A/N: I really need to stop being so useless and update my fics more often. That's college life for ya.
"Welcome back to Total Drama Alpha Party!" Chris said to the camera from the Dock of Shame.
"Hiiii," Lindsay said with a wave.
"In the last episode, Lindsay hosted a challenge for a change. And it was awful," Chris recapped, only for Lindsay to activate his shock collar. "Awful...ly great!"
"I had the contestants set up a super cute date for two of their teammates," Lindsay clarified. "Cordelia and Ephraim enjoyed a candlelight dinner atop the thousand-foot cliff, while Osric and Ursula enjoyed a long walk on the beach."
"And nobody got even remotely hurt," Chris sulked.
"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Lindsay gasped.
"You say that like it's not a bad thing," Chris responded.
"Anyway, Osric and Ursula won the challenge, which is great because I think Ursula might like Osric after all!" Lindsay cheered.
"Only Osric said it'd be best if they just remained friends," Chris pointed out.
Lindsay's lip quivered.
"Stop that," Chris said flatly. "Anyway, the Quentin/Tori/Vardaman duo worked to get Mondo's statue out of the equation, but nobody would hear it, as Amelie and Cordelia were both considered for elimination due to being weak. In the end, it was Cordelia who ended up getting the boot."
"She always creeped me out," Lindsay shuddered.
"I know. It was great," Chris laughed. "Anyway, today's a new day, and new events are bound to unfold. What kind of events? Find out, right here, on Total!"
"Drama!" Lindsay added.
"ALPHA PARTY!" the two finished.
Amelie sat across from Jasper in the mess hall. Both had a plate of eggs and toast.
"Morning, Jasper," Amelie greeted with a slightly nervous smile.
"Morning, hun," Jasper responded.
"So... Cordelia's gone," Amelie pointed out.
"And thank Gay Jesus for it," Jasper added.
"I thought you two were friends," Amelie pointed out. "Also, Gay Jesus?"
"She and I were friends, but, as I'm sure I've told you before, she was starting to get on my nerves," Jasper explained. "And yes, there's a Gay Jesus. He died for our right to be fabulous."
"So, what are you going to do now that Cordelia's gone?" Amelie asked.
"Well, I was thinking you and I should form a little something-something," Jasper grinned. "Now that I have no allies, I'm a sitting duck. With you and maybe Ephraim on my side, I'll have some security. At least more than Mondo and Hugh have."
"That'd be nice," Amelie smiled. "Nobody can blindside me if I have two trusted allies."
"I'm a bit worried about Vardaman's alliance, but I'm sure we can figure something out," Jasper added. "You think Ephraim will be onboard?"
"I don't know," Amelie admitted. "I know he's been hanging out with Mondo these days, so maybe he'd rather join Mondo for the sake of numbers."
"Well, who says you can't play two alliances?" Jasper asked. "You and Ephraim, plus Mondo's alliance, plus me, equals taking out Vardaman's alliance. After that, you two ditch Mondo and Hugh and the three of us figure it out from there."
"I don't think the teams will be around for that long," Amelie pointed out. "Unless we lose every challenge from here on out. Also Mondo and Quentin both have Invincibility Statues."
"Ah, good point," Jasper conceded. "Like I said, we can discuss it later."
Confessional:
Jasper: I'm not in a good position right now. Maybe messing with Vardaman wasn't the best idea. Whatever. I can still make it out of this alive. I'm the smartest person on this team, maybe even in this game.
Amelie: I don't know, playing two alliances sounds really risky. What if Mondo finds out, gets angry, and votes me out? That wouldn't be good at all...
Osric found Naomi skating about the forest.
"Hey, Naomi?" Osric said.
"Wha?!" Naomi gasped as she slammed into a tree. "Heeeeeey, Ozzy. You startled me."
"Sorry about that. I just wanted to talk," Osric said. "How close are you with Ursula?"
"We get along... kind of. She's pretty scary," Naomi admitted. "Why? What's up?"
"Well, since the three of us are in a final three deal-"
"Wait, whaaaaaaaaa? When did that happen?" Naomi asked.
"A couple days ago. Did Ursula not tell you?" Osric asked. "Anyway, that's not why I'm here."
"Did you guys get together? Please tell me you did. I have ten bucks riding on this," Naomi told him.
"We didn't," Osric answered.
"Fudgesicles!" Naomi swore. "Pardon my French. Please, continue."
"Actually, it is about my date with Ursula last night," Osric explained. "When Lindsay suggested that she and I kiss, Ursula seemed almost... nervous. Maybe even a bit afraid, ironically enough. Is there some deep-rooted meaning behind this that only girls know about?"
"You sure she was nervous?" Naomi asked. "You sure she just didn't want to kiss you?"
"I mean, I can understand not being into me, but we'd had a nice time and it was for the challenge... I'm just confused," Osric continued.
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm... I think I might know the answer, but I can't tell you what it is," Naomi said. "Gotta adhere to the Girl Code."
"Aw, come on," Osric frowned.
"If you want to know, you should ask her," Naomi shrugged.
"I don't want to make her uncomfortable by bringing it up," Osric explained.
"Just pretend she's me," Naomi suggested.
"You two look nothing alike though," Osric pointed out.
"Well I don't know what to tell you," Naomi shrugged as she skated off.
Confessional:
Naomi: I know how Ursula's feeling. It's the same feeling I get when I think about kissing Vardaman... (She blushes profusely.) Yeah, Ursula's got it bad for Osric. Those two need to hook up, but I have to adhere to awful romance cliches by saying that they need to do it themselves. Okay, not really, but I don't want Warwick accusing me of cheating on our bet. He's a future king! Do you know how much power kings have?!
Osric: Maybe I'll ask Ursula tomorrow. I dunno. To be honest, I'm really nervous about the whole idea of being in a relationship. Yeah, I can be kind of a pervert, and although Ursula checks a number of boxes on my... interests list... I feel a real emotional connection with her too. This is so new to me. It's weird.
Ephraim and Mondo had just finished their lap around the island.
"I'm glad I got into this habit," Ephraim smiled. "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up on my workouts, challenges notwithstanding, but this is helpful."
"It'll come in extra handy once we make the merge and need to start winning all the challenges," Mondo smirked.
"Assuming either of us make it," Ephraim pointed out. "Actually, I wanted to work out alongside Tori, but she insisted that she worked alone. You know, despite hanging out with Isidora at the start of the game and Quentin now."
"I bet she's just jealous that you might be stronger than she is," Mondo remarked.
"I want to doubt that, but I actually don't know a lot about her," Ephraim said. "She tends to keep to herself, and even when she is around, she doesn't talk much. So for all I know, maybe that's exactly why she won't work out with me."
"Ah, she doesn't matter," Mondo said dismissively. "She'll be gone before the merge."
"I take it you have a plan?" Ephraim inquired.
"I do," Mondo smirked. "You and Amelie join up with Hugh and me. Four strong. First thing's first, we take out Jasper. He could join them and I don't need that."
