Chapter 10

Ranger sank down to the floor, his back resting against the walls enclosing the rooftop. He stared blankly across to the wall across from him as his thoughts drifted to the two women who always seemed to be playing on his mind. There was Aida, now four months after her husband's death, she had just begun to crawl out of the cave of darkness that had become her home. The past few months had been a constant battle to keep her from slipping further away. There were long nights as he lay awake, listening to barely concealed sobs filtering through thin walls, and fighting the crushing guilt that told him that this, her pain and her grief, was his fault. Each time he closed his eyes, if it was not the lifeless gaze of his brother, he would see her own vacant eyes gazing back at him; a vacancy that could not be filled, no matter what he did or how he tried.

Then there was Steph. The woman who had destroyed his cars, enchanted his men and stole his heart in the space of a few years. For all his talk of how relationships could never work for a man like him, whether he acknowledged it or not, theirs had already been integral part of his life for a long time. Steph was the only woman he could imagine a future with, the only one who could, somehow, fit into his life and his work, and who could understand and love him unconditionally. As bizarre and strange as their relationship was, he knew, without a doubt, that it was right. Never in his life had he felt so strongly. But what he had done? He'd hurt her; for months he'd neglected her, to the point that she'd decided to run away with their child.

Shame, guilt and rage towards himself and his actions burned within him and he clenched his fists against his brow. His eyes squeezed shut as his emotions surged. Suddenly, he stood up. Grabbing an empty bottle from beside him he threw it at the opposite wall, watching with satisfaction as it hit the wall with a smash and shattered to pieces. Grabbing another bottle from the floor he threw it again. And again. Until finally, silence fell and the rooftop was littered with shimmering pieces of glass. Ranger seemed to deflate as his breath slowed. He leant back against the wall, and bowed his head. The only thing he could do at this point was to move forward. The past was the past, but the present was still here. He had to listen to Tank, if his friend was right, this was his last chance.

Steph had almost finished packing her things when she there was a knock at the door.
"Come in!" She called, as she placed the last sweater inside the bag. She zipped it up before turning around.
"Dad, you're so earl-" Her smile slowly slid off her face as her light blue eyes met a familiar dark brown. "Ranger."
He wavered at the door; a sight she had never seen in all the years she had known him.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
"Uh… sure." She said hesitantly.
He stepped in and closed the door behind him. A beat of silence echoed between them, and Steph couldn't help the feeling of concern as she took in his wrinkled clothes, bloodshot eyes and days-old stubble.
"So," Ranger cleared his throat. "You're being discharged?"
Steph nodded. "They said as long as I stuck to my food plan, and came back for check-ups, I didn't need to stay any longer."
He nodded in comprehension.
"Are you going back to your apartment?" He asked.
"No, I'll go and stay with my parents for a while, just until I'm better and I can look after myself."
Ranger nodded once more.
"Steph?"
She looked up at him, her eyes tired but guarded.
"I wanted to apologise for what I said the other night. I said things I didn't mean or have the right to say. I should have never-."
"No," she interjected quietly. "It wasn't fair of me to keep you from your child, and I shouldn't have taken the job, while knowing the risk. You had a right to be angry about that."

Ranger watched as she sat down on her hospital bed and her head bowed as she looked down at her interlaced fingers. Her small frame made her look so vulnerable, and so fragile. Moving forward, he sat down in the chair in front of her.
"Steph, I don't blame you for what happened. Yes, it was a mistake, but what happened was Evan's fault, not yours. I was angry because I'd felt helpless, and scared. Scared of the knowledge that at any moment, I could lose you, you and our child, and nothing I could do would bring you back."
At his words, Steph's gaze rose but distrust clouded her eyes. Ranger reached for her hands, urging her to believe him, to trust him.
"I know for the past couple of months, that I've barely been here. I was avoiding you-"

Steph's brow lowered, and he gripped her hands more tightly as she began to pull away.
"But not for the reason that you think. I know I should have told you all of this months ago, and I know I've hurt you because I didn't." He looked straight at her as he spoke, and she looked back, expectant as she waited for the answers that had been long overdue. "I want you to know that whatever I say is not my excuse for my behaviour, and if you still want to leave, if you don't want anything to do with me, I'll respect your wishes."

