

"Lex, I'm sorry this is so short, I'll write more in the next few days, I promise. But in the meantime, I wanted you to at least have this. Everyone here send their love and kisses. Even Anya, I forced her to say that she misses you so I hope you find some solace in that.

Lexa giggled as the image of Costia chasing after Anya and making her talk about her feelings popped into Lexa's head. She loved her ridiculous best friend, so much.

See below. I also attached a copy of disturbing anatomical evidence I found in one of mom's books so you can feel like you were right there with us to share that joyful yet traumatic experience.

And then there was one of Costia's famous poems.

We have a little brother,

He wishes you were here,

Though the birth was very graphic,

So you'd run away in fear,

I'll add a drawing just for fun,

Oh, you fair maiden,

The sleepless nights have just begun

And the baby's name is Aden.

Notes:

1. Huge spoiler – the moment when Costia licks her bleeding lips - to those of you who already know the story, this is one of the more subtle moments (god knows they were way less subtle moments) of Costia hiding her being a Nightblood. But think about what's behind it and the fact that even in moments like this, she constantly had to live with her guard up to maintain that secret.

2. "What are the three pillars of being a Commander?" - We've seen Lexa do it in the future for her novitiates. I loved the opportunity of showing the day on which she had that same lesson as a novitiate.

3. "she was made for this" - And Lexa says so about herself, to Clarke, later on in canon.

4. Titus saying Indra's idea is quite unorthodox - Unorthodox is a Calzona fic of mine. I had to do a little name dropping.