"He could join us as well. I know Amelie is friends with him," Ephraim pointed out.
"I don't need any distractions in this game," Mondo said sternly. "Anyway, after he's gone, we vote for Tori. Vardaman will come after, and then we take advantage of Quentin's idol to blindside Hugh. If we haven't hit the merge by then, we can take out Quentin."
"This is assuming we keep losing challenges, of course," Ephraim pointed out. "For all we know, we could win every challenge up to the merge."
"The merge will likely be at the final ten or twelve," Mondo said. "We're at the final seventeen. Maybe we'll lose one or two challenges until then, but don't forget, we're the overall physically stronger team."
"And yet, the Boldface have more people on their team than we do," Ephraim pointed out.
"We'll come around. I'm sure of it," Mondo smirked.
Confessional:
Ephraim: Mondo's nothing if not confident. Perhaps to the point of cockiness, but he has a plan at the very least, so that's good. I think an alliance with him is a great idea.
Mondo: All this plan in mind, plus I have a hidden statue. I know what they say about pride before a fall, but I feel I have every right to say that I have every confidence that I'll make the endgame. Of course, I can't allow Ephraim to stick around for very long once we do hit the merge. Lest he forget, he's also a challenge threat. In fact, I may even get rid of him before Quentin if need be. I doubt Quentin would mind working with me, even if he and I aren't necessarily close.
Phoenix and Zarardo were in the process of fixing breakfast.
"I have thought about your offer, Phoenix," Zarardo said as he looked behind him to make sure nobody was there to hear him.
"My alliance offer?" Phoenix asked. "I assume you're in. Otherwise you wouldn't really be bringing it up."
"I am," Zarardo nodded. "On the contingency that we vote for Fauna next."
"I can do that," Phoenix nodded. "Actually, I haven't talked to Isidora about the whole thing yet, but given how much Fauna's had it out for her in the past, I don't think it'll be hard to convince her."
"I'll mention the idea to her as well," Zarardo said. "Hearing it from two sides should confirm for her that this is for real."
"Go for it," Phoenix said. "Glad to have you onboard. The only downside here is that Fauna won't be going home right away, but at the very least there's no way she'll vote for either of us."
"Perhaps not, but his Majesty Warwick is, and I can't risk his safety," Zarardo pointed out.
"I'll talk to Fauna about it. She has no idea about this plan and still trusts me," Phoenix assured him. "I'm sure we can afford to lose Naomi, so maybe I'll drop a suggestion or two Fauna's way."
"That works for me," Zarardo grinned. "Someone who refuses to take off her roller skates for a challenge where they may be a hindrance isn't someone who should stick around."
"Glad to hear we see eye to eye here," Phoenix clicked. "I see a future with this alliance, I really do."
"To the final four we go!" Zarardo agreed.
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. An alliance of four isn't likely to make the end of the merge without casualties, especially not with a cast as large as this one," Phoenix said logically.
"You sure do think of everything, don't you?" Zarardo complimented.
"It certainly helps in a game like this," Phoenix nodded.
"That, it does," Zarardo responded.
Confessional:
Zarardo: ...Which is exactly why Phoenix should watch his back around me. I don't know if he knows this, but with my joining this alliance, I am now in an alliance with everyone on this team other than Fauna. Hahaha. I don't need Phoenix. He needs me. Why, I'm already aligned with Osric and Isidora. I will vote with this alliance to help take out Fauna, but that is it. After that, well, Phoenix might be useful for information, but for little else, and I can easily have him disappear once I decide that he is no longer useful.
Phoenix: An emotional person might feel discouraged that his Day One ally is hated by the rest of the team and has a huge target on her back. A logical person would make the most of the situation. If you can't beat them, join them. Thankfully, I am the latter of the two.
Tori did chin-ups on a tree in the forest when she heard footsteps behind her.
"Quentin. I'm glad you came," Tori smiled as she turned around to see not Quentin, but Vardaman.
"Er, you got the wrong guy, I'm afraid," Vardaman admitted.
"I see," Tori said, slightly disappointed. "What is your purpose in seeing me?"
"I just wanted to get to know you," Vardaman said. "We're friends and allies but I don't feel like I know that much about who you are."
"My goal is to become the strongest woman in the world. Total Drama is one means through which I can attain this goal," Tori explained.
"Can I ask why you keep to yourself so often?" Vardaman asked.
"So people don't get in the way of my workouts," Tori said simply.
"And why do you wanna get so strong?" Vardaman asked.
"That is my business and my business alone," Tori said firmly. "I am not so quick to tell people about my personal scars."
"Scars, you say?" Vardaman asked. "Well, if you don't wanna tell me, that's perfectly fine. I guess a bit of skepticism is healthy. It's what kept me away from Cordelia n' Jasper, n' I don't regret leavin' them behind for an instant."
"The world is full of bad people. That's a simple truth," Tori said seriously.
"Maybe, but there are some genuinely good people on this Earth as well," Vardaman said.
"That is true, though are few and far between," Tori said. "In all my years, Quentin may be the most genuine person I've ever met."
"He's a bit loopy sometimes, but he's a good kid," Vardaman agreed. "I'm glad you two are friends. Good example of opposites attractin'."
"Who said anything about attraction?" Tori asked quickly.
"It's a figure o' speech," Vardaman assured her. "Y'know, despite not wantin' to talk about yourself a lot, I've learned a lot about you in these past couple minutes."
"Don't take this to mean that I trust you entirely," Tori said bluntly.
"I won't, but it was a nice talk either way," Vardaman smiled as he walked off.
Confessional:
Vardaman: Y'know, when I mentioned opposites attractin', I meant it in a friendly-type way, but now that I think about it, I can see Tori n' Quentin' bein' more than just friends. Hopefully things'd work out. I ain't qualified to fix a broken heart yet.
Tori: I suppose I haven't mentioned my personal scars until now. Nothing physical, but rather something in my past that has stuck with me. I'd rather not elaborate.
Fauna stomped up to the top of the thousand-foot cliff, where Warwick was.
"Ah, good morrow, crone," Warwick greeted.
"I heard you think I'm a joke!" Fauna said accusatorily.
"Your point?" Warwick asked.
"So you won't care if I rant about how awful you whites are, and you won't even care?" Fauna asked.
"Har! Please!" Warwick scoffed. "I would only laugh at your perceived superiority."
"Good, because I need to get some shit off my chest," Fauna said as she took a piece of paper from her pocket.
"Ahahahaha! You're serious?!" Warwick guffawed.
"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" Fauna snapped as she began to read. "White people think they're so much better than people of color! Every day, they silence us, they say racist things, they give off microaggressions, and it never even occurs to them to check their privilege!"
"Because that totally happens," Warwick snickered.
"Meanwhile, people of color spend more time in prison than a white person for the same crime!" Fauna continued. "It's harder for people of color to get hired than white people. Nobody will dare cross the street to avoid a white person, but a person of color is perfectly okay! And people act like nothing's wrong!"
