Disclaimer: Refer to Chp 1
Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are awesome!
Now for Chapter Eight...
Sing A Lullaby
By Cev
Chapter Eight: Decision
Van looked over the dark skies, gray-washed with combed clouds, and rain that threatened to spill over at any given moment. It was a gloomy day, and the young Fanelian was thinking of how perfectly the impending weather mirrored such a brutal turn in political events. He jumped from his balcony to the full view of the blue roof, peering over the battlements and beyond. Looking to the streets, Van saw his people bustling about, trying to get to one place to another in quick steps, hoping to outrun the weather. The mountains were a blue blur beyond the muddy fields, fields that were soon to bloom into an agricultural wealth. It was the season for rain, and soon the spring floods would give way to summer, which in turn would dry into the fall harvest, then the deep Fanelian winter would freeze over.
With a slight pang, Van noticed the bright green of a leaf magnified by a dewdrop. Its endless emerald color reminded him sharply of Hitomi, and though she had permeated his thoughts for every waking (and sleeping) moment of his routine life, he was consciously trying to make an effort to not think about her.
It was rather difficult.
Hitomi was like a necessity for his body and mind to function correctly- body cells, veins, vital organs, nerves. With the young Seeress of the Mystic Moon gone, Van could feel deep depression seeping in, and a cold numbness filling him. In such a vast world as Gaea, Van couldn't feel more alone. Not one of his friends or companions seemed to completely fill that void. There was only one person that could cork such a large black hole in his heart, and the only one meant to was Hitomi Kanzaki. The dark gloom closed in Van rapidly, and the Draconian could feel the sadness creep into him, and he emotionally and physically drew into himself, trying to fight it off. He needed something to keep his mind away from that subject.
Politics, Van, think about what you need to do, he thought to himself, almost patronizingly.
With Hiarm arriving in less than an hour, Van did have many other things to think about. He knew that the underhanded King's daughter was young and still attended a private boarding school in east Austria. He also knew that he would not marry the girl for several years to come; but once marriage was proposed, and courtship began, there was no negotiation. It was final, and the priest might as well have said the words the minute Hitomi left. The society that ruled Van's world was strict and had set rules. It was similar to Princess Millerna and Dryden's wedding; however, Van's ordeal was putting his whole country on the line.
I may be a free man, Van quoted to himself, but everywhere I am in chains.
But what did Hiarm have in store with Van? Was this visit just formality and legal documents to be signed? Which, Van knew, that to the King, meant nothing? Was this going to be some scare tactic? Was the brutal King bringing guards?
Whatever it was, it was a stupid move. Social uprising in Hiarmaz had been a political problem for over half a century, and weak leadership wasn't giving solutions to the bitter clashes between classes that disturbed the country's balance. Van was sure, however, of Hiarm's security in the forces of armies. Though half of the whole Hiarmaz army are mercenaries, the King thought. Their hopes in drag-industrialization are going to seep into my country and wipe away all of the natural history.
Van watched with silent loathing as a team of horses led a carriage down the streets and into the gates of his castle, followed by a small number of guards that were heavy with weapons and artillery. People spread in all directions to avoid the foreboding crowd of foreigners, and many looked even scared. Van wanted to wipe them from the streets, but now he could do nothing. The realization of what he'd done was sickening.
He'd sold his country into slavery.
Hitomi looked over the rather large suitcase, mentally going through a checklist of necessities. Her hair, slightly longer than it usually was, was pulled back into two short French braids, flyaways kept down with clips. She was wearing a traditional white Fanelian sundress, her favorite one that she had gotten slightly altered, so that it would fit over her large tummy.
With a hand over her stomach she smiled, though her eyes were sad. She looked out the window with a faraway look, watching the birds fly from trees, the gentle slope of a nearby hill, and the lazy sun dipping into a late afternoon sky, carrying a foray of colors with it. She closed her eyes after absorbing the beautiful scene. She would miss it very much, but her decision was set. She had finally made one, though only two people knew about it. 'This is going to be hard to pull off,' Hitomi thought, opening her eyes and breathing in deep as the sunset lower in the sky.
"Hitomi?" Yukari's bright red head popped from behind the doorframe of her room, smiling at her friend, "What are you doing?"
