Chapter 10

Sephiroth sat by himself, looking out across the vast emptiness of the land beyond Midgar. Though the reactors had been stopped the planet wouldn't be the same... or at least wouldn't heal immediately. The wound in the north still glowed slightly and his heart ached for the feel of just being truly alive.

Though Aerith had forgiven him and was teaching him how to forgive himself... how could he possibly get the planet to forgive him? The thought nearly made him lose all hope for ever finding true peace or happiness. But to show signs of that while Aerith was seated beside him...? No. He refused to let her see that. She was braiding the remaining flowers in her basket into a necklace, humming to herself as she did so.

So innocent. She said she knew everything about his past... how could she and still find it within her heart to forgive him? She must know that he'd actually somewhat WANTED to destroy the world... that he had enjoyed killing her on some level? How could she not? "We should go somewhere," she said out of the blue, breaking into his thoughts. "We should go to Mideel. This place is so cold and lonely... and has too many memories for us both. We should go somewhere beautiful and build a house."

His eyes gazed at her from the corner of his eyes, but he didn't respond, letting her spin out her little silken dreams. Her smile widened as she looked up at the stars that could now be seen since the lack of light from the city left nothing else. "We could build a house... and have a dog. Or two... or maybe just a cat." She turned her face towards him, tipping her head to the side slightly. "What would you prefer?"

He looked away swiftly, not wanting to be caught staring at her. How beautiful she was in the starlight. He'd never noticed.. Her skin glowed in the light of the rising moon and she seemed ethereal. Then he remembered her question. What would she prefer? It seemed safest to answer whatever she wanted... but he couldn't tell from her voice, and he risked a glance, finding no clue in her expression. He finally settled with the truth and answered, "I don't care." At her somewhat pouty expression, he felt compelled to continue, "I've never had a pet before. I really don't know which I would find more enjoyable to be with."

This brought her smile back and she gave a soft laugh. "Well, I suppose we'll have to have one of both then." She paused, looking away briefly, "You wouldn't mind living with me... would you?" she asked, letting some of her uncertainty color her voice. After all, it was only fair that if she asked him to be open with her that she do the same. "I'm not perfect," she stated suddenly, fingering the chain of flowers in her lap. "I get lonely and I have problems..."

"And do you have a problem now?" he asked, startling her with his ability to catch her drift so easily... and with his apparent openness to listen to her problem.

Offering a smile, she lifted her eyes from the flowers, meeting his gaze. "Maybe," she said softly. She looked coy suddenly, "But do you really want to listen to me whine about it?"

His expression was rather amusing. In the moonlight, his confusion was quite evident, and he answered, "Only if you wish to tell me."

The tone of his voice worried her, and Aerith looked down, then out across the landscape beyond the drop off of the upper plate. It was late, and probably Vincent was worried. She hoped not... but she didn't want to leave until... until something happened. Sure, she'd gotten him to open up to her, but why was speaking her own problems so hard to do? She shivered slightly, the cool night air beginning to get to her.

For a long moment, she continued to remain silent, and she forced herself to continue. "I want to tell you," she said softly, fingers picking at the stems of her flower necklace. "But it feels so odd." She blinked, lifting her head as she felt his jacket settle around her shoulders. It was warm and comfortable and she couldn't help the blush that stained her cheeks as she snuggled into it, aware that it smelled like him... a very pleasant smell. "I want a family this time," she started from a random spot in her long list of problems. "I want to live a life where I'm not stared at as strange and I want to... to have someone. Even when I was with other people, I've always felt lonely. Even though I really cared for Zack, I never felt like he really understood me."

"Wait... Zack? Tall, black hair-"

"Yes, the Zack that went on the Nibelheim mission with you," she answered, giving a sigh.

He was silent... and she remained so. Sephiroth turned to face her, sliding his legs around so he could keep the pain from his neck. He was beginning to get very tired- after all, he'd lost a lot of blood. "Go on," he gently urged her and she looked towards him, expression softening beyond anything he'd seen her direct at anyone... even Cloud.

