Welcome again.


Female Narrator reporting to duty.


Male narrator got his license revoked, so he can't go into people's minds. Well, not at least not as a guide. Doesn't matter.


For your better understatement of The Joke, the Boss decided to let you directly into The Files.


It doesn't have any particular point of view. This particular subject is a little complicated...if you see it from Hearts mind, you'll lose important details. If you see it from the Joker's...simply messy. Harley...she almost doesn't know what happened, but she played her part. And Doctor Crane... poor guy.

Let's get this started, but let me say one little thing to someone...

Not-So-Male Narrator, let me tell you that if you say once more you'll kick me hard in the mouth I'll kick you so hard in the groin that you wont be able to use it...never again.And stop staring at my ass and my boobs. Don't call me bitch ever again or I'll tell the Boss and he will fire you. It's a promise. Capicce bambino?

Here we can do anything we want, we can go into what they where thinking, but I wouldn't recommend that. For example, if Joker and Hearts are talking, you'll heard them talk and what's their plan in their minds. Four voices: you would get confused.

Working from The Files has it's good side: Different points of view, accurate information and much easier to work with. And most important, you'll get the whole picture of this.

But for us the Narrators, is tiresome, we cant be here for long. We can filtrate what they're thinking for you, not for us. And listening to their voices, their musings, their feelings, everything... It's overwhelming. We need to rest.

Probably being in The Files is the only thing that can affect us. We are not corporeal (at least to you) but we're able to feel.

This doesn't have any concrete shape or style.

Without further ado...Here we go.


Hearts is walking peacefully the white Arkham corridors with a machine gun hanging of her shoulder and a little bag.

She is walking slowly, bored, like someone strolling down any common street.

For her, is pretty much the same. This is High Security Ward, where the most dangerous criminals are locked out from society.

She knows exactly where she is headed, not preoccupied, not in a hurry.

After all...she blackmailed Dr Leland for 5 hours, free of guards to do whatever she wants in the building. Leland's only condition was not to let the Joker shot or stab any guard or employee just because he feels like killing someone.

She never said nothing about other kind of weapons.

Stupid woman.

And of course... a 10 thousand dollars bribe.

Bribes and black mail: As good as a machine gun and a knife. Same effect. People does as you say.

She is humming a happy tone, distracted, a cigaret in her free hand.

Destination:

Cell 1507: Harleen Quinzel. "15 The Pretty Girl, 07 The Gun, oh these people.." she thinks.

Cell 4122: Joe Doe, Name Unknown. The Joker. "Do they do it in purpose? 41 The Knife 22 The Madness is pretty hilarious"

She is just walking around, five hours is plenty of time. Now she is in the third floor, looking at the names on the cells mildly interested, but still bored.

Something catches her eyes. Cell 3590. Jonathan Crane.

She stops in her tracks, looking at the white door for a moment. Her eyes are lost in a memory, her face expresionless.

-Jonathan Crane- she muses to herself- Doctor Jonathan Crane... Jon, How the hell did I forget about you?- she asks herself- A psichiatrist specialist in pharmacology - her eyes lighten from anticipation- I cant believe I didn't have this idea before!- she smiles broadly.-Arkham does have a good sense of humor... 3590: 35 The Bird, 90 The Fear.. Ok, since I'm here- she shrugs.

The takes three steps back. Points the gun machine directly to the door's lock.

She has number 1507 and 4122 keys, not 3590.

She presses the trigger.

RATATATATA.

Shouts and pleadings are heard though the white and sterile corridor, she just smirks.

-Didn't heard you kiddies!- She shouts mockingly to the scared inmates.

Hearts walks slowly towards Dr. Crane's door, tapping the machine gun happily, singing something in a low voice, barely audible...

"Again someone shooting a gun machine here? Incompetents monkeys, when I was the Director nobody came here with a weapon if I didnt give the order to do so. Wait. Are they shooting to my door? Why? It's not like...well, there's a lot of people who would want me dead for revenge...but as far as I know the guy shooting firearms once in a while is an inmate. The one who always escapes...What was his name? Maybe I'm dreaming. Probably I'm dreaming again. Don't be scared, nightmares and dreams cant hurt you...just stay calm Jonathan, nothing to worry about"

While he thinks sitting in his white bed, a red figure steps into his cell.