"Just making sure you have everything for your 'trip'." Hitomi said, smiling back wearily.
"Are you okay?" Yukari asked, taking Hitomi by the shoulders and leading her to a chair, "You shouldn't be doing stuff like this. I can pack for myself."
Hitomi chuckled, pulling on one of the short, French braided pigtails Yukari had done for her yesterday. Hitomi hadn't taken them out yet, for she hadn't showered. The Seeress was sure she stank. "I'm fine, Yukari. What time are you leaving on Tuesday?"
"Well. . ." Yukari put her finger to her chin, thinking of what Amano had told her, "Amano said we'd be leaving pretty early in the morning, so I'll maybe be able to have breakfast with you before we leave for Europe."
"I'm sad that you will be leaving, but I know it'll be the best for everyone. Studying abroad! I bet it will be fun, especially since you and Amano are going together."
"Yeah, I'm happy." But Yukari frowned when she looked back at Hitomi, "But I think it's best that we go now, that way when you leave your mother won't be able to question me. It's Sunday, so we still have a day. When are you going to leave?"
Hitomi stared out Yukari's window, immersed in thought, "I'm not quiet sure. I was thinking I should do it Tuesday or Wednesday at night, but I'm definitely sure that Van would be able to see me and follow me, if he still would," she added.
Yukari looked over at her friend was a concerned expression, but Hitomi continued, "In the middle of the day he'll be busy with citizens and his duties, but there will be many civilians that would be able to see the white column."
"Isn't there someway you can control the beam? Maybe you can transport yourself away from the castle?" Yukari asked, crossing her arms over her black cardigan, along with her jean-covered legs and leaning against her desk.
"I don't know. I might be able to, if I wish just right. I'll probably stay with Erin Jadwyk and his family before I find somewhere more permanent. I think I'll head to Austria so Millerna can help me with the delivery, and maybe move on to Freid, since Van doesn't visit Duke Chid as much as he goes to Palas." Hitomi tapped her chin in thought.
"I wish you would have decided to come with us." Yukari said with a fleeting look.
Hitomi smiled, "You know that would have been impossible. And even if you did bring me along, I would be a burden. You have a brilliant future ahead of you, and I believe I do, too, just not here on Earth. My child deserves to live in the world where it was conceived, where she or he will be accepted."
Yukari smiled nervously, "What about the child's defect?"
"Defect?"
"The lumps growing on its back."
"I have an idea of what it is . . ." Hitomi said, trailing off, "But I'm not so sure. Maybe traveling between worlds affected it. I don't know, but I don't think it is a defect. Even so, I have to go back. Gaea is going to be my home from now on. . ."
"I just hope your delivery isn't hard." Yukari paused, and looked at the healthy, young, pregnant teenager. She had gone through harsh difficulties within the last five months. It wasn't getting any easier for her, and she looked dreadfully pale from being inside for such long periods of time, even with school being out, and Yukari and Amano going to continue their studies in Europe. Images with her best friend flashed in her mind's eye, and Yukari felt a strange pain bubbling up in her chest. Tears threatened to fall when she noticed that Hitomi, too, was beginning to get nostalgic. "Hitomi, I'm going to miss you so much!" Yukari croaked out, hugging her dear friend as hard as she could without hurting her.
Hitomi eyes welled and tears were beginning to flood her face, and she sniffed and hugged Yukari just as fiercely, "I'm going to miss you, too. You were always there for me, Yukari, never gave up on me. I would be lost and gone without your help. My life would be hell. I still can't believe how much time and energy you gave to me. That was more than anyone's ever given me, even Van." Hitomi broke and started sobbing, "I don't know what I'm going to do! I'll come and visit, and talk to you, but it'll never be the same! I'll never be able to find someone to fill such a large hole. First Van, and now you!"
Yukari sniffled, and lowered her sobs, stroking Hitomi's hair to calm her, and hugging her close. This was harder than she thought it would be. "It's okay," She said hoarsely, moving back and giving Hitomi a watery smile, "We'll always be in each others' hearts. You pray for me, okay?" Hitomi nodded, "And I'll pray for you, and God will guide us. You just have to look right here." Yukari pressed a finger over Hitomi's heart, "And I'll be there for you, whenever you need me."
