"True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Author's Note: This chapter contains moderate but brief sexual content.
"Day Six"
Remus woke to the muffled remnants of a sharp exchange occurring in the other room and sleepily wandered in to find Harry standing in front of the fireplace, a strangled copy of The Daily Prophet in one tight fist as he talked into the opening. When he saw his godfather, he started slightly.
"Remus, I thought you stayed at Tonks' last night." Harry's face was angry, but Remus could tell it wasn't directed at him.
He just lowered his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "No…you weren't here when I got in…I didn't hear you come home."
"I came in late," Harry said in a tight voice then immediately looked back into the fireplace. "Will you talk to him, professor?"
Curious, Remus closed his tattered robe and walked over to the fireplace, looked in to find McGonagall's head peering through the flames.
"Oh, Remus, you're here! Well, as I'm sure you're well aware, I've wanted to talk to you for some time now, young man."
Young man….Remus had to smile..
"I'm sorry Minerva. I was waiting to see if there'd be any fallout regarding my reinstatement."
He looked over at Harry, who seemed barely in control, a muscle working furiously in his cheek as Minerva managed to reply, "Yes, well….I hope….Remus, I do hope you don't take this twaddle too seriously. The Daily Prophet has been a useless rag for quite some time now, and you shouldn't assume that the opinions expressed in it are necessarily the opinions of the general populace."
"I see," Remus said quietly. "The new faculty list made the Sunday paper, and they showed glowing support for a werewolf teacher, I gather?"
Minerva prodded on, her tremulous, clipped voice carrying a hint of reprimand. "Remus, I want you to think about all the ridiculous things The Prophet has supported over the last seven years. And when you do, alongside the blatant truth of matters, I think you'll find they've grossly misreported just about everything that's occurred in our world. And people know this. They have very little respect for Rita Skeeter and The Prophet. And employment laws are in the process of changing, we'll see to that."
"I'll read the article, Minerva," he promised.
McGonagall hesitated then added as she made to leave, "Remus, please do come by to see me when you visit Hogwarts…or…perhaps I'll have to come see you." She looked quite flustered as her face disappeared from the flames.
Harry stood beside him still looking into the empty fireplace, mouth tightly clamped shut, his ears red in anger.
"Harry…" Remus pulled the paper out of his tight hand without removing his eyes from the young man. "Let's sit down. Come on."
Harry walked stiffly to the kitchen table and sat down at it; and Remus sat across from him. He gauged his godson carefully for a minute before he started to sift through The Prophet, looking for the article. Harry calmed down a bit, his eyes fixed on the registry number burned into Remus' bare chest, the edge of it visible through the fold of his robe.
"It's like they can't stop marking you, like they single you out in every way they can. You're….just a man, you know?"
"Just a man?" he laughed. "If only, Harry."
"I mean…except for full moons…It's just that…" Remus was a bit surprised to see Harry's eyes water around the edges. It had to be more than the article in the paper.
"Did everything go okay yesterday? When you went to see Hermione?"
Harry's face suddenly went suddenly cold, as if he resented the topic. Finally, he shrugged, pent-up anger evident in his voice. "As okay as it gets to see one of your best friends living the life of a conscious vegetable."
After a beat of silence, Remus asked, "How long had it been since you'd seen her?"
Harry shrugged again then admitted quietly, "48 days."
Remus closed the paper and looked at him carefully, but Harry shook his head and said, "Remus, it's not what's bothering me. It's this. All of this. These people who never let up." He pushed at one of the loose Prophet leaves.
"Why don't you go take a hot shower and get dressed. And I'll make you some breakfast."
When Harry didn't say anything, just sat looking at an indeterminate spot on the kitchen baseboards, Remus continued.
"Do you want an omelet? I saw you had some brown eggs from that new farmer's market in Hogsmeade."
Harry finally got up, rubbing irritatingly at one eyebrow.
"But make one for yourself, too, okay?" He looked at his godfather with a bit of concern, but Remus gave him a small, encouraging smile and pushed at his arm.
"Go shower. You'll feel better for it."
When Harry had left, Remus' brows knotted as he began sorting through the paper to find the article in question. It wasn't hard to locate. They hadn't placed it in the "back to school" section but across the front page, along with a photo of Umbridge talking seriously over her bifocals as two men in black stood behind her, still as stone. A small photo with the byline showed Rita Skeeter and her self-scribbling quill hard at work for the masses, probing for pertinent news and asking all the right questions.
HOGWARTS ATTEMPTS TO REINSTATE DANGEROUS DARK CREATURE AS D.A.D.A. PROFESSOR
According to the officially released Hogwarts faculty and staff roster, The Defense Against the Dark Arts Position, so badly filled for the last decade, will once again be manned (and we use that term loosely) by a dangerous dark creature.
Yes, dear readers, Hogwarts is currently attempting to reinstate werewolf Remus Lupin, the Lycanthrope who darkened Hogwarts halls five years ago while working under the same position. Most, if not all, citizens will remember that Mr. Lupin was unable to control his condition and eventually wreaked havoc on the student population, nearly killing three Gryffindors and injuring a fellow faculty member.
