X.
Mari hated being a sick patient at a clinic or hospital. There was nothing to enjoy about the experience except leaving. She shifted in her seat, the hard plastic uncomfortable to sit on. The medical droid placed a strip of bacta on the now cleaned stump and she winced.
It felt like her hand was still there. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine her hand still gripping the lightsaber as she charged at Darth Maul. Mari cringed at the memory. Another stupid decision in a long list of mistakes.
She sighed and eyed the medical droid. Anakin had told her it was an older model, and as such it worked at a slow and steady pace. It gave her time to think, which was much unneeded at the moment.
As much as she tried, Mari couldn't remember falling in the medical room. She struggled to remember much after helping Obi-Wan walk Qui-Gon out of the hangar. Those memories were hazy. She could recall waking on an exam table and attempting to punch Dr. Henné, who had been cleaning her stump of an arm with a little too much force. Who would have thought that sort of reaction happened in real life? That was another embarrassing memory to add to the list. Worse yet, Padme had been there to witness the near assault of her doctor.
If the Queen had been unimpressed, she did a great job of not letting it show. Instead, Padme had taken a moment to thank Mari for her assistance in defeating the assassin. Mari hadn't known what to say to that. She didn't think she did much to help.
Anakin had visited her afterward and informed her that Master Qui-Gon was still awake and the medical droids were tending to him. That had been the best news of the day. She wanted to visit him, but he was in another exam room. After cleaning her stump, Dr. Henné had left Mari alone with the medical droid so she could tend to the Jedi.
The medical droid slowly placed another strip of bacta on her arm. As she watched it perform its job, she wondered how Qui-Gon was faring. He had been so pale the last time she saw him, his skin cold and clammy. Seeing him like that made her heart ache. She wanted to talk to him. To make sure he was alright. As happy as she was that Qui-Gon hadn't been killed outright during the duel with Maul, she still couldn't help but feel uneasy.
The droid finished tending to what was left of her arm and wheeled out. Mari leaned against the chair and closed her eyes, exhaustion taking over. Within moments she fell asleep.
It was with a violent shiver that Mari gained consciousness. Her arms were wrapped around herself. One hand, she noticed immediately, felt harder than the other. She looked down at the offending extremity. It was polished snowflake obsidian. Mari wiggled the fingers and they moved with ease.
"Interesting."
Behind her was the ethereal looking woman. She was staring at Mari's hand, her face deep in thought. It was in that moment that Mari noticed where they were.
They stood on a bridge of ice. It was about five feet across and its surface was uneven beneath her bare, purpling feet. The wind howled in her ears and threatened to push Mari over the edge into the misty abyss below. Above them the sky was covered in angry grey clouds.
"What's interesting?"
"Your choice of hand."
She blinked at the woman.
"I didn't choose this."
"But you did." She glided closer to Mari, her feet never quite touching the ice. Puddles formed underneath the woman.
"What happened to the meadows?" Mari looked around, feeling uneasy. "We were there last time."
"They're gone." She said this as if it was the most obvious thing. And perhaps it was. Even so, Mari didn't understand. Where had they gone? "You destroyed them."
For some reason the phrase made her feel intense sorrow. "But why? How?" Her voice cracked. Except it wasn't her voice at all. She looked down at her glass hand to see it clenched in a fist. With great care she opened up her palm. Shards of white and black glass fluttered to her numb feet. There were deep cracks forming.
Instead of answering, the woman lifted her glowing hand into the air and waved it. Mari watched as the clouds parted like the Red Sea. Behind them was the sun, its light orange and dimmed by the black disc that reached for it.
"It is resilient. Despite change, it continues its course." She looked Mari in the eye. "Meadows disappear to be replaced by tundra." She got closer, the ice beneath her feet hissing with each step. "If it is not stopped, the tundra will melt, but there will be a void in its stead."
The woman raised her hand and from Mari's sundress pocket flew out the frozen tear. A chain of ice formed in midair and the tear became its pendant. She fastened it around Mari's neck.
"It hurts." Mari said. The star inside the tear twinkled. Her bare skin burned.
"That is the nature of life."
A loud roaring of cracking ice made Mari look down. Chunks of the bridge were falling into the unknown below.
"Mari!" A voice shouted.
She woke with a jerk of her head. Blinking away the last remnants of sleep, she looked about the exam room. No one was there. Hadn't someone just said her name? She must have dreamt it. Slowly she slid off the exam table and stretched her limbs. An aching pain startled her. How could she have forgotten? She eyed the ugly, bandaged extremity with growing distaste.
