I own no part of SON

Peace and love to all!

The giant, rosy cheeked man hands me one vanilla ice cream cone and one chocolate one. Spencer loves vanilla for some reason; I always told her vanilla has no taste. The wind is blowing a slight breeze through the street and its making her hair fly out behind her.

Moments like this I can't believe the direction my life has taken. If you'd have asked me two, even a year ago if I thought I'd ever have Spencer Carlin back in my life I would have laughed in your face.

"One boring ice cream for the lovely lady."

Her clear, blue eyes roll back in her head and she scoffs at me as I smirk playfully.

"Ash, vanilla is not boring. God you're such a brat."

She slaps at me playfully making me grin at her. The ice cream is melting fast as we walk along the street towards the beach. Spencer walks in slow, easy strides the summer sun making her hair even lighter than usual.

I toss my ice cream pretty fast and light up a cigarette but toss that too when I see Spencer make a face at me.

"It's a nice day out."

Oh God could I be any more lame? But she's looking at me with an amused smile that makes my heart flutter and my chest swell.

"Yeah Ash, it is nice out today. I'm glad we did this."

And cue my cheesy grin because her words have made my day. I plop down in the sand so my feet are barely in the water, the tide teasing my toes. Her body sits down close to mine and I suddenly become highly aware of that side of me.

"So, I really hope I didn't freak you out last night. I mean I wouldn't want to ruin this, us."

I can't help but be insecure about last night. I've never told anyone what really happened back then. Her eyes are soft as she tilts her head and reaches up to stroke my hair.

"No, you didn't freak me out Ashley. I just wish I could have been here to save you."

I'm falling into her blue eyes that match the ocean in front of me and I have the sudden urge to be closer to her, to hold her. My shaky fingers brush her bangs back and we're so close that our foreheads are almost touching.

Can she hear the blood rushing through my head or my pounding heart? In this instant that's all I can hear. She smiles at me and that's it, that's all it takes to make me crazy. And when I say crazy I mean…my lips land on hers and for a split second she kisses me back, making my head explode and my whole body hum.

Then she's standing and practically running away from me, aw shit.

"Wait, wait Spencer! Stop running, please."

My hand finds her elbow for an instant before she shakes loose and turns on me.

"What did you just do? Goddamnit Ashley you couldn't just leave it be could you! You've ruined everything!"

There are tears running down her cheeks as she glares at me with frantic eyes. My own heart is breaking a little as I open my mouth to say something, anything but no sound comes out as she storms away, her flip flops dangling in her hand.

Ah dear God what have I done?

X X X X X X X X X X

I drive home in shock, or maybe its horror, to find Kyla waiting for me on the couch.

"Where have you been all day? Jesus you look like shit, what happened?"

She's by my side in a flash and she looks genuinely concerned. Kyla's small frame grabs me and sits me down, a glass of water thrust in my hands. She must be able to tell by the look on my face whatever has happened is bad.

My stomach is twisting in knots, my mouth is unbearably dry, and I feel dizzy. There is no way I really did what I think I did. It was only what I thought about doing, I didn't really…no I couldn't have.

"Freakin' say something Ashley! You're scaring me."

Ky is about a second away from panicking so I think I should include her in the mess I've created.

"I uh…might have maybe sorta kissed Spencer."

Her mouth falls open as her eyes widen disbelievingly. We sit on the couch together her with a slack jaw and my internally kicking the shit outta myself. How could I be so stupid?

"Well shit, how'd she react?"

I smile a sad sort of grimace as I stare at a smudge on our carpet, the sound of my mother's workout video blaring through the house.

"She kissed me back then she ran and screamed in my face. She's real angry at me, like so mad I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again."

The thought of a forever angry Spencer makes sudden tears roll down my face as I lean against my sister. Her arms find their familiar resting spot around me and she pulls me closer against her.

"It's going to be ok Ash, we'll figure this out."

God I hope she's right because the look that was in Spencer's eyes tells me different. There was so much anger, so much fear that I doubt I'll ever get to drown in her pools of blue ever again, although that was what got me in trouble to begin with.

"How did this happen Ky? I was just supposed to like her as my best friend but something just…"

My sentence trails off and I can't figure out when things changed for me or why. Spencer has always been a beautiful person to me but when did that become real feelings? Just the thought of her makes my heart beat faster and my stomach do somersaults.

"Ya know from the moment I saw you two together I thought something was going on but I always felt like she felt that way too. Maybe I was wrong…"

Kyla rubs my back, pats my head, and gives me kiss on the cheek before getting up to leave. So there I sit all alone again and all I can think about is that blonde girl that's somehow wriggled her way into my heart.

Two feet appear where I was staring and my eyes travel up tan legs to meet dark, lust filled eyes. She's what just what I need right now and I know she can tell something's bothering me but as I pull her towards my room no questions are asked.

