Last time on Magical Girl Glitter Glynda-chan…
Hello, I look forward to spending time with all of you.
"W-what?"
"You don't think she was serious about the harem of bisexual espers, do you?"
"Shut up Ruby! She's coming this way!"
Her Ladyship has been formally reinstated as an agent of MAMI! Her ladyship was referred here by-
"Blake from Legal, I know,"
Magical Neo frowns at you, Her Ladyship does not like to be interrupted…
"Um… your scroll…"
Oh piss off shrimp – If magical Neo needs tech support, she'll ask for-
"I am fun-sized dammit!"
"Who is that luscious hottie in your class?"
"Roman Torchwick?"
Bowler hats are sexy…
"Um… is that even allowed…?"
That's a you problem, Magical Neo says with lust in her eyes, Her Ladyship on the other hand can have all the action she wants…
After the Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo transferred into our plucky heroine's class, Glynda's ordinary school day was thrown for a loop. Naturally the pretty new girl was the talk of the class all through homeroom – a fact that the astute reader may be forgiven for finding a touch strange, given Magical Neo's aversion to speech – which of course meant that all of our heroine's friends were badgering her for the inside scoop as a result of her 'privileged relationship' – a descriptor meant to convey no double-entendre whatsoever – with the new girl.
It was all rather perplexing for our young heroine, it must be said – between making 'friends' with an arguably sociopathic mute with whom she'd been at odds only the previous day, all the sudden attention (no one usually paid our heroine much mind, you see, given that she was only a straight-A student with ostensibly no problems to speak of after all, and therefore without need of supervision/attention), and the perplexingly - and completely inexplicably – jealous behavior of her best friend, it was almost too much for our plucky heroine to handle – particularly considering that she had to speak for two, lest The Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo's tablet start on about 'Her Ladyship's' (alleged) harem of hot bishie Espers from the future… Needless to say, our Heroine had a lot on her plate…
"So… why did Ice-Cream girl drag you out of class?"
"Well…" Our heroine wasn't quite sure how to answer Roman's question – oh, she knew exactly why her new, sweat-dropping 'friend' had hauled her bodily from the classroom, irrespective of the opinions of either herself or her teacher – not that the teacher had much cared, and even if he had, the poor man's opinion wouldn't much have mattered – teachers obviously had no power within the context of a school after all – but she could hardly mention any of that to the muggles; partly because of the 'Non-Disclosure vis-à-vis Muggles' clause of her contract, and partially because, selfless humanitarian and wonderful friend that she was, she wasn't sure that she could allow herself to expose her regular friends to 'Her Ladyship's' (Our Heroine was not entirely sure about Magical Neo's sanity, and so wasn't about to risk addressing her without the due deference) uncensored quirks…
"She's…" Our Heroine groped – and no, not in that manner you deviant – for a plausible response, "Well, you see, the teacher told her that I could help her out since she can't talk – you know, because typing out everything she wants to say would take so long…"
To our heroine's surprise, Magical Neo facepalmed, but the extent of our Magical girl Heroine's gaff only reached her when her friend Cinder asked, "So… what? He expects you to read her mind?" After which was added the generally inconsequential – and reflective of absolutely no jealousy whatsoever – comment, "Not that I care or anything…"
"Well…"Our Heroine was finding herself sweat-dropping now, "I… didn't say that I got it either…?"
Nice Save… Snarked Magical Neo's iScroll.
"Hehe…" Glynda scratched the back of her head, "Sign language…?"
"Oh, well that makes sense…" Peter Port shrugged, satisfied as he returned to his seat, along with Bartholomew.
"Wait, that worked?" the Red fairy whispered incredulously, earning herself a swift slap upside the head from the White fairy.
"Shut up!"
Cinder was not so easily dissuaded though – although she dropped the inquiry as such in favor of a new – and completely sexually disinterested – question, "W-well… if you want to… you could come to my house for a s-slumber party – Y-you too Glynda…" Magical Glynda's head tilted in perplexity as our innocent heroine – not that there was anything implicit in the invitation for our maidenly Heroine to miss – and her friend nonetheless continued, "You know… so we can all… get to know each other… I-if you want to, I mean…"
"Really? That sounds like a great idea!" Our naïve – and above all, trusting Heroine enthused – after all, it was an opportunity for Neo to get to know her friends, and friendship was what being a Magical Girl was all about – contractual definition with regard to truth, justice, etcetera not withstanding – so that meant that this had to be a good idea, right?
