"You remember where you have seen me for the first time-? There is the skool, and unfortunately I am late..."
"Don't worry, I'll go there for you- - Are you sure this is enough money-? Maybe you want to buy something that's really expensive."
"It is good, you have already given me more than I deserve..."
"Okay, then... we will meet here again, at 9 p.m. Have a nice day-! And don't forget: as long as I am 'Jules' you will be 'Dib'-"
Maybe the smile he his showing me is mine. If I am smiling like him I am going to find more happiness in life. Because I like it, I like to see his smile-
10. Capter: "The final end of a childhood"
I had wanted to ask him a second time why we are looking like the same, but he rushed away very fast. I hope the next time he is going to give a reply-
Now where to go to-?
In the park I had been able to hide the entire day even without Dib's help, I should use this one chance to go everywhere I want... where do I want to go now-?
To the Mall..?
No-
Mother will be probably be there. Usually she does not have everything completed the previous day, and now she is surely in her favourite shops and stores to buy even much more food and drink...
I do not want to be seen by her. Maybe she is still talking to one of her 'friends', and when she is going to the next shop... a great chance of being caught-
My last opportunity is to walk along the main street with all those pretty shops and look through their windows- I hope no one of the other adults is going to see me there... but actually no one cares, nobody had ever cared and this state is probably going to stay forever-
Oh, there-! It is an huge store. The first one I had arrived-
How do they call it? I have to look up to read this sign. "CD-Storage"?
The great shop window has some features of an huge mirror where I can see my image clearly. I am able to 'touch' myself gently, such as... Dib. Really, perhaps I am not bad looking because he is not, too.
I like the colour of my eyes-
Therefore it is a bit difficult to get a look inside, only rough outlines I can catch... There seems to be no one... inside who is knowing me, just an amount of LPs and some more things. Only the owner seems to be there, otherwise I am unable to spot anyone else in abandoned hallways...
I wonder if they do have ... ... - what kind of music..? I have nearly nothing at home, mother had complained a lot about me listening to the wrong music, or I had been too loud- I should not waste my extra gift from Dib...
- Squeak -
"See you later, Henni-"
But maybe... I should go inside- just to take a look, perhaps I will never see it from the inside...
"- Jules-?!"
... who..? This familiar voice... please, this shall not be true-!
"Jules-!!"
I had hoped so much. If this wonder had happened I would have thought about becoming religious... but I am not sure if I had been able to make this great sacrifice-
But my hopes were destroyed... just one more time. I will never count for how many times - anymore.
In the mirror-like window I can see her. She just went out of the butcher's. And she is able to see my image in this window. She is going to cross this God forsaken street... but maybe I have not lost my whole luck, because there had been a great truck and she could not pass the street yet.
My chance.
I go.
I will not let this day be spoilt by her. She had screwed up already nearly my whole life-
"JULES-!!" She is still shouting my name; it is really hard not to react to her. After all those years one is getting used to the name he is called, a kind of a natural habit, and now to act against my urge-
"JULES-!!"
Calm down, remember... He said... he told me... Now I am- I am
"I- I am... I am DIB-!!"
And off- You have to take my lie now, but I know you will never believe me even if I were Dib, really-
In fact you do not know me, you have not any idea of my life, places where I am going to- You will not find me, you will not get me-
...
She is not following me anymore. My ways are mysterious, everyone is going to lose my trail. Because no one ever even tried to get to know me. Only someone like Karen does know me- And I an glad about this fact.
Nevertheless I do have a problem now.
Where shall I go to now-?
She scared me off the only place I wanted to go in, and probably she is still looking out for me. ... or... perhaps she went home already to prepare the last things. Even this should be the truth, I have still to be careful. I am unable to look into her mind such as... she would not have... something like other people. Everything is hidden behind a great curtain of fog-
I do not want to give her another chance, and at first this side road is going to be a perfect place to hide- but unfortunately not forever. To stop means to be an easy prey...
...
Then... I am going to try it-
I will go to this damned Mall in the hope she will not trace me. For the time I can remember there had been ever good places to hide between and behind these many plants...
...
The Mall.
Everytime I am there this place is giving me a feeling of... how small I am. In comparison to everything that is here I am really small, little. This is the world of the hard working and busy grown ups. In the city centre is still something like an 'heart' and at this place... sure, it is nice at the Mall, but all things seem to be impersonal, they are just summed up at a place and in an order that... no, ... ... I... should not get into this. I should not complain about this place, at least I am alone-
"Hey Dib-love, why are you hidin' behind these stuppid bushes-? I thought we skipped this already!"
- - How could-? - For a second time-?
They had found me... this man... this time I will not have any chance to get away- He will call the police or something even worse- I do not want to see him. But... who is this..? As long as I can beat my curiosity and stay silent, ignoring him... he will lose his interest in-
"Dibbie-?!"
