I know, I know. I have so much explaining to do. Firstly, I am so sorry for not updating in forever. I had every intention of updating on Christmas week, but then… I don't really know what happened to me. I got a little depressed, and haven't really felt like myself for a long time. But, after a lot of thinking, I decided that it was more important to continue on with the story, because I probably had people who were reading my story and then stopped waiting for updates to come because they were so mad at me. J This chapter is dedicated to my followers who waited for any updates, if I even have any followers left. J enjoy!

Jacob POV

I watched as Bella pulled her car onto my drive, and I could have just left. But I stayed. Sam Uley's sharp monotonous voice still rang in my ears. "You can't see that girl anymore. It's still too dangerous. You could hurt her." The thought of hurting Bella was too painful to imagine, so I didn't try to argue with him.

As soon as I had dropped Bella off at her house, I began to feel feverish and nauseous. I drove as fast as I could in an attempt to get home before a puked all over the car. I made it home on time, and as soon as I walked through the front door, I felt the urge to throw up. Dad, who had been watching some sort of game, wheeled down the hallway, white- faced, at the sound of my retching. My memory of that night from that point on was very foggy. My dad sounded like he was talking to me while I was underwater. I remembered he said, "Jake, are you all right, son?". That was when I lost all control of my body. I slowly lifted my head out of the toilet, filled with rage. I wanted to rip off his face as I said through clenched teeth, "Do I look all right?". He laughed. That was what pushed me over the edge. I almost lost all control right then and there. In an attempt to control the impulse that was telling me to attack him, I clenched my fingers tightly around the seat.

It broke from the force of my rage induced fingers. I jumped up as pieces flew in my face. It was deadly quiet as the pieces fell to the ground. I stood up, and, not looking at my father, who looked absolutely terrified at my outburst, staring at the remains of the toilet seat that were scattered on the bathroom floor. I was even more mad than before. I started to shake violently. I ran to my backyard, and I didn't hear my father following me out the door. My shaking body vibrated more than before. I felt like I was having convulsions. My father watched as I changed. I stared in horror as my fingernails turned into claws, and as my skin turned into fur. Within seconds, I had gone from Jacob to a monster. I was a monster. 'Oh, God. What just happened to me? What's going on?' I thought.

I slowly turned my neck to look back at Dad, who'se face was contorted by shock and terror. With my eyes, I tried to tell him that I was sorry. For scaring him. For turning into a monster. For seeing me change. I bumped my nose against his hand that hung motionless by his side. He blinked in surprise at the touch. Our eyes locked. Then, I ran into the woods. I don't know why I ran like that. I just did. It was like an impulse, or an instinct. But it happened. And, within those five minutes, my life had been forever changed.

As I darted through the woods, voices started to call out to me. I didn't know who they are or where they came from, but they seemed to know what was going on with me. I was absolutely terrified.

"Just stay calm, Jacob. You'll be back soon enough." The voice somehow sounded familiar. Then I suddenly knew who it was.

"Sam? Sam Uley? What the hell!" I thought. I could hear some snickers from the back of my mind.

"That's right, kid. I'm gonna stick with you until you are stable enough to change back." He said smoothly.

Sam stuck with is word. While I was still a wolf, he kept talking to me, and giving me random bits of advice relating to the whole wolf fiasco. It took a long time until I finally felt calm enough to return to my normal state. When I did, I was shocked to see myself completely naked. I hadn't even noticed my clothes ripping away from my body when I changed.

'Great, just great. Now you're alone, nervous, AND naked.' I thought. I wandered back to the house, my neck constantly craning around for any sign of people. When I reached the backyard, I totally panicked. How was I going to get into the house without being seen, naked, by my father?

An idea popped into my head, as sudden as a smack to the face. I could get in through the window of my room. It was on the ground floor, so I would be able to reach it easily. Gently, I pushed open the window, taking extra care to remain silent. Once it was open wide enough, I slid into my room with ease.

Ducking into my little closet, I pulled out some random clothes and threw them on. I silently padded out into the living room, where the TV was still on, and where my dad had fallen asleep. I shook him awake.

"Mmmm… what, Jake…." He said, his words slurred with his sleepiness. Then he straightened up, as though he had been shocked. "Jake? You're back."

"Dad. I'm sorry for what happened earlier. I can't believe that I lashed out at you like that. I-" He cut me off.