"You can expect the same, and more from me." Hitomi said assuredly, finally turning her overwhelmingly sad tears into a wet smile. "We know where we'll going, but we'll reach those goals together."
The two friends shared another embrace, one of many to come in a long, two- day goodbye, but Hitomi knew that even though Yukari would be gone from her side, and she from Yukari's, that her memory and friendship would set her mind into focus of her goal.
That goal was to give her child the greatest amount of love she could muster. No child should have to grow up with a broken parent or a burdened love. And that would not happen to her kid, not if she could help it. Things would have to get better from here, not worse. Hitomi just had to muster enough strength to realize that goal, and work out a strategy in her mind. Surviving in Gaea alone would take all her wit and energy.
"If anyone can manage it, it'll be me."
The darkness of the night pierced the inner depths of the traveler's weary form, but not even the weather or the bleak night could dampen Hiarm's spirits. The Hiarmaz King walked with a smug facial expression, although his pride in victory over the rural country that he had just assumed puppet master of was held up by a feebling body and arthritic bones. His large, overweight frame was covered with the bright dark reds of his country, speckled with jewels and ornamented robes, which outweighed the simple Fanelian attire that Van had always been comfortable in. However, for the dreaded King's arrival, the young ruler of his home had donned green-lined black robes, with long, straight black pants hugging around thick black boots that were fitted to him. It was Van's best and most comfortable attire, but he found that the pompous King of Hiarmaz overdid him.
Van had never realized how such a small and insignificant thing could become such a well of anger. But the unimportant thing was pissing him off, but more so was Hiarm's arrogant, self-centered attitude. He treated Van as if he was an infant! Granted, he was young for a King, but he deserved respect! Van had to grind his teeth to keep himself from saying something to Hiarm's retreating back. Marian had taken the King to temporary quarters in the castle, but Van was surprised. He was expecting the man to demand to take over Van's own chambers.
Van visibly relaxed when the door to his office closed, and after Van had locked it from the inside, he sunk into his thick chair, a single luxury of the crowded room-littered with papers, documents, and shelves- that King Dryden and Queen Millerna had sent him for his sixteenth birthday.
His sudden recollection of that day had caught him off guard, and Van found himself automatically fumbling under his upturned and lined collar for a thin chain. He clenched the two rings that were laced in the chain around his neck, folding them into white hands, and leaning over his desk, against his clasped hands.
This was not the first time his thoughts had drifted in this way. It was recurring, but Van was having a hard time letting go. He should, and he knew that he would have to one day, in the future. But he couldn't find himself doing it, even though day after day he said he would with conviction. Life without one thought of the stranger from the accursed moon he had fell in love with was bleak and unstable, and it was sometimes difficult for Van to concentrate on fixing his country with such a leaden heart.
'How can I lead this nation when I can't even manage myself?' He thought angrily, stuffing the necklace back down under his shirt.
Van stood tall now, towering over most people. A growth spurt had made him grow more into himself, though the spurts were becoming less and less now. Five months had changed everything in Fanelia, and Van felt that he had aged a century. Hiarm was making himself comfortable in HIS castle, ordering people about as if the were his lowly servants. It was one of many traits in the King from Hiarmaz that pissed Van off. And Van's anger was beginning to get more and more uncontrollable with every day.
"So he's blackmailing you even more?" Lord Devon asked, appearing from around a corridor as Van walked out of his office.
Van's expression furrowed into a frown, and he kept walking, but slowed down for the old man. "Yes," he sneered softly, "He's deciding to take the upmost advantage of our country's boundaries and land while his daughter waits patiently. She still has four fuking years to complete before she comes to our country. However, I am required to escort her to Palas in those next few years for the festival season during the summer. I'm loathing the idea, and it's just a month away. At least Hiarm will be back in his own home by then."
"And where will we be donating land to Hiarmaz?"
"The dragon graves in the north, over in the Red basin in the mountains." Van said gravely.
"But there is a village up there!" Devon exclaimed, a loud contrast to Van's voice.