"Nothing is wrong. Except for you," Warwick responded. "When I'm king, I'll ban racism from my country."
"How are you going to ban racism in a country ruled by white people, dumbass?" Fauna scowled.
"Also, you're not allowed into my kingdom," Warwick added.
"Oh, because I'm a person of color?! I see how it is!" Fauna shouted.
"Heheheh. Yes, that's exactly why," Warwick chuckled sarcastically. "I'm banning you from my country where racism is illegal because you're not white. I'm surprised more people didn't figure it out sooner."
"That's because everyone else is blind to the truth around them!" Fauna insisted.
Warwick pushed Fauna off the cliff.
"This clifftop is my temporary kingdom," Warwick said. "And you're not invited."
Confessional:
Fauna: (She is soaking wet, and simmering mad.)
Warwick: Who cares if it was mean? She's been mean to everyone all season and hasn't received any sort of karma. Excuse me for putting karma into my own hands. I may not claim to be a god like that sandwich twit, but pushing Fauna off the cliff was fun either way. Hahaha.
Hugh found Quentin sitting on his bunk in the boys' cabin, spaced out.
"Yo, Earth to Quentin," Hugh said.
"Wha- Wha?" Quentin responded, now out of his daze. "What's up?"
"Nothing's up. I just felt like destroying whatever daydream you were having," Hugh snickered.
"Oh. I was just wondering if birds can comprehend the feeling of closeness with one another," Quentin replied.
"I doubt it. They're animals. Animals don't have souls," Hugh pointed out.
"But then how do they know who to mate with?" Quentin asked.
"Animal instinct? I dunno," Hugh replied.
"So then why do we only mate with those we truly love?" Quentin asked.
"Uh, I don't know what world you live in, but people have sex with strangers all the time," Hugh pointed out. "Lots of people just bang whoever they find attractive. That's our animal instinct kicking in."
"Really? I wonder what birds find attractive in each other," Quentin mused.
"Hell if I know," Hugh responded.
"Like, does beak size matter to them?" Quentin asked. "Feather color? Wingspan?"
"This is getting weird," Hugh spat. "Ask a furry sometime, because I sure as hell don't care."
"Perhaps birds have personalities that we don't know about," Quentin thought aloud. "Like, some birds are attracted to nice birds, and stuff."
"Heh. Please," Hugh scoffed. "Girls only like bad boys, no matter what species they are."
"Really?" Quentin asked. "Well I like to think I'm a nice enough guy. I guess that means there's no hope for me in that regard, eh?"
"Nope, guess not," Hugh grinned.
"That's too bad," Quentin said. "Well, see you later," he said as he stood up and left the cabin.
Confessional:
Hugh: I don't know what Quentin is on, but I doubt it's legal.
Quentin: I wonder if it's true that girls only like bad boys. But if that were true, how did my dad end up with my mom? I should ask Hugh sometime. He seems like he knows what he's talking about.
Meanwhile, in the girl's cabin, Genesis and Ursula hung out.
"So, now that you went out on a date with him, what do you think about your feelings for Osric now?" Genesis texted with a coy smile.
"I-I don't know," Ursula admitted. "When Lindsay said I should kiss him, I thought I could do it, but just as I was about to, all of a sudden this rush of fear came over me."
"Fear?" Genesis texted. "Fear of what?"
"I don't know. Fear of messing it up, I guess," Ursula admitted. "I don't think Osric's even been kissed before. I didn't want his first kiss to be awful."
"How would he know it was awful? He'd have nothing to compare it to," Genesis texted.
"Well... uh..." Ursula trailed off.
"There's more to it than that, isn't there?" Genesis texted with a smile. "You can tell me."
"Alright..." Ursula sighed. "I kinda maybe possibly might like Osric. Like like like him."
"You just used the word 'like' three times in a row in that sentence," Genesis texted as she chuckled silently. "Anyway, it's obvious that Osric likes you. What do you have to be nervous about?"
"Well... I'm worried that I might be a bit immature for him," Ursula admitted. "During the date, we talked about Halloween, and some of the stuff I mentioned may have been a bit childish. That plus my last boyfriend dumping me for being 'immature'... can you blame me for being a bit insecure?"
"Not at all," Genesis texted with a sweet smile on her face. "Did you get any sense that Osric might not like you anymore after you said what you said?"
"I don't think so..." Ursula recalled.
"Then I think you two still have a shot," Genesis texted.
"You think?" Ursula blushed. "...I'll wait for him to make the first move. I don't want to be too presumptuous and embarrass myself."
"I'm surprised to see you're so bashful considering you're the girl who likes to scare people," Genesis texted with a smile.
"I know, right? What is wrong with me?" Ursula chuckled. "Maybe I'll mess with Fauna or Naomi or Amelie or someone to pass the time."
"Go for it," Genesis texted.
"Thanks for the help, Genesis. You're a true friend," Ursula said casually as she walked out of the cabin.
Once Ursula left, a sinister look crept upon Genesis's face.
Confessional:
Ursula: I came into this game to scare the pants off of people and maybe win a million dollars. Falling for a guy was not on the to-do list... but honestly, if things do work out between Osric and I, I wouldn't regret it.
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) One step closer to fulfilling my plan to put the target on those two. One may say it's foolish to throw members of your own alliance under the bus, but between my statue and Fauna's, I don't see anyone making a dent in the me/Fauna/Phoenix alliance anytime soon, plus I still have Naomi under my thumb. Heck, even if they take their time to get together, I still have a majority over Warwick's alliance. So I'm basically untouchable.
Hugh found Amelie sitting on the Dock of Shame.
"Hey, slut," Hugh greeted.
Amelie wore a hurt look on her face.
"What, got nothing to say to me now?" Hugh sneered. "Not gonna, not gonna point out how nice you think I am?"
Amelie pursed her lips.
"Well here's the thing, bitch: I'm not nice," Hugh said harshly. "I hope you don't expect to find out about how I used to be a good kid either, because I wasn't. I'm bad, and I've always been bad."
Amelie was silent.
"What, have I scared the words right out of you?" Hugh said mockingly. "Have I finally put you in your place, bitch?"
Amelie put her hand over her mouth.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Hugh grinned. "So before you go around thinking that I'm nice, well-"
All of a sudden, Amelie began giggling.
"Wait, what?" Hugh asked flatly.
"I'm sorry. I tried to hold it in," Amelie giggled.
"What the hell is this?!" Hugh snapped. "Do you think I'm funny? Does this strike you as amusing?"
Amelie nodded as she tried not to continue laughing.
"Yeah... well... you're an artard!" Hugh shouted as he walked away, simmering.
"You are too," Amelie giggled.
Confessional:
Amelie: I don't know where that came from, but it felt good not to be so worried about Hugh. I should try that more often, huh? ...Okay, I would if I could, but I can't help being such a coward. Still, Hugh is a start.
