It wasn't until after the sun had set that Raven decided to approach Leliana, Josephine, Cullen, and Cassandra at the war table for the second time. In the hours since she'd spoken to Cassandra she'd spent her time in Krem's tent going over all the polite ways of refusal that her father had taught her and that she'd learned from the many books and movies she'd collected throughout her years. She still hadn't decided on what to say but needed to get it over with. Cole quickly and quietly followed her from the camp. He remained unseen by everyone he passed; their hurts weren't so bad anymore. Seeing Christopher return had eased their doubt, worry, and pain. He'd also done all he could for the wounded soldiers of Haven.
When she approached the makeshift table covered in maps and pieces marking positions, Cullen was the first of the advisors Raven saw and the echoes of Cullen's hurt still spoke to Cole. It was muffled under the pounding in his head as he tried to decide what their best action would be since they no longer had Haven, but Cole could tell that the events from before still plagued him. Images of the anger and hurt he'd caused her-the one he wanted-were responsible for the sinking feeling in his stomach and his own pain from Raven's retort was still fresh in his heart. It had been a sharp, calculated, and brutal response. She knew what to say to make him hurt like he'd done to her. How did she know? Cole could feel the shame in the back of Raven's mind as she continued to stare at him. When Cullen looked up to see the small figure standing quietly no less than ten feet from him he almost mistook her for someone else because of the large hat but then noticed her long red hair and the jacket she was so fond of. He didn't expect her to come back, at least not while he was around. Josephine appeared from her tent and both Leliana and Cassandra noticed her from where they stood outside Christopher's tent talking quietly. The young mage was still sleeping.
"We weren't expecting to see you back so soon," Cullen addressed as professionally as he could, not liking that he couldn't see her face and the expression she wore under the large hat. "New hat?" He asked vaguely remembering the young man Raven had addressed the night before in Haven's Chantry. Raven reached up to the hats large brim and Cole saw her smile as her fingers lightly traced over the material. Her hands were still wrapped in parts of his shirt from earlier.
"I'm keeping it safe until I see him again," she replied simply and from their position Leliana and Cassandra smiled before moving to join Cullen at the table. They couldn't see her expression from their vantage points, but her voice seemed pleasant enough and she still didn't have her harness or daggers strapped to her back. That didn't make her any less dangerous, but they all knew she wouldn't attack without weapons unless she had no other choice.
"We were in the middle of a discussion before things became heated between you and the Commander," Josephine spoke as she picked up her writing board from the table that had the documents outlining the offer they wanted to present to the young girl. It was separated into three parts and she took a quick moment to review the content of Cullen's untidy scribble, Leliana's small calligraphy, and the elegant curls of her own letters to make sure everything was correct. When she looked up from the papers Raven nodded and her hands clasped behind her back in that military pose, "And we have an offer for you," she finally finished.
"We want you to become an advisor for the Inquisition," Leliana spoke and Cole could tell that the three advisors and Cassandra all wanted her to accept. Raven didn't want to. Inadequate, overwhelming, insecure, unfamiliar; it isn't what I know. This is a mistake. Her song sang a somber melody in his ears and his chest somehow hurt because of it.
"Thank you for your gracious offer, but I'm going to have to decline." She replied cordially, without hesitation, and all but Cassandra were surprised. Raven liked the hat she was wearing, somehow she could see all their expressions, but they couldn't see hers. Cullen looked angry again and she knew he was still in pain. Back in the game it was obvious when the lyrium withdraw was getting to him. Here it was no different. Even if she didn't know that he no longer took it, the change in his personality was evident that something was wrong. He was usually much more relaxed and patient and she made a note to herself that once the advisor nonsense was over, or maybe even another day, she'd show him some techniques that would help reduce the pain. It was the least she could do to help him without actually admitting that she took the insult way too far earlier that day.
"Forgive me, but may I ask why you are so quick to decline our offer?" Josephine asked still clearly surprised. Had Cullen's words been the reason behind her choice? If so, Josephine would have to fix the damage and fast.
"I don't have experience in commanding soldiers or fighting on the front lines like Cullen, I don't know the first thing about being a Spymaster, and diplomacy isn't something I'm good at, like, at all. Unlike any of you and I have no connections to speak of." She fought to keep still under their gaze, "I've already joined the Inquisition; I help train Cullen's recruits and run reports. I help Christopher and others when they need me and I'm fine with that. What else could I possibly do?" Raven asked meaning for it to be rhetorical. The title of 'Advisor' would only bring a harrowing responsibility and unwanted pressures and problems. She would continue to help if it was needed but she didn't want the added on stress.