Maul's glowing golden eyes staring at her with approval was burned into her memory.
Mari shivered. Something was wrong. She could feel it in her bones. Slowly, her legs carried her out of the room. The halls were unfamiliar to her, considering her last memory was exiting the hangar.
There was a commotion coming from a room three doors down. She watched as a medical droid zoomed through the hall and into the room. Mari found herself approaching it with trepidation. As she got closer, she could hear medical equipment sounding and loud voices. She realized with alarm that one of those voices belonged to Anakin.
Oh God. Oh, no.
Without waiting a second longer, Mari darted into the room. Dr. Henné and two medical droids surrounded Qui-Gon, who laid unmoving in his hospital bed. Her heart sank at the scene. His eyes were shut. The medical monitor didn't show a pulse. Feet away from the bedside stood Obi-Wan, a hand covering his mouth while the other had a tight grip on Anakin's shoulder.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Anakin said. His eyes were shining. He half-heartedly tried to pull himself out of Obi-Wan's grasp.
Dr. Henné shut off the monitor and Mari felt numb. At Qui-Gon's other side, a medical droid called out the time of death. Obi-Wan turned away from the scene, his hand leaving Anakin's shoulder. His back faced Mari. The doctor walked over to the Padawan and said something she couldn't hear before leaving the room, the medical droids trailing after her.
She closed her eyes and held back a sigh of dismay. Just when she thought she had managed to make an impact, it turned out her choices hadn't mattered. Qui-Gon succumbed to his wound. She felt like there was a hole in her chest. Mari couldn't imagine what Obi-Wan was feeling.
Mari approached Anakin. He stared intently at the hospital bed, as if willing Qui-Gon to return to life. She set her hand on his shoulder. He tilted his chin down.
"Anakin?"
Although he tried to hide it, a single tear ran down his cheek. Mari knelt before him and pulled the boy into a gentle hug. It took a few seconds until he relaxed into her embrace.
"Why did he have to die?" He said into her robes.
How was she supposed to answer that? Mari's gaze turned to Obi-Wan. He stood, motionless, by Qui-Gon's bed. His body appeared tense. Mari took a few steadying breaths.
"I don't know, Anakin." She pulled him out of the hug and faced him. With her remaining hand she wiped away the tear. "What I do know, with great certainty, is that even though he is gone, Qui-Gon is now a part of the Force. The same Force that flows through you, me, and the rest of the galaxy. We may not see him or hear him, but Anakin, I promise you, he is here with us." She squeezed his shoulder. "He is at peace."
Anakin nodded slowly. She tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Be at peace, Anakin."
Mari stood and considered approaching Obi-Wan. He still had his back facing them. There were so many things she wanted to say, but none of them felt right. If they had a better relationship, then perhaps Mari would have felt bold enough to voice her thoughts. Instead, she looked away from the soon to be Jedi Knight.
"Come on, Anakin. Let's go get some water."
They left Obi-Wan to mourn his Master in peace. Anakin kept shooting looks at her stump. Mari knew he was full of questions. She couldn't remember if she or Obi-Wan had explained anything to him. That was something she planned to rectify as soon as she could. He needed to know.
After getting their drink of water, which had been a misadventure in itself, Mari followed Anakin to one of the palace guest suites. Padme had given them access to the suite in return for their help in battle. Mari entered the sitting room of their suite and sat on a sofa. It was very comfortable, she thought absently.
"Anakin, I know you must have a lot of questions. I want to answer them as best as I can. Is there anything about the battle you want to ask me about?"
He looked thoughtful for a brief moment.
"Earlier when we were in the plaza you started screaming. Qui-Gon said something about an apprentice. What was that about?"
Of course, he had to drop the hard question on her. She inhaled. Then she exhaled. It wasn't something she particularly wanted to discuss with a nine-year-old. But she was determined not to lie to the boy. Mari explained to him in simple terms that Darth Maul had broken into her mind, and that was why she had screamed the way she did. She forced back a shudder at the memory.
"But why? What did he want from you?"
Why couldn't he ask her anything else? There was only so much she could tell him about her situation. Mari took a minute to gather her thoughts before responding.
"That… is something that I can't tell you. Only because it is much too dangerous to tell you at this time."
At the dissatisfied look on his face, Mari decided to elaborate.
"It's not because I don't want to tell you, Anakin. But right now, your mind is unguarded. Others like Maul would be able to easily break into your mind, like they did with mine, and take that from you. It is… incredibly painful. And I never want to see you experience that."