He did not stop. Finally my curiosity wins and I am turning around to see... another child.
A very strange one.
This... boy (?) had been holding a popsickle in his left hand. I know, this is nothing uncommon, but...
He had only three fingers on each hand and was wearing... black gloves,... and he had a really stupid wig on his head- anyone who would not recognize this to be fake hair had to be a complete ignorant- but this had not been the most shocking discoveries- -
The skin of this child was... green- ... and, to my surprise- he had no ears nor... a nose... and no eyebrows...
How can... is this really a... an human-?!
I am convinced he is not- -!
However, this weird creature had been moving slowly towards me, licking once more his ice-cream and calling me something like 'his one and only human love'...
Sure, only for this day I am 'Dib', but... do I still want to have the identity of this mysterious child - or more 'copy' of me - and his even more weird companion-? I just want to know now... who the Hell this 'Dib' is-
Something seems to have caught his attention and he stopped just some steps in front of me- He is telling me "You aren't Dibbie-"
His popsickle has lost any meaning to him now, it is thrown to the ground. He is looking very angry at me, direct into my eyes, his voice is threatening with... pain I do not want to think of-
"Where's-MY-Dib-?!"
Where did I get in here-? A kind of a freak show-? I am not one of these people who are fond of such performances-
"Open your filthy trap, earth monkey-!! Where's my Dib-??"
I have no fear, I am not afraid of this... whoever he is-
I am-
"I am DIB-!"
He shall stop - I have to get this quiet quickly, otherwise the adults are going to look who is shouting in the Mall- I hope my statement is calming him down-
Now he is jumping towards me, his left indexfinger just stopped in front of my nose as he continues to... yell at me. I am still sitting behind this bush-
"You aren't DIB, I can smell your disgusting sweat of fear, freaky wormbaby-! Maybe you're looking like DIB but I'll ever find my DIB-!!"
Why-? He has no nose-? How is he able to..?
... it does not matter.
This has to stop soon-
"And now tell me where he is if you don't want to rue the day of your pitiful birth-!!"
- even if I have to keep his mouth shut with my hands-
"Shhhhhh-! Be silent just for one little moment-"
I have to take a look around, no one has recognized our little argument - although this kid had been the only one shouting here.
"Do you have not any clue-?"
Through my two hands he is hissing as poisonly as Mrs. Bitters.
"Take your paws away or I'll bite 'em off-!!"
"Then do not shout anymore, okay-"
"You have no right to give the GREAT and AMAZING ZIM any commands-!!"
"Fine, then try to bite my hands off, you jerk-!"
...
Some minutes were passing by; nothing had happened. To be honest, I had been expecting something, his words had not been empty threats- so they seemed to be-
He is... hesitating for some reason... before he is finally waving my hands away.
"This time you might've won, but the next time'll be your grave, stinky-!"
"That is really nice of you to give me this warning- Would you mind now if I am going to... I am leaving now, you kind of... whatever you are- but no human, that is clear- -"
I want to leave this horrible place, perhaps there are more than just this... right- Dib said he would be here with his friends, and plural means... more than one-!
I hope not to meet the other people if they are like... the green one over there...
...
Actually I have already some time left. It is about 3 p.m., and Skool is out for today - where did the time go by-? Everything had stolen so many precious time...
... there is still someone. Behind me. And he is humming a king of a tune I do not know...
I stopped.
"What's wrong with you, wormy-?"
"Why are you following me-?" This is going me on my poor nerves.
"There's no reason in particular, but I wanna know where's Dibbie, and if you're not telling me I have to follow you, and wether it should be necessary to the back of your dirty damned world- or I'll open your big hollow head to find out where he is - I know this is your little secret-"
"Very nice, thank you-" He shall tell me his real name... otherwise this no named... will chase after me in my dreams-
"Then tell me... who are you? I mean: who are you really?"
"I've already said it: I'm the GREAT AMAZING ZIM-!!"
"I had taken this as a joke- do not play such a fool, who would call you", I was mimicking quotation marks, "'GREAT AMAZING ZIM' anyways-?"
"You're supposed to call me this way, 'cause it's true, pitiful pathetic dirty filth-!"
"... filth is always dirty..." The 'GREAT AMAZING ZIM' seemed to be a real moron, now he had proved this to me-
Unfortunately he seemed to be quick-tempered.
"I knoooooowwwww-!!" he claimed, posing as the greatest person who ever lived with his index finger pointing into the sky.
"Because I'm superior to you, crawling your whole life in the dust, because I'm IRKEN-!!"
"I could have told you before that you are annoying..."
This... please, ... this shall be just a bad dream, a nightmare so I can wake up- I do not care how beautiful it is to have this 'freetime' as long as this is going to end-
"Phhhhh...", a great reply for someone who is claiming to be better than me.