"What you do wouldn't change much. You would still help train Cullen's recruits, but you would help train my agents as well. You'd attend meetings and judgments, give your counsel to us and to The Herald when we cannot. He respects your suggestions and knowledge," Leliana informed while moving around the table in order to lean back against it while still facing Raven.
"I'm sensing there's more," Raven commented, interested in what the terms were. Leliana was right; Raven did half the things listed anyway and usually offers came with a type of privilege, condition, or reward. Josephine came forward with her writing board and stood next to her friend.
"In return we would also supply you with further training should you wish. There are quite a few specializations for rogues, especially for one with your skill set. Also Cullen would train you in combat, battle, and military strategy, Leliana would teach you to gather information and use it to your advantage, and I would teach you what needs to be done to gain connections throughout Thedas as well as etiquette and politics. All of which you would use to help us." Raven was stunned and it was obvious as she took a step back that she wasn't expecting there to be so much. Cole tried to keep up with her thoughts, but they were scrambled and sporadic so instead he tried focusing on the others. It was important to them that she accept. Maker's breath that hat looks funny on her. That was Cullen's thought and Cole had to look over towards Raven to see what he was talking about but he couldn't understand what was so funny. He liked his hat on her. It made her smile.
"So… I'd be like a bard?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes." Leliana was the one to speak.
"Why?" Raven asked simply, already having a guess why they'd choose those subjects to teach her. No one outside of the Inquisition really knew her. With Leliana's and Josephine's lessons she could be one hell of a spy and Raven would be lying if she said the idea didn't appeal to her. Raven already had some military training, but Cullen was smart and she knew he could teach her a thing or two.
"Even with the information we have coming in from my scouts we need someone to interact with the nobility and those whose support would be beneficial in a less official manner. Become one they can trust and confide in and allow us to use it to our advantage," Leliana answered and Cole could tell the woman was impressed with Raven's quick conclusion. She doesn't even realize her potential. "You would be paid as well once we get everything settled. When Christopher wakes we'll figure out what to do." Silence stretched between them. What if she declines? What would it take to persuade her? It was the woman Raven called Josephine that Cole heard and he knew she didn't need to worry. Raven had already made her decisions but would discuss it with them later. Once the fortress was found.
"You're serious about teaching me all this?" Raven was clearly perplexed as she spoke but earned a nod from Leliana. She stared at the Spymaster and then her eyes moved to Josephine and Cullen. "And this is something you all agreed to?"
"We did. Christopher brought it up after the incident with Alexius. Your actions at Haven confirmed it. I understand if you need time to think about what has been offered to you. We will be here," Leliana replied. Raven nodded and turned to leave, needing to get away from them and find somewhere to think. It wasn't until she was about ten steps from them that Cole appeared at her side. She felt his presence before she turned and saw him. Stalker.
"I am not stalking you," He protested once the thought crossed her mind and she smiled. It took him a moment to realize that she wasn't serious as he continued to follow her. She was thinking of the offer presented to her, the way Cullen looked when he discovered she was there, and Christopher still sleeping in the tent. He should've been awake by now and she was starting to worry.
"Is there any ulterior motive behind them offering me this?" Raven asked. Cole noticed they were going nowhere in particular, just walking around the camp. He thought back to the four people she met with and couldn't recall any of them wanting to wish her harm. He would've addressed it.
"Cullen thought you looked funny in my hat," he told her but wished he hadn't when she suddenly stopped and turned to him. She was smiling as she reached out and brushed some of his hair aside before removing his hat and putting it back on his head. Her hair was untied and messy and Cole watched her in a fascinated silence as she combed the waist length tresses with her fingers and eventually twisted and wrapped them as a group so it became shorter before tying it back.
"I probably did. It looks better on you anyway," she replied simply and continued walking like nothing had happened.
In the hours since Christopher had woken, too warm and constricted in blankets he'd done nothing but rest and it was starting to get to him. At first he'd been confused as to where he was but when he heard the voices of Cassandra and his three advisors he knew he was safe. Leliana was the first to notice he was awake and while she helped him drink some water Cullen had one of his soldiers run to fetch someone. Raven and Solas had appeared side by side moments later as he was sitting up and peeling the horrid blankets off his body and onto the ground. Raven was relieved, Christopher realized as she smiled at him. Even after Solas left she had taken a seat on the ground and leaned against his cot wanting him to continue resting. Mother Giselle joined them not long after and in those hours, now that he was awake, the planning began making rest an impossibility. All he had was a headache, but Mother Giselle stopped him from standing.