He nodded and asked her about the battle that had gone on while he was piloting. Mari told him of the fight against the Sith apprentice, sparing any gory and unnecessary details, and briefly touched on how she lost her hand. His eyes darted to her bandaged stump and away.
"Does it hurt?"
Mari nodded. Wanting to change the subject, she asked Anakin what it had been like to pilot the starfighter. He launched into an enthusiastic retelling of his experience flying with the Naboo and destroying the command center. During that time, Obi-Wan entered the suite. Their conversation died away as the Padawan cleared his throat.
"I have contacted the Council. They have been made aware of the situation here." He said. "They are on their way to Naboo, and we will return to Coruscant with them after the funeral."
Hours later Padme dropped by to inform the group that a celebration of their victory was being planned for the following day, and they were to be honored there. Mari was surprised that she, too, would be present in the ceremony.
"But I didn't do anything of use. I was just… there."
"Really? From what I heard your presence helped the Jedi rather than hinder them."
Mari didn't know what to say about that. She didn't agree, but decided not to voice her opinion. Padme's handmaidens then entered the room with clean garments for them to wear. Mari attempted to decline the offer of clothing, feeling uncomfortable with how expensive they clearly were, but Padme put her foot down.
"You would offend the Queen by denying her gift?" She said, eyebrow raised.
"No, of course not-"
"Then I will have my handmaidens set these in your rooms."
And that was how Mari ended up draping her finally clean body with luxurious clothes. She eyed the dirty Jedi tunic with distaste. It had seen better days. Hard to believe that in less than twenty-four hours she had gotten mud, vomit, blood, sweat, and tears on it. She gave the charred sleeve a final glance before dumping the ball of cloth into the trash bin.
Days had passed on Naboo. Mari stood on the balcony and watched the sunset. If things had been different, Mari was sure she would be appreciating how peaceful the world was. Instead, she felt numb and aimless. Her mind was a sky filled with clouds that had to be pushed aside in order to think properly. She held her stump close to her chest. As upsetting as the reminder of her missing limb was, there were more dire things to contemplate. Palpatine. She had almost forgotten that he would be present at Qui-Gon's funeral. The same funeral that she would be attending in a few hours.
She was seriously considering not going. As much as she liked Qui-Gon, her fear of Sidious trumped all else. To think that he was on Naboo somewhere. Maybe even in the palace. God, he could be in the suite next to ours, even. And no one would be the wiser. She tensed up at the thought. He was so close. He could do anything to her.
"Maria?" Mari jumped at the sound of Obi-Wan's voice.
"Jesus, Obi-Wan, you scared me."
It was the first time she had seen him properly since Qui-Gon's death. He still looked terrible. His complexion was pale, there was a bruise visible on his chin, and his eyes were suspiciously red. All in all, he looked just as shit as she felt.
"I'm sorry. That was not my intention." He said. "I meant to inform you that… the funeral is to begin in an hour."
"Oh. Okay."
She thought he would leave, but to her surprise he joined her on the balcony. Mari glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He gazed out at the sunset, arms crossed and pressed against his chest. There was an awkward silence. Mari tried to focus on the myriad of colors in the sky, but found it difficult to concentrate. Why was Obi-Wan here? What did he want?
Mari glanced at him again. He had fingers pressed to his forehead and his eyebrows were scrunched together, telling her that he felt her distress and was not appreciating it.
Relax, Mari. It's just Obi-Wan. The same Obi-Wan who dislikes you immensely.
"Is there any information you are able to provide about the Sith?" He finally said.
Well, that certainly wasn't what she thought he would say. In fact, she didn't expect him to speak at all. Mari faced him fully. Slowly he met her eyes. There was a no nonsense look on his face. She found herself remembering the moment on the Naboo plains. He had been upset that she failed to give them information on the Sith earlier. Mari thought that with how things turned out, he was right to be upset. Hell, Mari would be a furious wreck of emotion.
Obi-Wan stared expectantly at her.
"He's here." Mari swallowed. She forced herself to maintain eye contact despite the intensity of his gaze. A sudden chill made her shiver. She lowered her voice. "The Sith Lord… he wi-will… he will b-b-b"
Pain exploded in her head without warning. It took Mari by surprise. Usually the pain steadily increased until it became unbearable. Her eyes darted around, wide and fearful. Was it because Palpatine was near? Was he listening? Or was it because she was exhausted after all that happened?
"Maria?"
She turned her eyes back to him. There was a slight worried look on his face.
"He's here." Mari said again.
"On Naboo?"
