A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but here it is. Six pages. The second part shouldn't take all that much longer, but enjoy this for now.

Also, please, I only have two entries for my story contest. There are PRIZES!!!! Read "Untitled For Now" and submit your title ideas.

Anyway, read on Lizzy.

Disclaimer: I own the plot, the wording and the general concept, but not YuGiOh or any of it's associated characters.

Fair Play

Chapter Nine: Mauling Part I

(The one chapter to rule them all, meaning it is maddeningly long.)

Focus in on the elder of two brothers. Chestnut brown hair. Piercing blue eyes. Pained expression.

Oh yes. The great Seto Kaiba could feel, and right now he was experiencing this pain most acutely.

Why are we here?

What are we here for?

I mean really, what is the point of it all?

I hate shopping.

Where were they?

The only place in Domino City where no one can hear you scream.

The mall.

April had started the day before and the overly excited/excitable Mokuba decided on a shopping trip to get him something new to wear for the upcoming youth events.

In a few days was an interesting spin on the Drag Show (as though they hadn't been interesting before), for one, it was a competition, and secondly, it was divided into two categories, solos and duets. All of the solos were drags, but for the duets only one member had to crossdress.

Focus: Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Tahnya and Joey.

Technically, since Tahnya had yet to experience the liberation that is gender reassignment surgery, her manner of self expression was a type of cross dressing. Get her to swallow her pride, put it to music, and you had a drag.

She hated it, but Joey had begged her to, and, having a soft spot for the blonde, not to mention puppy eyes in general, she consented.

"So what are we here for?" She asked.

Focus: The Kaiba Brothers.

"Two new outfits for me, and if we can manage it, some less…stuffy or bizarre clothes for you." Mokuba answered him.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Oh so much…" The younger Kaiba brother gave a look that said 'I could go on for hours'. "Anyway, you need something to wear to these two things, and you're not wearing a trench coat."

"I'm sure as hell not going in drag."

"Only the performers go in drag…unless you really want to."

"I don't!"

"Ok. I was just teasing."

"So what specifically are we here for?"

Focus: Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Tahnya and Joey.

"Well, I'm looking for nice pants and a dress shirt for the show, something decent to wear to the day of silence party, and Tahnya and I are looking for a sexy little dress for her. What about you Yug?"

"I only need to find something for the DoS dance, I know what I'm wearing to the show, but I want to get something fun."

"How about some more latex paint?" Bakura offered. "You must be running low now that Yami has his own body and you both need to paint your pants on."

Yugi just blushed, then smirked when Ryou hit his darker half. "Very funny Bakura. So what do you and Ryou need?"

"Drab school girl outfit."

"Perky school girl outfit." They replied in turns.

"Which I'm sure will make themselves useful offstage as well as on." Joey grinned. "Duke?"

"I don't know, but I'll know it when I see it."

"As usual…meaning you need the most time." Joey sighed.

Ryou turned to Tahnya. "Tahnya, can I borrow your pre-op breasts for the show?"

"Sure Ry, it's not like I need them anymore, I might even have a set Bakura can wear. I still can't believe you're performing in this."

Focus: Kaiba Brothers.

"I'm not! I'm just going to it. You watch the show, dance and hang out. A lot of the people in the DCPA are performing though. Joey and Tahnya, Tristin and Duke and Ryou and Bakura are all doing duets, not to mention Duke is doing a solo."

Focus: Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Tahnya and Joey.

"So what song are you doing, Duke?" Yugi asked.

"Let's fall in love."

"I love that song!" Tahnya all but squealed.

"I'll sing it extra sweet for you."

"You'd better not flirt with me like that. You being bi is a dangerous thing, your boyfriend might get jealous."

"To flatter you, I'll risk it." He winked at her.

Tahnya smiled, blushing fetchingly and went back to the rack of clothes she was looking at.

"What do you think of these pants?" Yugi held up a pair.

Focus: Kaiba Brothers.

"Mokuba, are you sure that those aren't girl pants?"

"No, but they fall nice. They give the illusion of butt."

"Mokuba! Don't talk like that!"

"What? All cultures practice appearance management. It doesn't matter if it's clothing, jewelry, makeup or body modification, it's all to attract the attention of potential mates. It's just by chance that the potential mate I'm looking for would like me better if I had something of a butt. And before you spaz out, what I'm looking for in a mate is a relationship, not sex."