Hugh: What the hell?! Not even Amelie takes me seriously anymore?! There was a time in this game where people saw me as the threat I am, and now I have the most spineless wimp on the island laughing in my face. I need to do something about this. Enough talk! I'm going to prove how bad I am. Ephraim's been giving her bravery lessons, right? Well, we'll see how tough she is without him around.
Phoenix found Isidora sitting on her reading rock with a book open.
"Isidora, can we speak?" Phoenix asked.
"Depends on what you want to talk about," Isidora said, not looking up from her book.
"It's about Fauna," Phoenix said.
"Oh geez. What is she doing now?" Isidora sighed.
"Well, I know you two don't get along very well, which is why I have a proposition," Phoenix explained.
"I'm listening," Isidora said, still reading her book.
"An alliance between you, Osric, Zarardo, and myself," Phoenix proposed. "We'll flush Fauna's statue, then get rid of Fauna as soon as we can. We should also be wary of Genesis. She seems to be in cahoots with Fauna, and I fear she can be dangerous down the line."
"Have you talked to Osric and Zarardo?" Isidora asked.
"I have, and they're both in. All we need now is you," Phoenix confirmed.
"Cool," Isidora said blankly. "So... you want to talk about something that's not strategy? I'm not in a super strategic mood today."
"Uhhhh..." Phoenix trailed off.
"You do realize that there's more to this game than strategy, yes?" Isidora asked.
"I do, but I've been so focused on getting this alliance together that I haven't been able to think of much else," Phoenix explained.
"Yeah, that sounds super unhealthy," Isidora pointed out. "What's your favorite book? We'll talk about that."
"I'm not much of a reader, I'm afraid," Phoenix admitted. "I think the last novel I read was assigned reading for English class."
"Then what do you do with your time?" Isidora asked.
"I mostly spend my time on the internet," Phoenix said. "I'm sure you noticed, but I'm a bit of a geek."
"Eh, who isn't these days?" Isidora shrugged.
Silence.
"Yeah, sorry, I'm not great at leading a conversation," Isidora apologized.
"That's fine. We can talk about you," Phoenix suggested.
Confessional:
Phoenix: I appreciate Isidora bringing me back down to Earth a bit. I'll admit, I've been a bit obsessed with getting this plan to work, so this might just be what I needed.
Isidora: An alliance with Osric, Zarardo, and Phoenix, eh? Not that different from the alliance I already have, other than the fact that it's way less loud and annoying. I'm still not sure how much I trust Zarardo, but having two more people who won't vote me off is helpful I guess.
Quentin found Tori working out in the woods.
"Good morrow, Lady Victoria," Quentin greeted.
"Pardon?" Tori responded.
"I dunno," Quentin chuckled.
"I have been awaiting you," Tori said. "You said you would join me in my workouts, and yet I have been here for hours without you."
"Yeah... I kinda forgot," Quentin confessed. "Sorry about that. But hey, I'm here now."
"I'm afraid it's about time for me to take a break," Tori responded. "Even I cannot work out without breaks."
"I guess that makes sense," Quentin thought aloud. "Hey, you're not upset that I forgot about this, are you?"
"Emotions are irrelevant. All that matters in life is strength," Tori responded.
"Why do you say that?" Quentin asked.
"I'd rather not talk about it," Tori responded.
"Is there an emotional reason for that?" Quentin asked innocently.
Tori balled her fists up. "I will be returning to camp to use the restroom."
"Oh, okay. I guess I can't really follow you in, but I can walk you there," Quentin offered.
"I'd rather you didn't," Tori said firmly.
"Oh... okay," Quentin said, slightly disappointed. "...See you later, then,"
Tori walked away.
Confessional:
Quentin: I don't think it's good for Tori to hold her emotions in like that. Maybe once I catch her in a better mood I'll try to get her to explain why she thinks strength is all that matters, because I'm really concerned about her.
Tori: Yes, it hurt my feelings that Quentin forgot about our morning workout. This is what confessionals are for: getting your emotions off of your chest without judgment.
Naomi continued to skate through the forest.
"La di da di da di da~" Naomi sang.
"Boo!" Ursula shouted as she jumped out from behind a tree.
"ACK!" Naomi squealed as she slipped and fell on her face.
"Hahahaha," Ursula laughed. "You okay?"
"Honestly, not the worst tumble I've taken this summer," Naomi admitted. "But definitely the worst scare. Geez."
Ursula helped Naomi get back onto her feet. "No hard feelings, eh?"
"Why do you scare people so much?" Naomi asked.
"For fun," Ursula shrugged.
"I'll never understand what Osric sees in you..." Naomi muttered.
"What was that?" Ursula asked.
"Nothing," Naomi insisted.
"I heard Osric's name," Ursula said.
"I was just wondering if you knew about our final three deal with him," Naomi lied.
"Is that really it?" Ursula asked with a glare.
"...I can't tell you the truth. Warwick will accuse me of cheating," Naomi squeaked.
"Cheating?" Ursula asked, her eyebrow raised.
"We made a bet. No need to elaborate," Naomi said with a nervous chuckle.
"I know where you sleep," Ursula hissed.
"Warwick bet me that you and Osric wouldn't hook up and I took the bet and I don't want to fudge the results by telling you that Osric still likes you!" Naomi confessed in one breath, inhaling sharply after she was done. "Don't tell Warwick I told you."
"He still likes me, huh...?" Ursula said, blushing. "You know, since you told me, I'll see what I can do to scare the crap out of Warwick. Maybe even literally. Eheheheheh."
Naomi gave Ursula an awkward smile.
Confessional:
Ursula: Osric's still into me, eh? Interesting... I may have to make a move sooner than later.
Naomi: Osric has weird taste in women.
The seventeen contestants, plus Chris and Lindsay, all met up inside the plastic dodgeball court. The usual two-sided court lines had been replaced with a medium-sized ring line in the center.
"Welcome, campers, to your next challenge!" Chris greeted. "As you may have guessed, today's challenge will be more athletically inclined."
"Fun," Genesis texted with an unimpressed look on her face.
"It will be fun," Chris grinned. "Today's challenge: ...a sumo tournament!"
"This should be easy," Mondo smirked.
"Here's how it'll work," Chris said. "First thing's first: Killer Boldface, since you guys have one more player than Screaming Italics, one of you will have to sit out."
"Cool," Isidora said uninterestedly.
"Also, Isidora, since you were the last person on your team to sit out of a challenge, you can't sit out of this one," Chris added.
"What?! What about the talent show?" Isidora asked.
"We're not counting that. Some people just couldn't participate in that one because that was part of the challenge," Chris shrugged.
"I think Naomi should sit out," Zarardo suggested. "Skates will not be very helpful in a challenge such as this."
"Aww," Naomi pouted. "Fine."