Well… Magical Neo entertains the possibilities, That does sound… stimulating... Perhaps Friday evening then, oh coquettish one? Oh, and Her Ladyship would very much like to see this 'Roman Torchwick' fellow there…
Our Heroine blanched – three girls who were arguably too old to be having sleepovers was one thing, but having a boy opened up the floodgates for all manner of contractually forbidden unseemliness and debauchery. Still, the more dramatic reaction was Cinder's who –purely as a consequence of the dry late autumn air, let us be clear – hurried reach for a handkerchief and staunched an impressively profuse nosebleed despite the understated nature of her response, "S-sure – not that one more person really m-matters or anything…"
Excellent… Her Ladyship acknowledges with not at all sinister glee.
"Great…" The White fairy muttered under her breath, "Dolt,"
"Yes?" Responded the Red fairy punctually.
"Notify the Contract Enforcement division that we have a possible LP-4 on our hands…"
"Huh?"
"Just do it…"
Now, it may behoove the reader at this point to know that, to date, our intrepid Heroine had never been invited to an actual slumber party as such; sure, she had been to sleep over her best friend Cinder's house numerous times, and while those among the readership who have never experienced life a as a teenaged girl may be forgiven for the their error in in thinking, it was manifestly obvious that two completely platonic friends engaged in private amusements in one or the other's bedroom was a completely different matter than the likewise indulgence in such private late-night amusements within someone's private bedroom when applied to a group of three or more. Plainly, this was an entirely different animal – and incidentally, any among the readership whose minds are sufficiently depraved gutter-trash to interpret the aforesaid distinctions in a lascivious manner should be ashamed of themselves.
The only animals involved would naturally be Burrito-Kun and Mr. Miggins, the Fall family cats.
Yet, invited as she had been, it was not wholly certain that our poor, sheltered heroine would be attending this particular evening of private amusements, as (one might have by now noticed that this has become a running theme of things) her Magical Girl Contract threatened to get in the way…
Our Heroine frantically back-peddled as she tried to bring up her wand to block a swing from Magical Neo's parasol, and then was abruptly forced to dive aside to avoid suffering several colorful flavors of horrible impalement just in time when a half dozen ballistic parasols made a pin-cushion of the space where she'd previously been standing. If there was nothing else to be said of the new regiment, The Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo could not be accused of allowing our Heroine to grow lazy… even if 'Her Ladyship' did appear to be enjoying herself a little too much – though that might be attributable to her tablet talking, as indeed it was…
"GAH!"
Sniveling wench! And Her Ladyship actually considered you for membership in her harem! You obviously lack the stamina… She reproaches, Unsightly worms such as yourself belong in the dirt!
"I-," Magical Girl Glitter Glynda threw herself to the ground in order to avoid perforation by parasol, "I'm uh… sorry to disappoint you…?"
Those who are truly sorry grovel on their hands and knees, Her ladyship turns up her nose at you dismissively – Although in point of fact, Magical Neo was regarding our heroine with a somewhat perplexed smile – Her Ladyship is waiting~ She adds, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Er…"
"Her Ladyship will have to wait,"
At the sound of the White fairy's characteristically – for both had pretty much resigned themselves to the fact that their supervising mascot was only ever in one mood –irritable voice, both Magical Girls turned from their rooftop training session – so staged because it was the best place to practice magical techniques without attracting the attention of passersby (onlookers from floors five to twenty of the adjacent Schnee Corp. building – which incidentally had nothing whatsoever to do with our foul-tempered pixie's 'hobby' of playing the stock market in lieu of the social life and community engagement that she swore up and down that she was doing to her stress-management therapist – but who really cares about them? Obviously they would be too busy to poke their heads out of their cube-farm, lest they be fired by a certain three-inch tall taskmaster for slacking off).
"Um… Hi Weiss, what's-,"
"You two…" the White fairy seethed, "Because you two decided to go along with that simpering little friend of yours' 'innocent' act and undertaken to accept her invitation to – let alone inviting a boy," The White fairy shot The Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo – although at present 'Her Ladyship' looked something more along the lines of 'The Very Sorry and Cowering Magical Neo... "I have to supervise so that neither of you get yourselves involved in any unseemly, lecherous, or otherwise indecent activities!"
"Wait, so you mean we can go?"
The White fairy facepalmed as the Red fairy appeared, a giddy expression on her face and a sleeping bag under her arm that bore a suspicious resemblance to one of our Plucky Heroine's socks, "We're going to a slumber party! We're going to a slumber party!"