Yesterday evening, Dolores Umbridge, Minister of the Post-War Reparation Committee, made a public announcement regarding the new Hogwarts school roster. (Ms. Umbridge wore a smashing pink and green ensemble with matching purse and shoes, courtesy of Glad Wear Wizard Rags.) We have included her statement it in its entirety:
"During this time of war, many, like myself, are fighting to help rebuild our world and create a safe and clean haven for children and adults alike. I am shocked and disgusted by Hogwarts' apparent lack of judgment in choosing a dark creature, not once but TWICE, as a faculty member for its children.
This decision is not only audacious but illegal. I remind the Hogwarts' board of directors and its new headmistress, that under statute 7.8A-C, dark creatures may not be employed full-time by any public, private, or government-based establishment within the borders of magical England.
Should they choose to continue with this reinstatement, those involved will be fined and charged with felony obstruction. The fine is significant, and Azkaban jail time is inferred for any one person or group who supports this reinstatement and/or allows it to occur for as much as one day.
We have sent the dark creature in question, Remus John Lupin III, a notice stating that he will not set foot on the grounds of Hogwarts or come within 300 meters of its perimeter. And he will be fitted with a monitoring spell to track his movement until we can ensure that the position has indeed been filled by a capable and proper wizard or witch, and the school season has begun.
To all those concerned about the future of our children, I promise that I will be watching Hogwarts with great alacrity and care over the next year. As former High Inquisitor, I was privy to many shortcomings within our school system that should be rectified; and I'm sure, in the future, we will discover many more. Rest assured, all matters that hinder the safety and growth of our youth will be dealt with accordingly by the Ministry of Magic and its subcommittees and organizations."
Ms. Umbridge's statement was received with applause and much flag waving by the group "Citizens for a Better Tomorrow," who attend many of the Ministry's press conferences regarding the legislation of post-war magical England.
We at The Daily Prophet are personally outraged by this illegal and unsafe faculty choice on the part of Hogwarts and encourage letters of protest to both the school and the Ministry. People may also sign a petition at the Post-War Reparation Conference being held at the Ministry of Magic building on the 19th of this month.
Remus let out a breath he had unknowingly held as he read the article. He rolled up the pages of parchment thoughtfully and finally laughed and shook his head. He should have known better. What little part of him had thought there wouldn't be a backlash? What was Minerva thinking?
He got up and pulled a pan from the cabinet and removed eggs, butter, and a large chunk of mozzarella.
As he mechanically made the omelets, his mind raced. Would continuing to stay with Harry put the young man in danger? Why hadn't the aurors shown up to fit him with a monitor? Was Umbridge doing this to find a way to block the forum?...Would the article raise the already escalating level of generic hatred against his kind?
His mind wandered off for a moment, and he ignored the crackle of searing heat working at the eggs in the pan. He should leave. Harry….Tonks….and many others he knew…In general, they were an emotional house of cards, the stability of their lives in tenuous balance. And it would take so little to see it come crashing down. He didn't want to be the unsteady hand that destroyed it, the card constantly swaying in the wind that caused the downfall of all the others.
Harry came out of the bathroom, black hair fighting the dampness and struggling to once again pop out in all different directions.
Remus muttered "accio plate" and deftly caught the quickly hurled object without raising his head and slid the omelet out of the pan just as Harry came over to him. He retrieved a fork and leaned on the counter by Remus, chopping at the crispy edge of the omelet.
"You okay?"
Harry nodded, head down and chewing. "Did you read the article?" he finally asked when he swallowed the bite and then didn't take another, suddenly losing his appetite and putting down the fork.
"Eat."
"I'm not hungry," he said quietly as Remus slid the second omelet onto a plate then picked up both plates in one hand and nudged Harry toward the kitchen table. He put the omelet in front of Harry and sat down across from him. Remus stared at his breakfast and realized he couldn't eat now, either.
"I read the article….It was inevitable, really. No surprises….but I do wonder why the aurors haven't contacted me about Umbridge's monitoring spell ….and why a monitoring spell instead of a restraining one? The only reason she would do that is to create a trap, to have me go someplace I'm not "allowed" without telling me beforehand that the place is restricted…not give me the restrictions then arrest me based on them. She's using this as a reason to watch me about the forum."
Harry looked stunned. "Merlin…I didn't even think of that. Knowing Umbridge, it makes total sense. But no one has come by looking for you, no aurors. Do you think she was just bluffing?"
"She has no reason to. The aurors answer to her."
Immediately, a heavy knock sounded at the door and they both turned to stare at it. Harry finally got up to answer the door and found Kingsley Shacklebolt on the other side, looking highly uncomfortable.
"Hey, Harry…..Remus is here, yeah?"
Harry looked at him carefully for a moment then turned to look at Remus, who gave him a nod as he opened the door.
"Remus, mate."
Shacklebolt lumbered in casually and ran his eyes across Harry's flat. "A right bachelor pad, Harry."
He nodded his approval in a way that one man admires another man for total lack of aesthetic. And Harry readily agreed. Just a place to crash and not much more to it.
But the sudden silence in the room was deafening and finally Kinglsey cleared his throat and pocketed a pack of cigarettes that he had handled nervously since he entered. The minute they were safely buttoned in his chest pocket, he put loose hands on his hips, sucked lightly on his upper lip as his blue eyes went to Remus.
"You've read the front page?"
Remus nodded wordlessly.