"And now I'm dreaming with the Devil? I'm an atheist...Ok...maybe this is not a dream. Would be a good time to panic? No, stay calm, just confront the nighmare and you'll wake up soon"

-"...you take a pill wonder if it will fix, then wonder why sorrow has never left you..."-

She enters humming happily to herself

-Doctor Crane?-

Hearts asks, lifting and eyebrow at the messy figure in front of her. He lifts his head and faces her. Baby blue eyes. She smiles.

"Oh Irony... another baby blue eyed shrink that's a supposed genius... but I have to admit Jon has better eyes... Hearts, dont go there...oh Jay will be completely pissed. If he has a Barbie ...why not getting myself a Kent?"

-Who asks?- he says in a serious voice trying sound not to scared to death, darting his eyes from the gun machine to the creature's face.

"It's not a dream..the Devil wouldn't need a gun machine. And she's here to kill me, whoever she is. If there's a God...don't let this person kill me. Amen. What am I doing I'm atheist, a man of science! And science hasn't verified that..."

-You don't know who am I?- she asks, shaking her head sadly.

-Should I?- he answers trying to sound confident and failing miserably.

"This place is getting colder every day it passes... I must look pathethic...in front of a heavengly armed woman. Just great"

-Stupid to answer a question with another question- she says wakling to his bed, and sitting right next to him - but I guess you haven't watched TV or heard the radio in years, how many? five years, right?- she asks him with a pleasant smile, putting the gun machine down and looking him right in the eyes.

-Yes- he answers coldly- four years, it seems I'm still a star aren't I?- he says in a smug voice, full of himself.

"Whoever this person is, she knows of me. I'm the worst that has happened to Gotham...I'm still the most feared person even if it's been four years"

Hearts just shrugs and laughs briefly.

"Jon, who do you think you are? A Nobody! After what My Family's done ...destroying the narrows is like children's game!"

-Well, let me introduce myself then, Dr. Crane. I'm Queen of Hearts, nice to meet you- she says holding her red gloved hand, still with her warm smile. Hesitantly, confused, he shakes her hand.

-Who are you?-

"Your name doesn't ring a bell. You must be a nobody trying to get some fame from my name"

-I just told you- she says with a gentle voice- call me Hearts, everyone does- she exclaims happily- may I ask you some questions, from a professional to other?- she says taping the gun machine in her lap with her fingers, smiling warmly to him.

- I think so- he says eyeing the gun machine.

"Would you say no to a person with a gun machine in her lap?"

-Ok- she says business like- you are a psychiatrist with a degree in pharmacology, am I correct?-

-And neurologist- he adds proudly.

-Much better!- her grin only grows- So, with such a outstanding resume- she says smiling from ear to ear -I suppose you know about Bipolar Syndrome Type II, right?

"Am I having a job interview in the middle of the night with some nightmare creature now?"

-Of course - he says matter of factly- Excuse me, who are you?- he asks. -a new psychiatrist? They are trying new approaches by shooting firearms?- he says smirking maliciously- If you are...I eat young psychiatrist for breakfast- he ends darkly.

Hearts just laughs at his poor attemp to scare her.

-Do I look like a psychiatrist?- she laughs, a mixture between malicius...and flirtatious- So... psychiatrists now come in the middle of the night, wearing a costume opening the door with gun machines...definitely curious!- she ends sarcastically- Get up doctor, we're out of this place, you're coming with me- she states, getting back on her feet her face and voice empy of any emotion-

-What makes you think I'll go with you?- he says- What if I want to stay here? After all, this is my asylum- he says seriously.

-Was your asylum- she says marking the first word meaningfully, amused at his reaction-you're an inmate, not the director. That's Dr. Leland nowadays- she says in a patronizing tone-And you'll come with me... – she makes a pause for dramatic purpose - because I don't think you're too comfortable being here as an inmate- she smiles at him and crocks her head slightly- You almost poisoned the complete city, destroyed The Narrows...just for money- she states- That's your reason: Money, Almighty Money- she ends clapping her hands together, looking at him directly to his eyes, smile plastered in her face.

-How much?- he asks.

-How much do you want?- she says bored

-How much do you offer?- he starts to negociate.

- Fifteen is ok with you? – she says roling her eyes.

- Fifteen what?

-Fifteen million, of course - she says croking an eyebrow, looking at his reaction to that amount. He's stunned.

"Is she serious? Fifteen million? Fifteen million dollars?! This must be something big...don't accept without knowing exactly what they'll ask you to do...last time didnt end up well"

-What do you want me to do exactly?

-Find a cure to BPS type II. It's fifteen millions per month, but you have to do it in four months maximum. I'll give you 20 millions when you're done and we're sure it works. I'll make fake ID's and Passports, you're out of the country and forget about us and never say a word about the organization. Is that ok?