"Stop rolling your eyes this way-!"
"Do you have any reason why I should follow your instructions, 'GREAT AMAZING ZIM'of the 'superior' ANNOYERS-?!"
"I'm IRKEN, not annoying- And yeah, because I'd saved your poor life as I didn't make my wish come true- You've to reward something to me, and now tell me where's Dibbehh-! And as we're at this point - who are you to dare to trick me with your outlooking, earthling-?"
"Your 'Dibbehh' is probably on the way back to my home. And I am looking this way, I cannot do anything against it, who do you think I am-?! This had been his idea to switch our places, actually I did not want to bother him... and he also gave me something of this...-"
I was showing him 20 dollars.
"That's nice, I know the reason why I'm loving my Dibbie-"
He was still following me, and actually I did not know where I was going to. Just some random streets to prevent me to stop somewhere. And a kind of slight sport. Actually PE had been the only subject my performances had been mediocre...
That had been confusing. This 'Zim' said he loved 'Dib', but Dib had been a boy, too- provided Zim was a boy as well this... ... and much more...
... to love 'Dib'...
... I was looking like Dib... so it meant...
"Zim-", I was looking curious at him as he rose one of his non-existant eye brows. "You said you are loving Dib-"
- "That's right, human. You are allowed to call me just 'ZIM'."
- "And you said I was looking like Dib as well-"
- "Do you have to repeat everything-?!" he commented annoyed.
- "Are you loving me some kind like you are loving Dib, too-? You did not make your threat about biting my hands off come true, and now you are following me without... you have cut those harsh insults a lot-"
He seemed not to have expected my conclusions.
"That's a LIEEEEEEE--!!" Another foolish announcement is going to follow his jerkish acts- does he not know that pointing at other people with one's bare indexfinger is impolite..?
"You wanna confuse meee with 'da stupid stuff and then you'll wanna expose meee, you predictable human- -"
"- human what-?"
"- hyumiiiin-!!"
... right... ... I thought I would hate my life just because of mother but now I got a second reason-
- at least now I know my classification: I am an 'hyumiiiin'...
...
"- Calm down, I do not want to do anything to you, I only want some peace and quiet I will not get as long as you are proving how jerkish you are-!"
"It's not my fault you're so... cutting-" And I thought he would not be able to be even more weird as he already had been... he had a sad look in his eyes-
"Actually my Dibbeh's laughing everytime when I'm cheerin' him up, and you're so... un-Dib-like..."
"You have forgotten an important fact: no matter how much I wish to be your Dib, I will not be- We just look the same-"
His eyes widened as if he were unable to believe... right, he had no ears... with what kind of... how was he able to hear-? Am I such an ignorant, too-? I oversaw this paradox for such a long time...
"What did 'ya say-?" He replied impatient. I did not know what he wanted to hear.
"'Dib and me are looking the same'-?" I asked him curiously. He already had known this fact... Perhaps his brain had been defective, too.
"Noooo, you fooool- before 'tis-! Say it again- -!!" he nearly jumped at me. Yelling seemed to be his hobby-
... wait, what did I say to him anyway..?
I seemed to have spoken without using my mind, these words had been... they had come from deep inside, and I did not want to tell them anyone ever-
I had said... did I..? Is this mysterious Dib so much interesting to me-? Why did I... Do I want to finally take over his role..? Sure, I do want to be loved, no matter by whom-?! But to be...
He was clenching his fists. "Hurry, earth-monkey-!!"
I could not repeat my words... clearly... without any interruptions...
"I... I said... 'I wished... to be...'" I did not want to say it once again. He would... he would... I am... I am just a little child..!
"Go on, YOU-!" This Zim would never stop before I would have finished my 'task'- He would show me his cruelty right after my... kind of confession...
"'I wished to be... your...'", my voice became lower with every word. I had gulped one last time, "'I-wished-to-be... your-... Dib...'"
Before he had been able to counter anything a loud yell broke through the entire area. I had been glad, probably I would be safe now-
"Come on- don't be so lame-!" I heard these words come from a side street, Zim was listening very careful to them- this had been-
"Hey, nice- I'm a girl, don't you remember-?!"
"Spare your breath-!!"
Then they were arriving in full run.
Dib, and right behind him were... Karen- Why had she been here with him-?
Zim seemed to be very happy.
"DIB-!" He ran directly towards him, stretching his arms to embrace his 'human-love'. Dib saw this but did not react properly because both seemed to have run a long distance as-
"I knew... it already-!"
I had been walking over to Karen more slowly than Zim to Dib. She was pouting.
"I knew you weren't Jules-", she said pointing at Dib, "because I know him, I... I like him- You can fake... one's outlooking but you'll never be able to... copy my Jules' heart-"
Did I hear correctly-?
She had said... still panting after this chase- ...