"Alright. Naomi's sitting out," Chris confirmed. "Now then. This challenge will work in classic tournament fashion. We will start out with eight rounds of a Screaming Italics member facing a Killer Boldface member. The goal of the challenge is to push your opponent out of the ring. The winners of those rounds will move on to face each other, and so on and so forth. The team whose members all lose will be up for elimination."
"What if all of a team's members lose before the final round?" Vardaman asked.
"The tournament will continue, and I will explain why," Chris continued. "Today's challenge has a reward at stake. The person who comes out on top in this challenge will be able to take two people with them to a nearby grocery store. Each person who goes on this reward will be given $100 to spend on whatever they want to take back to the island."
"Only for the street rats to steal it, I'd imagine," Warwick grumbled.
"Who cares? It's something besides eggs and toast," Jasper pointed out.
"Okay, so, we're going in reverse alphabet order this time just because," Lindsay said. "Which means... Vardaman and Zarardo are up first!"
Confessional:
Isidora: I don't expect to last very long in this challenge. Actually I don't expect to last long in any challenge, but this one in particular stands out to me.
Osric: This one seems biased in the Italics' favor, but I actually think we may be able to pull this one off. Strength isn't everything in sumo. Balance and shifting weight are also key. ...I think. I'm no expert.
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) I think this challenge is doable. It all depends on who goes up against whom. I, for one, am not giving up till the very end.
Ephraim: Between myself, Mondo, Tori, and Vardaman, I like to think we have this challenge won.
Tori: They use the word "challenge" rather loosely with this one, don't they? (She gives a cocky smile.)
Hugh: Yeah. This is the chance to prove how bad I am. I'll kick everyone's ass in this challenge, and prove that I'm not to be messed with.
Vardaman and Zarardo stood in the center of the ring.
"You two ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Ready, ma'am," Vardaman nodded.
"I am always ready," Zarardo boasted.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
As soon as Chris signaled to go, Zarardo crouched down and began to push Vardaman by the waist.
"What in tarnation?!" Vardaman gasped, unable to react.
Zarardo pushed Vardaman with all his might. Vardaman struggled to free himself from his opponent's grasp, but to no avail. Little by little, Zarardo managed to push Vardaman closer to the edge of the ring.
"And for my next trick, I'll make Vardaman's chances of winning this challenge... disappear!" Zarardo declared as he finally pushed Vardaman over the boundary line.
"And Zarardo moves on!" Chris announced.
"Next on the list is Tori and Warwick!" Lindsay announced.
Warwick gulped at this news.
Confessional:
Vardaman: I work hard every mornin' back at the farm, and I still got beat. How about that?
Tori and Warwick took the center of the sumo ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Of course," Tori nodded.
"If I say 'no', will you postpone it?" Warwick shuddered.
"Nope! Go!" Chris grinned.
Warwick tried to grab Tori by the waist as Zarardo had done with Vardaman, but was cut off when Tori grabbed him by the cape and lifted him up.
"Oh come on! I weigh 90 kilos!" Warwick whined. "How are you able to lift me?!"
Tori did not respond - instead she opted to carry Warwick over the line and set him down.
"And with that, Tori moves on to the next round!" Chris announced.
"Nice going, Tori!" Quentin cheered.
Tori remained silent.
"Next to go is Quentin and Ursula," Lindsay stated.
Confessional:
Warwick: Well, you can't fault me for trying. Considering she's one of the strongest people out here, I'd say that's worth something.
Quentin and Ursula took the center of the ring.
"You guys ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Let's go," Ursula grinned as she punched into her palm.
"What she said," Quentin said as he mimicked her gesture.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Both Quentin and Ursula went for the waist at the same time, prompting them to grab onto each other's shoulders.
"Come on, at least take me out on a date first," Ursula teased.
"...I don't know what you think this means, but I'm only doing a challenge," Quentin said awkwardly.
"I know. Me too," Ursula grinned as she gave Quentin a hard shove, prompting him to let go of her and stumble backwards.
"I'll have you know I've got my eye on someone else," Ursula said as she gave Quentin one last push to send him on his bum and over the line.
"Ursula moves on!" Chris announced.
"That's what's up!" Ursula cheered.
"Mondo and Phoenix are up next," Lindsay added.
Confessional:
Quentin: So much for good luck, huh? I wonder what the deal is here. Did Tori steal my good luck? How bizarre.
Mondo and Phoenix stood at the center of the sumo ring.
"You two ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Jock vs nerd, eh?" Mondo pointed out.
"I'm ready to change the dynamic here," Phoenix said confidently.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Phoenix immediately sidestepped to his right and gave Mondo a shove, causing the football player to lose his balance.
"What in the world?" Mondo asked as he quickly regained his balance.
"It's called tactics," Phoenix said.
Mondo charged at Phoenix, who quickly dodged out of the way. Mondo's momentum proved to be too much, however, and he ended up running straight over the line.
"Mondo is out, Phoenix moves on!" Chris announced.
"I told you I'd change the dynamic," Phoenix smirked.
"You got lucky," Mondo grumbled.
"Up next are Jasper and Osric!" Lindsay announced.
Confessional:
Mondo: I'll never hear the end of this back home, will I?
Jasper and Osric took the to center of the ring.
"Don't be afraid to get a little frisky~" Jasper winked.
"You're not a fly honey, so I'm afraid you'll have to find someone else," Osric said coolly.
"...Fly honey?" Ursula said in disbelief.
"That's AAVE and cultural appropriation and I won't stand for it!" Fauna shouted.
"Get a life, Fauna," Ursula responded.
"You two ready?" Lindsay asked Jasper and Osric.
"Always," Jasper winked.
"Tentatively," Osric answered flatly.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Neither boy went on the offensive - both awaited their opponent to make the first move. They moved around in a circle, not breaking eye contact with the other. Jasper faked Osric out, but Osric did not respond. After a couple more seconds, Osric lunged at Jasper, catching the blond off guard and resulting in him stumbling over the line.
"Osric wins it!" Chris announced.
"Awesome," Osric grinned.
"Next up are Hugh and Isidora," Lindsay stated.
Confessional:
Jasper: Ah well, can't win them all. It's not like our team is tapped for physical strength anyway.
Hugh and Isidora went to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Let's do this," Hugh said with a twisted smirk.
"Whatever," Isidora said.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Isidora turned around and walked out of the ring.
"Okay then... Hugh wins this round... I guess," Chris announced.
"Heh. Guess she was just too intimidated," Hugh snickered unconvincingly.
"Next to go are Ephraim and Genesis," Lindsay said.
Confessional:
Isidora: There's no way I was going to win, and I'm not really in the mood to have anemia symptoms ruining my day for no reason, so... yeah.
Ephraim and Genesis took the the center of the ring. Genesis did not have her phone on hand.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Ready," Ephraim responded as he cracked his knuckles.
Genesis simply took a deep breath.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Ephraim picked Genesis up and set her down outside of the ring. Genesis sighed silently.
"I swear, these rounds are getting too easy..." Chris grumbled. "Anyway... Ephraim moves on to the next round."