"Shh, you need rest," she told him quietly and Christopher noticed how tired the Chantry mother looked. He couldn't rest, not with them fighting.
"They've been at it for hours," he commented and noticed Raven nod silently at his words. He wondered if she had a headache like his? Her fingers were moving in a circular motion in a place on her other hand and he idly wondered what purpose it served.
"They have that luxury thanks to you. The enemy could not follow and with time to doubt, we turn to blame." It wasn't blame, Christopher thought to himself. There were so many worries now, so many people without anywhere to go. He didn't even know where they were. "Infighting may threaten us as much as this Corypheus."
"Do we know where Corypheus and his forces are?" He asked and Mother Giselle shook her head.
"We are not sure where we are. Which may be why-despite the numbers he still commands-there is no sign of him. That, or you are believed dead. Or, without Haven we are thought helpless. Or, he prepares for another attack. I cannot claim to know the mind of that creature, only his effect on us." Hell, she knew how to throw it all out there, but Raven nodded in agreement, not saying anything. There was no need. Christopher was awake and seemed to be doing alright, but she had to wonder how it would play out. They sing in the game and it's Solas who takes him aside to tell him of the orb and Skyhold, but based on the last day with Chancellor Roderick passing so soon, the sudden offer she was given, and the length of time Christopher was asleep compared to the game there was no chance it would play out that way so all she could do was hope for the best.
"If that thing is still out there we need to move," Christopher said while motioning to get up. Raven made no attempt to move and with the one remaining blanket on him it was a little difficult to get around her. She was doing it on purpose, he knew it. So far Mother Giselle's words didn't seem to be much different. She was a wise woman, explaining to Christopher the effect of his return had on the people of Haven. Christopher was sitting up completely now and noticed the robes he wore before had been changed to a different, warmer pair. It was appreciated.
"If the enemy is still out there these questions don't matter," he said while standing. "We need soldiers, weapons. Corypheus doesn't care what we believe." His legs were weak, but he managed to turn, walking away from the two women who were still seated at his bedside and when he left the tent he had to stop. Cassandra peered over the war table frustrated and looking like she had more to say, Josephine and Leliana sat together near the fire, and Cullen stood looking away from them all. It was quiet, the atmosphere almost seemed hopeless and Christopher was at a loss. What could he possibly say to them? Raven stood up and made her way out of the tent, dusting snow and dirt off her butt in the process. She still didn't say anything even as she passed Christopher and made her way to Josephine and Leliana. She was the only one to watch Christopher look down, not knowing what to do.
That was when the singing started and Raven had to bite her lip to keep from saying anything. The mother's voice was absolutely beautiful, even more so than in the game. Christopher looked back at her as she moved toward him, her voice growing loud enough for others to hear in the silence. Leliana joined in shortly after, her soprano tone blending in beautifully with Giselle's alto and Raven had to fight back tears as she saw others appear. Soldiers, civilians, and even Cullen started to sing. She watched Christopher stand there not knowing what to do and how to respond as people started to kneel in front of him. Something to the right caught Raven's attention and when she looked over Cole was standing there just as quiet as she in his patchy clothes and large hat. He seemed to be just as confused as Christopher, but he still gave her a small smile when his eyes caught hers. She also noticed Solas appear behind Christopher and Giselle, keeping enough distance to get away with not singing- Raven doubted he knew the words-but close enough to observe.
"Corypheus will care. The best answers to powerful lies are certain truths," Giselle advised quietly before walking away. Christopher watched her leave while contemplating her parting words. Maybe she was right. Solas was quiet and inconspicuous as he grabbed Christopher's attention. He wanted to start discussing the Inquisitions next move but followed his fellow mage knowing that if he wanted to speak in private, it must be important. With one last glance at Raven who was now speaking quietly to Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine he resigned himself to speak with her later and followed Solas out of camp.
An hour later Raven saw Christopher and Solas walking back towards camp from her place around the fire. However, once they reached the sum of tents they went their separate ways. While Solas made his way back to his own tent, Christopher's eyes seemed to find her and it wasn't long before he was walking in her direction. She smiled at him as he grew closer and, without a word, welcomed him as he sat next to her, their legs barely touching.