Mari nodded. She gathered the excess fabric and clutched it to her chest. It was freezing. The action seemed to confuse him.
"You're cold? It's the middle of summer on this planet."
She shrugged. "Ever since I came here, y'know, to this Universe, I've just been freezing. I guess I'm more sensitive to lower temperatures than I thought."
There was a thoughtful look on his face.
"I see." He paused briefly. "Is there anything else you could tell me without doing yourself harm?"
"There's no way for me to know until I try, I guess."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Then I will refrain from asking anything else of you for today after this question. Will there be any major events occurring in the next couple of days? Events that involve the Sith Lord?"
Major events involving the Sith Lord? She was going to take that as major timeline changing events that directly affected the Jedi. In that case, the answer was no. Mari shook her head.
It was dark in Theed as they left the comfort of the palace. Mari found herself looking up at the clear night sky. The stars twinkled, bright and cheerful – a stark contrast to how she felt. The beginnings of homesickness began to form. Stargazing was something she and her mom liked to do together. She wondered how she was doing. Was she handling Mari's disappearance well?
Obi-Wan approached with Anakin by his side. She recalled a scene where he and Yoda spoke prior to the funeral. He would be made a Jedi Knight now that he had killed the Sith. Had he decided to take Anakin on as a Padawan learner, like canon? What would happen if that were not the case? She tried to push her hair back with a hand, remembered she couldn't with her left anymore, and huffed in annoyance.
He nodded at her in greeting, but was otherwise silent as he led them to the site of the pyre. Mari stayed by Anakin's side. As they got closer, Mari felt more and more nervous. Her mouth was dry. She started to think that perhaps leaving the palace had been a bad idea.
I should try to tell Obi-Wan about Sidious. Even if it ends with pain and potentially passing out. She opened and closed her mouth a few times. The words felt stuck in her throat. Panic was starting to settle in. A cold sweat broke out on her skin.
There was a frown on Obi-Wan's face as he met her eyes. He didn't speak. But he didn't need to. He slowed his pace, allowing Anakin to take the lead. Mari matched his speed and waited until Anakin appeared far enough away.
"I'm sorry," Mari said in a soft voice. "I'm trying to control my emotions, but I'm finding it very difficult at the moment."
He didn't respond, so she assumed he was waiting for her to speak. She took a steadying breath to try and calm her nerves. But they felt like they were fraying the closer they got to the funeral site.
"Unless something in the timeline has changed, then… he will be at the funeral. The Sith Lord." The words left her mouth with ease, making her pause. Why had that been so easy to say? Where was the nausea? The pain? The struggle to get the words out? Her stomach wound itself in knots.
Obi-Wan looked sharply at her. His mouth was drawn into a thin line. Mari didn't need the aid of the Force to know he was unhappy with her.
"The – The Sith Lord is attending my Master's funeral?" His body tensed and his eyes darted forward, as if in search of the Sith in question. "You had told me there weren't going to be any major events involving him."
"That's not a lie," Mari said upon seeing the accusatory look on his face. "There won't be – none that I'm aware of, at least."
"You didn't think to tell me earlier?"
"But," her voice softened until it was almost inaudible. He turned away from her. "I wasn't able to." She almost whispered.
Maybe it was because she was exhausted. Or maybe it was the fact that she was overwhelmed, but at that moment something inside her cracked. Everything that had happened over the course of a week – or had it been weeks? – sprang to mind. The pain of knowledge she couldn't pass along, the fear of a Sith Lord who was biding his time, the realization that she couldn't use the Force without tapping into her fear, having stood up against Darth Maul and the loss of her hand, Qui-Gon surviving the fight but dying from his injuries anyway…
The numbness she had been trapped in for days melted away. Her nerves felt raw and exposed.
Pull yourself together, Mari. She sniffed. But emotion and panic were welling up within her. Don't. Don't you dare. Mari tried to force her trembling lip to cease its pathetic movements, but all that managed to do was cause another crack in the dam. Useless. Pathetic, and useless. Tears leaked from her eyes, making it harder to regain composure. She didn't realize she had stopped moving – that she had tried to stop breathing – until she turned her eyes away from the blurry ground.
What the hell is wrong with you? You have one job here. One. And you can't even manage that.
She watched Obi-Wan turn, frowning as usual, to face her from feet away. He seemed to have just realized she was no longer at his side. Mari felt like a knife was plunged into her chest. She tried to breathe, but her lungs weren't cooperating. A strong desire to flee grew within her.
"I – I'm sorry!" She sounded as pathetic as she felt. "I'm so sorry."
