Two chapters at once - to make up for the lack of Chryed content. Couldn't do the whole thing as a two-hander as nice as that would be! Enjoy.

It was odd. I felt I was living at Christian's, the amount I'd been here since I came back home. I toyed with the post-it he'd left on his pillow: 'Stay'. I felt OK about this, about staying. But I needed more underwear, I needed a few things. Christian wouldn't be back for ages so I thought I'd try home again.

I went back to my flat and packed a bag with clothes, toiletries and things, and then returned to Christian's – spare set of keys to hand – and left the bag just inside his front door. Then I was off again.

I knocked at the house – dad answered with Kamil in his arm.

"Hi dad. Can... we talk?"

He let me in and I tried to ignore the look on his face. It was clear we were alone. "How is everyone?" I asked tentatively.

"How do you think they are?"

"I'm sorry."

"Bit late for that, isn't it, Syed?"

"I want to make things right with you."

"How are you going to do that? You've seen the consequences of your actions. Not for play, was it?"

"I never thought it was a game."

"Could've fooled me. Playing behind Amira's back with..."

"I was never playing."

He was visibly struggling with the idea. I didn't feel like filling him in just now – the last thing I wanted to talk about right now was Christian.

"I know the damage I've done, the hurt I've caused. I just want the chance to fix this."

"You can't."

"Please dad. There must be something I can do."

"Have you seen him? Since you got back?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question, Syed."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lie. But if I told the truth, he'd get the wrong idea. Too late, I'd delayed my answer too long.

"You're unbelievable, Syed. After everything that's gone on," he started to shout. "After you've single-handedly brought this family down from grace, you still see fit to carry on with that man!"

"No, dad, I've been trying to... It's you I came back for, you and mum. I've been trying to see you, speak to you."

"And when that failed, you ran straight back into his bed, did you?"

"No! Dad, he's not more important to me than you. I mean it, I'd do anything to make things right with you."

"By... doing that?"

"No, I'll stop, I promise. Please."

"Why haven't you stopped already? How you can do that whilst your mother is distraught, going out of her mind with worry for the business, for this family...? How you can be that selfish...?"

"It's not like that. It's really not. All I've wanted to do since I got back, all I've ever wanted to do, is do right by this family."

"No Syed, no that's not true. Because if it was, you'd have stayed away from that man – not just now but always. You knew what he was like – you could've said no right at the start and avoid this whole sorry mess."

I... guess he was right. If I'd just been firm with Christian in the beginning... because now I was in too deep, far too deep. But I would give it all up for them, for my family, to see them back on track again.

"You'd better leave. I've got Kamil to sort out."

"Wait, dad, no. I'll do whatever it takes, I mean it. I'll stop seeing him, I'll act like he doesn't exist. Please, I can do this. I want to do this."

"Stop seeing him, Syed? The damage is already done! You have brought shame on your family and for what? A kick."

"It wasn't like that... at all! You really think I'd jeopardise everything for a kick? You really think..."

"Yes!" he interrupted. "Yes, Syed, I do. You've shown just how warped your world view is by shacking up with that man whilst your family is in crisis. So don't even try it. I'm not going to ask you to leave again."

"But..."

"Unless you want your mother knowing just what's been going on since all of this..."

I obeyed him. I walked out of the house and straight to my flat without looking up once. I crashed down on the sofa and felt tears run down my face again. God, I'd been stupid. To think, if I'd just stayed away from Christian, I could be back with my family now, maybe – making things up to them. Now they'd never believe I wanted to put them first. What a mess, what a huge mess.

My phone woke me from an uneasy sleep. It was still relatively light outside, I must have fallen asleep by accident. I saw Christian's name light up on the screen but I couldn't answer it. I needed to cut off all contact – that was the only way I'd manage to do this. And I needed to prove to my family that I could.

The sky faded to black. I sat in my living room with a cup of tea thinking about what could be done. The only thing I could think of was to allow my family time and then knock for them again, this time with me able to say I hadn't seen Christian at all. Then a text flashed up on my phone. Christian again:

'can see the bag. where's the man?'

Oh god, I'd forgotten I'd left my stuff at his. Well, I'd just have to buy replacements or go without. Nothing in there was vital. I decided to get an early night, pulling the cover over me on the sofa where I now slept considering I hadn't had time to patch up the bedroom. I finished my tea and lay down.

Cue doorbell. I ignored it but it buzzed again - I had a faint idea who it might be though and knew I shouldn't answer. But after the third buzz, I was losing patience. I thought if I answered the intercom, that may be a way around actually seeing him.

"Hello?"

"Sy, I've been tryna call you."

"Let's just leave it now, yeah?"

"What?"

"I can't see you anymore. I'm sorry."

"Sy, let me up."

"No, I mean it. I can't see you."

"What are you, a kid? Let me up. Now."

"I'm sorry."

I hung up. I didn't mean to not give him any explanation but if I saw him, I knew I'd get tempted, and he knew the reasons by now. I thought I heard his door slam a few yards away. This was going to be hard. But I could do it.