"Can we talk?" He asked quietly and took a small sip of the waterskin she offered him, almost coughing when he realized that it wasn't water but whiskey. When did she ever drink? She took a long pull when he gave it back to her grimacing slightly.
"Always. You know that."
"I'm told that you were the one to help after I was found and brought to camp." His words were quiet and she nodded while looking back into the warm flames.
"Adan, that grumpy idiot, would've inadvertently let you freeze and a frozen friend isn't much company." She replied with a kind smile and he chuckled before turning serious. Would he bring up the offer the advisors had given her?
"I suppose I should thank you for the softer landing and potions, too." He continued to look at her. She could feel his eyes burning a hole on the side of her face, but she didn't look at him. Her stomach suddenly dropped and she almost felt numb against the cold mountain air that the fire had lessened.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Damn, that was such a lame ass answer, she thought to herself. What else could she say that wouldn't implicate her anymore than she already had been? Christopher's hand on hers caused her to look at him. He wasn't angry, she realized. His eyes were almost pleading as they stared at her and at that moment Raven wasn't sure if she should deny any and all questioning or spill everything to him.
"When the time came for me to go over what happened in Redcliffe and tell Cullen, Leliana, and Josephine of the future Dorian and I ended up in, there was something I left out." He looked around as he spoke to make sure no one was listening before looking at her again. She was considerably paler than she had been when he arrived and Christopher could imagine the thoughts going through her mind. A part of her looked terrified.
"And what was that?" She finally asked him.
"That you were there, Raven. The future you had been tortured and interrogated almost as badly as Leliana, but Felix begged Alexius and Corypheus for your life." Her eyes widened.
"Why would he do that?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and Christopher wished he could give her an answer. He didn't know, not really anyway. There were always theories.
"I'm not sure. Perhaps it was the compassion you showed him back in the Chantry." He thought back to that day and remembered the gentle touch she had given him and the smile that he'd shown in return. Kindness and compassion were a part of her no matter how dangerous she had the potential to be.
"Did future me say anything?" She asked quietly, taking her hand from his and setting it on her lap. She was nervous and starting to fidget, her hands picking at the sleeves of her jacket.
"You knew Dorian and I hadn't died," he watched her carefully as he spoke, "That we'd show up exactly a year later and make things right. You also told me not to rest after the Breach was closed and that the people of Haven would need me then more than ever." Raven gave a dry laugh. How? Why would she tell him that?
"Future me must be pretty damn wise." The sarcasm in her tone was evident.
"Yes, I think so, too." Unlike her, he was serious and he almost relished the sight of her head snapping away from the fire to face him, her eyes wide. "Before she sacrificed herself to make sure Dorian and I had the chance to come back she said that while she couldn't tell me everything about the knowledge she has or how she came to acquire that knowledge, everything she does and will do, no matter how strange, will be so the Inquisition - her new family - can succeed."
"Future me has a really large mouth," Raven grumbled bitterly and it was Christopher's turn to laugh. He wasn't angry or even concerned, not anymore. The events of Haven only proved even more what her intentions were. She worked to save his people, risked her life, and went out of her way to ensure that he was okay without a second thought.
"Whatever you need to do, you have my support. I'm not going to demand you tell me how you have this knowledge, but I am asking that you don't hide it from me. You can help. I know you want to." His words were sincere.
"But the others - "
"I don't care what the others think or have to say, Raven. No one will touch you and I promise I won't tell them unless absolutely necessary and you're okay with it." He cut her off as she was about to speak. It was rude, but he didn't care. He couldn't express enough how important she was, how much his respect for her had grown. She'd helped them despite the fear of repercussions and he simply couldn't let that go.
"I still get to go out into the field with you?" She asked and he found himself nodding. "And the offer to become an advisor?"
"I was wondering if they'd talked to you. It's still there. You can do whatever you want, Raven. All I ask is that you continue to help us. I can't do this by myself." He tried to smile.
"You're capable of more than you think, Christopher. I trust you won't argue with me since I have this knowledge and all." He laughed when she did and he couldn't help but know in his heart and mind that that they'd somehow pull through no matter what was thrown at them.