"So…uhm…Mate, I'm here to put a monitoring spell on you….but between you and me, Umbridge doesn't have direct access to the spell's feed. If there's something you have to do for the forum, do it. Tonks and I will pull anything out that she won't like….."
Kingsley shifted on his feet and let out a heavy laugh.
"She's on the way over here, Tonks. You should have seen her this morning….She twisted off after she read that article, stormed out the door. It took four aurors to stop her from going to pound that toad into the ground……Anyway, Moody's talking to her right now about patience being next to vigilance or some shite he really doesn't agree with to try and rein her in a bit. She was right livid."
Remus smiled, looking not at Kingsley but at the scattered papers on the table; and the room went dead quiet again before Remus asked, "Kingsley, has the Committee told you exactly where I was prohibited to go, aside from Hogwarts? Have they given you a list?"
Kingsley shook his head then stiffened in realization. "She's setting you up…..That bitch." Kingsley ran a hand over his bald pate and said, "What if we say you've been sick and holed up here at Harry's?"
"It won't work. I run into LCH employees all over London."
Kingsley quickly added, "But a disillusionment charm would get you from here to there. Or you could conjure a double at a central location, and we could spell the double."
"Kingsley, do you really think she won't request a direct feed? Or be suspicious if the double never left?...It's quite possible that she's trying to kill two birds with one stone. Catch me and the auror force both. You know she's wanted to have her own law enforcement dispatch for quite some time now instead of working through the aurors. And if she caught the London auror force manipulating records for an official investigation…"
Kingsley shrugged. "It makes sense. And I know the best thing we could do to piss her off is follow orders if she wants to catch us red-handed. But what options do you have if you don't conjure a double? Live with the bloody monitoring spell?"
"Perhaps," Remus said quietly, mind racing.
Kingsley shifted on his feet, stuffed nervous hands in his pockets and bit at the corner of his mouth in thought. "Let me permanently spell a double for you, Lupin. That way if they figure it out, the auror force can just say they didn't know. It'd make me look like an idiot for not recognizing a double, but at least it'd fall on one person instead of the force as a whole…."
"No, that wouldn't be right. That's not fair to you." Remus was exhausted by more insanity than anyone should have to experience before a cup of morning caffeine. He tapped on the table and finally said, "Kingsley, can I ask a favor?"
"Anything," he immediately answered. And Remus could tell that he meant it.
"Could you put off the spell for one more day? Put it on in the morning instead? I have people I need to talk to, places to go; and Umbridge wouldn't approve of any of it….I'll get as much done in one day as I can."
Kingsley's eyes told Remus that he was relieved to do something, anything, after their conversation just a few days ago.
"You've got it, mate….Maybe Hogwarts will find someone new fast, and-"
Harry broke in with, "There's still three weeks 'til school starts, Kingsley, and the Lycanthropy forum happens in two. After the forum, the rules will change, and Remus can teach. McGonagall isn't looking for a new professor."
Kingsley swallowed then looked at Remus. He was thankful to not see any judgment in his friend's face.
"Tomorrow morning then. I'll just say I've been tied up at work, hadn't had the time to chase down lanky werewolves and fit them with babysittin' spells," he said with a wicked smile.
Kingsley walked over to Remus in two broad steps and slapped his shoulder as he searched his pocket for the pack of smokes, then he put a cigarette in his mouth and quickly moved towards the door. But his hand lingered on the knob for a moment and he half-turned to Remus.
"I'll come by to talk to you one night, Lupin. Since you'll be here and all. Some things we should talk about, I think."
"You'll know where to find me," Remus said with a hint of dark humor.
Kingsley gauged the werewolf's dark smile before he barked out a low laugh and shook his head.
"Fuckin' beuracrats. They'll be the death of us all, mate."
"Perhaps they will," Remus answered simply.
And Kingsley stared at him for a moment before pulling his anxious gaze away to fix on Harry and reached over to shake the young man's hand.
"Good seeing you, Harry. Remus. Gotta run."
Remus gave him a brief wave and Harry slowly shut the door behind the auror. When he sat back down at the table, Remus immediately said, "I don't know if it's a good idea for me to stay here with everything that's going on."
But Harry's response was quick and resolute. "You think that matters to me? You think because we have two reporters outside now instead of one, I'd rather not have you here?"
Suddenly, Harry looked like something dawned on him, and he didn't like the thought. "Does this…I mean, more than anything, does it have something to do with that deal we made?"
"Deal?"
"Well…tomorrow will be day seven, of that deal we made last week…on the mountain. Were you planning on leaving anyway?"
When Remus didn't say anything and just looked a bit uncomfortable, Harry said with a hint of desperation, "Please stay. I mean, just because the seven days are up or because you're worried about reporters or Ministry spies or whatever….I want….this should be your home. We're blood now…..right?"
A heavy tension fell on the kitchen. Remus looked at the scattered Daily Prophet pages in front of them, the remnants of a cold breakfast neither of them could force down alongside vestiges of a normal day-to-day life. Discount coupons for a quidditch game, a school supply list from Flourish and Blotts, reminders of a mundane week in the lives of others…but not theirs…
Remus felt a tightness growing at the very center of his body as he felt Harry's eyes on him, but he spent a long moment nonetheless considering where he had come from and where he was going.
He had played an odd game with himself for most of his adult life. He provided services, worked hard, helped others, tried to stay as busy as possible. People came to him when they needed things -- advice or a service; and he acted accordingly. But he had never assumed that people really needed him. He was like a Muggle vending machine, something to be dispensed on request.