Van breathed in long to calm himself, running a hand through his hair, "Whatever we can do to avoid war." Van watched as his royal advisor frowned and took in that fatal statement, then when Van thought the affect was enough, he continued with his explanation, "Hiarm's promised to let the people leave peacefully without violence. We're going to have to relocate the whole town."
"To where?" Lord Devon asked.
"Most likely out of the mountains and more southern to Hipa, unless Hiarm wants to keep the civilians in the vicinity and to the site. The project is going to take two years, thank God. At least we'll have that KING out of my home. He's not as welcome as he'd like to think. I just want him out of my hair so I can focus on getting this dying economy going. The people are getting restless." Van continued to walk with Devon, and turned off in a different direction at a split in the hall.
Devon watched the raven-haired youth walk with such a weight, looking twenty years older. He reminded the old council of King Gaou, responsible and in agony most of the time, taking care of his country. 'Everyone says our country is cursed, but I wonder,' Devon thought, 'When we always have such a strong line of rulers. Hopefully,' the old man prayed, 'The next heir in line will be like Van.'
The windows were opened wide, filling the Uchida house with a warm, salty breeze that Hitomi cherished. The daughter of the house was frantically rushing around, checking for any last-minute lapses in her memory that she might serve dearly for later. Although her green-eyed friend had reassured her that she had everything packed and it was all in order, Yukari simply stated that she did not, and was not assured at all. And so our young heroine sat, waiting for Yukari to end her rampaging of the house to finally come and help her load things into the car. The redhead soon did, and they were all packed away into Yukari's father's SUV within moments. The quite drive, followed by Hitomi's mother and father in their car, was like the beginning of a storm, it seemed. Hitomi's muscles were tense and her eyes were locked on a bag of things Yukari and Amano had given her.
It was a small gift; things the young couple would have no use for in their trip. Amano had reluctantly given up a cloak, which much resembled that of the Hobbits' (he was a big Lord of the Rings fan), but seemed like it would do her good on such a world as Gaea when inclement weather hit, not to mention keeping a low profile, as Hitomi would need. A box of candies and sweets, all lovingly prepared by Yukari's mother, enclosed in a beautiful tin and wrapped in brown paper, was shoved to the bottom of the bag, only to be opened in such emergencies that Hitomi would need cheering up. About a dozen different spices for Hitomi's cooking, newly bought, hair products, books on making one's own shampoo and conditioner, for Hitomi knew she would need the information, and a few other books that held special meaning to Yukari or Amano, put inside to be randomly picked and read for the simple excuse of boredom.
But Hitomi doubted that boredom would hardly be a burden on her when she finally did leave.
She curled a hand around her stomach, the other she clasped with Yukari's, who sat in between Hitomi and Amano in the car. Her friend gave her a thankful smile, and Hitomi knew how scared Yukari was. After all, she was making a choice that would later play a big role in what shape her life would turn out to be. Yukari's brow was furrowed, but the excitement in her was apparent, and she just wanted to get on the plane and leave Japan behind.
As always, the immense crowd at the airport suffocated the group. Hitomi found her parents, and they, along with Yukari's and Amano's friends and family, sent them off with hugs and goodbyes, certainly not permanent farewells.
"You'd better get going before the security lines get too long," Hitomi said as she and Amano hugged. Yukari opened her arms to receive her friend, and Hitomi fiercely embraced the redhead.
"Yeah, you're right," Amano said, watching the two, "Come on, Yukari."
"We'll see everyone during the holidays," Yukari said, waving to them all.
Amano gave one last glance at Hitomi, smiling to her gingerly, along with Yukari. Hitomi caught their eyes in the instant, looking back and forth between them. Time seemed to pause just for her as Hitomi keep the picture locked in her brain, but a bright flash brought her from her reverie.
Mrs. Kanzaki looked up from her digital camera, and gave one last wave to the young couple. Before they were out of sight in the crowd, Hitomi urged her family to leave, and the three separate families parted in their own ways.
As always, the immense crowd covered over the parting group's spot, and the last farewell drifted across the terminals, becoming lost in a great vast noise.
