"I don't know that I can trust you, Apryl."
She rolled her eyes and banged her hand on the steering wheel. She had been sitting in traffic for well over an hour now, which put a damper on her thoughts of moving to Chicago. According to her directions, her location was about four building down, however the massive traffic jam she was sitting in prevented her from finding a parking spot, which would allow her to get out of the blistering, hot SUV.
And, besides the traffic jam that was an irritation, she couldn't get that one single phrase out of her mind. She had never expected John to utter those words to her, but in reality, he had. Everything seemed to spiral downhill after she told him the secret. Everything had gotten so mixed up and confusing to the point of change and heartache; change she didn't like and heartache that was devastating to no end. It seemed once those fatal words were out of his mouth, it was downhill explosion of another lie she had covered up from being hurt once more.
She wasn't sure moving to Chicago would solve her problems, but something needed to be done and the way she and John were acting, well, it wasn't working to say the least. It was almost like a Godsend that she got the call from the Clearing House, almost begging her to accept and move in a moment's notice. Realistically, she couldn't do that because of her son and the ties they had at home. However, she knew she at least owed it to herself to check it out before deciding anything.
She knew John wouldn't like it and their families; well, they would probably hate it even more. Her safest bet was the Cena clan would be very vocal if she took the job and moved, especially after finding out Shawn was a member of their family. It was quite shocking they harbored no ill feelings towards her, and it eased her mind and the pain slightly.
She had never meant to hurt anyone; it wasn't in her nature to hurt anyone, especially those who were close to her. She was relieved that Shawn had accepted the news so well and John was equally as happy considering the circumstances. The only affected area was where their relationship was concerned.
Their relationship.
That didn't even make sense to her at this moment in time. Could she even refer to John as anything anymore? In her book, yes; without a shadow of a doubt. However, that decision was left up to John. Over the past week, it seemed the only thing they were good at was hurting each other. And, partly, she admitted to herself she was wrong.
John had been nothing but honest from her from day one. He admitted his feelings in his own time and she respected that in part. During their entire friendship, she had never known him to stay quiet about anything, as he had always turned to her from girlfriends and relationship advice to the time he was in the hospital dealing with a very embarrassing issue. But, he still made it a point to turn to her.
All she did was lie to him. And the more she thought about it, the better she was getting at doing so. At least he admitted his feelings for her. When they started, she wasn't sure. Everything had happened so quickly when they argued that she didn't focus on every last word that was spoken. However, she was able to remember the hurtful things that were said; those things that angered her and broke her heart.
Perhaps, that was her way of dealing with what she had done. The more she had pondered on the thought, she realized what she had done was completely wrong on many levels. By her remembering the hurtful things John spoke to her, in her mind, it somehow put them in the same category. But, no matter how hard she fought it, she knew she was clearly the one at fault. She had lied about their son and she had lied about her feelings for him – directly to his face, nonetheless.
She wasn't even sure how to fix the mess she had made. John really couldn't be to blame for anything. He was only acting out in retaliation to everything he had learned and the hurt he experienced himself. He was being truthful about his anger. He had reasons for not wanting to speak to her; a fact she knew and painfully understood.
She wasn't sure she could live her life without John or his family. She wasn't sure Shawn could either, for that matter. She knew the way she felt. She had known ever since the night they had slept together, so many years ago. However, she had done the same thing he had by hiding it from him.
Why she wasn't able to tell before now was beyond her. It seemed so small now. Such a petty thing not to be able to admit that to him. She knew he felt something for her, but instead of her being honest; she got caught up in the lies and hurt and did the one thing she never thought she was capable of – lying to his face.
Finally finding a parking spot, she cut the engine and exited the car, ready to get a full night's sleep before catching a plane home the next morning. Her meetings had gone relatively well, besides the massive amount of tension and stress she was currently dealing with. She had managed to push that aside as best as possible, ensuring her to listen and retain as much information from the interview as possible.
The job almost sounded too good to be true and at the end of the meeting, she was given the job. Ms. Snyder, the elderly lady who ran Hard Paper Inc., was eager for her to start right then and there, but after explaining her situation, she allowed Apryl to think things over and return at her disposal, if she agreed in taking the job. It was the job of her dreams, to say the least. She loved writing fiction novels, and this would allow her to do so for the nationally publicized magazine, even giving her the allowance to write two novels of her own over a four year span.