There was a long pause. "Appearance management is also to show status."

"And what does status get you, Seto?"

"Sex." Seto groaned. Why were teenagers so frustrating? Why were near genius teenagers so frustrating?

"See?"

Focus: Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Tahnya and Joey.

"You guys are lucky you've found someone."

Tahnya nodded her assent to Joey's comment.

"You have someone to dance with. Eat and sleep with. You don't have to worry about creepy guys coming on to you or finding someone to talk to when all of your friends are on dates."

"Emo-pants." Bakura said, rolling his eyes.

Yugi, not knowing what to do or say, held up a shirt. "What about this?"

Focus: The Kaiba Brothers

"Seto, that shirt is vile. It should be burned and fed to hamsters, it is just that ugly. I feel like I'm on a reality show, Bi Eye for The Queer Guy. Go get that blue shirt, the dark one, it's perfect for the drag show. Now what about this for the day of silence? Oh dear, no, green is not your color. Brown however, might be. No go, try them on." Mokuba shooed Seto into the changing room with black pants, the smooth (though not shiny) blue shirt, a brown shirt and jacket and jeans (the perfect shade to match the brown of the shirt).

Focus: Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Tahnya and Joey

"So Duke and I are the only one's not finished?" Joey asked.

"Unless Ryou and Bakura aren't done yet wherever they are." Yugi smiled apologetically.

"That makes me…very pathetic." Joey concluded.

"If you didn't concentrate on helping everyone else so much…" Tahnya pointed out.

"Yeah yeah…Well, I suppose that makes me less pathetic than dice boy."

"Hey! I'm only missing an outfit for the show! It's hard to find heels that don't make me walk all wobbly!" Duke snapped, before wandering off into women's wear.

"A lot less pathetic." Tahnya assured him. "Now Joseph, go try these on." She handed him a red button up shirt and black pants. "Wear the tie you have there."

Joey walked off into the dressing rooms, and as the others slowly ambled over, the click of the shutting door and it's lock could be heard. Tahnya leaned in the doorway out of the changing area and let her eyes wander.

"Hey Yugi, look at that guy over there. Poster boy for tall, dark and handsome. Can't see his face yet, but build wise, totally Joseph's type, right?"

"Tahn, stop scoping for me!" Joey said, exasperated, though the dressing room door.

The tall brunette turned began to make his way to the changing room.

"Oh my…..dearie me. It's Seto."

"Kaib- Wait, who is? What?" Joey asked through the door, accompanied by the sounds of struggling with unfamiliar clothing.

"It's Seto with Mokuba. The guy!" Tahnya whisper yelled.

"No fucking way." The blonde replied, the door to the dressing room shaking as he fought his way into the pants.

"Totally fucking way, and coming this way!" Yugi affirmed. "And it looks like he's buying clothes?"

"Here? In the men's section?"

"No, from junior girls Joey, yes from the men's section." Tahnya teased.

"I meant, I don't know what I meant, but at the mall? You think he'd go someplace more famous."

"You mean expensive." Tahnya corrected.

"Yeah, maybe."

"I think Mokuba dragged him, he looks like he's going crazy. Are you ever coming out of there?"

"I'm pants less right now, when I achieve a state of having pants I will appear once more." Joey sighed.

"They're almost here." Yugi rejoined the conversation.

"Yugi! Tahnya! Are you guys on a date or something?" Mokuba asked by way of greeting.

"Who in our group isn't dating Tahnya?" Yugi grinned. "But sadly, no, a bunch of us are out shopping for clothes, the DoS day and drag show are almost here."

"Oh, who else is here?"

"Duke is in women's clothing, and Ryou and Bakura are at the goth store buying school girl costumes." At Mokuba's cocked eyebrow in fear and Yugi continued. "They're going a duet in the show. I think Bakura bribed Ryou into it, because otherwise I don't know how he got up the guts to do it. Anyway, and Duke is looking for an evening gown and heels."

"Tristin is going to attack him."

"Yep." Yugi grinned. "Oh, and Joey is in a changing room."

"Thanks Yugi, I love to be an afterthought." Joey called out.

"Sorry Joey!" Yugi chuckled back.

"We love you Joseph!" Tahnya giggled.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming out."

"I find it hard to believe you were ever in." Mokuba teased.