If he said anything, she didn't hear it. Mari turned on her heel and ran. She left the cobblestone path and made a beeline for the lush trees. Her feet carried her away from the warm lights of Theed and toward the forest. She could barely breathe, her chest tight and lungs struggling to take in air. Leaves and twigs crunched beneath her shoes. Without warning, she tripped over a tree root and dropped to the ground in a heap.
Mari didn't know how long she sat there, tears streaming from her eyes, but it felt like hours. Alone in the forest, the majority of her hysteria died out. She stared out into the darkness before her. Instead of being scared, a feeling of calm and peace overcame her.
Everything that had been bottled up inside her was purged, and with it she felt like several weights had been removed from her shoulders. Although she felt better with the release of emotions, she started to feel embarrassed at how she had broken down. What were Obi-Wan and Anakin going to think of her? Had the Jedi Council members witnessed the scene?
"Mari."
She nearly jumped sky high at the sound of Qui-Gon's voice. Despite knowing that he had no physical form, her eyes darted around in search of the familiar Jedi.
"Master Qui-Gon?" Mari grimaced at her own voice. She sounded terrible.
"You need to leave. Now!"
A feeling of doom made it almost impossible to breathe. Mari scrambled to her feet. Legs like jelly, she almost tumbled back down to the ground. Qui-Gon didn't speak again, but Mari had a feeling she didn't want him too. She found that after the fall she had become disoriented. Which way had she come from?
The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and she felt a chill up her spine. There was no time to waste. Mari picked a direction that felt right and ran. She moved just in time. The sound of a blaster set for stun resonated in the night air. There was rustling around her as animals within the trees and bushes were startled from their sleep and fled their homes.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. You never should have run off!
Her heart hammered and her calves ached as she sprinted for her life. She didn't know who was chasing her, or why, but they wanted her alive. And that worried her more than if they had wanted her dead. Mari made a sharp turn and jumped over a large tree root. She narrowly missed a low hanging tree branch, but ducked right in time. Mari gritted her teeth as a group of smaller branches scratched her face.
She could feel herself tiring. Her reserves of energy were already low. Mari was running on adrenaline and a desire to not be captured. She hadn't realized how deep into the forest she had originally travelled. But she couldn't stop now. Her mind conjured the image of being stunned and waking up to find Sidious before her, the way he looked at the end of Revenge of the Sith. The mental image was terrifying enough to force her to keep going even though her muscles were burning.
If I can just get back to the Jedi – back to Obi-Wan – then I'll be safe.
The edge of the forest coming up quickly before her. Just a little further. The feeling of doom from earlier was back, and it was stronger than ever. It was suffocating. She could barely breathe. Almost there…
Mari burst out of the woods and let out a string of incoherent curses. She saw Obi-Wan for a split second before crashing into him. Somehow, she managed to prevent them from toppling to the ground.
"Obi-Wan!" She gasped, hand clutching his arm to keep them both upright. "What are you doing here?"
"I believe I'm the one who should be asking you that."
Despite being chastised, Mari couldn't help the relief that coursed through her at finding him. Whoever chased her wouldn't be stupid enough to make a move around a Jedi. Her heart rate returned to normal.
Obi-Wan was frowning, but for once that expression wasn't directed at her. He stared at the woods behind her.
"Maria, why were you so scared just now?"
"Someone was chasing me." Mari explained what had just happened.
"This is very troubling. We must inform the Council as soon as the funeral has ended." He sighed. "This could have been avoided." The 'if you hadn't run off' was left unsaid.
"I'm sorry. I – I was overwhelmed." God, that sounds pathetic. "It was stupid. But being scared makes me stupid. Well, stupider than usual." Mari felt her face get hot in embarrassment and shame. The ground suddenly became very interesting.
He was quiet for a moment.
"I informed the Council of what you told me. They do not sense the presence of the Sith, but they are on alert. Did you still wish to attend the ceremony?"
Mari resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the news that the Council sensed nothing. Of course they didn't! They weren't able to, and that was the whole problem! Instead of saying this, she bit her tongue. Together they made their way to the funeral site. The closer they got, the stronger the all too familiar sense of dread became. But this time she would not run off. If Palpatine was there, then so be it.
Several heads turned as she and Obi-Wan arrived. She tried to ignore the looks of disapproval from some members of the Jedi Council. Instead she braced herself as she searched the crowd for the familiar face of the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic.
He was nowhere to be seen.
Sorry, this one's long. One more chapter until the Phantom Menace wraps up! Stay tuned~