She bowed her head once more, collecting her thoughts and forging on. "I guess... I guess what I'm trying to say is that... I really think you understand me. And that despite how weird it is, I..." she paused again, "I wouldn't mind if..."

"You know I wouldn't let myself," he answered truthfully. This was... a moment. Something important was happening, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. "I'm cut off from the Lifestream and probably even attempting to have children wouldn't work."

Aerith's hands set aside the flowers and she pulled her knees against her chest. Tears stung at her eyes as she stared forward, "I know," was her whispered response.

Why did he suddenly feel like a heel? Like he'd done something wrong. He stared at her- his heart beating faster and chest feeling tight. "I'm sorry," he said finally, "Perhaps we should talk about this when I'm not so tired."

Immediately, she moved, "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, picking up her basket as she stood gracefully. Somehow he couldn't help but think that was a sarcastic note in her voice. "I should have remembered that you're not well."

Hastily, he stood and she started off. Out of pure instinct, he grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him. For the second time that day, her eyes widened with the shock... and closed in pleasure. His large hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her hard against his hips. Their lips parted briefly – only long enough for him to whisper, "I don't have the right," and he kissed her again, growing deeper and more needy. Her heart thudded in her chest and her face turned red as he pried her mouth open with his tongue and slid in to taste.

The basket hit the ground and bounced, falling to its side. "I have no right," he breathed again, diving in to bruise her lips with his. Hesitantly, she returned his questing within her mouth... Not even Zack had kissed her like this and Sephiroth left off her mouth, moving down. Crouching slightly, he slid his arms around behind her fully. His lips found her collar bone as he lifted her up. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders for balance, and as his face found her cleavage and began to nuzzle his way into it, her knees parted, wrapping her legs around his hips and locking her ankles.

"Sephiroth," she moaned softly, feeling one strong hand on her rear, holding her up while his other slid up, finding the buttons of her dress and undoing them enough to slide one strap of her dress down her arm. Her bra, a strapless was pulled down easily, leaving her exposed and ready to be ravished. She shivered in his grip, curling around him, breath beginning to go ragged. How long had she dreamed of this? It didn't matter as to who was the one doing it, just so long as they loved her- but to be touched... kissed in this way by her first crush ever.

She wanted more. And so did he by what she could feel pressing against the thin barrier of her panties. The thought struck her suddenly- but she pushed away her reservations. After all, she was nearly twenty five now. She was an adult... and she wanted him!

Aerith's eyes widened as she felt his hand slide up her thigh, sliding beneath her and finding her dampened underwear, fingers exploring the area just as his tongue was exploring the expanse of her breasts. "Is this..." he whispered, "alright with you?" he asked, nearly begging for her answer to be yes. He felt as if his knees were going to give out. He'd lost a lot of blood only a few days before and now most of it was located in one region of his anatomy.

How funny that he was virgin... He doubted she was. After all, she'd had a life, had relationships with men before. How could she have resisted such an urge. Even he had pondered just finding some random woman and losing himself in her. But Hojo had never given him the chance. Her moan started as something nearer to a mere vibration before becoming audible. "Yes," she added to the end, drawing out the word as if it were a breath. He adjusted his hold on her, lifting her up a bit so he could get his hand under her and open his fly and ease the strain against his pants at least. He certainly couldn't do anything to her like this, but it felt wonderful to have the dampness of her panties pressed against him.

Slowly, he moved to kneel on the ground, lowering her down. He followed her, shifting so she didn't have to unlatch her legs from around him, but he was laying atop her on the bare and somewhat cold ground. But she didn't notice. He moved up to her mouth once more, hand moving aside the barrier of her panties and placing his head there to keep them from moving back into the way. He really should take them off her, but he didn't want to make the effort, he needed her NOW before he lost control. But was she ready for him? He couldn't tell.

