Desclaimer: I am just borrowing characters!

Chapter 10

DESPERATION

It was dark again, but not the kind of dark that had pervaded the cocoon she was in before. It seemed to come from her own body, pushing away everything, even the light itself.

"Haji?" she called out.

She knew somehow that he was there for a moment before a despair settled over her. 'Where did he go?'

The darkness cleared at this question, and she felt like she was in a movie that was going at 5 times the normal speed. Random scenes flashed past, people she thought she may have known, but she wasn't sure since there wasn't enough time to see any faces. The scene colors kept changing though. They were mostly dark, but bits of yellow and orange would splash in from time to time, though the backgrounds would mostly consist of varying shades of black brown, grey, blue and dark red.

"Saya..." a voice whispered on a cold wind as the scene turned gradually lighter and focused until she was standing knee-deep in stark white snow with nothing but empty plains around. There was no one around her, she was sure, but the voice called again. Like a whisper on the wind, tickling her ears with its melodious sound. She yearned to hear it some more, but she daren't answer. The memory of a beautiful song flashed across her mind and with it a name.

"Diva." she said quietly.

Suddenly a freezing wind buffeted her, and the voice answered angrily and yet still with its melodious nature, "Yes! You named me!"

The wind had flung her back several feet into the cold wet snow. Her nose burned with the cold as her fingers tightened with the growing stiffness the cold brought.

Saya was sure she knew this voice, knew who this 'Diva' was, but the memory seemed to elude her still.

"Oh, poor baby. You haven't woken up yet have you? You've always been the weaker one. I grew strong in that prison! All your precious father did made you weak by babying you in that mansion. And still! After all my years of suffering you still won. It should have been me!" the voice growled, no longer melodious but grating on the ears. "But don't worry; you will never get rid of me again. I've had many years to build my strength. And how do you get rid of a ghost anyway?"

The scenery changed, they were in a theatre with her and another shadowy figure, lurking in the shadows.

"Do you remember now? No? Then let me jog your memory!" the shadow laughed, seemingly dissolving into a mist as more figures appeared on the stage.

The first figure turned to face her so she could see that it was a model of her, and the second figure grinned maniacally at her as the mist reformed next to her.

"That's me and you...Diva." Saya whispered, flashes of memory passing in front of her before returning to the stage where the two figures froze, as if they were actors waiting for the 'action' from the director.

As soon as the name left her lips the scene began to play out. The fight seemed to go on forever. Metal sparked against metal, their faces mirroring their determination and smouldering anger. Not once did either of the figures turn their attention away from their combatant as the rest of what may have been a battle somewhere unseen that lay in the curtains carried on without them, only causing some remodelling of the stage.

Finally Saya realized that the final part of the battle had come. They were ready to die, the fires in their eyes blazed as they ripped off the mangled clothing that was becoming a nuisance. The look on their faces was different though. Saya's face etched out a strange wistfulness, partially smothered with determination as Diva's embodied a haughty arrogance of someone who already knew they were going to win. As they each cut their fingers on their blades, allowing the blood to coat it for the last time, Saya thought to herself, 'No! Don't do it!', repeating it like a mantra in her head until the figurines ran at each other, at which point she tried to run forward, screaming at her figurine. It didn't stop anything. Both figurines were run through with their enemy's blade and it was as if time stopped, all background sounds muffled. Both dropped their blades and the Saya figurine sank to the floor. Saya tried to close her eyes, she knew what was coming next, and she didn't want to see! But her eyes were forced to stay open by some unknown force.

"You can never forget can you?" whispered Diva in her most melodious voice. "You are a killer. You killed me and you will kill everyone else you love."

"No!" Saya shouted, her voice sounding frail. "You killed Riku, I had to kill you. You were going to kill everyone!"