"No hard feelings?" Ephraim asked Genesis, who shook her head "no" in response.
"To finish off this round, we have Amelie vs. Fauna!" Lindsay announced.
Confessional:
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) A shame I had to go against Ephraim given that I think I could have moved on had I gone against someone weaker, but I guess that's the alphabet twist for you. I hope the Italics eliminate Ephraim soon because I'd rather not keep facing off with him in the future.
Amelie and Fauna stood in the center of the ring.
"You girls ready?" Lindsay asked.
"...No," Amelie gulped.
"Let's get this over with," Fauna responded.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Amelie instantly curled up into a ball.
"Stop giving people of color a bad name by being so scared of everything," Fauna instructed.
"Sorry," Amelie squeaked.
Fauna rolled Amelie outside of the line.
"Fauna makes it, closing off our first round!" Chris announced.
"For the POC!" Fauna announced.
"Next up is Zarardo and Tori!" Lindsay announced.
Confessional:
Amelie: Come to think of it, it's been awhile since I've had a bravery lesson from Ephraim. Maybe I should try those again...
Zarardo and Tori took to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"I am," Zarardo said confidently.
"As am I," Tori nodded.
"In that case... GO!" Chris shouted.
Tori immediately grabbed Zarardo by the shoulders, preventing him from pushing her by the waist. Zarardo grabbed onto her arms in an attempt to push her off, but this was in vain, as Tori did not budge. She began to push her foe, who pushed as hard as he could in return.
"You're stronger than you look," Tori pointed out.
"I am many things," Zarardo bragged. "It's best not to underestimate your opponent."
"Noted," Tori said as she pulled her arms back, causing Zarardo to fall forward. "You should make the same note."
Zarardo snarled as he stood back up, only for Tori to push him over the line.
"Tori moves on!" Chris announced.
"And next up is Ursula and Phoenix," Lindsay added.
"Next up are Ursula and Phoenix," Phoenix corrected.
Lindsay frowned.
Confessional:
Zarardo: I shouldn't be so bitter at losing to one of the strongest people on the island, and yet, I can't help myself. I shan't forget this.
Ursula and Phoenix went to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Looks like the Boldface are taking a loss either way," Phoenix noted.
"And a win. Don't be so negative," Ursula grinned.
"I can't argue there," Phoenix nodded.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Both contestants sidestepped to their right.
"I see you've been paying attention," Phoenix stated.
"Did you really think using the same trick twice would work? Frankly I'm offended," Ursula chuckled.
"I can never tell if you're joking or no-"
"Boo!" Ursula suddenly shouted.
"Gah!" Phoenix exclaimed, catching him off-guard. Ursula took this opportunity to push him over the ring line.
"And Ursula moves on once again," Chris announced.
"I can't believe that worked," Ursula chuckled.
"Well don't expect it to work twice, because now people will see it coming," Phoenix pointed out.
"Noted," Ursula grinned.
"Up next are Osric and Hugh," Lindsay announced.
Confessional:
Phoenix: Honestly, I'm glad I made it past the first round at all, and past Mondo at that, so you won't hear me complaining about my loss.
Osric and Hugh came to the center of the ring.
"You boys ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Yeah. Bring it on," Osric smiled.
"You're asking for it," Hugh grinned.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Hugh immediately lunged at Osric, who moved out of the way. Hugh managed to stop himself before he could go over the line, but with his back facing Osric, it wasn't hard for the pervert to push him over the line.
"You're joking!" Hugh cried.
"Nope. Osric moves on!" Chris announced.
"I'm in the semifinals. Who would have thought?" Osric thought aloud.
"Next up are Ephraim and Fauna," Lindsay stated.
Confessional:
Hugh: Ugh! So much for proving how bad I am. This challenge was rigged, I swear.
Ephraim and Fauna went to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Chris asked.
"You're going down, whitey," Fauna leered.
"I wanted to feel sorry for how mismatched this round is, but you're making it difficult," Ephraim said sternly.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Fauna immediately rammed her knee into Ephraim's crotch.
"Ooh!" Ephraim choked as he bent over.
"That's for how my people were treated when your people enslaved them!" Fauna shouted.
"How is that my fault?" Ephraim wheezed.
Fauna pushed at Ephraim, but to little avail. He stood up just long enough to give Fauna a good push backward, resulting in her stumbling over the line.
"Ephraim moves on!" Chris announced.
"How typical of you white people to try and take away a POC's victory," Fauna scoffed.
"We're starting the semifinals, and Tori and Ursula are back up," Lindsay said.
Confessional:
Fauna: Technically POC are still slaves to our white-dominated culture, but I doubt he'd understand that.
Tori and Ursula took to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"Let's do this," Ursula grinned.
Tori was silent.
"I'll take that as a yes from Tori. Go!" Chris shouted.
Ursula began to run in circles around Tori.
"You're only going to tire yourself out," Tori pointed out flatly.
"But it's keeping you from getting to me," Ursula pointed out as she pushed Tori from behind.
Tori then grabbed Ursula by the waist, picked her up, and set her down outside of the line.
"Aw come on," Ursula pouted.
"Tori moves on to the final round!" Chris announced. "Time to see who'll accompany her."
"It's gonna be Osric or Ephraim, because they're up next," Lindsay added.
Confessional:
Ursula: In retrospect, this challenge was kind of not in my favor. I'm like fifteen, no way I was going to win.
Osric and Ephraim went to the center of the ring.
"Ready?" Lindsay asked.
"As I'll ever be," Osric decided.
"There's no shame in giving up," Ephraim said politely.
"Go!" Chris shouted.
Ephraim picked Osric up and carried him to the edge, but as soon as Ephraim neared the edge, Osric jerked his body towards it, causing the bouncer to take a step or two forward.
"Ephraim's foot is over the line! Osric moves on to the final round!" Chris announced.
"Well played," Ephraim conceded as he set Osric down.
"Thanks. Even I wasn't sure that was going to work," Osric admitted.
"It's down to Tori and Osric," Lindsay announced. "One from each team. Whoever wins this will win the challenge for their team and the reward for themselves and two others."
Confessional:
Ephraim: I was hoping I could win the challenge so I could see if they had anything with more proteins and vitamins in it at the grocery store, but oh well. Maybe Tori or Osric will take me with them, who knows?
Tori and Osric took the the center of the center of the ring.
"Are you two ready?" Lindsay asked.
"I am," Tori confirmed.
"As am I," Osric added.
"In that case..." Chris started.
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"Go!"
Tori attempted to grab Osric, but he dodged out of the way.
"I can see you won't be as easy to defeat as your teammates," Tori noted.
"I should hope not. I made it this far for a reason, eh?" Osric pointed out as he dodged another of Tori's grapples. "But hey, whatever happens, no hard feelings."
"Why would there be?" Tori asked.
"Well, I'd imagine it'd be awkward for the world's strongest woman to be beaten by a scrawny guy like myself," Osric grinned.
