A/N: Hello guys!
So what's up?
Reviews were wicked , thank you so so much
Ok, not much to say I'm afraid
I do not own Harry Potter (surprise, surprise…)
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Chapter 10: One Step
"I can't believe it. That means someone who actually cares for me is to blame for that?" Duh!
"Looking at the bright side that narrows it down to very very very few people." I joke.
"So glad that my awful character came handy after all." He smirks. Like always. I find it sort of annoying. But who am I to change his ways?
Besides, irony suits this guy. It makes him rather attractive.
Damn! Cross that one off as well.
Didn't I say I hate Truth or Dare?
*********
"So how did it go?" I run panting inside History of Magic mumbling a barely audible 'sorry I am late' to Binns. And before I get to sit down Malfoy's voice reaches my ears. How did it go huh?
"Well, I had nine 'sorry cousin, I was a real prat for not believing you' s , thirty two 'you're really cool Rose, it was crazy to accuse you' s , twenty seven 'sorry' s , eleven 'whatever' s and even five 'I still think you killed him and bribed the witness' s ." I recite my news for him to hear.
"Who the hell said the last one?" The dead blonde hisses.
"Mainly your fan club." I reply remembering the blonde bimbos whispering behind my back.
However the guy next to me does not comment on this. He just looks at Binns like he is in fact paying attention. And how do you know he is not listening to the teacher, you might ask.
Well, this is History of Magic, people. Something like free period , only in a classroom.
"You know, times like that I wonder, are people mean or just really stupid?" he asks just when I was about to fall asleep. And he catches me unprepared I must say.
"Merlin Malfoy, we have History of Magic do you really want to start a conversation like that now?" I point out 'now' as much as possible hoping he realized how ridiculous it is to loose an hour's sleep for that question.
"Oh, right! Just go back to sleep." Did he just agree with me? Like took a step back and let someone else's wish come true?
"Wow!" I can't help but exclaim.
"What?" He protests scandalized by my reaction to his totally un-Malfoy attitude.
"Aren't you going to mock me? Say I'm just slow and I cannot reply that's why I discarded your question?" I mean, am I the only one who finds this weird?
"Erm… no." he shakes his head to enhance his answer. Ok, what am I missing?
"Since you actually have the tendency of taking seriously every insult I say I've decided to watch my mouth." Watch his…? Oh, damn! I look around me alarmed.
"What are you doing?" Malfoy tries to follow my crazed gaze around the room.
"Just expecting someone to pop up and say that the world as we know it is over." I state matter-of-factly without quitting the crazed gaze thing.
"Funny. Are you implying I cannot watch my mouth?" No. Of course not! I mean Malfoy had always been careful about what he said. And Santa is an old man in a red and white uniform who brings presents every Christmas and the universe revolves around the earth and the sun is a huge light-bulb …
"Hell, yeah!" I shout waking up a brown-haired Ravenclaw near me.
"Ok, then let's make a bet." I cock an eyebrow.
"Spill." I whisper after receiving a rude gesture from the said Ravenclaw.
"If I don't insult you for a day you do me one favor. If I crack up and speak bad about you I'll show you something very interesting." Interesting? Damn, that idiot can be so intriguing some times…
"Enough with the games your Highness. We have a job to do remember?" I try to resist.
"I do, but a simple game like this can't mess our task." If you put it that way…
"Fine, but I can say anything I want to sabotage you right?" I smirk and he smirks.
"Do your best Princess." That person has this fire in his eyes when he schemes. It is almost captivating.
"Hey, Princess, you're blushing." Crap!
"Hot." I mutter .
"I am aren't I?" Mercy!
"I meant the temperature." Arse.
"Sorry. I didn't realize." Sorry? I see. Let the games begin.
********
"Princess, why don't you eat some more you look terribly pale." Oh, please…
"'M fine." I reply with an open mouth full of food. If that doesn't disgust his Highness then I am an awful judge of people.
"But I insist. You hardly ate a thing. I worry about you." I take in another huge bite from the omelet in front of me. My brother Hugo sending me a disappointed and annoyed glare.
"Was tha' sarcasm I hear'?" I chew and talk at the same time watching the blonde gulping. Disgusted much Malfoy?
"Pure interest." He counters quite skillfully, may add.
"So, any ideas who could put you a protection spell?" I change the subject facing my defeat. But you know what they say…the battle is lost not the war.
"Family, for starters or maybe a friend." Right. I nod at this.
"I'd bet my money on family." I chirp. Come on Malfoy….I mentioned money. The one thing my family lacks. You're supposed to say something like 'yeah, if you had any.' . Merlin!
"Me too." Bugger. He is serious about it.
"So grand mother maybe?" I suggest no longer interested in my omelet.
"Grand-ma Cissy would never do that. It's not her type. Grand-ma Dora on the other hand could fit in the profile." He scratches his chin thoughtful.