Throughout her twenty years Raven had gone through and seen a fair amount of things that she knew would stay with her for the rest of her life. At the age of fifteen her dog Angel had passed away from cancer and Raven remembered the remorse and feeling of abandonment of having to bring her best friend in for cremation; She'd been there during the birth of her cousin Josh and remembered the joy she felt when she held him but the excitement while climbing that final hill and gazing upon Skyhold for the first time three days ago was so overwhelming that Raven almost wept. The game couldn't even begin to compare as Raven walked with the former citizens of Haven and members of the Inquisition along the stone bridge. Varric had walked quietly at her side and even stopped to watch her peer over the ledge to see the water, ice, and snow hundreds of feet below them.
Now, days later, as she wandered the courtyard she let her fingers trail over the laid stone walls and wooden doors still seeming to be in her own little world. She didn't make it obvious, but she had something in her hand that she'd hold up every minute or so then put down to her side. The air was lighter at that altitude, clean and fresh, and Raven could feel the power Skyhold once held and continued to hold throughout its years. Varric watched her in slight amusement and was soon joined by Solas and Cole. Once the girl was out of hearing range Varric chuckled.
"I can only imagine what's going through her mind right now," the dwarf mused and Solas glanced over at Cole who continued to stare at the door Raven had just gone through. Abandoned for years and yearning for someone to claim it. Never thought I'd be here. Everything will change now. Coming to the conclusion that Cole wouldn't say anything, Solas smiled at Varric and the dwarf had to wonder if Raven had said anything to him, as well, about the things she happened to know. As her friend Solas would most likely keep her secret.
"It's beautiful, maybe they don't have buildings like this where she's from," Solas commented, truly curious. Varric looked at Cole as the spirit started frantically shaking his head. He'd seen pictures in her mind as she thought about home and as she slept. Buildings bigger and taller than any castle made from all types of stone and glass. One house in particular always meant more to her than the others, it brought the most happiness and hurt.
"Stone laid out like a fortress, colored glass reflecting on the wooden floor, a room full of mirrors and weapons while music plays, loud, blaring, fast as she steps in time to the melody. Muscles hurt. Hands sweaty. It makes the daggers hard to grip. I can't do this, she says, but his smile says he knows she can," Cole rambled and Varric reached out to lay a hand on the kids shoulder, but he moved away before contact could be made.
"Kid what are you…?" He tried to ask but was cut off as Cole disappeared. Varric stumbled back in surprise. There were rumors that the kid could appear and disappear at will, but he'd never seen it. It only took a moment to compose himself and he looked up at Chuckles. The elf was aware of Varric looking up at him, but kept his eyes on the spirit as Cole suddenly appeared at the door Raven had gone through and calmly entered. What was their connection, he wondered. After years of studying the fade he could easily tell what Cole was: a spirit of compassion; his nature would compel him to help those in pain, but Raven never appeared hurt, at least in the kind of way that a spirit like Cole would be drawn to. Solas could only assume through their conversations that she also knew what Cole was even though whenever they spoke she addressed Cole as 'he' and 'him' the way she would a person.
"Varric, you said he just showed up out of nowhere before Haven was attacked?" Solas asked while looking down at the dwarf. Varric nodded thinking back to the other night and seeing the kid for the first time in the Chantry.
"Probably, I don't know when he showed up. When Haven was attacked Ginger recruited me to help her clear homes. I spoke to Nightingale about it but that only took a few seconds. He was in the Chantry when I showed up and I didn't see him again 'til your little group reached the camp. What are you thinking, Chuckles?" Varric spoke as he caught the sight of Raven coming back outside and slowly made her way to them, the thing she'd been holding tucked into the pocket of her breeches. Her eyes were brighter, the dwarf thought and he smiled at her.
Before Raven could reach her friends she was stopped by Josephine and Leliana. Cullen and Cassandra were not far behind the two. Raven stared at them all curiously, her head still partially reeling from the small part of Skyhold she'd explored so far, but she managed to smile and follow their conversation. She never thought she'd be consulted in the decision to make Christopher leader of the Inquisition, but she nodded in response when they asked. From Raven's viewpoint she could see when Christopher made his way over to their small group. Cullen was the one to grab her by the arm and lead her off as he grew closer. She knew that he would soon be left with only Cassandra and the scene from the game played in her mind. She stayed beside Cullen throughout the ceremony, which she admitted was more powerful in real life. She cheered with the people crowded around the stairs to watch Christopher accept and hold up that big ass sword and she discreetly slipped the small phone from her pocket to take three pictures to look at fondly since the device was now back in her possession. All it could be used for was a camera and for music anyway. Once it was over she smiled one last time at Cullen and made her way over to Solas and Varric who were still standing fifteen feet away.
