Together
"Welcome back, lovebirds!"
Peggy and Steve walked in, resisting the urge to groan at Howard's remarks. After a week of vacation, the hardest part about returning was getting up, and making an effort to return to the normal schedule. While they were still practically radiating from their time off, it was still a rude smack back to reality.
"I'd prefer it if you don't refer to us in that way in a professional setting," Peggy walked in her own office where her comrade sat at her desk, his feet propped up on the wood. "Or ever, for that matter. Feet off the desk," she commanded, setting her suitcase down on the floor. Steve followed in behind her, feeling less enthusiastic than Peggy, which was an accomplishment.
"Delightful as always, Peggy," Howard responded, sitting up in her chair. He then motioned for Gabe to come in, then had him shut the door behind him. The four of them spent a moment exchanging glances, nodding their hellos. "As much as I love a celebration," Howard stood up, clapping his hands together. "It's about time you two get to work."
Steve, who was now sitting, leaned back in his seat, heaving a sigh. "Nice to see you too, Howard," he teased, earning a concerned look from Peggy. Something wasn't right with him, and she could tell just by the look on his face. He looked stern from Howard and Gabe's standpoint, but Peggy could see through his thick walls he had built up for the others to see. Not even an hour back into work, and he was already a completely different person from the man she spent her vacation with.
Howard gave Steve a deadpanned look before continuing. "We've made some serious progress on the Winter Soldier program," he stopped mid-sentence, locking eye contact with the only female in the room. He waited for approval to continue with Steve in the room, and when she understood him, she gave him a faint nod. "Right," he nodded, looking over at the blonde. "Rogers, you may want to sit this one out.
Steve sat upright at just those words. He knew why he had been temporarily removed, but now that he had made his case and he was accepted back in, he was not about to lose the progress he had made. He took a deep breath, the looked aside, swallowing hard. "It's about Bucky, isn't it?"
Howard once again glanced at Peggy, who was already in position to step in if she needed to. She looked at her fiance with an apologetic look, then glanced at Howard, motioning for him to continue. He nodded back and sat back in her seat, propping his elbows on the desk. "Yes."
"I can handle it," Steve said without a second to waste. He didn't need to think about it, his mind had been made up. He hoped he wouldn't have to convince Howard as well, but he was prepared for that if he needed to. He looked over at Peggy, as if to tell her to give him permission to continue. Peggy returned his gaze with a sad look of her own before she turned her attention to her partner. She hated the single fact that he needed permission from her, as if she was giving Howard permission to lie to him.
"It's alright, Howard," she nodded, the words tasting awful as they rolled off of her tongue. She couldn't keep lying to him, not anymore.
Gabe took this opportunity to step in, holding a cluster of files in his hands in case the duo needed proof of what he was saying. "We have reason to believe that Bucky was one of the candidates for the Winter Soldier," he announced, setting the files on her desk.
This made Steve look over at his fellow soldier, his eyebrows furrowed. "What makes you say that?" He swallowed his feelings of sadness, focusing on the mission and the mission alone. That was his only hope if he wanted to keep himself calm.
"The file you read. Everywhere we look, Bucky is linked to that file," Howard answered, placing a finger on the files from the Hydra experimentation, and then waved his hand over the files on the desk.
"You looked through his personal files?" Peggy asked, walking up to the desk and taking a file in her own hands. When she opened it, it was the Hydra files, the ones they had on Bucky. Steve also stood up and walked to the desk, grabbing a file for himself. When he opened his and began reading, he felt his heart pulling back at each word, though he had already memorized it. This was his SSR file, which included everything from Bucky's letters back home to Steve, as well as his death reports. James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes – 1917-1944. Steve closed the file as quick as he opened it and placed it back, taking a deep breath. There were some things he just wasn't ready for.
"Peggy, please, do I look like an amateur?" Howard gave her his signature smirk, to which she rolled her eyes to.
"That's debatable."
Howard rolled his eyes back at her, then leaned back in the chair while pointing at the files. "Anyway, we know Barnes was injected with the serum, and that he survived it, and that he was alright-"
"Until he was killed in action," Steve interrupted, leaning forward in the seat, a distant look on his face. "Keep moving."
There was an exchange of looks between the other two men in the room to Peggy, who was occupied with Steve. She moved her chair closer to his, placing her hand on top of his. He didn't acknowledge her, which only made her more nervous. His shoulders tensed at the touch, and his face slightly reddened in anger, making Peggy look away, knowing how this would end.
"Right," Gabe broke the silence, sending a wide-eyed look towards Howard. This was new territory for the both of them. "Well, the files from Hydra link to another file, under the title 'Winter Soldier Program'."
