Chapter Nine

January had never been this cold before.

Kurt shivered under the layers of blankets. He dragged the blankets as much as he could to wrap around himself, but it didn't help at all. He forces his sleepy eyes to open and checked on the time.

It was quarter to seven in the morning. The morning light had just found its way in but Kurt couldn't bother to do his morning routine because his whole body was sore and in pain. His head felt like a stone, it felt like a stone in boiling water but yet as numb as a status. He looked across and saw Nick sleeping on his bed on the other side of the room. The blanket was kicked to the floor and he was slightly snoring. He was lucky that Nick didn't say anything yesterday night. As he turned his gaze back to the ceiling, he could feel the world spinning in a circle, shaking the gravity upside down. Kurt tried his best to ignore this feeling, but nothing helped at all, he was going to throw up.

The first thing popped out in his mind was Blaine. He missed Blaine. It was just a night, but everything felt so long ago. His conversations with Dr. Bailey and Nick were such a blur that Kurt couldn't believe it just happen last night.

Lying on the bed still was like lying on a boat that was drifted away by the angry storm waves from the ocean, he was alone and scared. He wanted Blaine to be right here.

But when did he become so dependent on someone?

Since the day he stepped in Dalton, Kurt had relied so much on Blaine without noticing. He really, really felt for Blaine. He felt for Blaine's past that he was bullied even worse than him, but he also felt happy for Blaine that he finally found his little heaven here and unraveled his beautiful talent. Even though they only met each other for a short time Kurt felt if Blaine had been his entire life. Maybe it was because his days in Lima were so unpleasant and dreadful, escaped from a place where he couldn't be himself might have let Blaine redefined who he was.

Kurt Hummel was now a happier man who lived in a joy that made him forgot his darker side.

Kurt suddenly felt he was the most selfish man in the world.

He had to be.

What made him deserve Blaine really? He was lying to a person that loved him so much, how could he just hold his secret like it didn't matter at all?

Kurt Hummel was dying.

Kurt wanted Blaine, but he didn't want Blaine to be with him. Kurt felt guilty, he felt guilty as if his love for Blaine was just entirely a selfish act. He needed this love to get through his messed up life, but what would happen next? What would happen after he left Blaine alone then?

The one and only wish Kurt Hummel had – to live like everybody else, was perhaps the hardest thing ever. He had been chasing the long and endless pavement for so long. Not because he didn't realize, but he didn't want to know that he was just another foolish man who had been chasing its tail. He was just too scared to figure out the pavement he had been chasing after was just another illusion in his life.

"Blaine…" teardrops on his cheeks, Kurt felt like a whiny kid asking for his parents.

He had been sicker before, he had been in an even worse place before but he had been fine. But the moment he woke up today the world was a stranger, colder and scarier place. Kurt couldn't think of anything, all he wanted was Blaine. Why wasn't Blaine here? Why did he feel like his heart had been ripped?

"Blaine?" As he opened his eyes again he saw a figure standing next to his bed, he wanted to ask Blaine to lie down next to him but his mouth was dry and his voice wouldn't make a sound. He echoed Blaine's name in his mind as he watched the world turned black.

Don't panic.

Nick was shaking, telling himself not to panic.

Okay, fine, panic. This isn't working. What should I do?

Kurt was having a fever, his temperature was way too hot for Nick to hold, but Kurt probably thought he was Blaine. Now he was stuck on Kurt's bed, trying to get up but Kurt was grabbing his arm. He looked at Kurt, feeling a bit uncomfortable as he never watched Kurt this close.

He must be really sick.

Today was a strange day where he wasn't awoke by his annoying alarm clock but rather a weak voice echoing in this room. He wasn't fully awake yet but he recognized it was Kurt's voice. When he walked to Kurt's bedside he could see the pale face, lips moving, probably asking for Blaine. His first instinct was to put his hand on Kurt's forehead and he was right. Kurt was burning and sweating. As he tried to get some help, Kurt's hand weakly grabbed his arm before Nick could even take a step. As now he was stuck on the bed with Kurt, he was trying to make his head straight – was he going to find Blaine or going to Dr. Bailey first?

"Blaine… please… please stays with me…" Kurt cried.

Nick swallowed, "Kurt… ugh… I'll be back really soon." He used the opportunity when Kurt had let go of Nick's hand.

In his plain vest and sweatpants he ran across the chilly hall and up to Blaine's floor. He gave three impatient knocks on the door and shouted Blaine's name. Kurt was sick and asked for him, he needed to hurry, also because he was cold as hell too.

"What Nick?" the sleepy head opened the door. His curls were everywhere without gel, but Nick couldn't care how funny Blaine look like. He needed to drag Blaine right now.

"Kurt's got fever and he's asking for you." said Nick.

A few seconds after Blaine finally processed the words in his head, he ran off as fast as he could with Nick following behind. They rushed through the staircases and got into Kurt's room.

The words hit him like a train. How silly of him? How silly? Why did he pick to run under a rain in January? Why didn't he pick a better romantic plan? Now that Kurt was sick and that was his fault.

"Kurt!" Blaine almost shouted as he saw the pale boy lying on his bed, mumbling his name.

"I'm here, Kurt." Blaine sat down on the bed and held Kurt's hand tight. Still catching up his breath he landed a kiss on Kurt's hand and placed his hand on Kurt's forehead.

Kurt was burning up with fever.

"Blaine…" Kurt slowly opened his eyes, he gave Blaine a weak smile, "I miss you." He whispered.

