A/N oooooh I forgot to credit, Ivy O'Hara, for her great idea, that basically made up the last chapter and this one. Thanks again =) I'll say more down the bottom (and I mean MORE…like heaps lol) ;) btw I know Jasper is a bit OOC in this…but oh well!

My Inspirational songs for this chapter are:

Doctor Doctor Gimmie the News, by Robert Palmer

Smooth Criminal, by Alien Ant Farm

New Born, by Muse

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Jasper's POV

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I just stared at Emmett. Was he Crazy?? Had he finally lost it? Well he probably lost it a few years ago… but still. Making Rosalie horny was a death wish. Doing anything to Rosalie was a death wish. She would sometimes get pissy if we gave her a present. Like what the hell is up with that? It took me a minute to realise that Emmett and Alice where staring at me, waiting for an answer.

"So? Are you gonna help me out or what?" Emmett said, looking at me with puppy-dog eyes, and pouting.

"I don't know Emmett…. Rosalie would kill me." A few months ago it would have been sad for me to admit I was scared of Rose, but after the time when she bit Edward for saying that her shoes where ugly, we all agreed that she was a scary bitch at times.

"Err um Alice, could you help me out? Please please?" I turned to my pixie wife, who was trying to stifle a laugh. It wasn't entirely fare that she didn't help me out in situations like this. She knew what was going to happen once I decided on it. She might as well help me.

"Nope. Im not going to help. You have to figure out this one for yourself." She giggled. I just glared at her. Then turned to Emmett, who was still pouting.

"God Em, stop pouting." I sighed "Fine I'll help you.

"YES!!!! Thank you Jazzy Wazzy!!! You're the man!" Emmett was jumping up and down, and clapping like a lunatic, no, like a 5 year old. He ran out the room, still clapping. I turned around to Alice, who had an ominous look on her face. She was having a vision. Great. I wonder what's going to happen to me when Rosalie finds out. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to burn down my room. Or even worse. MR HUNNY-BUNNY! My beloved teddy. I started to get worried.

"Me too." I turned around to see Edward, standing at the top of the stairs, staring at us. "You do realise what you've just agreed too?" he continued, looking awfully smug.

"Well, what our other option? I know Emmett's staring to get on your nerves with his perverted fantasies. Just as he is staring to annoy me with his over powering horniness."

"Oh I know that. Im actually grateful. I'll keep an eye on Rosalie's thoughts, and give you a heads up, if she decided to kill your precious "Mr Hunny-Bunny"" He said sarcastically. Damn him. Alice suddenly burst out laughing. Her vision must have been amusing. To her. This was going to be very interesting…..

"Emmett! C'mon lets get this over with." I yelled. He was next to me, still smiling. "First you have to help me hide Mr Hunny-Bunny" I grabbed his arms and pulled him up the stairs.

Everyone thought it was stupid that I cherished a teddy bear so much. He was like my best friend. I mean yeah, he was missing an eye - which had a big black burn mark around it - his nose, and part of his ear but he was still perfect…. Emmett was responsible for the missing eye and burn mark. He got bored one day and decided to mess with a lighter…… Need I say more? Stupid hippie.

I ran to my room and picked Mr Hunny-Bunny up, I gave him a quick hug and gave him to Emmett. Who was trying not too laugh. He then held it up by the ear and held it away from his body. I looked at him, looking for an explanation. "So. Did you loose your virginity to this thing? Or what?" I heard muffled laughter from my nosy family members. I just stared at Emmett. Yes he had gone crazy. "What?" I asked glaring at him. "Well you love this damn thing so much…." he giggled. "No Emmett. Just help me hide it from Rosalie."

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3 hours later

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Be calm Jasper. Calm. Calm. Calm. Damn it. I wish I could change my own emotions.

Rosalie was due to be home in about 10 minutes. And I was totally freaking out. I just knew she was going to kill me. I will have to make her as calm as possible. I don't was to loose a limb. Or even worse, Mr Hunny-Bunny to loose a limb.

"Rosalie will be through the door in 22 seconds." Alice called. Oh dear god. The torture begins.

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10 minutes later

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"C'mon jazz! This is the perfect time. Rosie just had a shower, so she will be all wet and --" I cut Emmett off before he could finish, and that he could get even more hornier. Which I didn't think was really possible, since it was almost driving me insane. "Okay! I'll do it now. Just shut up and let me concentrate." I mumbled before concentrating really hard. Done. I looked over to Emmett, who looked really excited. "Thanks for helping me get laid man! If you ever need help, you can always ask me. Your such a good little brother!" I rolled my eyes and walked away. By the time I was half way down the stairs I heard Rosalie say, well scream, "Emmett! I need to have you right now right here!" Ewww. Well she hadn't clicked on yet. Thank god.

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5 minutes later

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"Jasper fucking hale! Get your ass in here now!" Rosalie screamed. Great. I sighed and got off the couch and ran upstairs into Emmett and Rose's bedroom. I had to stop myself from laughing when I saw, Rose holding Emmett by the ear. "Fuck Rosalie that hurts." he mumbled. "Your. Dead." she said to me through her teeth. "Um…. Im sorry?" I said with a pleading voice. "Your damn right your sorry." She snapped. "Oh and I took care of Mr Hunny-Bunny…."

"You did what?" I yelled.

"Well let me think…. First I dyed it pink…. Then put it in the oven… then threw it into the lake."

"You masochistic bitch!" then I lunged at her. Only to find myself in hand cuffs, next to Emmett, who was in the same situation as me. Rosalie was gone and back in a flash, but this time she held a pinky-black object. She threw it at me. It took me a minute to realise that it was, or used to be, my precious Mr Hunny-Bunny. But he looked more like a blob.

"I hate you, Rosalie." I mumbled, hugging what was left of my teddy.

"Do that again and it will be your garden gnome." She laughed.

No. Not Alford!!!

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You guys are fucking amazing! I got 33 reviews, for my last chapter! that's what im talking about and as promised I made this chapter longer, and got it up faster =) I like this compromise… hehe could you guys help me get 35 for this chapter?? Please please! Lol The next chapter will be about Jasper's garden gnome and the rest of the Cullen's weird things…. Oh its gonna get dirty!

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