He readied himself to slide in anyway. Pressing forward-

Pain lanced through his body. Arching up from the ground- through her. He didn't know if he'd screamed, but awareness slowly returned and he was lying on his back on the ground beside her. She hadn't replaced her clothes, but she looked very worried.

Slowly, her voice registered in his mind. "What happened? Please tell me! What happened?" she was crying.

His erection had fallen and he lay there for a moment more before making any move to replace himself in his pants. So that was the way of it. The planet wouldn't even let him have sex. Anger welled deep within his chest, but it didn't touch his face.. No, his expression simply settled into a blank but cold look. Still aching from the encounter with her natural contraceptive, he reached up, pulling her bra back into place over her slightly damp breasts, then buttoned her dress closed over them. "We should get back."

Rolling to his feet, he brushed his backside off, feeling the smoldering anger as well as the pain within his body. Hurriedly, she gathered up her basket and his coat, pulling the latter on and jogging after...

How? How could the planet do such a thing to him? Aerith could feel her tears pouring from her eyes as she watched him wall a few steps ahead of her. Why had it done that! Didn't it know that he was trying? Sliding both her arms into the handle of the basket, she clasped her elbows, feeling the heavy leather of Sephiroth's coat, smelling his scent... aware that she still wanted what he'd been about to give her. Why? It wasn't fair.

Aerith bowed her head as she walked, following Sephiroth's feet in the gloom that was now oppressive rather than romantic. She was surprised when they arrived back at her house and hastily wiped at her tears as she entered. Vincent was seated at the table, staring at the claws of his metal hand. "Sorry," she said to him, watching as Sephiroth moved off to the couch to sulk. "I'll make something for you-" she started towards the kitchen, setting her basket down and forgetting to remove the coat.

"It's fine," Vincent murmured. "I already found something." She stopped, giving a soft 'oh' as she stared at the kitchen window.

"I'm going to bed then," she said, and turned, heading up the stairs without giving Sephiroth even a glance. He didn't look at her either so the lack of eye contact wasn't noticed. ...except by Vincent.

The dark man moved, standing slowly, "What did you do to her this time?" he asked, trying to keep the anger from his voice. Couldn't Sephiroth just behave for once?

There was no answer and Vincent turned to face Sephiroth. "Well?"

He was met by a cold stare... that lasted for nearly five minutes, Vincent unwilling to yield and Sephiroth not wanting to explain. Finally, the ex-warrior took a breath, "Seems even having sex is getting too close to the Lifestream." He stood, moving to get the blanket and pillow out and make his bed for the night. Removing his shoes, he left the remainder of his clothes on and just lay down atop the blankets.

Blinking a few times, Vincent finally deemed that Sephiroth wasn't going to say anything more on the subject... and he truthfully didn't want to know about it. Just knowing that Sephiroth hadn't taken advantage of her was good enough- and Aerith wasn't acting like she'd been hurt in any way other than emotionally. Though, that may as well have been just as bad. He turned, leaving the house, blowing out the lamp on the table on his way out. The door closed softly, but firmly behind him.

Wrong... it was all wrong. Now all her work to get him to open up to her was wasted. Aerith curled up on her side, still aching to have him within her, but knowing that he wouldn't try it so soon after such a rejection... even though it hadn't been she who'd done it.

'Why?' she tried to ask the planet, and got no answer. It was quiet. Almost guiltily so. 'Why did you do that to him! I wanted it! I want him...'

Still there was no answer and she continued to cry, clutching her pillow against her chest in an effort to remain quiet about it. She feared waking Sephiroth... after all, he did need his sleep. Aerith couldn't help but feel terrible for what had happened. 'Why can't you forgive him? He's changed!' Still nothing. Hours passed, and she eventually fell asleep, oblivion she was rather grateful for.

