FRESHMEN
MONIKA BEILSCHMIDT
Monika wished her parents were competent. She wished they wouldn't assume she was fine just because she wasn't setting fire to things. She wished they'd actually talk to Julchen, although for that to work Julchen would have to actually talk to them. It wasn't fair that Monika had to deal with being called ugly and not being able to tell her parents something was wrong.
But how do you start that conversation? 'Oh by the way, there's an organised ranking system of girls' prettiness and I was labelled the ugliest. Oh and so was Julchen and she might be planning on blowing up the school during the dance.'
Honestly, Monika wouldn't be surprised if Julchen did blow up the school. Her behaviour was unreadable and irrational. Monika wished she could know what Julchen was thinking so she could convince her not to do it, a big spectacle would just make things worse. The worst part was Monika had no idea what her sister was thinking.
When they were younger it had been simpler. When they were younger Julchen was so straight forwards. But that had all changed.
But it had been nice, when they were kids. When Onkel Otto would read them fairytales, Grimm's fairytales, the Disney versions were too tame apparently. When Julchen learnt flute and Monika watched in awe. When Fritz took them out on 'Educational trips'. One that she always remembered was ice-skating.
It was a cold December day. Fritz had insisted in taking Monika and Julchen out ice-skating. He had told them that it was a German tradition to go ice-skating, Monika wasn't quite sure she believed that but Julchen always said that Fritz knew everything.
The ice rink was packed full of people and they had to cue for ages for their skates. During that wait, Julchen had run off to pull a man's scarf and Fritz called her back and apologised to the huge man, who merely smiled at him. Fritz then turned seriously to Julchen and chided her and, shockingly, she bent her head in shame.
Fritz then bent down to Julchen and said seriously "Remember Julchen, a true Prussian warrior does not provoke a fight they can not win and they are always honourable. Are you a Prussian warrior?"
Julchen's eyes lit up. "Ja, Ja, ich Prussian warrior." She said eagerly.
Fritz laughed gently "I think your German needs more work."
..
As soon as Monika put her skate on the ice, she lost her balance. Julchen clutched Fritz's hand as she stepped on, trusting him to not let her fall. Monika reached for the railing prevent herself from falling over. She watched the other skaters speed around the rink. Fritz skated beside Julchen, ready to extend her a hand if needed. Julchen had a look of concentration, her tongue stuck out as she focused on her feet. Monika cautiously pulled herself along the railing, copying the movements of a pair of blonde twins, only a little older than herself.
After a while of this, she decided she was ready to go on the ice.
And then immediately regretted it.
Desperate arm flailing was the only thing stopping her from falling over. Oh god she was falling over.
And then a hand grabbed hers, totally shifting her sense of balance and Monika fell, spectacularly.
At least the other person had fallen over too.
"Wow Monnie! How'd you even manage that?" Julchen laughed untangling herself from Monika who was fiercely blushing.
"Are you both alright?" Fritz asked, stopping neatly beside them.
"Yes. I'm too awesome to fall."
"Then how come, you're lying on the ice?"
"Sh! West!" Julchen cried, embarrassed.
The two of them somehow managed to get back on their feet. Julchen took Monika's hand and the two of them slowly moved across the ice. They weren't good at ice-skating but they didn't fall over again.
They were called off the ice and Monika was grateful to stand on firm, non-slippery ground again. Julchen, however, was already pestering Fritz to take them back ice-skating, he said they might be able to come back.
They didn't. The rest of the Christmas season was too busy and next year the temporary ice rink was moved. Monika didn't know where but Julchen took it as a personal offence.
Monika carefully placed her books into her bag. There was a folded page lying on top of books. It must have been squeezed in through the gap. She unfolded it, stared at it, then crumpled it up and stuffed it in her pocket. She'd find a trashcan soon.
She came across the folder with all the math notes, meticulously explained methods and colour-coded formulas. The notes took a lot of time and effort but Monika liked teaching Felicity. There was something extremely satisfying seeing Felicity's moment of understanding and then having her do it on her own. Monika liked explaining, liked teaching. Would she even be helping Felicity anymore?
