Sorry for letting you wait so long! Give me reviews and you know what the next chapter might lead up to.. Mind you. Lead up to.

Remus took him to the Zoo. It all started with a joke that if Sirius had been a kid, he would've taken him there. It had taken Sirius quite some convincing to make an unwilling Remus believe he had honestly never been to one before. And so they went.

Not before Sirius got dressed properly, though. He had too much fashion sense to walk in sweat pants outdoors. His clothes, still soaking and rather smelly by now, were in his bedroom. With a face he untangled the smelly heap and quickly dried and cleaned them, put them on and went downstairs to have breakfast with Remus. If the latter even noticed that Sirius' clothes never seemed to get wrinkled or dirty, he did a damned good job hiding it as they munched away a ridiculously good English breakfast.

They took a bus. A large objects with many people in it. Something Sirius hadn't done before either but he decided it was probably best not to tell Remus. One could only seem that posh and oblivious before it would get weird and suspicious, he reckoned.

And then there was the Zoo. The Zoo. There were so many animals he had never heard before. Some with stripes, others with thick, slick skin as they carelessly swam around the water. He would run from quarter to quarter, almost climbing the bars and pointing at various animals to make sure Remus was seeing the same thing. He couldn't care less if he acted like a child. This was the best time he had had in his life. Remus calmly followed his every step, hands in his pockets and a satisfied smile on his face. If things were rattling in his brain, trying to put things in place, then Sirius was too occupied to notice. He was just so happy.

To complete the missing childhood experience, Remus treated him to fries and ice cream. It was an amazing day and Sirius felt warm and fuzzy like happy kid, about to doze off. He was beaming with excitement and couldn't stop talking about all he had seen. Not on the bus and not on their short walk home.
'And the lion! How can one lazy asshole get all those woman to do his job!'
Remus just grinned and patted him on the shoulder.
'You are one posh kid.' He laughed and Sirius gave him a wicked grin.

But as all good things come to an end, this fuzzy moment had to stop too. It was when Remus put his hand in his pocket to retrieve the key and open the front door, they suddenly fell back into reality. A hold-your-heart-who-knows-what-will-happen-next reality.

Sirius had never before experienced a place this warm and welcoming to feel eerie too. They both knew that if they would step inside, take off their coats and sit down, things would never be the way they left again. All of a sudden the amazing Zoo experience seemed nothing more than a distraction.

Who knew how long they stood there. It could've been hours. It could've been seconds. After that who-knows-how-long while it was the rain that decided it was enough and shooed them inside with a cold splatter of thick raindrops. And so it started.

They took of their coats. Kicked off wet shoes. They walked towards the couch. Sirius sat down on the left. Remus was about to sit down but had hardly even touched the couch before he sprung up as if it had burned him.
'Tea?' He asked and was about to walk out of the living room. Unfortunately for him, Sirius wasn't a fool.
'No.' He said and took hold of Remus' wrist. 'You promised. Sit down.'
Remus frowned. There was a pained look on his face. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation.

Sirius couldn't blame him. In fact, he wasn't sure he was going to like it himself. Of course, somewhere deep down inside he hoped Remus would express his new found, undying love for him. Sirius would throw himself in Remus' arms, they would kiss and live happily ever after. But at the same time he was frightened. He hadn't been in love since the neighbor kid. And that was quite some time ago.

He had lived a life of flings, casual sex. Frankly, he was still not convinced that an accidental meeting with a stranger could make him fall in love and forget all that, despite what his heart and stomached tried to make him believe.

…

Remus made no effort to start the conversation whatsoever. Sirius, however, couldn't take the tension any longer. Ever since he had been kicked out of his home, everything had been confusing and the complete opposite of what he thought it would be. He expected to be sure of everything, to get a purpose of life and know what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. It had been nothing of the sort. He needed security. And Sirius decided that would have to start with whatever conversation they would be having right now. It would not end before it had reached a satisfying end with certainty.

'Would you like me to start the conversation?' Sirius asked and Remus nodded. Sirius could see the frustration in his eyes and felt sorry for him.

'Alright. Why don't you start by telling when you first realized you might.. like men.' He chose his words ever so carefully. Sirius could be oblivious, blunt and downright arrogant, but he wasn't completely insensitive. He had had this moment. Sure, about twenty-five years earlier on his path in life as Remus would, but he knew it could hurt.

'I never did. That's the point. I like women. I love women. Until this very moment I do not believe that what happened with Dora had anything to do with me not liking women.'
'Dora?' Sirius was puzzled for a second.
'My ex-wife?'
'Right. Sorry.' He could punch himself in the face. For a moment he had thought this conversation would just be about the two of them. But there were roughly six billion other people in the world too. 'Continue. You like women. But we're having this conversation nevertheless. You have doubt.'
'Yes.' Remus swallowed. 'Alright. Perhaps it did sometimes cross my mind. Whether I might never have those extreme butterflies people talk about because of that. Everlasting love and what not. But I never met a man I fancied. I never thought that would be.. Honestly. But then..'