Morning came just the same time as it always did... but it seemed too early for Aerith. She didn't want to get up. Her bed was warm and her body ached from crying most of the night. She wanted to just lie there, but the thought of leaving Sephiroth to wonder if she was mad at him got her to her feet rather swiftly.

Hurrying down the stairs, her eyes went directly to the couch.

He wasn't there. The blankets and pillows had been folded and put away, everything in perfect order. Aerith looked towards the table, finding it empty as well, noting out of place... not even a note. Adjusting her bathrobe, she headed for the door.

Relief flooded her when she saw Vincent leaning against the fence that kept people from falling into the deep creek that wound its way in front of her house. "Vincent-" she started, coming forward. Her eyes followed the finger he lifted slowly and pointed towards the garden.

Sephiroth...

He had removed the bandages and his shirt. His body was still bruised and battered, but he looked much better than when she first found him. In his hands was a sword. Far shorter than Masamune, but he wasn't doing anything of importance with it, just... running through kata. His moves were restrained somewhat, pain keeping him from extending his reach fully. Sweat glistened on his skin, possibly burning in some of the wounds that hadn't really closed yet. A few of which were bleeding again.

"How long?" she whispered.

"Since midnight."

Aerith would have looked down, except she couldn't. He was beautiful... he was terrifying. He reminded her of her death, but also of her rebirth. Mostly though, he reminded her of what she'd taken from him in revenge for killing her.

A sob broke loose and Aerith pressed her hands over her mouth, turning and running back inside. She couldn't stop, though she tried to, and instead of dwelling on it, she worked on making breakfast instead. This multitasking nearly caused her to burn her hands on the stove perhaps three times, but in the end, she only suffered from a headache and sore face and stinging eyes.

Sephiroth was aware that Vincent had been watching for some time... but when he heard Aerith's sob, he stopped and turned, watching her run back inside.. and Vincent... face still impassive as ever... was staring at him. He turned his back towards the dark man, staring towards the flowers of Aerith's garden, aware of the pain in his body, but also of the pain in his heart.

"How is it that you're able to make her cry just by existing?" Vincent asked. There was no hint of emotion in his voice, but somehow, it seemed like an accusation.

Spinning to face Vincent, the sword lifted. "Don't coat your words in honey," he snapped in answer. "Just go ahead and say it. Tell me to fuck off!"

Silence settled. Red eyes stared at stormy green. Vincent said nothing as Sephiroth moved finally, shoving past the gunman, heading towards the path leading back towards Aerith's house. Sweeping up his shirt from where he'd dropped it on the ground with all the bandages, he painfully moved to pull it on.

Vincent remained standing in the garden, staring at the flowers Sephiroth had looked at only seconds ago. Annoyance told him that he'd done the right thing.. sympathy said otherwise. He half turned, watching as Sephiroth continued past the door of the house and on into sector five. "Maybe... she won't want him back," he whispered in the silence.

Breakfast got cold in the silence. She sat at the table, staring at her plate... wondering if it was time she threw it away. Apparently they weren't going to come in and eat. She wanted to speak... but her voice wouldn't work. She had no idea of what to say... and there was no one to hear.

Slowly, she got to her feet, picking up the unused plates and putting them back into the cupboard. The forks were returned to their drawer. Picking up the plate upon which she'd put the pancakes she headed first towards the trash, then thought better of it and headed towards the door. For a moment, she hesitated, hand near the knob. But finally, she pulled it open.

Vincent was no longer leaning against the fence.

Aerith stepped out into the late morning light, looking towards the garden. Sephiroth was no longer there. Vincent was nowhere in sight. Slowly, she paced down the path leading to her garden, feet bare and getting dirty. She didn't care though. Her hands trembled as she took each of the pancakes and tore them into pieces, scattering them across the path in her garden for the birds. Her mind wasn't as silent as her voice though.

'They left me.'

Tears slid from her eyes as her hands moved mechanically. "They left me."

