Chapter Ten

"Bella, how about now?" Renee sat on my bed. Though baseball season was still full throttle, she and Phil were still in Forks. "Monday's a day away."

"I'm sorry, what were you asking?" I turned away from my groaning computer. I had been trying to boot the old thing up. It was Sunday, and I felt like my chest was about to explode. It took all of my control to keep my arms from going to my chest while still being coherent. Because of that, I heard nothing anyone said to me.

Renee gazed at me, a worried line on her forehead. "When do you want the truck back? Do you want it back?"

I loved my truck. "Yes, um. . ." I turned back to the computer. "When. . .? Um."

"Bella," Renee spoke softly and I turned my head over my shoulder. "Are you going to be okay tomorrow?"

"Mh-hm, fine." I answered off-handedly and turned my head away.

"He sits right by you, doesn't he?" Renee asked.

"But I'll be fine," I lied. "Everything will be fine."

"Bella," Renee started again but I interrupted her.

"Mom, I've. . . I've got to change. I'm seeing Jacob today."

Renee resigned and walked to the door. She turned back to me.

"Call me if you need me," she was leaving Tuesday.

I nodded stiffly. "Yes, Mom," I made a show of rolling my eyes in mock annoyance.

Renee smiled, strained, and closed the door behind her.

I waited until I saw her car pull out of the empty driveway before I broke down and screamed into my pillow.

"Bella!" Leah greeted me and handed me a hot dog. We were all at the beach, having some sort of Pack meeting. I had just arrived after screaming myself mute.

I waved and smiled, but it wrangled my face. Leah's light gray eyes darkened but she gestured to Jacob and I all but ran to him.

"Hi," Jacob wrapped his arms around me.

I looked up at him, into his dark eyes. "Hi," I mumbled, swallowing.

"All right, Bella is here!" Seth cheered and began passing around Cokes. "Party time!"

"We're not partying, Seth," Sam said drily next to Emily on a log of driftwood. He looked at me from behind the fire in the late afternoon. "Hello, Bella."

"Sam," I said and took the Coke from Seth. I gulped it down and swallowed to prepare myself to talk. This Pack meeting had been unexpected, having gotten the call from Jacob late last night.

I sat down next to Jacob, squished between him and Quil, and all eyes went to Sam. Emily chewed on a bag of Doritos and Embry was wolfing down hot dogs.

"Bella, I'm sure you know," Sam spoke, looking undaunted by the eyes gazing at him, "that the Cullens have returned."

Everyone stiffened as I nodded. I felt my arms twitch.

"Their return changes everything," Sam went on, and his voice became hard. "We can't go to Forks, not anymore."

I felt something in me stiffen. "What does that mean? Is it some sort of. . . Territory thing?"

It made no sense, and it infuriated me.

"Just because they come back, you can't come to Forks?" I said it out loud, trying to process it.

Jacob nodded beside me. "It's because of the treaty, Bells. They stay on their land, and we stay on our land."

Their land.

I gazed at Sam, now not wanting to hear anything else he said.

"We can only protect you here, Bella," Sam looked into my eyes when he spoke. "At Forks, you're vulnerable. We can't trespass into their territory."

I bit into my lip and then felt myself ask, "What else happens?"

"Not much, really," Jared said nonchalantly, though his eyes and everyone else's bore holes into me. "There was one thing that didn't change. They can't bite a human, or truce over."

My eyes went to Jared. "Bite a human?"

I had wanted to be immortal once, but since Edward had left, the chance had gone, too. If Edward had bit me, if I had let him, the treaty would have been broken? The treaty that Jacob had told me about on accident. . .

"Yes, bite a human." Sam specified. "It breaks the treaty."

"And you could cross over?" I looked back at Sam, who nodded.

After a while, I stopped hearing what they said to each other. I was furious at their return, at Edward. I was angry and I needed to leave before I started screaming my head off.

Lucky for me, the meeting was over within hours. I crawled into Jacob's Volkswagen after waving to the Pack.

"I know everything isn't okay," Jacob said next to me, starting the engine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I. . ." I tried to speak. "I almost hate them."

Jacob snorted. "Almost?"

"I can't hate them, only him, but they. . . I can't let you in my house now because they're back."

Jacob looked at me from the corner of his eye. "You could always come over."

"Jacob."

"I know, I know," Jacob stopped a red light.

The anger was strange on my body. Instead of the holes aching when I told of Edward's name, they seemed to be numb and only felt warm as I pictured myself yelling at him. I wanted to make him answer all my questions. Why did he leave me? Was I not good enough for him? And better yet, why had he returned? Why had they all come back now?

"Bella," Jacob looked at me when we stopped at my house. "Bella, look at me."

I turned to him, feeling the fire in my eyes that wasn't for him. "Yes, Jacob?"

Jacob grabbed my hand, and I flinched when I saw that my arms were around my torso. They both fell limp to my sides and Jacob's hand clenched mine.

"I'm sorry I still do that," I apologized, feeling guilty. "I. . . I just. . ."

"It's okay," Jacob said in the gloom. The porch light was on. Charlie must be back. "It's fine, Bells."