The room where Hitomi and Yukari had always connived and talked in now seemed empty, even though Hitomi was standing in the middle of it. The whole place seemed alien to her, and the Seeress didn't feel at home any more, even in her own room. The window was shut tight, locked with the blinds drawn down to block out the outside world. Her bed was made, and the room was without clutter. There were no clothes hanging off her desk chair, no posters stuck to the walls with sticky tack or tape. The shelves were almost near empty, and her CD collection was neat and ordered by name. Her closet was only occupied by non-useful clothing: those silk shirts her grandmother bought her that made her look like a piece of cake, the jeans with lace at the bottom, fancy buttoned shirts, cute (but unreasonable) skirts, shoes that left her with blisters and uncomfortable sandals.
There were three bags on her bed, each one smaller than the next. The largest one held her clothes: a simply knitted, blue pullover with a wooden button (which looked like something from Europe); a brown leather jacket, a traveling jacket she got from Marian, which used to belong to Van when he was younger. She was sure she wouldn't need the warm clothing until later into the year, but Hitomi wanted to be prepared. There was a pair of moccasin-type boots shoved into the side of the large hiking backpack, along with the strapped sandals that she had worn on her visits to Fanelia so often. They were her favorite, tying just under her knee. She wanted to wear them when she left, but instead would wear her boots, another hand- me-down, so she would not have to carry their weight. All of the shirts and dresses Marian had given her were packed inside with everything else, along with necessity clothing, and though it was a little heavy, Hitomi felt that it wouldn't be too much. A few of her books were packed away into the bag as well: thin books on healing plants and a few actually from Gaea that would be useful on her 'adventure'. Hitomi smiled sardonically when she thought of it that way.
She had her Bible, some cookbooks, the bag Yukari and Amano had given her, clothes, preserved food for emergencies, two Swiss army knives, a three- inch pocketknife, along with a sharpener, bamboo chopsticks, a few lighters, empty journals and pens, a battery-powered MP3 player her mom had given her so she wouldn't have to lug around CD's, though Hitomi doubted it would last very long, even though she carried many batteries at the bottom of the second bag. Toothbrushes and toiletries were carried in the last and smallest bag, because Gaea did have plumbing in most places, and Hitomi was concerned for her own hygiene, especially since she was VERY pregnant.
Yes, extremely, Hitomi thought, looking at herself in the mirror and frowning. She was huge! She felt so large and fat these days, Hitomi didn't know what to do with herself. Self-confidence was at an all-time low, and even though she was usually slender from track, Hitomi found that since she didn't go out much because of her pregnancy, she was becoming slightly bigger in all areas. Not fat, just larger. Hitomi made a face, furrowing her brows, and looked away at the mirror. She didn't want to see herself any longer.
I just need to leave, and soon, Hitomi thought, looking at her packed bags. Everything I live from is in there, I can't unpack. Without being able to hold back tears, Hitomi knew that she had to leave that night. If she just did this, just get over this small barrier, she could start her life, and get it in order. She could take her first step in a new direction, her first goal in life, not lost in a sea of decisions.
This was it. She was tired of waiting around. It was time to make a decision.
"This is stupid! This is stupider than your idea to get knocked up! I can't believe you'd do this, Hitomi! This is a very bad idea, an extremely bad idea! How could you do this to me, Hitomi? To your CHILD?" Mrs. Aya Kanzaki continued to yell through a slammed door, even though before it was apparent Hitomi was not paying attention to her mother. Instead, her head was down, her father's arm around her shoulders in an awkward comfort. They were outside in the Kanzaki backyard, listening to the empty night of croaking things and the echoed slam of the backdoor. The short patio ended in shadows, with a clear black sky above them, alit with tiny stars and a gibbous moon.
A soft sniffling broke the serene night, and Mr. Kanzaki shifted his arms around his daughter.
Hitomi's father knew that his daughter was on the verge of breaking down, but he didn't know what he could do to help her. Even though Hitomi figured he'd be the one to freak out, again, her parents surprised her.
Hitomi wiped her eyes, refusing to cry anymore. It didn't matter anymore; she had more important people, or person, rather, to think about.
"Hitomi, your mother is going through a very difficult time with this. You have to remember that this affects everyone, not just you." Mr. Kanzaki said, turning Hitomi so that his hands rested on her shoulders and she was facing him, even though she refused to make eye contact.