The rest of the scene was moving sluggishly, as if Diva slowed down the film especially for her to savour the emotional agony it was causing Saya. Saya fought to run to the Diva figurine, but the 'Ghost Diva' held her in check with one hand. What the Ghost Diva didn't compensate for was the raging waterfall of emotions that would occur the second the Diva figurine hit the floor with Saya figurine holding onto her. Saya bawled, all the emotions that had run though her the first time, coursing through her veins like adrenaline. The first time this had happened she couldn't focus on Diva for too long because she had to protect the children, but now there was nothing to halt the progression of the despair and self-loathing. The wave of emotion was so much that it broke through the dream world.

The first thing she saw was a worried Haji, but she was so scared that she shoved herself away from him, slamming her back into a corner of the room. She wasn't scared of him, but of herself, that she would hurt him. She hadn't even realized that the ringing in her ears that she had been feeling since Diva made her relive the ending of that horrible moment was her own yelling and sobbing as she covered them with her hands. Her eyes were streaming with tears, although she didn't miss the look of betrayal in Haji's eyes after she pushed him away. This made her feel even guiltier and hurt her heart further. She couldn't stop, the tears kept flowing even while her racking sobs ebbed away. Her breathing was becoming more and more ragged by the minute from both the sobbing and the cold of the night air but she refused to let Haji any closer. At one point another person tried to enter, but Haji spoke two words and shoved them back out.

All her tears had dried on her face, her tear ducts barren and her body was moving slower. She was sure she just needed sleep, but refused to lie down. She propped her chin on her knees that were pulled to her chest as she let her arms, where her hands were still covering her ears, rest against her thighs as she rocked back and forth. She didn't know why this motion was soothing to her, but she continued it, struggling to keep her eyes open on Haji so he wouldn't move.

It had been at least an hour to her since she woke up and her head was feeling lighter while her breathing got harder. She didn't understand why and this frightened her since she believed that Diva was coming back to remind her of more of the bad things she had done. Her panic was short-lived however since her attention was diverted to the person making its way into the room. She recognised the woman as the doctor, Julia. Julia and Haji were having a conversation that she couldn't entirely hear, though the implications of what she did worried her.

"Seventeen minutes – dream – screaming – blood – out – remember."

Saya shook her head trying to sort out the meaning. It all came to light when she caught sight of the blinking machine from before with a growing red pool between her and it. The tube was in her arm again, red liquid flowing through it. At first she thought it was from the blood bag, but then she realized the pool of red started where the tube ended. She was bleeding out. At first she felt panicked for a moment, then realization sunk in and she smiled at Haji. Her lovely Haji. She would die easily here and he would live on. Her brain was getting fuzzy and she stopped rocking. She would never hurt anyone again. She would never meet Diva's daughters, but she didn't want to bring any harm to them either. She loved those girls, just as she'd loved her sister, and she knew that Haji would continue to keep them safe in her stead. She didn't deserve to see them, or to be loved by them as Haji had wanted. She'd been loved enough. This would be the beginning of a better world for them, without the threat of her.

Haji had counted the time carefully. The second he realized that she was beyond the point of fighting he pounced. Saya felt her body becoming entirely cold, she smiled up at Haji who held her gently looking sorrowfully at her.

"Why would you do this Saya?" he asked, still unsure what she had remembered and how much.

"Because I love you Haji." she whispered, giving in to the strong urge to sleep.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard Haji and Julia's voices once more.

"Hook her back up." Haji urged, "I've sealed the tube."

"I'm coming. She's survived worse, so she will be fine." Julia replied as something pulled the tube on her had a little.

"What did she remember? Does she know everything?" Julia asked worriedly.

Haji replied coldly, "Saya would never try to kill herself. She just had a bad dream."

Julia sighed and left, her retreating footsteps a little muffled on the carpeting in the room.

"I'll send in a clean-up crew." she said just before she exited.

Haji hugged her closer, she felt his warmth even as she was unable to turn more into it.

"Don't worry Saya. I will take care of you. I will protect your life even from yourself if I have to. Our promise is broken remember?" he whispered.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, as late as it is. I can't promise nething, just that the next chapter will come eventually. I just have no idea when. Thanx for reading! The next chapter will be writen by Anavihs!
Until next time, RoksLite!