Remus had never fully accepted or understood the idea that people might help him because they cared for him as a person. And the part of his psyche that shut off in order to emotionally survive had rarely admitted that he helped others because he cared for them, as well. Helping was just the right thing to do, the civilized thing to do…..What a cold, detached reality he had lived…
But at Grimmauld, Sirius had changed things. Remus had stayed in the moldy, austere domicile to watch over his oldest friend and had eventually accepted that he did so not out of duty or a sense of rightness but out of love.
And that emotional realization had opened the door for Nymphadora, had allowed him, for the first time in his life, to truly love, to give both his body and soul to another. He was made whole by Nymphadora…illuminated by her….But all the growth, the evolution within him fostered by his friends and his lover…the war had smothered it, pulled it from the clutches of his spirit…and now, when he least expected it, it had resurfaced…broken but not lost.
"Remus?"
A few days ago, he might have fallen into old habits by using Harry's possible need as a mechanical excuse to stay when, in actuality, he needed his godson just as badly.
"Harry…thank you for putting me up these past few days.….I've let a lot of things go…or at least I'm on the road to it, and…I don't think that would have happened without you and Nymphadora….."
Remus felt his heart pound with the tension of discussing things he tried so hard to avoid. He looked away with a deep breath and tried to find some center of control.
"Early in the war…I know things were tense, but I learned to…" He sighed and shook his head. "I was….whole….finally…and then we lost Sirius…the war escalated and I went undercover…the new laws….everything. I felt like a fool for ever believing in something better. And it's bloody awful timing for me to put faith in good things again…the worst of times, really, because I can't lose this again. I'll never get it back."
Remus laughed.
"I'm not making any sense, am I."
"You make perfect sense," Harry said with a winsome smile, knowing how hard it was to be emotionally open and love when wariness had served so well, so often. To give your heart despite a history that showed despair and regret in the wake of such an act time and time again. Whether Remus realized it or not, eleven years with the Dursley's had helped Harry understand Remus' world better than he could imagine.
"I don't want to be selfish, to pull you and Tonks into this by staying in London."
Harry answered with a hard, direct voice, "Whether all this bloody mess turns out to be bitter or sweet, we're not going anywhere. Can you get that?"
Remus just looked at him, worry evident in his face.
"Remus, please stay."
Before he could answer, there was a growing, loud whooshing noise, and Tonks stumbled clumsily out of the fireplace and caught herself on the back of the sofa. She let out a laugh of almost comic hysteria.
"Bloody hell! Reporters in there! Three of 'em, spelled and flitting about in the floo chute like snockered garden gnomes."
She closed the floo network with a flick of her wand, and they heard a trailing, communal "aaaaaaahhh!" followed and by one "bollocks!" as the reporters were whirlwinded back to their respective home offices.
"Are you alright?"
Remus hadn't actually been awake that long; and he realized, here he sat in scruffy old boxers and a ratty robe, no shirt, no eyepatch (she'd chastise him about that), with what one could kindly call five o'clock shadow.
In an odd way, he and Tonks were going through a second courtship of sorts; and although he wasn't vain, he didn't enjoy getting caught like this.
Little did he know that in spite of everything horrifically unfolding, Tonks still felt her heart melt a bit at the rumpled sight of him. She had always loved to watch him in the mornings…and part of her, the part that dreamed of a normal world for both of them, imagined that she had just woken besides Remus, and here they were in the kitchen, nothing amiss, nothing but a couple making breakfast and reading the morning news.
She walked over in quick steps, wiping floo powder off her clothes as she went and pulled his head to her chest. He wrapped an arm casually behind her as she ran a hand through his hair, holding him close. He thought it horribly pathetic that a little voice inside him, both humorous and serious at the same time, had thought hold me when he saw her stumble in. Remus allowed himself to lean in to her, found it difficult to pull away from the soft hands touching him.
"Did Kingsley come by?" she asked Harry after a moment.
"He just left. He and Remus discussed the spell a bit, then he left pretty fast."
"Well…all this mess has him on edge."
Harry looked at her carefully before he hesitantly said, "I know."
Something flickered in his eyes, and Tonks knew that he had figured Kingsley's Lycanthropy out. Harry earnestly looked at Tonks and Remus, her hand still wrapped gently around his head, his cheek against her stomach. Suddenly, he said, "I have to go to Diagon and pick up something I ordered a few weeks ago. I'll be back in an hour."
He got up and pocketed his wand from the table by the door as he turned the knob. On the way out, he told Remus with a hint of a grin, "If I don't see you until you get home tonight, be careful today."
"You be careful, too," he said. And Harry nodded as he disillusioned and left.
Remus and Tonks looked at the closed door silently and she rubbed at his hair for a moment then sat down beside him. They both knew why he left. After walking in on them yesterday, Harry wanted to give them….a moment. But both knew the time wasn't right. It was never right these days. And Remus wondered if they would ever find moments to simply bond again, with all the madness that revolved around his kind.
He knew that things would either turn out well…or he would lose his life. And halfway through that journey there was no time for indulgent sidetrips. In the back of his mind, Remus still told himself that loving these people, figuring into their lives would hurt them in the end. And the thought wore on him heavily.