"No, it's not," I mumbled. "I thought I was healed, Jacob. I thought I could think of his name and not hurt all over."

"Bella, you're not hurting, not right now," Jacob said and his words stunned me. "You're angry. You think of his name, but your arms still hold you together. I guess your body thinks you're going to break down when the anger wears off. You're waiting to catch yourself."

I looked at Jacob in a new light. "Jake, you get twenty years for this."

Jacob squeezed my hand. "I don't want to be sixty, Bella!" He said playfully, making me smile. "But I'll take it. For this any day," he put my hand to his face.

I smiled a little wider, and put my other hand on Jacob's other cheek. I moved his face to mine and our foreheads touched. I could feel my chest beginning to heave as I thought of what tomorrow might bring.

"Jake," I gasped in dread, "Jake, I don't think I can do it."

Jacob put both his hands on my cheeks and made my eyes meet him.

"You can, Bella, you can do anything you want." His eyes were tantalizing and somehow warm in the darkness.

I sighed and my eyes drifted down to his lips. I leaned forward and felt his lips caress mine. I closed my eyes, wanting to banish the holes forever from my chest.

For a second, we did nothing, only clung to each other, my face in his hands and his face in mine.

"Bella," Jacob pulled away from me, "it's okay."

I was crying, the tears streaming down my cheeks, wetting his fingers. I sobbed silently, wondering what would be going on weeks from now. Edward used to be my world, but after it imploded, I floated around in space, alone and defying the laws of gravity.

With Jacob, I found my purpose, to revolve around him, to accept him as my sun.

But now I have somehow found my way back to my planet. I couldn't ignore the sun, nor could I ignore what used to be my home. His gold eyes used to make me feel so lost while Jacob's dark eyes kept me grounded to the world.

I had a sun, and a planet that I had thought to be lost.

I was the lost one, of the three of us.

I didn't know where to go.

I kissed Jacob again, softer, and then got out of his Volkswagen. I waved once and let myself in.

For now, I'd have to go inside and sleep.

Renee always said everything looked better in the morning.

Maybe I'd figure out which celestial body to turn to.

Maybe I'd figure out which one I belong to.

Screams jolted me awake and I cried out, my eyes flying wide and sweat pouring off my forehead.

Charlie held me in the darkness. "Bella," he shook me, "Bella, you're awake."

I couldn't make the screams stop.

"Bella!" Charlie shouted and shook me harder. "Bella, it was a dream!"

"I'm lost!" I could still see the pine forests and the beautiful face telling me of his departure. "Don't leave me alone!"

"Bella!" Charlie kept calling me. "It was a dream!"

"Don't leave me alone!" I cried, seeing his face change, watching the porcelain skin become russet fur. The wolf eyed me, stoic, and then turned, walking into the shadows. "Don't leave me!"

"Bella!" A hand went flying across my face. I stuttered and the screams became wordless sobs. "You're awake!"

I bended over, my arms going around my chest. I looked up at Charlie in the dark. "I-I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry," I hated waking him up nearly every night with nightmares.

Charlie sank back against the pillows next to me, sighing in exhausted relief. His hand found my right shoulder and he pulled me to him, fusing my left shoulder to his right one.

"Bella, what are you dreaming about that has you so scared?" He murmured in the silence. "What's got you so scared?"

I opened my mouth, unsure what to say, when he kept going.

"It's not just in the sleeping world you're scared, Bells. Some days you jump at nothing I hear, and you go white for reasons I don't know. Is something. . . Chasing you? Do you have a stalker, or," Charlie fumbled, trying to ask me, "Do you need me to get a restraining order form for you?"

I wanted to laugh but I was still afraid. "No one's after me."

"But what has you acting this way sometimes? What has you paranoid, Bells?" Charlie asked softly. I could feel his head turn and his eyes gaze at me.

"I. . ." I tried to speak. "I. . ." What could I tell him?

Charlie waited patiently.

"I. . ." I decided to be honest. "It's about the forests, Dad. I. . . I just get lost, and I'm with. . ."

Him.

"And he leaves me alone, he leaves me." I mumbled. "But lately, it's became Jacob now. Jacob leaves me."

"You and Jacob don't fight, do you?" At the shake of my head, Charlie went on, "He doesn't seem the type to just walk and leave you, not like. . ."

"I know," I looked at my alarm clock. It was 3:30 in the morning. "I just. . . I don't want to be alone."

Sympathy entered Charlie's voice. "No one does, Bells."

I suddenly thought to how Renee and I had left Charlie nearly a decade ago. I grabbed Charlie's hand and sighed. I knew Renee loved Phil, but sometimes I wished. . .

"Thanks, Dad, for waking me up." I kissed his temple through his hair.

Charlie mumbled something like, "You're welcome, Bella."

He left me in my room and left the door open.

I stayed up for a while, trying to tell myself I could go back to sleep. Usually, after I woke up, I dreamed a dreamless sleep after the nightmares.

I laid back down and closed my eyes.

And I woke up to my alarm screaming at me.

It was time for school.