Hi guys!

So this is (technically) the last chapter! This is the epilogue, and what I'm going to publish immediately after are notes I wrote about Hiccup's backstory. It's been quite a journey writing this and has brought back a lot of emotional memories. I'm sorry if anyone feels that the ending is rushed, but as I have said before, I don't want to run this story to the ground and run out of things to write about. I have really started to enjoy writing again and these fics have helped so much. I feel that this ending though leaves enough room in case I feel like writing a sequel...we'll see.

Thank you all again for the reviews and follows, I'm so thankful that people are reading and enjoying my work, and I can't wait to keep writing and get better at it. You are all amazing. 3

Epilogue

Its been nine months since I wrote my last entry. I stopped doing this journal because I wanted to focus less on wallowing in my own self-pity, and more about living in the now. It's funny reading back at my own experiences from not so long ago, and thinking about how much has changed.

I am leaving tomorrow, and I will be moving in with Gobber, who is a family friend. He is fostering me for a bit until dad is ready to have me home again. The past year has been really difficult for him too, and I have put him through so much hurt. Even though he tells me that it isn't my fault, I accept that I need to take some responsibility for my behaviour. I'm going to a new high school which are apparently good at dealing with people like me, and I'm going to start working in Gobber's garage for a bit too. I think having work to focus on will do me good.

Gobber had me pick out a dog last week. Having a pet can be very therapeutic, or so I'm told. I remembered what Julie said about her dogs, and I picked out the friendliest looking one possible. I think I'm going to call him Toothless, because he has literally four teeth and he likes to squeeze his long tongue through them. He's absolutely hilarious.

The change is going to be hard to deal with. Even though I've gotten much better at coping with my emotions and behaviour, the anxiety hasn't just gone away. I have come to realise how good everyone around me has been in keeping things sane. There's always been a routine and its one I've found myself following to the letter. Going back to high school with different personalities and confrontation around me will be interesting. I've been told to expect bad days, but I know now that it's important to push through it, keep taking my meds, and keep on talking.

I can't believe that, at 16, I've spent half of my life in and out of a crisis. Since being here, I've felt alive for the first time in I don't know how long. Its as if a light bulb just switched on and I can see and rationalise things clearly. I can distinguish between good and bad decisions-well, most of the time anyway. More than anything, though, I want to do well at school and become an art therapist. Even if it means me doing extra grades and working ten times as hard as everyone else, I am determined to make this happen. I want to make my dad proud of me, so he can have a son who will go to college, get a good job and have a normal life. My mental health shouldn't be a barrier for that.

I've been in a bit of contact with my mother, but she still doesn't seem all that interested. But that's okay. We can't all have perfect families. I know now that it wasn't my fault she left, and that I shouldn't blame myself. I carried so much blame before, feeling like I was responsible for everything that went wrong with us. The three of us used to be so close-knit and so happy, but it's different now, and different doesn't always have to be bad.

I've spoken to Astrid every week, and she's doing well. She's in her junior year at school now, and she has ambitious plans for the future. She even came to visit a few weeks ago, although Heather has gone back home now too. My attraction for her has never ended, but I've decided to put those attractions aside to focus on my own health. Now that I'm leaving, though, its something we can explore. She seemed to like the idea of us being close and tells me that I don't realise how much I motivated her to do better. I don't think she realises the effect she had on me.

I'm excited about the future. Absolutely terrified, too, but ready to face it. I have learned so much about myself, and there's so much that I want to teach other people. As long as I have my family and friends in my life, I can get through anything.

My bags are packed and ready. I'm not taking loads, as I'm not a materialistic person, but there'll be my art equipment and this journal. I'm going to put this journal safe somewhere, but I've not decided what I'll do with it yet. I'm thinking maybe putting it in a drawer and when I feel bad I can read. I guess it's a reflection of my deepest and darkest thoughts, at a point where I was at my lowest, and a reminder that I don't want to get to that point again. I could just publish it on the internet and maybe help those in a similar situation.

I know that memories can be painful and difficult to manage. But they're just memories, and they should serve as lessons. My memories are still all over the place, but I don't find myself repressing bad experiences anymore. I feel that things happen for a reason and that we should handle these events in the best way possible, even though they hurt sometimes and can kick us in the face when we're down.

It's just a memory.