"If we don't get in the sack pretty soon, Harry's going to have to seek counseling," she quipped, looking at him with an amused smile.
Remus just puffed out a small laugh then sat silently for a moment before he shook his head and looked up.
"Kingsley will put the spell on tomorrow, so I have to go see Snape this morning. If Grendil has agreed to take part, I have a lot of work to do in one day."
Tonks nodded and got up, all business. "Go get ready. I'll make you something for the road."
Remus usually showered, but his bad knee said a quick soak would make the walk from Hogsmeade to Snape's cottage easier. As he ran the tub, Tonks rummaged the kitchen to throw together a lunch for him. She took the two hardly touched omelets and made a sandwich, found a half-eaten bag of crisps and a bottle of butterbeer and put everything in paper bag before shrinking it to pocket size.
She placed the small bag by his eyepatch on the nightstand and sat down on the bed, felt a light stab of something in her front jeans pocket and touched there, remembering the object. After a moment of calming stillness, she picked up the cane that Dumbledore had given Remus so many years ago, the one that morphed and changed sizes according to the user and stored away with two taps. Simple and elegant, willow wood with a pewter handle. Tonks thought of how many things had changed, how many people they had lost as she returned the cane to its spot between the nightstand and the bed.
For a long moment, she tapped her fingers, considering something she desperately wanted to do, good timing or not. Then she resolutely went to the wardrobe, pulled out clothes for him and quickly walked into the bathroom before she changed her mind.
When the door opened, he started and leaned slightly forward, his arm doing a poor job of covering anything. She gave him a small smile as she slowly draped the clothes over the towel rack then kneeled at the tub, folding her arms across the edge.
"I'm going to have to go. I'm on Moody's shit list today."
"So I heard." He was having a hard time controlling the sudden pounding of his heart, the blood pulsing in his ears.
"Not because he didn't agree with me." Her head didn't move as she spoke, but her eyes trailed down his torso and further before looking at him again, almost shyly. "He wanted to pound her into a greasy spot, too. It's just….my turning her into a pile of grape jelly with nothing left but a green chiffon dress floating in the goo wouldn't look good splayed across the front page of The Prophet."
He shifted in the soapy, translucent water, and it sloshed it lazily about his ribs.
"I have to agree," he whispered and his stomach spasmed with the struggle of trying to control his breathing and appear calm.
Tonks sighed and reached out to wipe a bit of soap from his ear then dug in her pocket with the wet hand.
"I have something for you. I actually bought it from a road vendor yesterday after we parted ways."
Tonks pulled out a necklace - a thin, fairly short leather strand with a skull and crossbones pendant. The skull had an eyepatch, and a small wavy banner of black metal with the word "marauder" wrapped around the top of the crossbones and draped around either side of it.
She held it in front of him, and he watched it dangle from her delicate hand.
"I think it's the name of a local sports team, but I thought it'd make you smile." And he was smiling. Then he let out a light-hearted laugh that made them both think of happier times they'd shared.
"Is this a good-natured jab at my past with the marauders or a comment on the ongoing travails of the eyepatch."
He didn't remove his awkwardly splayed arms from the water to touch the necklace, afraid of what might happen if she realized he was quite aroused. And she unhooked the clasp, leaned in close to put it around his neck as she said, "Both really. They always say look for a bit of humor in adversity to get you through." He could feel the warmth from her body, could smell her perfume and her own scent. He closed his eyes.
"The skull is Howlite, which is why I bought it. If you're going to Snape's, it should come in handy. He has way too many silver things."
She leaned back and situated the necklace on his chest with a smile, but he could see the strain in it. She was worried.
"You'll let me know what happens? And owl me if you need anything?...Or even if you don't?" she added.
He murmured "yes," taking in her face with his eyes; feeling an odd desperation creeping into his heart as she started to rise and he managed quickly, "May I kiss you?"
Tonks let out a small incredulous sound as she went back down to her knees and leaned over the tub, her face just inches from his, and he could see her eyes dancing behind the worry in them.
"You'll never have to ask that from me. I'm always here for you, waiting to be kissed…you great prat."
Water rushed across in a soapy wave, a brief squeak of skin on metal as he leaned in and kissed her deeply, a small, desperate exhalation sounding in the back of his throat when he opened his mouth slightly and touched his lips to hers.
Her hand reached under the water and touched his hip then moved searchingly up his ribs and came around, resting on his lower back, the place where it used to fall as they slept. He felt hard, tight blood pounding in his core as her gentle fingers fell there. The kiss deepened even further and he worked his lips around hers, caressing her fully.
Finally, for lack of air, they breathlessly pulled away, and Tonks leaned back, one hand grasping the edge of the tub. Her head spasmed just a bit and she shut her eyes then focused on him, pupils heavily dilated. She ran her lower lip over the upper one, hot water that tasted of him lingering on her mouth.
"Do you really want to wait?" she whispered with a small, tight laugh as she ran her gaze over him again then came back to his eyes and found the same hopeful, heartbreaking look she saw on his face the first time they had kissed.
"No," he managed. "But….we should."
She moved forward and fervently kissed his cleanly shaven cheek then moved back to search his eyes with a solid strength she always managed to find in times of adversity. He leaned closer and she dropped another kiss on his mouth and another at the corner of his eye before getting up but he pulled at her hand and pressed it to his cheek, held it there for a long while, his eyes closed; and she sat on the edge of the tub.