Steve looked over at Gabe, reading his body language in a second. He knew that his obvious sensitivity to the topic was making the others uncomfortable, but he also knew what to focus on. "What did those say?"
"We don't know. We don't have those," Howard shrugged.
"That is the only file missing out of the ones we have."
Peggy felt her heart pound against her chest. She knew exactly where those files and what relevance it had, but she couldn't mention that now. She looked down at her desk, where the file had been carefully hidden, guilt rising in her chest. She hated keeping these secrets, especially now, but there was a lot more at stake. She took one look at her fiance's angry expression, the regret almost swallowing her whole. She opened her mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off.
"So we've hit a dead end," Steve observed angrily, exchanging looks between Howard and Gabe.
"Well, not exactly," Howard stood up and walked around to the opposite side of the desk, then leaned back on it. "When we kept looking, we found another file linking to the Winter Soldier."
Steve shook his head, looking up at the shorter man with suspicion. "And?"
Gabe stepped beside Howard, his expression solemn. "Steve, it was the report of the death of James Barnes."
Steve looked to the side for a moment, taking a deep breath. "So you're saying that the Winter Soldier was credited for Bucky's-," he choked, then shook his head, clearing his throat. "For his death?"
Howard nodded, his head hanging low. "That's how it looks."
There was a long moment of silence as the three of them stared at the elephant in the room, which was Steve in this instance. He took deep breaths in attempt to try and calm himself down, but everyone knew that this new information had hit Steve right where it hurt, including Peggy. She stared at him with tears in her eyes, knowing how much it must have hurt to hear those words. And, knowing how much more painful the truth would be.
Steve finally stood up after a long while, looking down to hide his face. "Excuse me for a moment," he announced in a husky voice, then walked out of the room, slamming the door open and earning the attention of everyone in the building.
Peggy stood up as well, watching him leave with a remorseful expression. It was time to stop the lying. "I'm-," she looked over to Howard, "I'm going to go with him."
"I thought you said he would be fine."
She shook her head, grabbing her coat and walking to the door. "I thought wrong."
Peggy followed the wide-eyed stares of the agents in the room and ran down the hall, slamming open a door that lead to large balcony, where Steve stood, gripping onto the railings as if they were his only lifeline. She paused, watching his back heave back and forth with each silent sob, then stepped forward, letting the door close. "Steve, I-"
"He killed Bucky," he turned around, covering his face with his hands for long enough to wipe the tears away. "That's what they meant. The Winter Soldier killed Bucky." Peggy took notice of the way his hands shook, and the way his chest rose and fell with each breath he took, and the frantic, yet sad look in his eye. Steve Rogers was crumbling before her eyes, and she couldn't stop it if she tried.
What was worse was the guilt she felt, knowing that she could have prevented this with just a few words. She could have told him the truth from the very beginning, and though it was a tough pill to swallow, it couldn't be any worse than the one he was trying to digest now.
"There's.. There's more you should know-," Peggy tried, but was instantly cut off.
Steve looked aside, hot tears running down his flustered cheeks. "Bucky is dead because of that man."
Peggy shook her head, stepping forward. "No, Steve, you don't know the whole story-"
"I don't need to know," Steve looked over at her with a sudden spark of anger in his eyes. Peggy knew what this was. He wanted vengeance. "We aren't going to stop until that man is captured or dead. He's a murderer." His voice caught at the end of his sentence, and as he looked to Peggy, who was still staring at him, tears forming in her own eyes.
"Yes, but Steve.." She paused, watching as he looked away, his angry expression molding into one of raw pain, and Peggy knew it was then that he began to realize just how sad he had been. The months, almost a year's worth of pain he had swallowed and let fester inside of him was now gushing out, and it was coming out fast. He raised his hands to his hair, and walked back to lean against a wall, his tears turning into sobs as he covered his face with his arms, letting it all out.
Peggy could only stand by for so long before she stepped in, walking in front of him and taking his hands in her own capable ones. "Steve," she whispered, earning his attention. She smiled sadly and wiped her thumb over his cheek. "It's alright," she nodded, then slipped her arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug. "It's alright."
He stood for a moment, his head resting on her shoulder, until he embraced her back, letting his sobs out into her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair, trying her best to calm him, though she herself could not help but cry. Of the time she knew him, she only ever saw him cry once, and just the sight of her made him stop. Now, she saw the pain he felt, and held him upright as he sobbed in her arms. "It's alright," she repeated, though in truth, she did not know if it was, or if it wasn't at all.
He soon pulled back slowly, much calmer than he was before. "You know that's not true," he denied it softly, leaning back on the railing. "They killed him," he looked down, then sniffled, running his hand over his face in attempt to dry the tears. This, of course, was of no use as the fresh tears wet his face once again. "There's someone to blame now," he looked down in pain, then looked up at her with the same broken look, then heaved a sigh. "Someone other than myself."