-Dollars or Euros?

-Whatever you want, not like I'm going to run out of money... – she says- can you walk, Dr. Crane or you're sedated?- she says offering her hand for him to get up.

"yes I am, but being dragged out of here by a tiny woman that barely reaches 5 feet it's humiliating"

- I can walk by myself, thank you- he says getting on his feet trying not to faint from the sedatives, a small smirk appearing in his face-

"Ohhh Little Doctor must be thinking about the money...like I'm really going to let him alive to enjoy it! hahaha!... Becuase I have to kill you... Hearts, you have to kill him, you have to..."

-Perfect- she states with a warm smile- put these clothes on- she says opening a bag a pulling the Joker's clothes off it and handing them to him- Hope they're not that big. I think Jay will have to suit himself with his straight jacket- her smile just widens while she croks her head sightly-

"Getting Dr Crane to make the cure of all your problems in life: 80 millions dollars. Seeing your husband all jealous, furious and a desperate over a nerdy doctor...priceless. There are things you cant buy, for everything else you can have the complete mob working for you which itself is priceless! Hahaha!"

-Who's Jay?- he asks her eyeing the clothes, thinking that they are, indeed, too big for his small frame and stature.

-My brother, I came to take him and his wife home- she explains.

"His wife...more like his shiny and pretty toy. Oh that wont last long. Four months and she will be ancient history!"

-Green? Purple?- he says handling her back the clothes confused.

-Any problems?- she says any trace of smile gone.

"my husband/brother is murdering clown, any problems?"

-Not, not at all- he tries to mend his mistake - but I certainly prefer a suit to be white and black- he says in a business-like tone.

"Don't contradict the woman with the machine gun...she presses the trigger and the money is gone."

-I wont give you my shirt- she says annoyed- so use what I gave you or use the orange jump suit.

"What? I have to do a striptease here so soon? Let's do that when we actually start to get my dear husband completely mad from jealousy...and that will be his 'little push' into saying the L word begging me to come back to him! I will win this time!"

-Ok, I'll use the my own clothes, these are too big- he says handling the clothes back to her.

"Is her brother a gorilla? These clothes are huge!"

-Ok, let's go- she says walking out the door, motioning him to follow her. They start walking though the white corridors- Not like I'm in a hurry, but they must be asking about me. They certainly heard the machine gun - she explains

-You're breaking inmates out of Arkham and you're not in a hurry?- he asks sceptic.

-Yes, I bought myself five hours, I spent one hour walking around this... lovely place- she says with spreading her arms, stopping in her tracks.- You see, I like walking though these corridors in the night...the silence pierced by a scared scream, asking for help-

"Let's start this one easy: He enjoys fear, let him think you also enjoy it...well I do. But he will think we have so much in common..hahaha! So predictable, this is just a Harley Male Version"

She points the gun machine at the ceiling and shoots. Another round of shouts and screams is heard. Doctor Crane smiles.

- I certainly enjoy that- she says smiling back at him

-May I ask you something?- he says while they start to walk again, his voice with a hint of worry.

-Go ahead

-Are you from the League of the Shadows?

-Ra's Ghul? No, of course not. I'm the head of the Royal Family- she explains boredly-

- I never heard of The Royal Family...- he says trying to remember anything about "The Royals"


-Of course not, you've been here for five years, we are a... new and very powerful organization- she tells him.

They walk in silence, going up the stairs to the fourth floor. She keeps humming happily for herself..

-"Ohh, you'll end up broken, at the end of the round, won't find your spirit, in a lost and found..."

He doesn't interrupt her. He know better than interrupting a powerful, probably mentally unstable person who is carrying a machine gun.

-"Oh I've been watching how you behave not much like a lover, more like a slave..."

Suddenly, she stops in her tracks in front of a white door like any other in the asylum.

-Wait...look at this Doctor Crane. Come here- she says showing him the name in the door- Jane Doe, name unknown: Queen of Hearts. 4852- she says smiling from ear to ear, laughing briefly-

"Is this.. wow, my cell still exist.. well, more like an office..."

-You were here as an inmate?

-No, I've never been here as an inmate, but it seems they plan to lock me in. Yes, right, keep dreaming- she says to no one in particular- Do you happen to know about lottery numbers and their meanings?- she faces him, still smiling.

-I don't gamble, no- he says looking at her as if she were a weird specimen displayed in a zoo.