Wasn't that always the way in the end? Everyone she ended up loving always left her. Once her task was finished, she turned, heading back into her house and returning to her bed.

Nearly a year had passed since Sephiroth's leaving. That wasn't to say that she hadn't looked for him.. she had. She'd asked around as much as it was prudent to. It was almost as if he'd simply disappeared from Midgar completely. She'd heard stories of a nameless swordsman who wordlessly went around killing monsters that somewhat matched the description of the guy she'd been looking for. But that couldn't be Sephiroth. All the stories said he was blind or something like that.

Aerith couldn't help but wonder though.. was his use of a sword that day symbolic in any way? Had he forgiven himself.. or was he just hiding behind it? She hoped it wasn't the latter. She still wasn't sure how much the planet's interference that night had hurt him.

He lay sprawled on his back... the forest living and green above him... and pain shuddering through his body. If the planet would just leave him alone for a moment, he could get up and get away from the pool of Lifestream he'd stumbled upon. But no... it wouldn't let up and he was helpless. The thought hadn't crossed his mind to do anything with the pool he'd found. He'd just been chasing a monster and crashed through the brush and nearly fallen into it. That was the danger of Mideel though.

Sephiroth pushed those thoughts away, sliding into his safe spot where the pain didn't bother him... something he'd learned from Hojo. The damn bastard. He was probably already reborn as something else on this damned world. Why were his sins easier to forgive when he'd been the one to create the monster in the first place?

Inexplicably, his mind followed the trail of how many Hojo had hurt compared to the number Sephiroth had killed directly... and somehow, he ended up at Aerith. Why did his mind always return to her at moments like this? He certainly didn't know the answer. Maybe it was some sort of link between the planet causing him pain and her... like that night.

Had it really been a year? Sephiroth had lost track of the days. It was all a torment in his zombie-like life. But he had to wonder... did she ever think of him?

She stood on her usual corner, fake smile pasted in place- as usual... Her flowers were still selling as good as ever, even though their number randomly throughout the city had increased. Others had tried to cash in on her monopoly, but they couldn't seem to get the same vibrancy of color and number of flowers she had.

For a moments throughout the day though, she was left to herself, and her mind wandered back to her various problems. Another young man had decided to try and woo her... but she wasn't interested. Her dreams were haunted by those blue-green eyes framed by silver hair. A soul that would likely never heal completely.

She understood now why he'd left. Or thought she did. How could he stay when he wasn't even allowed to touch her- when he wouldn't allow himself to touch her. How could he stay when the planet still blamed him for everything even though she'd forgiven him, even though she'd fallen in love with him?

Aerith wished she'd told him. More, wished she'd realized it before he'd gotten away and told him. Stupid fool that she was. Narrowing her mind to only the thought that he'd been the one to kill her and not seeing that he had truly changed from then.

Sometime during the ordeal, he supposed he'd passed out, and now silence met his ears as he lay in a bed... somewhere. Outside, it was night, and he still ached from what the planet had done to him. He wasn't sure when they'd found him, but it was late.

However, he couldn't sleep. His previous thoughts continued to haunt him... Specifically, Aerith. Sephiroth had to admit that he missed her. He missed hearing her voice and seeing that glitter in her eyes. But as always, he'd pushed her away. Run from her because he didn't know what to do. Didn't know if he was doing the things he did do right. ... and the planet didn't approve. Well. It didn't approve of him in general, but it especially didn't approve of his being near Aerith.

She'd offered him something he could never find anywhere else... and he'd taken up his sword again and hidden behind it like the little fool he was.

Sephiroth gave a faint sigh, wishing he had a knife at the moment so he could add to the scars already covering his body. But they'd taken his weapons from him. He lay stripped to the waist beneath a white sheet in a room with two other cots and a window to his right, the door on the very other side of the room. Perhaps he was in town? ..though he'd avoided that place for various reasons, the first of which was the pool of Lifestream in the center of town.