"It wasn't your fault," she responded immediately, shaking her head. Seeing him like this was hard enough, but the guilt only made it worse.
"That doesn't mean I'm not faultless, Peggy," he looked up at the sky. "I just know who to blame now."
Peggy looked down, then stepped back, taking a deep breath. "Steve, you need to know something, but you need to promise me you'll handle this as well as you possibly can."
Steve looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, his eyes now slightly bloodshot from the tears. "Nothing can possibly make this worse."
"I don't believe that."
His expression slightly darkened in confusion. "What?"
She shook her head, taking yet another deep breath to try and stay calm herself. "It's-.. It's about Bucky. That file that was missing? I-I have it, and it says that-"
"We found him," came a loud yell from the entrance, earning wide-eyed stares from the both of them. Howard looked at them with the same wild look, nodding slowly.
"Him?" Peggy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"The Winter Soldier. We found him."
Before Peggy had a chance to get another word in, Steve pushed past her and through Howard, storming into the building. She only had a split second to turn and look at Howard with wide eyes before the both of them ran after him.
"Rogers, wait!" Howard attempted, but Steve was not listening.
"Steve!" Peggy yelled. "We need to make a plan first before we do anything rash!"
This caught his attention, and he turned around on the spot, his expression now hurt, yet angry all the same. "And let him disappear? I have a plan. Take him down. It's the only way."
"You don't want to do that, Steve," Peggy shook her head. "You won't like where that leads you."
"No," Steve interjected, raising his eyebrows. "This is it. Now or never. I will avenge Bucky, that's what he deserves," he said with conviction, walking towards the phone, and picking it up in anger. He listened closely as the man over the phone gave him the coordinates, then hung up.
"Steve!" Peggy walked up to him once again, grabbing his shoulder with force. "By killing a murderer, you become one yourself. You can't kill him-"
"So be it."
Peggy watched with wide eyes as Steve walked towards his office, where his gear was stored. The man she knew would not act the way he was, but she knew something had changed. There was no stopping a man who did not want to be stopped.
Howard walked beside her and watched Steve walk out of the building, his eyes wide. "We've got a problem, don't we?"
Peggy couldn't respond, no, she just stared at the door with wide eyes, trying to process what just happened. This was beyond a problem, this was a man at a war he couldn't win. This time, there would be no recovering.
And Peggy was absolutely terrified.
A/N: Oh dear, now Steve's on a revenge mission. You see kids, this is why lying is bad.
This chapter is basically part one in: Steve Has Emotional Breakdowns at the Worst Times. Also titled: Peggy Waits Until the Worst Moments to Tell the Truth. Or just basically: They Need to Work On Timing.
Agent Carter! Wasn't it absolutely perfect? I loved it so much, and I can't wait for this weeks! I know that this story isn't canon, and so there's a lot that I have written that is in contrast to the way that they are writing the show. I honestly believe that Peggy is a completely different person with Steve than without, and she has a lot less emotional baggage in here. That being said, some things from Agent Carter will be used in this, like for instance, I've written a cameo for one Edwin Jarvis already ;) But yes! I would love to talk Agent Carter with everyone! Send me your thoughts and theories! (But I won't be watching this week's episode live, so no spoilers for episode 3!)
Apologies for late posting, it's finals week, and on top of that, there has been a lot going on lately, but due to my tardiness, I will be posting again on Wednesday, and then not again for a while because SPOILERS!
Also, shoutout to my dear Zenappa, because she has been helping me with these past chapters, as well as future chapters! You're the best!
Review Responses:
JuliaAurelia: A break was definitely necessary, especially considering what is to come.. ;) They really needed positive conversation, that is for sure. However, they obviously didn't talk enough! That's okay, that will come!
I was thinking about that while writing, and I originally had added a line where Steve basically started talking about that, as well as one trip with Bucky's entire family, but I didn't think that it would fit, and I didn't think Bucky would take Steve to the beach portion. Or, if he did, it would have been for just a moment.
Haha, I had to! Oh, yes. I was going to add in a bit more of a tease, but I figured everyone got the general idea. They fon-did it!
Ooh, you're getting there! Although, I don't think they had enough time to piece things together before all hell broke loose!
Right, her love for him is more than I think she knows how to handle, which is good, but with her background and her spy-like nature, as well as her protective nature, it can be - and is - a recipe for disaster. Thank you for reviewing!
Turds, aka Zenappa: We really are. Oh yes! I'm stoked for the cliffhanger, you have no ideaaaaaa. It's on your level! I'm not sorry. The end. 3
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! x
-June