"Jake, I understand. You don't need to explain things to me. I already know." he paused, taking a beep breath, then continued. "Your great grandfather… he was like you, too. He changed, like how you just did out there."

"Well… Dad… There's another thing. Sam Uley was talking to me, from my head. I could hear him, like he was right there next to me, but I knew he wasn't. I could hear other people, too." I finished with a sigh.

Dad hesitated, his dark eyes scanning around the room as though trying to find the answers to my questions. He sighed and finally responded. "I… yes. I believe that there is some sort of telepathy going on between members of the pack. I was never like you, Jake. I don't know what it feels like to be like you. I only know the basics of being a werewolf. But I will try… to understand what you're feeling."

I had been picking at a string that was hanging off my shirt while he had been talking. I finally looked up to meet his gaze. "Okay." I said simply, trying not to show how much his words had meant to me. I gave him an awkward half smile at him as I turned and walked back to my room.

~O~O~O~O~

Several weeks had passed since then, since that day when I first had changed. I spent more and more time with Sam Uley and the rest of the pack, learning the ways of being a werewolf, or whatever you want to call it. Mostly, Sam had been lecturing me about self- control. He stressed how important it was to stay in control.

"Once you lose yourself," He had said one shady day in the woods, "you'll have a hell of a time getting it back. It's hard to reign yourself in once you've gone too far beyond your breaking point." Sam picked up a stick, and started to bend it, almost breaking it. "Like this twig. You see how I can bend it, but not completely break it? It will always snap back easily. But when you bend too far…"He then snapped the stick, and with a soft smile on his face he tried to put the stick back together. I rolled my eyes, wishing to be anywhere but there. I could control myself just fine.

During many of Sam's famous lectures, my mind had strayed to Bella. She had been completely forgotten during the first, difficult week. But now she had been resurfaced from the depths of my mind. Sam heard what I was thinking.

"Jake," He said quietly. I looked up, and to my surprise, his face was pained, not irritated that I was drifting again. "You can't see her. It's still too dangerous. You could hurt her." it hurt to think of not seeing Bella. She would be devastated, I was sure, if I didn't call her back soon. Reluctantly, I agreed. But somehow, I would find a loophole to my promise.

My loophole came sooner than I expected it would. My dad and I were just sitting around, watching the baseball game. I was almost asleep when I heard the knock on the door. "Jacob, could you get that, please?" my dad said. Grumbling, I stood up and yanked open the door. Seeing Bella standing there, on my porch scared me. I hadn't expected her to come. Quickly, I jerked my neck down so that I was staring at my shoes. I couldn't look her in the eyes. I couldn't. Sam had told me about imprinting and the dangers that it could induce.

"Bella. You shouldn't be here." I said flatly, in an attempt to cover up how I really felt about her being here.

"Why? Are you still contagious?" Bella responded, sounding a little crushed. I felt bad, giving her the cold shoulder, but it was for her own protection. I couldn't hurt her like how Sam had hurt Emily.

"No. You're just …not supposed to be here. You need to leave." I said as coldly as I could muster. It was tearing me up inside to treat her like I hated her. I was quite literally at war with myself over this girl.

There was a pause. When Bella spoke, her voice was so sad that it hurt me to hear it. "Jacob… would you please look at me?"

'Oh god… not that question. Anything but that question.' I thought as cold, heavy dread spread throughout my body. "No." I said, trying to sound mean.

"Jacob? Please." Bella's voice cracked. Avoiding Bella was not as easy as Sam had told me that it would be. I forced my self to shake my head at her, still looking down at the ground. A tiny sigh escaped her lips. There was a long silence. Then, Bella turned her back and placed her foot on the step, intending to leave.

That was my breaking point. I wasn't just going to let her stand here and think that I hated her. Anger was now pulsing through my veins, as hot and real as the lava in a volcano. I needed her to know. She deserved to know. Before she could walk even farther away from me, I reached out and captured her little wrist. My black eyes found her chocolaty ones, and in that moment, the whole world seemed to stand still. I felt like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, like a baby taking its first breath, like the sun rising after a year of rain, like balloon floating up, up, up to the sky. I felt like I had conquered the world, like I could do anything, as long as Bella was standing by my side. There is no word strong enough to describe what I felt, and what I still feel every time I look in her eyes. All I knew in that moment was how much I needed her to be with me forever.