"Ginger!" Varric exclaimed, "It's been way too long." She rolled her eyes in response; it had only been less than twenty minutes, but she hugged the man anyway. When she broke the hug he gave her a smile.
"It seems the Inquisition has an official leader," she told him quietly. Varric knew it was inevitable that Christopher would be named the one to lead their cause, with that mark on his hand and the way he stood against Corypheus and lived; he brought them hope and that was something they all needed, himself included.
"I was wondering when they would finally bring it to Christopher's attention." Solas remarked and watched Raven nod at his statement. Every day more people would arrive to join and support the Inquisition that up until today didn't have a leader. And now they did. A mage, no less.
"Now that it's finally happening, Ginger, you can talk to them about what they offered you," Varric pointed out with a smile and earned a shrug from his young friend. Solas looked at her confused and Varric suddenly realized that she must not have told many people. Solas wanted to ask her what was offered, but she must have had a reason for not telling him.
Later that night after dinner and taking more pictures while Christopher was meeting with Varric and Hawke on the battlements Raven was quick to make her way to the war room where the three advisors would be found. They all looked at her curiously as she knocked on the door before opening it to see them around their new war table. It was much larger and fancier than the ones they had at Haven and in the camp. Of course now they were at Skyhold a lot of things were being upgraded.
"Is this a good time?" Raven asked quietly. Leliana smiled and motioned for her to come in, which Raven did and softly closed the heavy wooden door behind her.
"Is everything alright?" Josephine asked and she nodded in response, "Are you satisfied with your new room?" Raven nodded again.
"My room is so beautiful. Thank you for letting me choose one so close to the garden." Her tone was simple.
"Of course." Josephine smiled as the words left her lips.
"It's close to the war room, too, which should make things easier," Raven commented casually and she noticed how Leliana was the only one to smile. Josephine and Cullen stared at her confused. "I know it's been longer than expected, but I thought we could talk about that offer and get it all out of the way?"
"The offer still stands," Josephine answered while picking up her writing board and flipping through the papers to find the outline of the offer given to her. "I have a copy for you here unless… unless you still have decided to decline?" Raven stared at the pretty Antivan woman who held out a large piece of thick parchment. From where she stood-maybe ten feet away-she could tell there were multiple types of writing on it.
"Actually, I'd like to accept your offer," she replied, her tone so casual that they almost didn't believe her. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you three with my decision earlier. With us arriving at Skyhold, all the things that still need to be done, and now Christopher officially becoming Inquisitor, I know it's been hectic." Cullen moved closer to the table, closer to her and looked for any signs that she wasn't serious about their offer. There were none.
"So you really want to accept?" Josephine asked slowly and clearly thinking the same thing as Cullen. Raven's eyes didn't leave Cullen's.
"I do, but first I'd like to apologize to you. What I said last week at the camp was brutal and uncalled for. We were all under so much stress… I lashed out and I don't want there to be any resentment between us. I am sorry, Cullen." Cullen stared at her. An apology was the last thing he expected and he knew she meant it. Her voice was contrite and she continued to keep eye contact throughout her apology.
"I'm sorry, as well. I crossed a line and there's no excuse for doing so," he apologized and held his hand out for her to take. Raven glanced down at it in confusion before reaching out and accepting what he had to offer. Her hand was so small in his, but her grip was strong. She had to be, he supposed, considering she was meeting the force of enemy swords with daggers. She'd been trained in other weapons, but insisted she liked them the most.
"So what's the first step on the agenda?" Raven asked once she pulled her hand from Cullen's. They were big and way too warm. He was also still looking at her so she averted her eyes and attention to Josephine and Leliana.
"Are there any demands you have of us?" The smile Raven had been wearing dropped in response to Josephine's question and the Ambassador was quick to continue, "You were silent and accepting as we told you what you would be doing should you accept our offer, but haven't asked for anything in return." The three were met with thoughtful silence from the girl and it was obvious in the week since they'd spoken with her about the offer that she hadn't thought of any conditions or things she wanted in return. Cullen's hand on the girls shoulder brought her back to them. What they were offering had been enough in Raven's opinion, but if they were expecting requests from her that could be written into the paperwork she supposed it would be normal to try and get something while the window was open.
