oh my god i have not updated in forever and a half. don't think i dumped this story. i've just been busy with med school and now, that i'm done and it's summer. i'm planning on catching up with various fanfics and finishing them off. during the year, i find it hard to update much so i'm usually confined to updating 1 or 2 fanfics. if that.

Chapter 10

Sizing Charts

"Sebastian, please tell me you're not wearing a female size zero pants, thereby making me feel self-conscious about my too big ass, and my very tetanising lower stomach."

"I'm not wearing size zero pants."

"Thank Prada."

"I'm wearing size double zero pants."

"…"

"I don't have any fucking hips! I'm not a woman, Hummel. Men's pants aren't as tight on me as female skinny jeans. Plus, I can pull off whatever the fuck I want and still look like I have a set of XY chromosomes. You, unfortunately, always look like you lost your Y chromosome in the mail."

"This is the worst morning I've ever had in my life."

"You know, Hummel, you say that every morning."

"This is the worst morning I've ever had in my life. My boyfriend is wearing the smallest size of female jeans imaginable. I ate three cookies the size of my ass."

"They can't make cookies that hot, Hummel. Our tongues will melt into fine liquid if cookies existed that are as hot as your ass."

"Are you sick, love? That was a compliment you accidentally told me."

"What? I can't compliment my boyfriend without wanting something?"

"I never mentioned you wanting anything."

"…"

"What is it that you want?"

"Can you make me cake?"

"Vegan cake?"

"Nope. Normal cake."

"I thought that you were vegan."

"Let's not talk about this."

"Oh! I'm very interested in what you have to say right now. Why is it that you decided to suddenly stop being a vegan, honey? Is it the fact that you couldn't stand another day without your precious lard-filled meat and cheese?"

"Let's not talk about this, Hummel. It's a dangerous area."

"Oh, I'm feeling more and more elated by the minute. How about this? I will make you any kind of cake you want."

"…"

"How does this sound? A Nutella cake, with a finish of crème, chocolate chips. Oh, and the inside would be coated in peanut butter frosting."

"…"

"That bad?"

"...well, uh—ever since my diet turned pretty plant based, I've been having a few…problems in regards to, uh, well—I…"

"Yes? Yes? Yes?"

"I can't get it up no more."

xo Peanut Butter/Sam