She finally pulled the hand away and brushed wet hair off his forehead, her thumb rubbing across it lightly, soothingly.
"Everything will be okay, Remus. I promise. And when all this madness has passed and things are…..simpler….when you're ready, I'll be waiting for you. You'll never have to doubt that."
He nodded, eyes never leaving hers then he took her hand again and squeezed it as she got up. Something pulled from his very being as he felt her wet hand slowly sliding away from his.
And as Tonks turned the knob to leave she said, with a mischievous look on her face, "Be sure to tell that greasy-haired degenerate that the pink-haired bitch says 'hi.'"
He laughed and reached a hand into the opaque water to locate the soap bar. "I will definitely pass that along."
As the door shut, Remus let out a huge, shuddering breath and fully massaged the large, aching desire he had struggled to hide, came quickly with a moan. Eyes closed, mouth slightly open as the final wave of pleasure pulsed through him, Remus breathed heavily and evenly.
Physical desire sated, he leaned against the back of the tub then sank his head and shoulders completely below the water, trying to cleanse his mind of thoughts he felt he couldn't afford. But they were too strong, and so he allowed himself to picture Nymphadora wearing the ring he made for her…of waking up to find her in his embrace in a place they could call their own, of carrying their baby in his arms as they walked, hand in hand down London streets, free from all harm and hate. He thought of all the things that would never happen…and mourned them.
When Remus reached the seaside cabin and re-illusioned, he found Snape sitting on the back porch in black pajama bottoms, his cane resting against the inside of his leg, the head of it cradled against his shoulder as his hand touched lightly on a full glass of amber colored liquor at his side.
He stopped at the edge then walked slowly towards the potionsmaster until he stood a few feet away. Like before, there was no acknowledgment, no welcome.
Finally, Snape turned and fixed his eyes on the bottle in Lupin's hand.
"Well well…look what the wolf dragged in." His damaged voice was even hoarser in the morning air.
"As you requested…" Remus said, putting the bottle on the small marble table with a soft clank.
"Yeesss…very nice…you may keep the change."
"It was eight Muggle pounds more than you gave me."
"Indeed," Snape said with an unmistakable smirk. Remus inwardly rolled his eyes.
"Your back porch…it has the same wards as the house?"
Snape shut his eyes and nodded slowly and deliberately then opened them again to stare at the endless ocean. Remus finally leaned against a beam and looked out with him, his back to the potionsmaster.
"I read the morning paper…it seems you have a mosquito whizzing about your cage today…"
"I'm not worried about Skeeter."
"Indeed. Nevertheless, I'm shocked you'd even attempt to come here…unless you have aurors in your pocket. I'm sure you have at least one…in your pocket."
Remus ignored the jab. "The monitoring spell starts tomorrow……but coming here today will still get me arrested if certain people find out." He turned around and leaned on the beam when he added, "And I didn't think you'd come into London if I asked."
Snape's glowering eyes cut into him as he brought the glass to his lips.
Remus knew that alcohol had become an all too familiar solace in Snape's self-imposed isolation. But scotch for breakfast…..merlin…. He tried to stop his trailing eyes, but they instinctively roamed from the glass to dark areas on the potionsmaster's body. Deep claw marks raked both shoulders and at his neck the distinct scarring of broad teeth, waxen punctures of each tooth visible and depressed into the skin.
Snape's black eyes pierced into Remus as the werewolf briefly glanced at the marks.
"Shocked by brutal, unfamiliar reminders of the war, Lupin?"
Remus looked at him with a hint of pity that Snape didn't like.
"Nothing shocks me anymore, Severus." He turned back to the ocean, hand deep in his pocket as he leaned heavily on the beam.
Snape slowly poured a second scotch, sipped at it with some irritation and glared at Remus' back as the two of them endured an uncomfortable silence, made somewhat more bearable by the calming ocean in front of them.
"You're not going to ask what caused these injuries? What person or thing? What circumstances brought them about?
"No," he said quietly.
"You're wondering if I've contracted Lycanthropy….or if the students' old vampire rumors are true…there are so many conclusions to draw…but the reality of the matter is…humans and animals bite for many reasons…Anger, protection, control…..love."
At "love," Remus turned around, looking a bit threatened; and Snape eyed him with an ugly hunger, sensing a weak spot and eager to probe it.
"You've pushed inside another, felt hot skin rubbing against yours….the heat, the smell of another human deep in your senses…you can't tell me you haven't bitten down and felt the thrill of salty blood warm against your lips…..how many times have you marked that nymph as she's writhed beneath you? Surely, all you've left her with is a catacombed neck."
Remus had said nothing shocked him, but Severus could see a hint of just that in his carefully controlled face.
"I would have never done that to her…marked her like that."
"But you have bitten her," Snape said knowingly, white teeth visible through the slit of his sneer.
Remus looked away and swallowed, and Severus relished the werewolf's discomfort like a medicinal tonic.
"I never hurt her. Pain has no place in pleasure, Severus."
Snape let out a laugh, hoarse but quite loud for his damaged throat.
"I must disagree with you on that, Lupin….but, enough of these pointless games…perhaps we should go in inside."