"Haha. Watch me be floored by your amazingly creative humor." Joey rolled his eyes as he opened the door. He stood there awkwardly, smoothing out his red shirt. "What do you think, honestly?"

"Joseph, I don't get how you don't think you're sexy." Tahnya gushed.

"Very nice, Joey." Yugi affirmed.

The shirt was smooth and silky, without being painfully shiny. It was slightly too big, the way Joey wore most of his shirts, but with the top button undone, exposing his collar bone and slim throat, he was a sight to behold.

"I like it." Mokuba said, nodding.

Everyone, minus Joey, turned to look at Seto. Joey simply shuffled and stared at his feet.

Under the pressure of three sets of eyes Seto spoke. "The color and cut are good, but the size is off. It's just a little too big, and the pant legs are a bit long as well."

"Well, we can't all be part grasshopper." Joey smirked.

"If you want, I can have my tailor take them in for you."

"Uh…" Joey blinked several times and blushed ever so slightly. "Thanks, I might take you up on that, on the shirt at least, I like the pant length though." He smiled genuinely, apologetically, then spoke to the group as a whole. "I'm going to go try on the clothes I had for the DoS now."

"Are you getting those?" Tahnya asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Wait, butt check!" She cried.

"Tahnya, really…" He sighed, exasperated, but he turned none the less.

"Bend over." She commanded.

"Jesus Tahn, I can pick out my own pants." But whipped as they all were by the transgender sweetheart, he bent over.

Seto swallowed a newly formed lump in his throat, and he placed the clothes he was holding over his lap. He thought about boring things. Broccoli. The US postal service. Shoe leather. Joey's ass.

"Alright, you pass the butt check." Tahnya smiled, shooing him back into the changing room.

While Joey scrambled around in the dressing room, his friends (including Mokuba) smiled knowingly as Seto glared at his shoes. It was obviously their fault, seeing as shoe leather was the last thing he'd thought about before moving smoothly on to Joey's posterior. Yes, it was most definitely his shoes. They had even caused him to offer help to the mutt, to make him look even better.

It wasn't long (or possibly the intense glaring make the time pass more quickly) before Joey came back out in a loose, soft looking milk chocolaty brown sweater and perfectly matching jeans (just the right faded shade).

"Oh come on! You're not wearing that to the dance! Everyone else is dressing sexy!" Yugi chastised him.

"I have to look professional, Yug."

"I still think you look sexy!" Tahnya grinned.

"Tahnya, you'd say I looked sexy if I were wearing a garbage bag."

"Only because it would be true!"

"Ok Tahn, changing now."

"Are you getting that shirt then?" Yugi asked, as Joey clicked the lock shut.

"Yeah, it's comfy and it looks decent. It does look decent, right?"

"Yes!" Yugi, Tahnya and Mokuba chorused, used to Joey's low self esteem.

"Ok, ok." Joey said, and it was not hard for any of them to picture him waving his hand dismissively.

When the blonde quitted the room Mokuba turned to his brother. "Why don't you go try those on?" He said, indicating the pile of clothes on Seto's lap.

Seto gave a curt nod and stood, silently, warily going into the room Joey had just left.

Joey put the clothes that hadn't fit, or he didn't like, on the discard rack, and took the seat Seto had left.

After some time past, and exasperated Mokuba spoke. "Seto, do you have the first outfit on?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I already tried it, I'm onto the second."

"Did the first one not fit?"

"No."

"No it didn't fit?"

"No Mokuba, it didn't not fit."

"So it fit, right?" Yugi broke in.

"Yes." Seto replied, fed up with the confused back and forth.

"Then why didn't you come out and show us?" Yugi asked, still, at seventeen, ignorant of the deep love Seto Kaiba held for privacy.

"I didn't want to."

"Did it look bad?" Joey teased.

"No, I'm just not horribly insecure like you are, mutt."

"Fuck you." Joey growled.

"I'd rather not."

Joey grunted in reply, then again when Mokuba chuckled at their antics.

Finally Seto quitted the room, holding two shirts and a pair of pants in one arm, and several other items in the other. He held out his more heavily laden arm and asked. "What do I do with these?"

Joey sulkily pointed at the rack he'd recently hung his rejected clothes on. "Want to go find Duke and head to the food court?"

"Sure." Came the semi unanimous reply (Seto didn't see a reason to answer, he knew where he'd end up either way. After all, he was a genius).

::End Part One::