"Ranger-" She interrupted.
"Steph, please," He asked her beseechingly. "Let me say this."
She nodded, slightly taken back at the earnestness in his eyes. She stayed quiet as he told her what had happened. How he had been assigned to a mission with Michael, and how he had declined because he'd wanted to stay here, with her, to see where things would go. He told her of how he'd received the call that morning at her place, and rushed straight to Michael's last known location only to find that he had been too late. She listened to how devastated Aida had been by the news, how she had become completely despondent with grief and how Ranger spent increasing amounts of time in Miami to keep her company.

"When I came back, the first thing I wanted to do was see you, but I couldn't. I couldn't see you because I couldn't allow myself comfort, or happiness. Not when this, at least in part, was my fault. Not when I should have been there to protect Michael, just like he had protected me. Not when it's my fault that he's gone, that Aida has to suffer like this, and that Michael will never know his child, just like his child will never know him."

Ranger stopped as the suffocating guilt he carried threatened to consume him, and as she watched the man she loved grieve and suffer, Steph felt the anger that had been building within her for months begin to dissipate. All she wanted to do was pull him into her arms, so close that he could feel her warmth, until at least some of his pain was gone. But something stopped her. The confusion, the pain, and the hurt she had felt as he had ignored and avoided her for months was still so raw. She couldn't bring herself to open her heart to him again, not now, not so soon. Instead, she moved her hands from underneath his to hold them instead. Ranger looked up at her movements, with a tiny glimmer of hope in his bloodshot eyes.

"I'm so sorry Steph. I'm so sorry for everything. I'll do everything I can to make this up to you."
"Ranger-" A knock at the door interrupted her, and they both turned towards it as Frank's head peeped around the door.
"Are you ready Steph?" He asked. His brow furrowed slightly at the sight of the man he was 90% sure had gotten his little girl in this predicament.
"Almost Dad," She replied, "Could you give me a minute?"
"Outside?" She prodded, when he continued to stand there. Frank cleared his throat,
"I'll be right at the door" he said, shooting one last glance at Ranger before turning around and leaving. Ranger stood up as the door clicked behind him, and began reaching for her bag.
"Here, let me take it. I can give you a ride instead, I-" Steph placed a hand on his arm, stopping him.
"Ranger." His eyes met hers, and with that one word, he knew she was about to say.
"Ranger, I need some time by myself; time to process everything that's happened and to think about what's ahead."
His eyes were low as he nodded and moved back a step from her. "I understand."

Steph felt a pang of guilt, and then fear as the distance between them increased before her eyes. She found her feet moving a step towards him, and soon her hand was rising and her palm was resting against his stubble-covered cheek. Light blue met dark brown before she closed her eyes and he lent down to rest his forehead against hers. Steph breathed in his scent and, even without the hint of Bulgari, it calmed and soothed her in a way nothing else could. She'd almost forgotten how good he felt, and how good even his presence could make her feel. God she'd missed him, she'd missed this.

A series of firm taps on the door brought her back to reality.
"Steph?" Her father called with a hint of suspicion. "Everything all right?"
Hastily she pulled away from Ranger, and turned to grab her bags. She turned back to where Ranger waited, stood on her tip toes and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek before moving her way towards the door. A hand on her wrist stopped her.
"Steph," Ranger said with uncertainty in his eyes, "can I still see you?"
She gave him a small smile and gentle nod and then left the room, leaving Ranger with a tiny spark of hope.

A/N: Hi everyone! I don't want to know how long it's been, and I'm sure you don't need a reminder (a despicably long time) but thank you all for your patience and your support! This chapter is the longest chapter yet so I hope this goes a small, smidgen of a way in redeeming myself. We're in the home stretch so we'll be reaching the finish line soon! I know it doesn't seem like it (apparently I have a deep subconscious need to write angst) but the sunshine, rainbows and HEA are coming :D

Please feel free to let me know of what you thought of this chapter. Do you think Steph still has a right to be mad? (For a refresher, you may want to check back with chapter 7: The big Ranger-Steph showdown :O) Did Ranger grovel enough? (Or did I? :D). Also, as always, criticism is welcome and please ignore the weird paragraphing, hopefully it wasn't too confusing :/ I hope everyone's having a good summer or whatever it is where you are!