"Is that your idea of trash talk?" Tori asked as she pushed Osric.
"Maybe," Osric smirked as he pushed Tori back.
The two both went for a push, causing them to grab each other by the hands.
"For the record, I am not yet the strongest woman in the world," Tori said sternly.
"Really? Not trying to be rude, but you could have fooled me," Osric responded.
"I will reach that status someday, but that day is not today," Tori stated.
"Well, good luck with that," Osric smiled.
"Good luck... I have all the luck I'll ever need," Tori muttered.
"What's that?" Osric asked.
"What I said is irrelevant," Tori said. "Because you've already lost."
"Wha?" Osric asked. He looked down at his feet to see that, during their conversation, Tori had slowly pushed him over the line.
"Tori and the Screaming Italics win!" Chris announced.
"Yeehaw!" Vardaman cheered.
"Cool," Amelie smiled.
"I could have done that," Hugh insisted.
"Awesome job, Tori," Quentin beamed.
"...Thanks," Tori said with a slight smile.
"Now then. Tori, it's time to pick who you want to bring with you to the grocery store," Chris said.
"Quentin and Vardaman," Tori answered.
"No surprise there," Chris mumbled. "Screaming Italics, you have the rest of the day off. Nice job. Killer Boldface, you'll be seeing me at elimination tonight, where one of you will leave the island."
Confessional:
Mondo: Guess that means no need to strategize tonight. I'm fine with that. A night off actually seems like a great idea right about now.
Tori: I have decided to forgive Quentin for forgetting to spend the morning with me. It's not worth staying angry over, and it was an honest mistake.
Osric: Well, time to put Phoenix's smart people alliance to the test. This could change the game.
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) I have no idea who the target is tonight, but with the connections I have, it shouldn't be hard to figure it out. No matter what happens, I'll be safe.
Warwick: You'd think someone as... well-fed as myself would do better in a sumo challenge, but apparently not. I don't think lifting people is generally allowed in sumo, but then, since when does this show care about the rules?
Naomi: I wonder how different things would have turned out if I got to play in the challenge. What could have been, right?
Phoenix, Osric, Isidora, and Zarardo met up in the forest.
"So what's the plan here?" Isidora asked.
"Here's the thing: I want Genesis gone, and the rest of you want Fauna gone," Phoenix said. "Sadly, neither of those options are viable, but I've thought of a compromise."
"And what would that be?" Zarardo asked.
"Osric, I want you to convince Ursula and Naomi to vote for Genesis. I will vote for her as well," Phoenix said.
"Okay?" Osric semi-agreed.
"Isidora, Zarardo, I want you to convince Warwick to vote for Fauna," Phoenix said.
"I think I see where this is going," Isidora said.
"Do tell," Zarardo smirked.
"Phoenix is trying to put Fauna and Genesis in the bottom, two, flushing both of their hidden statues," Isidora explained.
"Wouldn't that leave whoever goes entirely up to those two?" Osric pointed out.
"It would, and I understand that you'd be concerned, Osric, but those two still believe that I'm aligned with them," Phoenix explained. "I can sway their votes so that they aren't directed towards you or Isidora."
"Leaving only Naomi and Warwick as potential casualties," Zarardo added.
"I trust you're all fine with this," Phoenix said.
"Very much so," Isidora nodded.
"Of course," Zarardo smiled.
"Better one of them than me, I guess," Osric decided.
"Excellent," Phoenix smiled. "If things go our way tonight, then the four of us will run the team by tomorrow."
"In that case, may things go our way tonight and forevermore!" Zarardo declared.
Confessional:
Phoenix: I'm putting my game on the line here. If this doesn't work, then I have little doubt that I'll become a target. It doesn't seem likely to fail, but you never want to feel too comfortable in this game.
Isidora: And here I thought my poor social and physical games would screw me over. Now here I am, almost running the game. Lucky me.
Osric: It'll be weird asking my alliance to turn on one of our own, but if I explain why we're voting for her, I'm sure they'll understand. Hopefully.
Zarardo: (He is playing with his Fushigi ball.) Phoenix seems quite content to put himself in the leadership position of this alliance which will supposedly run the team. Being aligned with Warwick, I am no stranger to being second fiddle, but Phoenix is making a grave error to underestimate me. But if he wishes to stay deceived as to who is really the smartest one here, then that is fine by me. It is a magician's job to deceive, after all, and it is quite beneficial for me that he stay this way.
Naomi and Ursula were in a different part of the forest.
"Where do you think everyone else is?" Naomi asked. "Isn't this where we normally meet for vote talk?""I dunno," Ursula said. "I guess it's better this way. I'm still not sure I'm ready to ask Osric out for real."
"Maybe it's better that you don't ask him out right before elimination," Naomi said. "He probably has a lot on his mind. He's the smart one of the alliance, after all. He's the one who comes up with all the strategies and stuff."
"Yeah. He's cool like that," Ursula said. "I wish I could be super strategical and stuff."
"Hey, no need to feel down on yourself. If everyone was smart, then we'd never stop arguing about who's right and who's wrong and it'd be a mess," Naomi said. "That's why I'm glad I'm not too bright."
"Huh. I've never thought about it that way," Ursula admitted. "I'm not dumb per se, but I'm not exactly a straight A student either... or straight B, for that matter... you sure Osric likes me?"
"I'm sure. He talked to me about your date this morning," Naomi winked.
"Hey, maybe I'll come up with a strategy to impress him," Ursula suggested. "Let's see... what if we blindside Isidora? No one will see it coming."
"Isidora? Sure," Naomi smiled. "Osric's going to be so impressed."
"Please," Ursula blushed. "It's not even that great of a strategy."
Confessional:
Ursula: I'll tell Osric about it as soon as I find him. I hope this works. The last thing I want is to look dumb while trying to look smart.
Naomi: I've given up on not fudging this bet because I didn't actually bring ten bucks and I don't want Warwick's version of the IRS to find me and ruin my life. I quite like my life.
Fauna and Genesis met up in the mess hall.
"So, what's the plan?" Genesis texted. "And where's Phoenix?"
"I don't know where he is, but we can catch him up later. He won't get a say if he can't show up. The plan is the same as usual: eliminate the whities," Fauna explained. "Only question is: which one? They're all such awful fucking slime."
"Naomi and Osric still trust me, so I could very well enlist their help if you want to vote for Warwick or Isidora," Genesis texted.
"That's awfully tempting, but I don't need white people's charity to help me with this game," Fauna huffed. "That's no better than slavery."
Genesis blinked.
"Osric is still in charge of that alliance, right?" Fauna asked. "He's enslaving you and Ursula to vote for him."
"...And Naomi," Genesis texted.
"It's not slavery because she's white. Reverse racism does not exist," Fauna insisted.
Genesis opted not to respond.
Confessional:
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) Fauna's not the most rational person on planet Earth, but she's willing to listen to me, and thus, I can sway her vote. Though she seemed quite vehement in who she wanted gone tonight.