"I'm here, I'm here. How are you feeling now?" it was a stupid question to ask. Blaine knew Kurt must've been feeling really sick but he needed to know how bad Kurt felt. To watch the person you loved suffer was the worst you could imagine. Blaine felt as someone was trying to stick a spear into his heart, or thousands of arrows shooting to his way. He wished he could be the one who's sick; he wished to be the one who's suffering, because watching Kurt under pain knowing it was because of him, Blaine felt like he was the worst boyfriend ever.

Kurt frown, his breath was short and rushed. He squeezed Blaine's hand hard as he tried to answer. He wanted to tell Blaine so many things; he wanted to say sorry to Blaine and he didn't want to be a burden, but his voice wouldn't go anywhere louder than a whisper, "can't breathe… Blaine…"

"Nick? Please go and get Dr. Bailey now." His eyes fixed on Kurt, "You'll be fine." He comforted.

"I'm going now." Nick quickly put on his uniform and ran off to Dr Bailey's office.

How much does Blaine know about Kurt's condition? Did he know Kurt may be dying or did he know just as little as he does? The conversation of Kurt and Dr. Bailey came up again in his head. Nick didn't expect things went down this quick. Was that just flu or was that from Kurt's condition? Knowing Kurt might die just horrified him, without even bother to knock on the door and wait for response; he opened the door and saw Dr. Bailey dressed in the doctor coat doing some paper works already. She looked startled as she saw Nick. Before she could ask anything Nick said loudly, "Dr. Bailey we need you now. Kurt is sick."

They watched as Dr. Bailey finally came out of the room.

"Is he going to be okay?" Blaine asked nervously.

"It's flu but he will be fine. Don't worry too much, okay?" Dr. Bailey answered as closed the door. She looked at Blaine who desperately wanted to go in "I will write you two a note in a second. It is class time now but you need to have your breakfast first. I don't need another fainted student."

"No, I want to stay with Kurt. He needs me." Blaine argued. He wouldn't concentrate in class anyway knowing Kurt was sick. Blaine couldn't leave without blaming his fault.

"Kurt needs rest." Dr. Bailey said calmly, "and you two need to go to class after you get dressed." She left Blaine no choice but to leave. One was because it was true; they needed to go to class. Second it was because she was worried about Kurt.

Blaine stood there still, he didn't want to go. It was his entire fault and he needed to make it up for Kurt, but Dr. Bailey sent an eye to Nick. Nick nodded and pulled Blaine to his room.

Nick sighed. He pulled Blaine to the staircases quickly so they could get something to eat before the cafeteria is closed, even though both of them knew they wouldn't have the appetite to eat. What a morning.

"I can walk myself." Blaine stated.

Nick let Blaine go. "Okay."

They didn't talk. Nick watched Blaine slowly walking to his room. Blaine was cold; he didn't get to dress before he could run to Kurt. He wanted to get back to Kurt, he wanted to tell him he was so deeply sorry, but another part of him knew he needed to be the stronger one because Kurt would be fine.

Blaine opened his door and said to Nick, "I will be quick."

Nick stood there waiting. His mind was just as messy as Blaine. All his thoughts were tangled up, his head couldn't stop playing back Kurt's pale face. Nick had never been in this kind of situation and he would never want to. His stomach did a flip when he saw Blaine stepped out.

Nick hesitated. They walked down stairs to the cafeteria. It was empty but it was still open, Nick took this opportunity, "Blaine," he asked, "what happened last night?"

Blaine didn't look at Nick but he replied quietly, "I made him ran in the rain last night. It was stupid."

Nick didn't know what to say next. As they sat down, he offered he would get them some food.

It has to be the worst Monday morning. Nick thought. What should he do? Should he ask Blaine about Kurt's condition? He asked the cafeteria staff and they told him there were only toasts left. He nodded and took the toasts. On his way back he walked slowly on purpose so he could have some time to think.

"Here you are." He put down the plates with toasts, "um, only toasts left, not even jam or butter."

Blaine didn't touch the toast but he played with it, Nick wanted to tell him to eat but this whole thing wasn't really his business. The whole room was in silence until Nick decided to break it off, "Blaine, do you know abo –"

"Hey you guys are here! I've been looking for you Blaine." A tall Dalton student walked toward to them.

Blaine and Nick turned their head to where the voice came from, "Sebastian?" Blaine asked.

"Well, we're doing a pretty important assignment in our AP chemistry class today. Mr. Long asked me to look for you." Sebastian smiled.

Blaine turned his attention back to the table, he sighed, "Tell him I couldn't attend the class today. I will talk to him later."

"What happened?" he asked in serious tone as he sat down with them, but it was Nick who answered instead, "His boyfriend is sick."

"Oh I'm really sorry, Blaine." Sebastian paused, "Hey but look, I bet Dr. Bailey won't let you go back to dorm. Let's get your mind distracted just for a while, okay? I'm sure if anything happens they'll let you go." Sebastian smiled again and took a piece of toast, "but you need to eat your toast on your way though."

Blaine didn't answer back. He stood up and apologized to Nick, "I'm sorry Nick."

Nick weakly beamed, "Don't worry, that's what bros for." He gave Blaine a bro fist and they smiled. Blaine then left the cafeteria with Sebastian, leaving Nick alone there.

As they were gone, Nick bumped against his chair.

Damn you Sebastian.

Now Nick didn't know if he could ask that question again anymore.

The cafeteria was cold and empty; Nick looked around and decided to leave. Maybe even leave the truth behind as well, if that would do him any good.

January had never been this cold before.