Zim had reacted on Karen's conclusions very Zim-like if I am allowed to say this, but Dib pouted. He had been panting as well as Karen but not as much as her.
"I'm not faking to look like him, I had been born this way-"
"Yeah, monkey woman, and I had known this one isn't my Dib-"
"I'm no monkey, you- green tomato-! ... " She looked at me and then back at Dib, "I had never thought you would really look like... reflections-" before she turned back to me, "nevertheless I'll always find you-" Another time she gave me the gift of her smile- before she began to giggle.
"Wow, your eyes are beautiful-"
Actually we had been happy during this little moment as everyone of us had found back the one he had been missed.
"I don't like to be your killjoy, but you forgot why we are here, right-?"
Then everything began to break into uncoutable pieces-
"What's going on, Dibbeh-?" Zim asked curiously. I did want to know their 'secret' as well-
Dib took his turn to explain-
"There'd been an unfortunate incident on this birhtday-"
"- There you are-!"
-as a fifth party joined our group. Mother. Dressed in a rich but tasteless dress with... red flowers. At least something different from her usual clothes. Above this she was wearing an apron, too, but this one had been completely white, not as the other ones at home.
"Why did you ran away, Jules-? We had been about to cut into the cake, and you know it's not a real birthday without you. The rules are clear: everyone has to stay at home-" Again she had this... smile on her mouth- Everyone who saw her would be scared off, or at least: cursing his imagination about what would be able to happen-
- unpredictable.
Dib wanted to go on with "She had been-"
"SHUT UP-!!" as he was cut. Mother's look was furious on Dib and me.
"Did you think you're able to fool me-?! I have already known there had to be two of you- no single person would be able to screw up our family in the way you have done-!!"
Now she had gone mad for real.
She is threatening us all - we are so small, such an high... human... adult... person... mother...-
Where do I go to-? I am able to feel it, I have known the truth for such a long time, but to know something does not mean to be able to realize it- I can hear it, they are telling me that... you... you want to take my life from me, you want me to be your puppet, to live a life you have been dreaming of since you had been a child... I do have friends, I do have someone who is worth to be protected by me, this is my life and you have no right to lead me as if I were someone without any emotions, a servant, a slave without any will just to please you and your 'family', to live after your attitudes...
"Jules, go away-!"
"Are you mad, too-? Off-!!"
"Dib 2-?!"
They are funny. Even though I can hear their voices... they do not reach me. I have found the one and only great truth for me... now this moment as you are standing in front of me, showing me this deadly smile...
What does time... our existance have a meaning to me, to you-?
I will protect you as you had done... Karen...
Perhaps there had to happen something so incredible as my encounter with Dib, and maybe with this Zim... to realize everything...
Now mother I am ready... my arms are great... large enough to take your last... 'love' or whatever you are calling this-
Come on, I have nothing left to lose-
"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh-!!"
Why do you cry, Karen..?
There is nothing wrong with me, please calm down...
"Where the Hell did she get this damned knife from-?! WHERE-?!"
"As we'd met I'd told you she'd been about to cut into this fucking cake-!"
Why are they..?
Their voices are hurting me. I wished they would be as silent as you, mother- You do not seem to care... that my blood is on your blade now, on your hands- how quiet and warm it is dripping down, back to the earth... where everything is going to... end... and from where anything is beginning...
Zim, how do I like your silence... do you know the sense of the word 'death'-? You seem to...
The world is... so cold and dark- Please, I want to go... I want to see other places, where people are happy...
Do not fear anything...
--
Annotation:
Hey, hello, I am back-
I hope I did not scare you that much now, just remember: he won't die, because then he would not have any part in the T.V. series...
The next one is going to be the last chapter, I am skipping many years so don't get confused.
And just to let you know: the next chapter will be posted together with the 7th chapter of "Dib's liberation" ('Dib's memories' ("Damaged")) because in this scene will be a slight cross-over. And as you maybe have already guessed, the chapters 9 and 10 of this story will have also cross-overs in another fiction I am going to write.
Unfortunately this will take some more time then, because I have to write the chapter and have to redo some others as well-
And why the young Prof. did not ask Zim about his skin, ears, nose, lack of fingers and the gloves...
I hadn't forgotten this, I tried to integrate this but there had been no logical gap to put it in.
I hope you aren't angry with me, cookie, because I used this 'irksome'/'annoying' thing - I looked it up in the dictionary, you were right..! Okay, I had known it before but I looked it up a second time-
Now my last action here: I want to thank some people -
cookie (for your reviews, and... this is going to sound like good bye so I am telling you next time) and otherrealmwriter (a great honour). And some other friends as well: armschwein from unmotiviert.at and my other friends who had been really worried about me-
Now I am going to... try to forget how... screwed up my life already is-! I just want this to go away, I want to be free-