Snape made to rise when he realized two hours of sitting idly on the porch had stiffened his weak leg. He sat back down and tested the joint painfully with a small bend then muttered, "Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to help me," as he stood with a stifled grimace.
Remus stayed in his spot and shook his head; and Snape finally managed to walk, a bit straighter in the back than necessary, into the cabin and made for the bedroom, pointing wordlessly at the couch with his cane before shutting the door behind him.
Remus sat down on the large, overstuffed couch and soonafter, Snape re-emerged wearing black leather slippers and a heavy black robe, his pajama bottoms still visible underneath it.
He shot Remus a furtive, fairly nasty look as he passed him to reach the scotch decanter and poured the werewolf a large glass then spelled it over as he sat down carefully in the chair across from him.
Lupin leaned on his knees, the scotch glass held loosely in his good hand as his gaze fixed Snape, who sat quite still in the comfortable chair and looked quite uncomfortable.
"Lupin…..Cretagus Grendil has declined to be directly involved in your forum."
Remus returned his stare for a minute then blinked and dropped his head, let out a deep breath then raised the glass and drained it in several efficient swallows. He stared at the empty glass then put it down pensively on the table between them.
"I am sorry," Snape said slowly. And Remus could hear the regret in his voice.
"I see…..well….thank you for contacting him. I do appreciate it."
"What will you do?" Snape queried in a suddenly detached, almost clinical voice.
In the silence, Remus could hear his ears ringing, his heart beating. He could feel a wave of slow and heavy depression wrapping around him. Finally, he traced his eyes, found his voice. "I have two choices, really. I can stay here and die…..or I can leave…..go to Germany, perhaps. They have a commune there, in the forest."
"Which is barely a step above Fenrir's pack. They're ferals, Lupin."
"They're my equals…."
"You're not one of them."
"I am, Severus. Civilization here doesn't want my kind. Soon, there will be no werewolves in London. And no one will mourn us. People will breathe easier for it….If I can't make the forum happen, I can't stay…..I won't die here."
He sighed and relaxed into the couch with a bit of defeat, looked up at the low, vaulted roof of the cabin and saw a small spider web glinting in the morning sun. In that moment of simple concentration, he found some center of peace long enough to share a brutally personal secret.
"I'm going to be honest with you. This…this past year, I've barely survived…I've done nothing but wait to die…have wanted it even…just a release from everything…from the pain, the hatred…the hurt and loneliness…..but this past week has changed things….I don't know how a few simple days can accomplish that, but they have…I won't let Umbridge and her laws slowly kill me. Not anymore…"
Severus rubbed at the head of his cane with a pensive thumb, brows knitted.
"So these are your choices, death or banishment."
"I won't go back to London City Holding, and that in itself is a felony offense. I won't be able to return to England."
"I see…you wouldn't request the forum anyway?"
Remus sat still for a moment then finally shook his head resolutely. "Any reform has to somehow play into economics for The Ministry to consider it. And I don't see any other way that could occur."
Severus stabbed lightly at the rug with his cane, looking down with an almost angry look in his eyes.
"Lupin….I said that Grendil refused to directly involve himself….he has idealistic issues with stepping foot in England. He did…however…state that he would allow me to speak at the forum on his behalf…and….I am….I am co-creator of the new wolfsbane, although he holds the patent."
The werewolf slowly raised his eyebrows, a low grin playing on his lips. Snape didn't like the look of it.
"Lupin, my speaking on behalf of these ideas is worse than no forum at all. Surely you're not blind to the fact that I'm one of the most hated people in post-war society."
Lupin just continued to smile.
Snape rolled his eyes and looked out the window, hands still kneading in annoyance at Malfoy's cane.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Grendil holds the patent…and the public acknowledgement of creation. It was his prerogative. And we're colleagues, but I don't know him well. He sent me an early formula, and I perfected it. When I went to Spain to discuss this with him, we met for the first time."
"You went to all the way to Spain for this?" Remus asked quietly
Snape turned back to Lupin, his face slowly morphing into one of pure annoyance but in spite of that he said, "Given the weighty political implications, I felt the topic required face-to-face discussion."
Remus nodded. "You weren't going to tell me that you could represent the science. You really feel that you're that big of hindrance?"
"Don't delude yourself, Lupin. Animosity towards me is stronger than any positive alternatives your program would suggest."
"This forum will be full of animosity. Umbridge hates Lycanthropes. She hates people questioning her laws, stirring up trouble. The post-war Ministry is hardnosed, and they've inadvertently destroyed many things they mean to protect, like freedom…and opportunity. I'll come in and address tolerance and understanding, the last two things they want to hear about….the populace will call the wolfsbane program unpatriotic and selfish…especially at a time when people should attempt to sacrifice self for the sake of freedom…..I'm well aware it's a complicated game we play, living here today. It's irrational, but I understand it….. And I'm not saying the forum will accomplish anything, Severus…..but I have to try and do what I can."
Snape answered him with a sharp reprimand. "It will fail. And when it does, they won't let you leave, Lupin. They'll kill you. It will be like the days of old, wands and ropes and torches in the night. You know this."
Remus shifted in his chair. "I see….Is that why you hide out here?"
Snape pursed his lips in thought then cut his narrowed eyes to the portico as he shrugged casually. "I have no interest in explaining my role in the war. A select few understand it……I believe, however odd it may be, that you do. But beyond the displeasure of being spat on by strangers, I have no intrinsic interest in the company of people anymore. And I have no plans on returning to Hogwarts. In actuality, I'm not sure that I shall stay here much longer."