Yes, our Heroine and Neo-Senpai were in fact going to Cinder's slumber party. You see, as our fun-sized Accounting fairy proceeded to explain, she had indeed sought the assistance of MAMI Contract Enforcement to consult on what course of action should be taken – with a particular emphasis on vetoing the idea – but alas (for the White fairy anyway; Magical Glynda, naively innocent heroine that she was, was ecstatic) Contract Enforcement being a division of the Legal Department, Belladonna (a name which passed the White fairy's lips absolutely dripping with vociferous loathing) had a great deal of pull with regards to the decision to be made. The net result of this brief bout of bureaucratic-in-fighting was thus: the girls would be permitted to go to their not at all potentially compromising after-hours amusements and any and all responsibility for their chastity would be devolved upon the White fairy, dubbed for the duration as the Special Operational Circumstance Caretaker Engaged in Reinforcing Moral Order Maintenance…
"So you're our S.O.C.C.E.R.M.O.M…?"
The White fairy's eyebrow twitched angrily, "Stupid Department of Acronyms…" She took a deep breath, "Happy place… Yes, Dolt, and if for an instant I judge that your little sleepover-,"
Slumber party, Her Ladyship smugly corrects you.
"If I should for even one, solitary INSTANT decide that your little slumber party represents a threat to the morals clause of your contract-,"
The Mighty and Powerful Magical Neo is bound by no such arrangement, Her Ladyship points out with an air of superiority.
"Her Ladyship is under my supervision," The White fairy countered, "And even your contract has a Mascot Loco Parentis clause enabling me to make judgments based upon 'your welfare…"
The astute reader may note that The White fairy is her own corporate attorney – not that she has need of such services of course; do kindly ignore the fifty-story office building adjacent to our heroine's school with her name on it…
You wouldn't dare… Her Ladyship challenges, eyes narrowed – Though this last was technically true, in point of fact, Magical Neo presently wore an expression les of threat than of abject embarrassment, as evidenced by the manner in which she repeatedly swatted the misbehaving tablet device, alas, to little effect.
"Try me…" The White fairy threatened Magical Neo's tablet straight back, "Frankly, I could give about as much of a care about what you do with your harem behind closed doors as a litter of dancing hamsters, but I will not have you corrupting the virtue or innocence of my contracted Magical Girl, do I make myself clear, Magical Neo?"
The Mighty and Powerful – though at present one might indeed more accurately describe her as Contrite and Apologetic – Magical Neo nodded meekly as she manually typed, Y-yes ma'am… and also, I-I don't actually have a harem…
But her protestations of virtue fell on deaf ears – or rather, to use a turn of phrase that is less grossly insensitive, blind eyes – as the White fairy proceeded to turn to our Plucky – and slightly confused – Heroine in a huff, "Now then…"
"Um er…" Our Heroine ummed and erred, "I know I've got that morality clause thing, but I don't even like Roman, so I don't really see what the issue is with-,"
"The problem," The White fairy reproached, "is that you seem to think that I was born yesterday!" Incidentally, though we won't disclose the White fairy's exact age – as a matter of propriety, of course – the esteemed Accounting fairy's first recorded Magical Girl contract was with a certain Aphrodite – whose subsequent descent into abject hedonism took on a status so legendary that she was henceforth considered a goddess and might serve to explain our pixie friends rather puritanical obsession with our Heroine's morality clause – though the aforementioned incident does shed a certain degree of light on how long the beleaguered workaholic fairy has been at this line of work… "I know what happens at 'sleepovers-,'"
"Slumber-,"
"SHUT UP DOLT!"
"Sorry…"
After taking several deep, labored breaths to compose herself before she continued, "Maybe you don't 'like' like the bowler-hat wearing oaf-,"
I think he's cute… Typed the Love-struck and Pouty Magical Neo, only to be resoundingly ignored.
"-But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that slumber parties-,"
"You got it-,"
"Can it,"
"Fine…"
"Ehem…" The White Fairy sought to continue, "As I was saying, slumber parties are nothing but thinly veiled bacchanals fraught with debaucherey and other unseemly activities,"
"You mean Truth or Dare?" Our Heroine asked, perplexed.
"Especially Truth or Dare…"
But we can still go? Magical Neo typed in pursuit of clarification.
The White fairy facepalmed, exasperation plain on her tiny pixie features, "Unfortunately, yes…"
"Yay!" Cheered both our Heroine and the Red fairy in unison, with absolutely no regard to the lecture vis-à-vis debauchery they had just received, onto whose jubilation was thusly added, *Squees* courtesy of Magical Neo.
The White fairy however, merely sighed, "Why me…?"
Is Cinder's sleepover – er, slumber party just a scheme to steal our Heroine's innocent maidenhood? Is Neo or is she not a hugely perverted dissociative nutcase? Will our virtuous Heroine actually get to enjoy the party once there? And does any of this have the slightest bit to do with the plot? Find out next time, on Magical Girl Glitter Glynda-Chan – that is, if anyone still reads this drivel after months of hiatus…