"Hey, Malfoy , your grandmothers have quite usual names. How did you end up with Scoprius?" I fire a subtle insult about his name. Because seriously who calls their kid Scoprius.
"Actually it is Narcissa and Dorianna." So the entire family has a name fetish.
"Wicked. So, grand-ma Dori could fit. Cool. Let's ask her." The blonde raises both eyebrows at this.
"First of all it is Dora and secondly how exactly are you going to do this?" Good point.
"Just say I am a friend of yours and I want to know what happened." A small smile appears on Malfoy's face. Nothing much really. Just a little twitch of the lips. Hardly noticeable.
Made me shiver alright.
"She'll figure you out." And just like that the moment is gone.
"Not if you're with me." I retort boldly.
"I don't know Princess." He hesitates.
"Come on Malfoy! Don't you want this to be over?" I raise my hands up persuasively.
"Maybe I don't." That comes as a whisper but I cannot lie to myself and pretend I didn't hear it. For a moment I find it hard to breath, then everything's back to normal.
"Huh?" I ask hoping I heard wrong. Or perhaps that I didn't . Oh! I don't know.
"Sorry, yes. Yes, I do want it to be over." Of course. How stupid of me to think…
"Ok, then. Next Hogsmeade weekend we will visit your place and then your grand-ma's." He simply nods not sparing me one look.
"So, where were we? Oh! Right I was just telling you…" But I wasn't meant to finish what I begun saying.
"Hi Rose." Dean Colton greets from over my head.
"Hello. How are you?" I ask politely.
"Just glad everything went well with your problem." How sweet! Malfoy snorts from next to me.
"I was really lucky now wasn't I?" I motion for him to sit down and the boy follows my advice.
"That was justice not luck." Very clever. Sort of reminds me of Malfoy.
"I guess. So what do you have next?" I try to make conversation.
"Potions with you." Of course.
"Cool wanna sit together?" I don't know where that came from but I really wanted some company. Living one for a change.
"I'd love to." Nice.
"Hey! Wasn't I supposed to be your partner?" Jealous much Malfoy?
*******
"Jealous much Malfoy?" I chirp. Oh, you are so loosing that bet Mister.
"It's ok really. Since you wanted to sit with him I'm actually cool." Damn! He didn't fall to the trap…Agh!
"You are really determined to win that bet aren't you?" I hiss and he smirks.
"Am I too obvious?" He asks. Well…
"Crystal clear, actually." I make an ugly face to which he chuckles.
"So how was lesson with Colton?" The blonde Head-Boy changes the subject.
"Great. We talked for all sorts of things. He told me about his pet that is half-owl and half-parrot and can talk too and about his vacation in Spain. Oh! And about books. Naturally." I blurt out enthusiastically.
"And you begun realizing my value , right?" Know-it-all, annoying…
"I had a great time." In case you were wondering.
"With that stupid, cocky, self-centered arse?" Now, how dares he? Dean is my friend. He was there for me when I needed him. Only he was.
"Well, no. This is you." I say acidly.
"But this is ridiculous. The guy is lying to you, can't you see? I mean you are supposed to be Head-Girl and still you fail to see that he is doing all this to shag you." He did not just say what I thought he did. He didn't!
"Shut up!" What has happened to him? Yesterday he was just nice and kind and now…
"No, I bloody won't. Because then it's I who will have to put up with your miserable existence when he breaks your heart and leaves you." Ok. It is official. We're back to hate mode.
"Did I ask for your help? Cause if I recall correctly it I who is assisting you, not the other way around." He stares at me fuming as I speak. His grey eyes narrowed and dark.
"All I said is that you'd better stay away from him, cause he wants only one thing from you." He really wants to get his arse kicked , that blonde.
"Maybe I want it too." Ha! Get that. He doesn't have an answer to that. Just look how surprised he is.
"Well, then maybe you deserve all he will do to you." He now adopts a more harsh expression and it takes me a moment to actually process what he just said.
Before that moment I was feeling angry and out-raged, ready to revive him just to kill him again.
But now it's like he reached out and took my insides. All those feelings and thoughts abandoning me. I just feel numb. Empty.
I deserve being hurt huh?
I try to breath but I can't. All I want is to tear apart my heart that rests there with no real feelings and yet it still aches. Like hell.
What am I supposed to do? Stop helping him? Sentence him to an eternity in this condition? I can't do that.
But what he said? I just can't let it go either. It is haunting me. I just have to stay away from him. Before he ruins all that is left of me.
"I'm gonna go now. Just leave me alone for some while. I'll come back." I feel my eyes filling with tears. To run or let him see me cry?
********
I always wondered what lies after the Dark Lake, in the heart of the Forbidden Forest. Since I was little I wanted to see the mystery in things. The bigger the challenge , the crazier the task , the more I craved it. The unknown called me. It called me.
And now from the top of the Tower, the Owlery, I still hear it calling me.