Fauna: The fact that Genesis doesn't know that reverse racism doesn't exist almost triggered me. The whiteys have her brainwashed and it's gross.
Warwick stood alone on top of the thousand-foot cliff.
"...Where is everyone?" Warwick asked.
Confessional:
Warwick: Zarardo and Isidora found me eventually, but not for a long time. It's quite rude to keep a king waiting, I'll have them know.
The nine members of the Killer Boldface met up at the bonfire pit. Chris was there, holding a platter of marshmallows.
"If it isn't my old friends the Killer Boldface," Chris grinned. "Now, today's elimination is going to play out a bit differently."
"And why is that?" Fauna asked.
"Well, here's the thing," Chris said. "The two people who got the most votes have Invincibility Statues."
"Pardon?" Genesis texted, an annoyed look on her face.
"Yep. You and Fauna both received a majority of votes," Chris said. "So unless one of you wants to go home, I want you to go ahead and hand me your statues."
"You fucking racists!" Fauna barked. "You did this on purpose!"
"Just do it, Fauna," Genesis texted with a silent sigh as she stood up and retrieved her pink statue from her pocket and handed it to Chris in exchange for a marshmallow.
"I can't believe this..." Fauna grumbled as she also handed her statue to Chris and took a marshmallow of her own.
Phoenix smiled to himself once he was sure no one would catch him.
"Now, things aren't all doom and gloom for you two," Chris said. "Even though you've both lost your statues, your votes are the only ones that didn't count against the two of you."
"I see," Genesis texted as she eyed Phoenix.
"So that means-" Fauna started.
"Yes, but don't say who it is. I want to leave suspense for the rest of your team and for the viewers," Chris grinned.
"I like it," Fauna grinned in return.
"With two votes, the one going home... is..."
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Chris tossed marshmallows to Phoenix, Zarardo, Ursula, Naomi, Isidora, and Warwick in quick succession.
"Wait..." Osric said, confused.
"Yup. Sorry Osric, but you're out," Chris smiled.
"Seriously?" Osric asked. He sighed. "Got to admit, I didn't expect to go this early."
"Try not being a racist slaver then!" Fauna shouted.
"I'm white. Doesn't that make me inherently racist?" Osric snarked.
"Yes. Blame your ancestors for not adding color to your lineage," Fauna frowned.
"I thought you thought interracial relationships are racist," Osric pointed out.
"Stop using logic! It's triggering me!" Fauna shouted.
"Yeah, I'm done here," Osric said to Chris.
"Great. Anyone who wants to see Osric off can follow us to the Dock of Shame. Everyone else can head to bed," Chris announced.
Osric, Naomi, Ursula, and Chris all came to the Dock of Shame.
"When you told us about this plan, I thought you said you'd be safe," Ursula pointed out.
"I thought I was," Osric said. "I trusted Phoenix to sway the votes in a way that would benefit us, but I guess either he failed or my trust was misplaced."
"I'm still confused about everything that supposedly went on tonight," Naomi admitted.
"What you should take away from this is that Genesis is not as trustworthy as you think she is," Osric said.
Naomi nudged Ursula.
"Oh! Uh..." Ursula said nervously. "Osric..."
"Yes?" Osric asked.
"I... I'm going to win this game for you," Ursula said confidently. "And, uh... when I do, I'm going to take you out on a follow-up date."
"What if you don't?" Osric asked, his face flushed.
"Then you're buying," Ursula chuckled. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," Osric smiled. "I'm really glad we met."
"So am I," Ursula smiled back.
Silence.
Ursula grabbed Osric by the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Osric wrapped his arms around Ursula.
"Okay, gross," Chris said flatly as he took a remote control from his pocket and pressed a button. After a few seconds, the Elevator of Losers came up from the water and opened its doors.. "Naomi and Ursula, you two can head to bed now. Any last words, Osric?"
"Give 'em hell," Osric smiled as he and Ursula broke their kiss.
"I'll give them so much hell, Satan himself will notice," Ursula said with a dark grin.
"Come on, Ursula. We can think of ways to avenge him together," Naomi smiled.
"Alright," Ursula said with a sad smile as she and Naomi left the Dock.
Osric entered the Elevator.
"Osric, you have finished this game in 17th place," Chris said.
"Lost the game, but got the girl. It's a cliche... but a cliche that's starting to grow on me," Osric smiled.
"Going down!" Chris announced as he pressed the button on the remote control again. The doors to the Elevator shut, and it went back down underwater. "Now that Osric is gone, we've lost our first male camper since Ronoc. Maybe now Lindsay can stop bringing up how all the girls are going."
"The Screaming Iambics have only voted out girls is all I'm saying," Lindsay frowned as she arrived on-scene.
"Will Ursula successfully avenge the loss of her new love?" Chris asked. "Will Genesis being outed as working with Fauna harm her game? Will Phoenix being outed as working against Fauna harm his game?"
"Will Amelie get any braver?" Lindsay asked. "Will Quentin remember to work out with Tori? Will Jasper keep fooling people about his sexuality?"
"I can hardly wait to find out myself," Chris beamed.
"The answers, next time!" Lindsay announced.
"On Total!" Chris announced.
"Drama!" Lindsay added.
"ALPHA PARTY!" they both finished.
Votes:
Phoenix: Genesis, you're a bigger threat than you let on. Consider this a compliment.
Osric: I guess I was a bit hasty in aligning with you before the game even started, because it seems I put my trust in the wrong person. I vote for Genesis.
Isidora: Fauna's annoying, so I have negative one qualms with voting for her.
Zarardo: I look forward to seeing Fauna's reaction when she finds out that Phoenix flipped on her. Until then, I vote for her, because her statue is not something we need.
Ursula: Feels weird to vote for Genesis, but Osric insists she's not trustworthy, and he's the smart one, so yeah, I vote for Genesis.
Warwick: I've been told by my trusted advisor that Fauna is actually seeking to have me eliminated. Well, I can't have that, so I vote for Fauna.
Fauna: There are plenty of good options for who to vote, but Osric is actively enslaving POC on our team, and I won't stand for that one more day. I vote for Osric.
Genesis: (She types into her phone. The phone speaks.) Though I'd prefer to get rid of someone I'm not aligned with, I see pros in voting for Osric, and I'd rather not rock the boat at the moment, so I vote for Osric.
Naomi: Osric wants me to vote for Genesis, buuuuuuuuut, we're in the Super Secret Duo together. I heard Fauna's also a target though, soooooooo, I'll vote for her.
A/N: The idea with Osric was to subvert the Total Drama trope that states that all strategic characters have to be cold and have zero interest in romance... basically to be a foil slash juxtaposition to Phoenix. I thought it'd be fun to have a character who was both a strategic threat and an unabashed pervert, and while Osric was both of those things, he also turned out to be a decent guy despite that. Osric was one of my favorite characters to write, but alas, this was always where he was meant to go.