The story so far…

A nameless teenager from Down Under has been finding the cast of Animaniacs for a potential revival. Those assembled include Scratchansniff, Ralph, Hello Nurse, Pinky and the Brain & Rita and Runt.

The Warners That Time Forgot

Episode 7: An Offer He Should've Refused

As far back as the teenager could remember, he had a special soft spot for the Goodfeathers. They weren't the big name stars like the Warners or Slappy and they didn't have the appeal that Rita & Runt had. But to the teenager, they were still a special part of the show and he needed to find them nonetheless.

However, the teenager's job was made harder by the fact his ACME character finder was faulty and was only giving off one signal. Either way, it was a lead, which leads him to an Italian restaurant in New York called Mario Puzzo's.

As he sits down at a table for one, a waiter appears, and it turns out to be Don Pepperoni, the guy who the Warners harassed for trying to take the booth they were sitting in at this exact restaurant. "What will it be today sir?" he says. The teenager recognises him immediately. "Hey, didn't you used to be the Godfather?"

"Yeah, but I really liked this waiter job, they give you this pretty little smock so you wouldn't spill anything on your nice clothes," Don replies, sounding a little less masculine then he should be.

"I'll have the spaghetti and meatballs," the teenager orders. Looking around, he couldn't see anything that would give any indication of an Animaniacs character being around in this building. Then, suddenly the doors fly open and a small, bulging figure walks into the building. He walks towards the teenager, jumps onto the seat and then onto the table. It's the Godpigeon.

The Godpigeon starts to talk, but like always, it's an incoherent babble. The teenager says, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you, the translator I have doesn't speak your language"

The Godpigeon then speaks again and points down to the bottom of the screen. He points to a caption that says, "Read the subtitles"

"Oh OK. Anyway, can you tell me where some of the Goodfeathers are? Bobby, Pesto and Squit?"

[Ah, my three sons*, they're good boys, loyal, trustworthy, and committed to the family]

"Yes, but can you tell me where they are"

[(Laughing) How about I make you an offer you can't refuse. What if I could make my boys come to you?]

"I'm listening."

[Go to these places, buy these items and then come to the middle of Central Park. I'll be waiting]

"OK… I guess I'll do that. It's very strange though," and with that the teenager left the restaurant, forgetting that he ordered food. When the food arrived, the Godpigeon started to eat it, and laughed to himself.

The three things the teenager had to buy were simple enough, a luxury water feature big enough to double as a birdbath, some bright flowers and about 300m of fencing. Simple enough, so simple in fact that it's almost pointless describing the purchase of each, as the events are so insignif….

"Just get on with writing the story them!" the teenager shouted angrily at the writer.

OK then. Once the teenager bought these items, he followed the directions to the middle of Central Park, where the Godpigeon told him to meet. When he arrived at the spot, the area was filled with leafless trees, and a cold-water lake on one side, "It's winter, don't cha know?" the teenager said to the audience. The Godpigeon was nowhere to be seen.

About 15 minutes later he walks in.

[Sorry, I had to deal with the other mob down in Queens. Here is your building instructions]

The Godpigeon handed the teenager a sheet of paper. On the paper were, to be honest, a bunch of squiggly lines and sentences that didn't make sense.

"How the hell am I supposed to build whatever it is you wanted me to build? These instructions about as hard to decipher as something bought from an IKEA store."

[Well, good luck]

And with that, the Godpigeon walked off to attended to other matters in his society

"Wait, you're not going to give me any hints or anything? Come back!" the teenager pleaded to the Godpigeon, but he was long gone.

And so, the teenager was left alone to build something. He didn't know what, but it was something. "I feel like I'm being played for a fool here," he said.

The days rolled on, and progress on the build was slow. To the point that 4 days in, the teenager was almost to the point of becoming weary. Sometime during the day, it was lightly snowing and the teenager had decided to take a rest.

When he was just about to fall into the sleep state he thought he heard, "HELLO NURSE!" The teenager immediately rose from his sleep and said to himself, "Yakko?" He looked around, and nothing was there. "Humph. Must have been dreaming."

The entire building job took a week to complete, but it was finished… somehow. It turns out all he had to do was install the water feature, build a fence around it and plant the flowers, as well as adding some fancy extensions to the water feature the instructions told him to buy.

Then, right on cue, the Godpigeon commandingly walks in.

[Good job my son]

"Yeah, yeah, that's great, now that I've built this, how is this going to attract Bobby, Pesto & Squit?"