"Where will you go?"
"It matters not."
"Tell me, Severus," Remus goaded supportively.
Snape looked at bit thoughtful, and Remus saw a glimmer of openness in his face as he looked into the empty glass held loosely in his lap when he finally answered, "Russia."
Remus looked at him carefully. "That's where she is….isn't it….the Deatheater you helped escape….she's one of the reasons they keep watching you, you know…they think she'll eventually show."
"She was a pawn, Lupin. Just one more gullible young mind with no self-esteem, ready to find some purpose and someone who valued her. And she fed into his hatred because it gave her meaning, nothing more. She didn't deserve death or a lifetime of Azkaban for that. She committed no crimes during the war. She simply wore the colors, so to speak, and helped take care of the wounded…And she was raped by him many times when he regained a corporeal body….she's suffered enough."
"And that's why he tortured you….you tried to stop it?"
Snape's face was all stone and bluntness and he looked at a spot above Lupin, unable to meet his eyes. He sniffed and crossed his legs then rubbed carefully at his brow.
"He tortured me for many reasons, none of which I care to discuss with you at the moment."
Remus remained quiet, letting Snape know that he would ask no more questions, would respect the boundaries. Finally, Snape rose and glared at him fixedly.
"Do what you feel is best for your forum, Lupin. I will speak if you should, in some colossal fit of bad judgment, find it necessary….It is your own skinny hide in the balance and, as such, you may gamble it as you choose…but I won't be held responsible for your death, dismemberment, incarceration or general unhappiness."
Remus laughed heartily and Snape was surprised to find his lips turning up in a smile at the sound of it.
Remus stood and after a strange, heavy beat of silence tentatively reached out his left hand to shake Snape's.
Severus looked at the hand warily. "I'm right-handed, Lupin."
"And I'm one-handed," he said, straight-faced.
"Quite so," Severus said in a low, greasy voice but didn't shake the proffered left hand and so Remus dropped it. "I owe you for past considerations. This is recompense, nothing more."
When they got to the back porch, Remus pulled Dumbledore's cane out of his coat pocket and tapped it twice. He sat on the steps and looked out at the ocean, touched the cane to his forehead, lost in thought.
"Dumbledore gave you that cane, did he not?" Snape said casually, spelling the scotch decanter from the other room.
Remus studied the intricate swirl of the grain that worked around the cane. "He did. When I was very young…before I started school at Hogwarts."
"The golden boy from the very beginning. Dumbledore's right hand man." Severus smirked as he poured a new glass, ready to slowly nurse himself into oblivion and hide from random images of terror that shot through his mind on days like today. It would be a good day, a lost day.
Remus and Severus both sat, staring into the blanket of blackish grey sea that pulsed in rushing and rhythmic movement, mist rising up to barely brush at them as the salty ocean touched the white cliffs below. Remus sat entranced, eyes closed, realizing he stood on the bare edge of his life. In the next month, everything would change…for better or for worse. And perhaps for Severus, as well.
Finally, he opened his eyes, started out of his revelry as he stood and turned. "I have a lot to do today…should probably go."
Severus nodded, not looking at him. "I highly approve of your departure."
Remus looked at the cane leaning against Snape's shoulder, the silver cobra's head and emerald eyes glaring out at him. He knew Malfoy's wand lay nestled in the center, ready to strike. When he picked up the cane, Snape's hand shot out and grabbed it; and Remus returned his glance mildly then pulled a bit harder and Snape surprised him by letting go. Remus held the cane up at eye level and studied the head for a short moment then sat it down carefully beside the chair. In its place, he put Dumbledore's cane in the crook of Snape's arm.
Severus watched this all carefully with a look of alert boredom. Without moving his head, he cut his eyes sideways to look at the cane then looked back at Remus, both of them caught in a long stare until Snape finally looked away and picked up Malfoy's cane, jumped it upward in his hand so that he held the bottom. And with one graceful movement, he threw the cane, head over end, spinning in the ocean where its final splash was drowned out by the power of the waves. He looked up at Remus then leaned back in his chair, taking a deep drink of scotch.
And Remus looked out into the ocean where the cane had flown to its demise then studied Snape with a comfortable grin.
"Good day, Severus."
"Remus."
He smiled at the sound of his first name, having never heard Snape use it before. Then he put a hand on his chest and disillusioned, disappearing from sight and heading back to Hogsmeade, once again finding purpose and direction in his struggle to create a better tomorrow.
tbc
Author's Note:
Sorry this was so long in coming, guys. I'm still working out of state but in a less computer accessible area than before. Plus, this thing kept growing. The ring got pushed back a bit, but it will still show.
This chapter makes reference to the scene between Dumbledore and Remus in the "Age Ten" chapter of "Random Acts." It also brings up Howlite once again. The fact that it blocks silver burns in werewolves will be important later.
I hope there aren't too many errors in this chapter. I don't have a beta, and my computer time is pretty limited right now.
Please review if you can! They're the treats that keep me tricking, the snacks that make me roll over, the paycheck that keeps me working…alright, I'll stop (big grin).
Hope you all continue to enjoy reading and thanks for stopping by.
Cheers,
rane