Jill can always make me feel better. God I hope she makes me feel better…

X X X X X X X X X X

They are making out hard core, I mean its so intense its almost like having sex with clothes on. This must be some sort of karma, having to watch Spencer and Aiden play tonsil hockey.

I've already smoked two cigarettes in the past fifteen minutes and I'm about to light up another one. The hand on my shoulder makes me jump.

"Wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

Like I'd tell Jill that I actually like Spencer, she'd flip out. I always thought if I was going to date it'd be Jillian but now, now I want Spencer, I crave Spencer. My mouth is so dry from smoking so much recently but the nicotine calms my over sensitive nerves.

"No."

Jill doesn't deserve me to be short with her but I can't freaking help it right now. Her eyes narrow in anger and she walks away without another word. God I'm just screwing up everything right now.

"Maybe you should stop being such a bitch, just a suggestion."

Kyla is right of course and I'm grateful she whispers in my ear instead of yelling across the quad, sometimes she's an ok person. Although she whispered, her words were harshly spoken and clipped but before I can retort I see Spencer walking alone towards her locker.

"Yeah sorry Ky, gotta go."

In a flash I'm on my feet and half walking half running to where Spencer is digging through her locker. I skid to a stop a few feet away before she notices me and I seriously contemplate my options. I could approach her and figure out what happened or I could leave her be and never kiss or touch her again. Hmm that second one is out of the picture.

Now that I've kissed her I just wanna do it again, and again and again.

"Hey, Spencer."

She cringes at my voice and continues to shuffle through all the books. What hurts the most is she won't even look at me.

"Please Spencer, God I'm sorry if I could go back I'd change everything."

Now she's looking at me but not how I want, her eyes are dark with anger and her forehead is wrinkled. She's the picture of pissed right now.

"Oh so now you regret it? Now all you want is to take it back? God Ashley, you're impossible."

Her locker slams shut as she stalks off and for the second time in two days she leaves me completely dazed. This time is different though this time I go after her.

"Hey, whoa what the hell Spencer?"

I grab her elbow and pull her into the nearest room, it just happens to be a bathroom. Her eyes are red and slightly swollen. Even when she's been crying she's beautiful.

"Damnit Ashley."

Her body presses against mine as she collapses into my arms and openly sobs. The hollow sound coming out of her is enough to tear me into pieces. Her whole body is shaking and she feels so weak in my arms.

Spencer's sobs quiet down as her face stays buried in the crook of my neck. I feel what seems to be a feather light kiss but I have to be imaging things. The same feeling but with more pressure is pressed against my neck below my ear. Now I know I'm not imaging things, that was a kiss.

Then her lips are on mine in the softest kiss imaginable. It goes no further than just her lips gently resting against mine and we stay that way for only a few moments before she breaks away to rest her forehead against mine.

My heart is beating wildly against my ribs and even such an innocent kiss is making it hard for me to catch my breath.

"Spencer…"

"No Ashley I can't."

She takes another step back and I miss her warmth.

"Ashley, as much as I want to I can't."

My head is spinning with confusion and she has to realize how unfair this all is to me. She's playing with my feelings.

"And why can't you? I know you feel something too."

My hands clench angrily at my sides while angry tears threaten to fall down my cheeks. Even when I'm unbelievably mad at her I want nothing more than to kiss her again.

"We can't because of Aiden, and Glen, and Madison, and Jillian, and my mother, and you, and me."

Each person on her list makes my heart sink further and further. Her voice is a breathless sound of despair when she finishes and she brushes past me to join an oblivious crowd of students bustling down the hall.

I can't move. She's frozen me and its weird because she also has the ability to burn me. Familiar arms wrap around my shoulders and lead me to a familiar car where I'm driven to my familiar house and taken to my familiar bedroom. My friend, my sister lays me down on my bed, her comforting hand rubbing circles on my back.

For once she doesn't ask any questions, maybe it's because she knows I'm too upset, too broken to talk about it.

The clanging of a plates tells me its dinner time but I can't move her pained eyes playing over and over again in my head. A glance at my phone shows almost fifteen missed calls or texts but instead of answering I just throw my phone across the room.

My lips still tingle from where her lips gently brushed mine and I want so bad to forget, I'd do anything to forget. My fingers trace the outline of the small bag under my mattress and it seems like the perfect answer.

I pull the bag out and stare at the white powder it contains, one thought floating through my head. This powder could make me forget.

A sharp slap to my forehead gets me to drop the bag and scramble into a sitting position.

"Don't even fucking think about it Ash! God how could it cross your mind. Jesus."

Kyla is fuming and snatches the little bag off my bed as I stare at her with wide, scared eyes. She resembles a shaking pixie, a red pixie, pointing an accusing finger in my face.

Kyla gives one last frustrated growl then storms out of my room just like Spencer has stormed away from me twice now. With a sigh I collapse back onto my bed and hope that sleep will help me forget those haunting blue eyes.

*Bows*

Thank you everyone, you guys are truly amazing.

xoxo