The contract had already been drawn up and was safely inside her briefcase she clung within her fists. She would definitely look over that later this evening over room service. She had a nagging feeling that hindered her from feeling completely comfortable and happy with the job. What it was she wasn't sure, but careful thought would be taken before any decision was made.
She was brought away from her thoughts upon hearing her cell phone buzzing inside her purse. She fished it from her bag and smiled at the name displayed on the screen before flipping it open and answering.
"Hello, sweetie." she greeted eagerly.
"Not exactly the greeting I was expecting, but hello to you, too." John's voice rang from the other end, although any evidence of amusement was not evident.
"Oh, it's you. Sorry, I thought it might be Shawn." she uttered. "What's up?"
"Well, I was calling to find out what time you might be home tomorrow?" he asked.
"Should be at the airport by 3 tomorrow afternoon. I'll be by to get Shawn by 5." she answered evenly.
"You gonna tell me what was so important for you to jet-set off to Chicago?" he asked, the anticipation evident in his voice.
"I'll explain everything tomorrow. Actually, there is some things I think we need to talk about." she replied, unsure of how she would drop this bombshell.
"You don't have any more kids floating around that might be mine, do you?" he asked, his voice full of sarcasm, but the words cutting straight to her core.
"You are such a dick, John!" she almost shouted. "What the hell was that about? Oh, that's right! You can't trust me!"
"You did that one yourself." he huffed. "And, you know, I'll accept that I'm a dick, but at least I'm a truthful dick!"
"Is there anything else you would like to cut me down for, John?" she asked, the pain causing her to tear up slightly. "Really? God, I'm not asking you to accept my decision, but I'm asking that you trust I was thinking of you and my son! You know I would never intentionally do anything to hurt…" she stopped when she heard John cough and a laugh expel from his end of the phone.
"Anything to hurt me?" he finished for her.
"If you can't trust that, you should know me damn well enough to know I would do nothing in this world to intentionally hurt my son! You know me that well! I may have made the wrong decision and I may have made a mistake! Hell, John I may even be a bitch, but I am not heartless!" she screamed.
"No, I'll give you that one." he agreed, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Thank you. At least that's something." she said, her voice just as soft.
"Listen, I'll just… see you tomorrow. We'll talk when you stop to get Shawn. Agreed?" he asked.
"Actually, can you have your dad watch him tomorrow afternoon so we can um, talk?" she asked.
"Um, yeah. I guess I can arrange that." he relented. "Apryl, before you go… I don't wanna argue anymore. There has to be some sort of…"
"Stop to this fighting?" she offered.
"Yeah. Something to where we don't lose…."
"Lose our friendship?" she asked, finishing his sentence once more.
"Exactly!" he chuckled, a small laugh escaping his lips. "I really want my best friend back and I think everything got blown up."
"Yeah, perhaps." she sighed. "Well, listen, I haven't eaten and I wanna get a shower but we'll talk tomorrow and hopefully get everything worked out. Please give Shawn and kiss for me and tell him I love and miss him."
"I will." he replied. "Oh, Apryl?"
"Yeah, John." she asked before expelling a yawn.
"I ask one thing of you tomorrow when we talk and everything that has happened... it's something small I ask of you and I think you owe me that much." he said.
"Okay, yeah, I owe you." she agreed.
"Tomorrow, please above all else…" he sighed, before continuing in barely a whisper. "…please, be honest with me. Can you do that? For me?"
She sighed, realizing it was time everything was put to rest and knew this moment would come sooner or later. It was time for her to be honest with John about her feelings and coming clean and admitting to lying to his face.
"Yeah, John. I can do that." she agreed, before they said their good-byes and hung up.
She flung herself backwards on the large, king-sized bed, sighed and closed her eyes. Everything would come to a head tomorrow. She would admit her feelings to John and apologize for lying to his face. She would apologize again for not telling him about Shawn. The other truth she would have to admit to was something that scared her slightly. It tied Shawn, her pregnancy and her feelings all in one.
She had had feelings for John the entire time and managed to hide them away ever since high school. She had been in love with John Cena for the past 10 years.
She sighed once more but finally rose from the bed and relented to the bathroom, begging the warm spray of the showerhead to take away her tension and stress, at least for the time being. She knew tomorrow was a different ball game and she would have to tell John about Chicago and her job offer. Where they would go and what her decision would be was weighing on their talk and what would happen.
Needless to say, for the first time since she could recall, Apryl was terrified.