"I know dad, that's why I made this decision in the first place." Hitomi said, giving him a watery smile.
"I'm very proud of you," Mr. Kanzaki said after a moment had passed, smiling back at her comfortingly, "Mom knows it's the right thing to do, but it's not going to be easy for you and your body to go through birth. I think that's why Mom is freaking out. Hell, I wouldn't know, I've never birthed anything."
Hitomi laughed a little, and her dad smiled, satisfied that he could lighten the mood. "I know dad. And I will be fine," She said, emphasizing her words so that perhaps it would help convince him, "You two always seem to think Gaea is some medieval world, but it's not. It's technology and cultures have just evolved differently than ours. I've seen a war there, Dad; I know what Gaea's medical knowledge can do for people. And I want you to tell Mom what I'm telling you know, to reassure her. I know you guys wanted me to stay here, and I wanted to as well, at one point. But I don't know anyone that can help me here, or any future that I can make by myself. In Gaea, I know people. I helped very much with the war; no one is going to turn me down there. I have a family of friends there that love me as much as I love them. I have a stable future there, Dad. I've realized this, now you and Mom have to."
Mr. Kanzaki gathered his daughter up in his arms, holding her head to him and ducking his head next to hers. "You sound all grown up, now, Hitomi. It's just hard for us to accept it, that's all. Don't worry, I'll tell Mom. And I don't know if everything is going to be okay, but I'll be praying. You just take care of yourself, and my future grandson, okay?"
"Grandson? And just why do you think it's going to be a boy?"
"Well, I can just tell these things," he answered, pulling back and kissing her on the forehead.
"I'll be back for the holidays, Daddy," Hitomi said, smiling one last time up at her father. She looked up at the night sky, her eyes clouding over when she made out the shape of Gaea beyond the moon. They became a solid green, almost like the look on her face when she was absorbed in a vision. But this look was different, because even then she could see her father, staring up at her in wonder.
Hitomi's whole body had become numb in that instant that she was lifted off the ground in the white column. For a brief moment, she almost forgot where she was as she quietly wished to be on the planet where her child belonged. She gave a warm grin to her father below, and the last thing he saw was the outline of her form vanishing into the blackness that was the night with the column of white, pure light.
Mr. Kanzaki stood speechless for several minutes, kind of like getting whiplash, or the feeling of being pulled into an undertow. His mind cleared and he was back where he belonged, in his own mind, standing by himself and without his little girl beside him.
In his mind, Mr. Kanzaki saw a small Hitomi, all tiny and newborn, wrapped in a soft pink blanket and tucked away in a small nursery of a hospital room, his face pressed against the glass just so he could get a closer look at her. He saw her first steps in their old house, towards his open arms. His eyes welled up when he recalled a surge of emotions at her first try at baking-his birthday. Keiichi took out small files in his heart, and they automatically replayed like a video in his mind: soft smiles and repeats of singing laughter. Bright green irises looked straight through him, taking the piece of his heart that they owned.
Keiichi's own green eyes closed shut tightly, trying to clamp down on the incoming flood.
For the first time in years, Keiichi Kanzaki broke down and cried.
The joys of parents are secret: and so are their greifs and fears. -Francis Bacon
I am SO sorry this chapter took this long! I have no intention on letting that ever happen again. But, you can't very much blame me. I don't even have an editor, so it's no so easy sometimes. But that's really not the reason, it's because I had such terrible writer's block. That's not a problem anymore. I very much expect this story to start going off strong later. We still have many more chapters to go! Since this took so long, I'll be answering review questions and everything in the next chapter. I'd also like any ideas or input you guys might have- I always try to put twists in the stories I have, but many times it's hard to come up with them.
I'm sure this chapter was a big flop. It feels very dry to me right now. I want to write more emotion, more tear-jerking scenes. But I find that is exactly what I am lacking right now! Ugh . . . I wish there was a pokemon that had the power to rejuvenate writers. That's a pokemon I would choose.
Okay, so I guess you guys want me to shut up now, right? Yes? All-righty.
Les ailes des moulins protegent les amoureux,
Cev