He closed his eyes again, trying to push all his thoughts away and sleep.

"Do you think he'll be alright Doctor?"

The voice was feminine, with the tone in her voice that suggested that she was worried for more than the reason than because she didn't like people being hurt. Sephiroth tried not to sigh and kept his eyes closed.

An older man's voice answered, "None of his wounds are serious enough to cause him to pass out... perhaps he fell into that pool he was laying near? I don't know, Layla. We should let him rest in any case." The sound of them leaving preceded the door shutting, and Sephiroth opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

Amazing how anyone could be attracted to him still. Maybe it was the scars? Made him seem mysterious and dangerous? Yes... he was still dangerous. Why should he care about the lives of others when he couldn't die?

Or was he just fooling himself with that thought? He hadn't killed anyone yet, and he told himself it was because they hadn't annoyed him enough yet. He sat up and pushed his hair back from his face, feeling the protest of his various bruises. He was always hurt now. If not from wounds he gave himself, then from wounds the monsters he fought gave him. Sliding his bare feet to the floor, he forced himself to stand and stretched just a bit.

Sephiroth's clothes were nowhere in sight, but he made a circuit of the room, looking for them. Finally finding at least his clothes if not his weapons, he pulled them on, hands pulling his matted and dirty hair from beneath the collar of his shirt and cloak. Opening the door and stepping out of the room, he apparently startled a young but slightly plump woman seated behind a desk in the front room.

Swiftly, she stood, "Sir, are you alright? Could you tell me what happened-?" she was cut off by his taking up of his sword and knife from a shelf just to the left of the desk. Attaching the weapons to his belt, he started out the door. It wasn't like he had money to pay them... and it wasn't like they'd done anything for him except get him away from that pool. He stepped out and turned his path towards the woods instead of through town- which would take him either past the large pool of Lifestream or over it. Neither of which he particularly cared for. Even now, he could feel the planet getting ready to hurt him for being even this close.

If only Aerith were here... She may be able to convince the Planet that he had no intentions towards it... but then, it would think he had intentions towards her and hurt him anyway. Better to just not have her be around. Distracting him and probably getting in trouble.

At least if she were with him, she could explain the ache in his heart and why he could never truly stop thinking of her.

Another long day in the endless cycle of long days. This one happened to be her birthday, but there was no one to share it with, so she forgot about it. Vincent hadn't shown up again since the day Sephiroth had left... and she wondered if perhaps he'd frightened him away... Surely not...

She sat alone in her kitchen, staring at the flowers on the table as silence pressed in like a vice. How threatening it seemed at the moment. Even the ticking of the clock seemed sinister somehow. Tears welled in her eyes and she tried to stop them, but there was little need to. She was alone. Lifting a napkin, Aerith dabbed at her eyes, sniffling somewhat.

Maybe he'd left so he could figure out what he wanted? Maybe he'd left... because he didn't love her? She missed him though. "I've been unselfish for so long," she whispered brokenly, "Why can't I be selfish this once and get what I want? I sacrificed everything for you and you still take my happiness from me!" These words she directed at the planet.

'You asked for it to be this way.'

"I know..." she sobbed, putting her head down on the table, hands in her lap fingering the napkin. "But he understood me... he wanted to listen to me..."

'You're not sure though.'

Another sob racked her body, "No... I'm not sure. But I love him. Is it too much to ask for him to be accepted by the planet... at least enough for him to touch me?"

'Then you'll beg that he be able to have children with you.'

"I would..."

'And after that, that he be able to use Materia.'

"Maybe..."

'and after that'

"STOP IT!"

Aerith sat up, pushing her hair back from her face. "I hate you..." she whispered. "I hate you. I hate you! I HATE YOU!" She burst into full fledge sobs, arms wrapped around herself.

'All in the name of survival. You wanted it this way.'

"Leave me alone..." she begged, putting her face against the cool wood of the table once more. And the silence returned.