"Hard to believe she's never been in Arkham. She certainly looks like a mad person"

- Well, let me tell you they have a good sense of humor- she says smiling, caressing the black numbers in the white door- 48...morti qui parla - she laughs loudly- Curioser and curioser

"Now the 52 doesn't make sense: mother and child, pregnant woman...ugh... Hearts dont go there...I don't want to think about it"

- Sorry, didn't get the joke- he says curious, trying to understand .

"What's so funny about a number. 'morti qui parla' means 'the talking dead'. Does she think herself as a ghost?"

-Of course you wouldn't understand the joke- she says in a patronizing tone- Only two people would get it. I'm one of them, and the other is not you- she says smiling sweetly at him.

"...Oh thank you Queenie! Did you have to wait almost a week to get us out of this hole? It's way too much, I hate waiting here...oh yeah! because you feel oh so powerful when you're the only one out... Bitch...


...but why did she use the gun machine? She only brings that for my whims...she never feels like shooting in Arkham. And almost sure she is not trying to take nobody down... is someone trying to take her down? The Batman? No, No, she always breaks us out if she's completly sure he wont appear. Did she do it for fun? Well, that wouldn't be weird, but still...something's amiss here...

It's been half an hour! C'mon Queenie,hurry, I'm booooored!

Ok...the silence is getting me nervous here. Did she die? Again?

Oh fuck, she died! Whoever killed her will has a painful death...

Nah, let's face it she wouldn't die, she buys hours in Arkham like, dunno, some timeshare?

Hmmm, maybe she's walking around...nah she's not dead. No... better not.

If she died I'll bring her sorry ass back again. Or at least try...shit, how am I gonna do that?

Wait, Jay don't start getting all "oh god she died" again! The 'depressed and suicidal widowed' part doesn't suit you anymore!

Ok your highness, C'mon! We gotta have our quality time together before getting Harls outta here!

...was that her laugh? Why is she laughing if I'm not the one telling the joke? She's talking to someone...

Don't like , I dont like it not one bit!

But who? And why would anybody be with her? It's not like she would bring too may people, maybe one or two. Let's see: a driver, someone to carry things that are to heavy for her...that's it! the guys should be scared shitless to try to talk to her and end up dead. Or from something going wrong, my whims...

Who is with her?

I don't like anybody but me making her laugh, she's mine! My wife! Whoever made her laugh will regret it...!

Queenie, fast, it's not like Arkham is funny or anything, just get us out of here!

And tell me you didn't put make-up on..Harley would get suspicious is she sees white paint all over me in Arkham!

Unless you're feeling kinky...hehe I want to paint something oh your back... 'Joker's property don't dare to touch or you're fucking dead' would look nice... uhh that wont happen. She wont let me, and then I wont touch her in months! She wouldnt let me near her!

Ehh no, bad idea.

Mmm. Now...if she's bringing Harley and we do a little "party" hehehe..!

...yeah, keep dreaming. Oh shit, I should be thinking stuff if I'm in a straightjacket!

Down, go down...take it easy boy..no Harley, no Queenie, not even hands...sh sh sh...down! Sit! Sit! Uhhh you wont obey me right? Hope Queenie comes here fast so se can have some fun, pal!

And know why are you singing that thingy again?. Ok...granted Queenie, you like singing that "blue eyes" song in front of Harley just to see if she gets it's meaning... 'blue eyes, blue eyes, so blind, so blind' and of course 'oh I've been watching how you behave not much like a lover more like a slave' and then start giggling like a stupid.

It was funny at the time, now it's an old joke Queenie! Stop it already...I though you stopped that about three years ago.... she's dragging Harley maybe?

Unless she wants to so the Super Fantastic Trio... Ehh no. I should reaaaally stop thinking about that..

Mmm how much this time did you buy, Your Highness? Tell me at least five hours! Then we get the doc out...

Wait..that's a male voice? 'blah blah 48 morti qui parla'...

That's Our Joke! Who the fuck is with her?"

Then the door opens. Hearts is there...and so is a blue-eyed man. The Scarecrow.

- Well Hello dear brother! How was your vacation? See you're reaaally happy to see me!

Did this nerd made her laugh? He's going to die.

Ok, Let me take a rest. This is overwhelming. Jelousy, anger, sarcasm, confusion, happiness, sexual desires...

All of them thinking...I'm tired.

Sorry, just wait for me to get a coffee, I'll be here in just a five minutes.

Thanks. Just a minute, I'll be right back...I have a terrible headache!