She took the folder with her. Just in case.
..
FELICITY VARGAS
Felicity was waiting anxiously for Monika, shifting her weight every few seconds. Last night had involved several phone calls to various people, ranging from big sister Francine to Lilli. Felicity had wanted to know how to talk to Monika and even if she was upset. Lilli had given Felicity a very Lilli answer of just be nice. Francine's answer was more cryptic but seemed to be a similar message.
Felicity kept mulling over her plan to talk to Monika when she walked in. She was clutching her bag to her chest like a drowning person clutches a life jacket. Felicity spent another second mentally preparing herself, before bouncing over.
"Ciao, Monnie!" She said brightly.
"Hello, Felicity." Monika responded. There was a pregnant pause during which Felicity tried not to be upset that Monika hadn't used her nickname.
"So, erm" Felicity's mind searched desperately for a way to bring up The List. That was the part of Francine's advice she'd understood, be tactful, don't just blurt it out. "Lilli and Emily and me will be going dress shopping tomorrow, wanna come?"
It had been a long fought battle to get both of them to go shopping, Emily didn't want to wear a skirt much less shop for a dance dress and Lilli's brother had taken a lot of convincing. Apparently he hadn't wanted her to be friends with either of them after The List, something about a negative light.
Monika looked at Felicity. "I'm not going to Homecoming so why would I need a dress?" She said flatly.
"What?" Felicity was stunned. "But it's our first high school dance. And there'll be lots of cute boys to flirt with."
"Well then, maybe I should pick out a suit."
"Huh?" Felicity was confused.
Monika reached into her pocket, pulled out a crumpled ball of paper and handed it to Felicity. Curiosity burning inside, she opened up the page to find a torn out page from a fashion magazine. It advertised Prom tuxedoes, a particularly broad shouldered one was circled in sharpie.
"Monnie?"
Monika wasn't looking at her.
"Monnie, you're not a man." Felicity had a habit of stating the obvious, especially when confused.
"I know that Felicity." She snapped, suddenly annoyed. "Everyone knows that. But that's not the point. To everyone I will always be Manika, I'll always be ugly."
Monika was trembling with emotion.
"And I shouldn't care about it. It's not important. What's important is Julchen's potential destruction. But I can't do anything about that. I can't do anything about the fact I look like a man. I can't do anything about the fact you don't need me." She said all of this quickly and seemed to fall in on herself at the end. "I'm so confused. I should know what to do, right?" She said the last part almost as a whisper.
Felicity put her arms around Monika in a hug.
"I do need you. You're my best friend."
They stood there in an awkward hug. Felicity prayed that she'd cheered up Monika, she wasn't entirely sure she had.
..
I'm not sure why but this chapter was really hard to write. I also just realised this is the first time Felicity and Monika even interacted. And yeah if anyone's wondering Monika is not fully cheered up. Felicity only addressed part of her issues.
So I'm back in school because the unions decided to stop striking, bout time too. Actually went back on the ninth so conversations were basically oh god we're in school and Trump got elected. Heh probably shouldn't mention politics.
Edit: Okay so I've gotten a few messages about pairings, now i suppose the expected thing to do would be to neatly list out the romantic relationships that appear in this story. But I'm not going to do this. Simply listing out pairs is just a minefield of spoilers and it also ruins any potential ambiguity of the relationships. Let's say I listed PruHun as a pair for this story now you'll see all of their history as a couple rather than as friends, sometimes a person's feelings for another are complicated and its up to the reader to decide whether it's platonic or romantic. And with regards to spoilers, let's say i write a story about England and France in a relationship but then England ends up with America, if i label my story FrUk with eventual UsUk the whole story has been given away.
For some stories this works, one-shots, linear stories, romances, ect, but there isn't meant to be clarity in this story since everything is told from the characters point of view and is unreliable, like is there Spamano in this fic? Felicity thinks their relationship is familial but perhaps it is romantic, you get to decide, so spelling it out ruins the ambiguity.
Sorry i went on a big rant but this was something I wanted to address and give my full thoughts on.