[Hold on. I have to test it first]

The Godpigeon entered the sanctuary and sat inside the water feature/birdbath. He was very relaxed, so relaxed, the teenager had to wake him up.

"Um, Godpigeon?"

[Just a minute. Ahhhh]

"What about the whole 'bringing the Goodfeathers to me' business?"

[Why would they come here? You were just going to build me my new home]

"So you fooled me into building you a new luxury birdbath?"

[Yep]

The teenager felt a little bit silly at this time. Fooled by a pigeon, although, to be fair to him, it was the Godpigeon; and the Godpigeon always gets his way in the end.

Suddenly, the Godpigeon rises from the birdbath and walks away from the teenager. [Come], he says

They walked many miles together, as the Godpigeon was seemingly off to attend to another matter.

Eventually, the pair ended up in a lifeless part of the city where every block was apartment blocks over 6 stories high. On the sidewalk were Bobby, Pesto and Squit. Squit was looking downtrodden, hurt by some event, and was moping.

Upon the three Goodfeathers spotting the Godpigeon, they immediately sprang up, making sure they looked their best for the Godpigeon. The Godpigeon stretches out his left foot and all three Goodfeathers kiss it at the same time.

The Godpigeon then starts to mumble something to the three of them. Bobby explains to the others, "The Godpigeon says that you should quit worrying about your loss and there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

Squit says, "But we're birds, we don't eat fish"

The Godpigeon laughs and them mumbles again to Bobby, who translates, "The Godpigeons likes your style of humor."

The Godpigeon continues to talk to Bobby. Bobby looks surprised and then says, "Really? He wants to what?"

Pesto gets curious, "Wha? Wha? What is he saying? Come on, spit it out Bobby!"

"The Godpigeon is saying that this human behind him wants to hire us for a reunion of the TV show we used to be on as one of the star animal actors again."

Pesto slightly excited says, "You mean that show with those beakin' crazy Warner kids?"

"Yep," Bobby replies.

Squit then suddenly snaps out of his moping, "Well, forget my stupid issues, (Squit coos) we're going to be stars again!" Squit then stars dancing around a bit stupidly. Pesto then goes up to him and whacks him"

"What did I do?" Squit asks Pesto

"Nothing," he says, "I just felt like whackin' somebody"

The teenager starts to speak to them, "Yep. All I need for you to do is to go into this travel cage. It will assure you a safe journey to Burbank."

Bobby is surprised, "Is he talkin' to us?" he says to himself and then says, "Hey! Are you talkin' to me? Well, are you?"

"Yes I am talking to you Martin Scorsese. I have an animal translator. Unfortunately it doesn't work with the Godpigeon." The Godpigeon, still present, chuckles to himself.

And so, the Goodfeathers got into the cage, except for the Godpigeon; who does what he pleases and will no doubt turn up in Burbank sooner or later.

Inside the cage, the Goodfeathers start to talk to each other. "I can't believe it, we're gettin' a second shot at the big time," Bobby says

Squit adds his two cents, as he always does, "Yeah. This time we'll show those studio executives that we're no dopes."

Pesto turns to Squit, "What do you just say I was?"

Squit starts to get nervous, "You know, we're no dopes, we're not stupid."

"No I do not know, are you implying that I am some kind of idiot who would want to cheat using performance enhancing drugs?!"

"No, I'm saying the opposite!"

"Yeah sure. Are you saying I'm Lance Armstrong, here to give you a heartfelt apology in front of a TV talk show host for you?"

"No, I'm not saying that!"

"I am not a dope?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying," Squit starts to feel relieved

But then suddenly, as it seems that Pesto is calming down, he leaps at Squit and says, "THAT'S IT!" A cloud of smoke clouds the two birds, as Pesto goes to beat up Squit.

"You sayin' I'm not a dope? I'll give you someone who's not a dope!"

And so the story comes full circle, as at the same time, the teenager notices Rita & Runt are together again in Burbank.

So, just two character sets to go. Skippy and Slappy, as well as the Warners. Wait, I can hear you screaming out at me, I'm forgetting someone aren't I? Well don't worry, Chicken Boo, Katie Ka-Boom, the Hip Hippos, the Mime, Mr Skullhead, the Randy Bearman kid and Minerva Mink all feature next chapter in a globetrotting round-up of all the minor characters.

*By sons, he means his mob 'family', not a real family

Note: Yes I noticed I left out Buttons & Mindy accidentally but you can be sure they'll be in the story.