In the past I hesitated. I reused to leave what I had behind me and follow the voice. Now , out of nowhere I cannot think of a reason not to jump.
Jump? Could I really?
I mean I never was one of the self-destructive types. I cherished my life. I still do. No matter how pointless and worthless it is. Suicide never seemed like an option.
But then again would jumping from the Tower be considered suicide?
I am not giving up my life. I'm just following the call. I'm going to the Dark Lake over to the end of the Forbidden Forest.
Sounds like a cool deal to me. If I can't do that while awake, alive, then maybe I have a chance to do it when dead.
I take a small step, my feet half on stone and half on thin air. Then I step back.
I am turning nuts that's for sure. Jump off the Tower? Follow the call? Crap what am I saying?
What would Mum say and Dad?
But of course they would manage. They would have Hugo.
And my future? All this potential , am I ready to throw it all away?
Malfoy always said I am an over-thinker.
I should just do as I want for once. Is jumping off what I crave? Then I shall jump off.
I move back to the edge of the stone floor. It does look inviting down there.
One step and then we see. How it really is. Dying.
Can't be that bad. Malfoy did it. Why can't I?
Malfoy.
Is he really gonna be my last thought? Why not?
I think I really care for him anyway. I always did, somehow.
Now that I think of it, one word would have been enough.
One caring word and I would have stepped back.
Had he once , just once said something he meant I would stop.
But he hasn't. Only some mild comment about not disliking me. I search my memories for something but there isn't anything.
Then again even if he had what would be the point now that he is dead.
One more step. Can I really do it?
I promised I was coming back didn't I? But he won't miss me anyway.
Maybe I should just count to ten before I jump. In case he comes.
I cannot believe I need him so.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…I lean forwards…
Ok, I-I don't know if I can do it…
Damn! Kill myself? Is that what it's going to be? No. Not after what I have been through.
"Rose?" Malfoy?
"Rose what the fuck are you doing?" No. It's not him. My empty insides feel the cold wind.
"Dean?" I let a tear slip.
"Merlin baby what happened to you?" I-I have no idea.
"Rose talk to me. Did something happen?" So many things have.
"I-I don't know." I mumble between tears.
"You were just fine this morning dear, what the heck came to you now?" I am not sure.
"I wanted to leave this place." I mutter and he hugs me tight. It had been so much time till someone hugged me. And his warmth is transferred to me.
"Why? You have nothing to fear now." Malfoy…
"Malfoy…" I whisper against his chest.
"What about him?" His body stiffens , I can tell.
"He's dead." Dean rocks me back and forward.
"I know, I know. You really cared for him." I nod.
"It's ok Rose. We all will one day. But you don't need to hurry it." Was this really why I wanted to jump? Because he is dead? Or because he said all those things?
"I am not sad Dean." I explain.
"I am empty." I point the place where my heart is located.
"Let me help you." He takes my hand and lifts me up.
"It's ok. I'm over it now." I mean the moment is gone. Now it just seems foolish and wrong.
"I know I cannot replace him Rosie, but let me stay by your side." It would still be lonely. But not as lonely as before. With him by my side.
"I can't give you what you want." I counter.
"Anything you give , I will accept it." This guy is no better than me. He is ready to give it all for a lost cause.
"Let's be friends." I suggest trying to release the drama.
"One step at a time." He smiles.
"But! One rule." I look up at him.
"No more jumping off towers ok?" I said it is over didn't I?
"I wasn't thinking, don't worry won't happen again." I smile as well.
*******
I do not know what came over me yesterday. I am really stupid. And to think that I would have done it… But no! I had thought against it even before Dean came.
And then we both went to his dorm. I asked to sleep with him and he didn't refuse.
Nothing happened of course. We simply slept and when I woke up in the morning I was feeling just a bit better.
I need to find Malfoy. Tell him I am still helping him. Just to finish this.
It doesn't take me much time. As soon as I enter the Heads' Common Room I spot him sitting quietly on the couch. So peaceful and only if he knew what I went through for him.
"I suppose I lost." He mutters without looking my way.
"What?" I ask despite the fact that I said I wasn't going to be like that from now on.
"The bet we made. That I would be nice to you. I suppose I lost it." I gulp. I bet that is all he cares about.
"I have to show you that something I told you about then." I remember his part of the bet.
"I'd rather you didn't." I say tonelessly.
"Have you decided to stop helping me?" That? How could I? I have said so since the beginning. I will not torture anyone. Not even those who choose to torture me.
"I will help. But do not ask anything more from me." I turn to leave. He deosn't say one word. Like there is nothing left to be said.
How did it come to this? All I did was take one step closer to him. Try to get to know him and this happened.
Only one step.
A/N: This must be the weirdest chap ever
I hadn't planned this. I've no idea where it came from
Hope it didn't annoy you too much
I just wanted to show that all this tension building up inside Rose had to come out eventually
Please tell me what you think!!!!! Review!
Was it too bad?
Lots of love
Sarah