"Why don't you think about it and once you have an idea you can let us know?" Cullen suggest and she nodded.
"Yeah. Wait - no. The device I showed you the night I was brought to Haven that takes pictures. Christopher gave me permission to take as many as I'd like and that's something I want to continue." They nodded in understanding.
"If that's really the only thing you want and if the Inquisitor already approved of it, then I don't see why things should change. We trust you." Leliana spoke with a smile.
"Would I be able to go out by myself? Say there was something in Val Royeaux or the Black Emporium I needed, would I be allowed to go?" She asked and Leliana was slightly amused. From what she understood the young girl had never been to Val Royeaux and didn't particularly enjoy shopping.
"What could you possibly need from there?" Cullen asked and Raven looked at him. There were so many possibilities and she knew where to get the real items needed for what she had planned. After playing the game so many times and now having the opportunity to create the weapons and armor she'd always wanted was a good enough reason as any to explore and not just stay in Skyhold.
"From what I understand you're able to get schematics, weapons, armor, and crafting materials. I didn't join them last time they were in Val Royeaux and I've always wanted to visit the Emporium," Raven explained and earned a respectful nod from the man. She didn't seem like the sort to go there for dresses, Cullen thought but was also aware how complicated women were. The small girl beside him was no different; she might wield daggers, a bow, and one handed swords better than most people he knew, but he'd also seen the beautiful tattoos on her arms and back as well as the lacy tops she wore.
"Now that you've chosen to do this, Raven, we will need to visit Val Royeaux together to visit the noble houses and purchase some suitable attire for you. If you were to travel on a personal note, I would personally request that you travel with someone," Josephine responded quickly. "It's not that I, or we, don't trust you. We want you to be safe." Again, Raven nodded in understanding.
"But provided I progress in the training you give me, I'll be able to go places and do things?" The young girl wanted to clarify. Josephine started to respond, but Cullen beat her to it.
"You're not a prisoner," he told her and then smiled when she did. "Also if there is anything specific you need from a merchant, Josephine has arranged for a handful of them to come to Skyhold." The Connections perks, Raven thought and nodded. Those always were extremely convenient in the game and she wondered if they would eventually have the vault with the Quizquisition guy who made wind noises.
"What's our objective then?" Raven asked. "If it's that important to you that I learn to be a spy then who or what is the main focus? Does it have something to do with what Christopher saw concerning the assassination the Empress?" Leliana stared at the young woman not expecting her to jump right into business. They'd only been at Skyhold a week, but it was nice to know that she was going to take it seriously.
The next four hours flew by and the halls were empty as Raven left the war room followed by her three fellow advisors that looked as tired as she felt. In the hours she'd spent with them she learned of their plans; they wanted to focus on teaching her Orlesian customs because the two women wanted her to make her way into good graces of the Orlesian nobility. Raven honestly wasn't too excited about spending time with snooty nobles that reminded her of the French back home. Plus, according to Josephine, she would have to wear dresses. Pretty dresses with corsets and masks, which were easy enough to appreciate in a very novel kind of way. She thought back to the odd look Cullen had given her when she'd asked if corsets were involved. Or maybe it was the excitement that came over Josephine when she asked. Raven had worn enough in the past to know that they were ridiculously elaborate, hard to breathe in, and were even considered a symbol of one's status.
The Inquisition also needed more reputation and influence throughout Orlais and Ferelden - something Raven knew how to accomplish, but she kept that to herself or, at most, would share with only Christopher. Crestwood would have to be the first step and depending on how fast Christopher found Stroud they could move onto the Exalted Plains and then The Western Approach. With her help they'd have more power than needed to get an invitation to the Winter Palace. In the meantime Raven would begin her training, most likely not being able to go with Christopher when he left. It was a damn good thing she knew what needed to be done in order to gain influence and agents. Halfway to her room with her head down as she flipped through all the papers Josephine had given her, Raven didn't have time to react as Cole appeared in front of her. He was solid for a spirit, Raven thought as she walked into him and bounced back. She would've caught herself, but Cole was quick to reach out and grab her arm. She smiled at him while he stared at her.