'But then..' Sirius repeated.
'But then the doorbell rang.' Remus sighed and faced the ceiling for a split second. 'I can't believe I'm actually saying this. It must sound ridiculous. I feel like an idiot.'
'Don't.' Sirius whispered and placed his hand upon Remus'. It was so warm. He had to resist rubbing his thumb across the slightly scarred skin. It would ruin the moment. 'Tell me.'
'I opened the door. You were standing there with that cigarette behind your ear. And then.. I-'

'Yes?'
'I just.. I thought..'
There was a long silence. Remus had a pained look on his face.
'I'm sorry. I just can't seem to say it. It feels so weird.'
'Are you in love with me?' It was hard not to let his voice shake or his cheeks blush. Could it be?
Remus frowned.

' That's the problem, isn't it? What I feel right now.. For you..'
He said it. Sirius' insides burst. Not literally. Not with those many words. But he said it.
'It's not what I experience as love.'
Sirius' face dropped. Not what he wanted to hear. Could he, for fuck's sake, not be a toy, for once?
'It's not lust either!' Remus hastily added as if he knew exactly what Sirius was thinking. 'I've never felt like this before but it feels.. good.' He shook his head. 'This must sound silly to you. You've got men longing for you all the time. Sorry.'

Sirius knew it wasn't meant as an insult but it stung nevertheless.

'Not really.' He shrugged.
'How is that.' Remus asked.
'I'm just a prize to them, really.'

His fingers played with a little piece of thread that stuck out of the couch. For the first time in his life he felt ashamed. Not that he was ever proud about the amount of men he had shared his bed with. But now he just felt like a filthy whore. Was this what Julia Roberts felt like in Pretty Woman when she finally met that one guy that wasn't just a trick? He cleared his throat.

' This is different. All those other men.. They are a game. I choose my word, my tone and my play. I play into what they find attractive in a boy. And after we're done I never wish to see them again. It was nothing of the sort with you. All you had to do was open the door and you had me with that pencil behind your ear, a brown sweater and those glasses. And I was the one doing the longing.'

Fuck. There. He said it. It was all out in the open now. There was no going back.. No denying. Hello, feeling of insecurity. Hello, being very aware of naked necks and axes hovering over them.
'Does this mean..' Sirius started but he stopped. He didn't know what to say. What to do. This was just ridiculous. Sirius slowly moved a little closer towards Remus and he could hear the man hold his breath. There was so much tension in the air that Sirius was sure he could grab hold of it and see what it looked like, if he tried. But he had something else on his mind. It was time to be courageous and blunt Sirius.

'Does this mean you want to date me?'
To his delight, there was a hint of a smile on Remus' lips. His mood fell though, as he saw how the man shook his head and the smile faltered.
'Should we? What if it doesn't work out? I'd feel terrible if you'd be homeless again because this doesn't work and I'd have to ask you to leave..'
'I'll manage.' Sirius growled. He loved how kind and gentle this man was, really. But if that kind and gentle heart would get in the way of what Sirius wanted, he might have to strangle it. Too his pleasant surprise, however, Remus' hand came into action and took hold of Sirius'.

'The thing is.. I never know how long I have left. It made me get married once. A spur off the moment thing. Of course, things were different back then.. But I wouldn't want you to become victim of a man not knowing what he wants. I wouldn't want to leave you behind without answers if something would.. happen.'
'I take it that has something to do with whatever it is you do those weekends for work.'
Remus smiled sad. 'You are a clever boy, aren't you.'
'So I've been told. Don't worry, I won't snoop around.'
'That might be a good idea. Let's make a deal. I won't ask about your secrets if you don't ask about mine.'
Sirius frowned.
'My secrets?' He was confused. What was the man talking about? He knew everything, didn't he?

What on earth could he mean? Sirius was back from his attempt to run away before Remus could find the note. And he probably couldn't know about.. It took all his restraint not to glare towards the hallway where his jacket hung, with in his inner pocket that mysterious object. That would be ridiculous. How could he know. And why would he know what it was.. But it was true, wasn't it? He had a secret.

'I'm not stupid, Sirius. There are things you hide. And that's fine. If anyone understands some secrets are better not be told, it's me. Though I must admit, I'd very much appreciate it if those secrets didn't entail killing your house lord.' Oddly enough, Sirius realized there was no joking in his voice.

'Deal.' He finally agreed. Then he bit his lip but didn't speak his mind. If this worked out, if it turned out that Remus was the man he wanted to be with forever, he could always decide upon a no-secrets clause later in their relationship. For now, there was just one thing he really wanted to do.
' Just one thing.' He said and Remus cocked his head, awaiting the final demand. 'If things.. if this.' He motioned between them, 'gets serious, I want to know all your secrets. And then I'll tell you mine.'
There was a silence. Not very long but heavy with ghosts of potential-lover's past.
'Deal.' Remus repeated the earlier statement. 'If this turns out to be more than just the whims of an old man's brain-' Sirius snorted at old and Remus gave him a look. ' A not-very-young-man's brain, then. I'll tell you everything you want to know. But on my terms.'
Sirius agreed. Oh, he agreed. Great. Now all the longing and wanted was mutual and confirmed, he decided it was time for step too.

'Should I kiss you now?' Sirius whispered. Oddly enough not in the voice he knew could drive men crazy. It was just a whisper, a soft murmuring of kind words. He leaned in a bit to ensure Remus knew he meant it.
'Yes.' Was the reply he got and his heart skipped a beat.
'Yes?' Sirius asked to make sure he heard correctly.
'Yes.' Remus repeated as he looked Sirius in the eyes. His look was so fragile. So insecure and almost afraid. Sirius' heart beat like mad. This was it. The first moment of the rest of his life.