"You're tired," he said quietly and his words earned a small nod from the girl in front of him. "You miss it, the blanket your grandmother made for you before she died; big and soft, black on one side but so many colors and patterns on the other. You wanted to bring it with you but decided to keep it at home on your bed. It would make coming home so much better," Cole murmured and his eyes widened as her smile faded and she walked past him without a word. Her room was just down the small stretch of stone. "I'm sorry, I did it wrong. Why is your hurt so different than everyone else?" He asked as they both entered her room. It was dark, but Raven's eyes didn't take long to adjust and she made quick work of lighting a couple candles, her hands shaking. She didn't even remember thinking of the blanket, not near him anyway. She knew and accepted that he didn't understand about the consequences of announcing peoples' thoughts, fears, desires, and memories and it hurt being reminded that she had no way of ever going homea fact that she'd been avoiding since the beginning by keeping herself busy. Coping was never her strong suit.
"It's okay. You're okay," she said quietly as she turned to glance at him while removing the dagger at her hip. It was a smaller dagger than the ones Christopher had made her. Cole had given them back to her the night they reached Skyhold. She didn't look at him for long, as she moved to undo the buckles on her coat and set it on one of the chairs surrounding a table covered in her writing and drawings. Next were her boots and socks. Cole watched in silence and awe as she took off each piece to reveal pale skin. She wore a pair of shorts under her pants and a light shirt under the thicker, long sleeved one. The pictures on her skin seemed to glow in the candle light. The ones on her arms and back weren't the only ones she had; they were on her legs and feet, too. Cole counted eight in total that he was able to see.
"The dragonfly was your first. The pain tickled your wrist and made your fingers twitch. You laughed at the numbness after a while. She, your grandmother, loved dragonflies… I'm sorry to hurt you again." He whispered quietly. Raven continued to stare at him from her seat on the bed. He was right, it did hurt but most likely not in the way he expected.
"They were her favorite. Dad let me get it when I was sixteen after she started getting sick. When I showed her she was so mad that she threw an apple at me from her hospital bed, I dodged it and it made a dent in the wall. The doctor and nurses couldn't bring themselves to be mad at the damage because they were too busy laughing," Raven told him with a chuckle as she held out her left arm. Cole moved closer to see her wrist and smiled.
"Your dad laughed and you made it up to her with…" Cole started but stopped in confusion.
"Pizza," Raven continued for him, "It's a popular meal from back home. Baked crust covered in a sauce made from tomatoes and herbs and then covered in any cheeses, meats, vegetables, and sometimes fruits that you want. It was her favorite. Can we not talk about her anymore?" She asked and Cole nodded while making a seat for himself on the floor in front of her. Not that he was trying but from the short distance away he was able to see the other pictures… tattoos… on her skin: the black swirls outlining dark roses and a skull with a banner on her upper right leg; a butterfly on her right ankle; what looked like a raven amongst trees on her left thigh that ended at her knee; a series of symbols around her left ankle. Raven stared down at him as he stared at her tattoos curious to know what he was thinking.
"They all hurt," Cole said quietly as he finally looked up at her.
"A lot of things in life hurt," Raven replied. "Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it."
"But that's why I'm here. I want to help. Christopher told me I could because you said you would leave if he didn't but… you don't want me to help you?" His voice became curious, as if didn't quite understand the words he spoke. With quick movements that he didn't expect she was off the bed, on her knees in front of him, and wrapped her arms around him in a hug making Cole suddenly stop his train of thought. From her position she couldn't see his eyes widen and she wasn't entirely pressed against him so she didn't feel his body stiffen and his breathing stop. No one had dared to touch him in so long out of fear that he didn't know what to do. Her braided hair smelled like oranges and her skin was warm. When she was sure he'd calmed down Raven pulled away and moved away.
"You are so sweet and gentle," she whispered to him with a kind smile, "You don't need to help me. I knew others would need you which is why I insisted to Christopher that you stay. Focus on the others, help them because they need you more." Cole could hear how fast her heart was beating. They have families and loved ones waiting for them. Use your gift to help them instead. They are more important and I'm not ready to face my demons yet. Raven watched him look down and nod before whispering 'good night' and disappearing. He wasn't gone, but she could no longer see him as he stood back against the wall and watched her curiously. She sat there with a sad smile as she continued to stare where he was moments ago. Cole wasn't sure if she understood what she meant to others and he really didn't like it, but he wouldn't help her see. It would make her happy if he helped others. It wasn't until she stood up, blew out the candles, and climbed into her bed that Cole finally left. Hopefully someday she would understand. She had to.