Chapter 10 soundtrack:

Theophilus London – Neighbors

CHAPTER 10: SPECIAL

May 15th Manhattan, New York. 11 months after the transformation.

We were testing me, which was completely irresponsible. My body was rigid in my seat, and I was barely breathing. I let myself inhale the tiniest bit, and my throat started to ache with the thirst as my mouth filled with venom.

It was raining outside, and the tiny café was cramped with people. They all smelled so delicious, and their wet hair and skin only made their scent sweeter. I closed my eyes and moaned. Jacob looked up from the gigantic hamburger he was trying to fit into his mouth whole and gave me a stern look. "Cwontwol, Bevva," he said, making crumbs of bread and meat fly out of his mouth, which was so full his cheeks looked like inflated balloons. "Ew, Jake. Say it, don't spray it." He tried to laugh, but that too was quite impossible. When he finally managed to swallow, he took a huge gulp of his coke and leaned back in his seat. "Man, it's good to eat some normal food again." He was looking at his hamburger like he was in love.

Poor Jacob. We had been living in the forest for nearly 10 months before he managed to convince me to try being around people, and he still hadn't gotten over the relief of returning to a human diet. "If we're not spending any time around humans at all, how are you ever going to learn to control yourself around them?" he'd asked. I hadn't been able to come up with an intelligent answer.

My first time smelling a human had been… interesting. We'd started out with something easy (or so we had thought). We hid behind the trees a few feet from the trail and waited for a hiker to pass by. Jacob was in wolf-form, as he usually was, sitting next to me. We were both completely still.

I smelled the humans before I saw or heard them. My lip curled up in a hiss, venom filled my mouth and I crouched down, ready to spring at them. The pain in my throat had flared up, and it was unbearable. It didn't matter the tiniest bit that I'd filled up on animal blood in advance. It didn't matter that they were human beings, because all I wanted and all I could think about was their blood.

I started to run in the direction the scent had come from at full speed. I could hear Jacob's footsteps behind me, and a small part of my brain wanted me to slow down so I could let him stop me, but I was too out of control. I could hear their voices clearly. They were almost in sight.

Then suddenly, something crashed into me from behind, making me fall over. He pinned me to the ground, but I fought him off and turned to run. He was in front of me then, blocking my path and pushing me back with his gigantic head. My lips curled up in a hiss, and I was ready to fight him if that's what it would take to get what I wanted. What I needed.

The scent of human blood clouded my mind, pulling my concentration in two different directions, and so Jacob managed to over-power me. He didn't really try to hurt me; he was trying to push me back. He managed to bite down on my arm, his teeth the first thing to physically hurt me since I'd become a vampire, and started dragging me away. The pain woke me up a bit, it distracted me, and I became just coherent enough to realize that I shouldn't fight him; that he was helping me. He ran away, dragging me along like a rag-doll.

The wind changed slightly, and for a brief moment fresh air blew past me. I quickly inhaled it and then stopped breathing. I punched Jacob in the shoulder, and he looked down on me where I hang limply from his mouth. I pinched my nose with my fingers, showing him I was holding my breath, and he let go. But I needed to get further away, and to his big surprise I climbed up on his back. I didn't trust my legs, I was too scared that they would turn around against my will and run back towards the hikers.

"Run," I whispered.

I tried to focus on the way my body slightly jumped up and down on his back while he ran, trying to calm down and push the memory of the scent out of my mind. When he knew we were a safe distance away where the wind couldn't carry the scent to us, he stopped and I climbed down, still holding my breath.

Jacob made a sound, and I looked up at him. He lifted one of his paws, the one that had a pair of jeans tied around the ankle, telling me he wanted to phase and get changed. I closed my eyes to give him some privacy.

A few seconds later, Jacob the human stood next to me and looked at me with wide eyes. "That was kind of scary," he said. "Yeah, it was." I breathed in the fresh air with equal parts relief and disappointment.

"I had no idea it would be that bad. But you weren't completely gone though, were you? It didn't feel like you were really trying to fight me off," he said, still sounding scared, but a little hopeful. "I was… the scent just distracted me." His lips formed a silent "oh", and then we were both quiet for a while. Far, far away, I could faintly hear voices talking.

"Did you hear that?"

"What was it?"

"I don't know, sounded like a thunder or something… I swear I felt the ground shake."

One week later, we tried again.

We were trying to be smarter about it this time. Jacob was situated further down by the trail, in wolf form like the last time, so he could give me a warning before anyone passed by me. After a few hours of waiting I heard him running in my direction, and a few seconds later he appeared through the trees. I looked up at him and he nodded, giving me the signal that someone would walk past us soon. We were hidden, like last time, behind the trees by the trail.

I breathed very slowly in and out of my mouth. After a few minutes, I could taste it on my tongue. It wasn't as bad as smelling it, but my throat still felt like it had caught on fire. I tried breathing in the tiniest amount of air through my nose, and my eyes rolled back in my head a little. The scent was just as sweet as it had been the first time. Jacob's eyes never left my face, ready to stop me if it looked like I was going to snap again. But I was able to resist. I was very aware of the fact that this was something I didn't have to give in to.

I looked up at the wolf next to me, and he lowered his head, looking deeper into my eyes. I nodded slowly, and I saw his body relax. He had been almost as tense as I was. I could hear the humans' soft footsteps, coming closer and closer.

I let myself breathe in again, deeper this time, still looking into the wolf's black eyes. I could still resist it. I kept breathing, slowly inhaling and exhaling, letting the scent burn my throat. It was bearable, but the scent kept getting stronger. I listened to their footsteps, two sets of feet, as they walked past us where we stayed hidden behind the trees. I was still breathing, and still restricting.

When they were finally gone, and the air was almost clean again, I felt my shoulders lower as I could finally relax. I smiled up at Jacob, and he smiled back. Then I laughed, partially in relief and joy, and partially because he looked like an idiot when he smiled in wolf-form.

Slowly yet certainly, I started to get better and better, and we were ready to move out of the forest, about which Jacob was very relieved.

At that time, we had been living in the Boise National Forest in Idaho, which had been the perfect home for us as humans were nowhere to be seen (or smelled) when we stayed far enough off the trails, and mule deer and elk were on the menu.

Jacob contacted Billy, and he had managed to persuade Jared to drive Jacob's Volkswagen Rabbit to Seattle, where Jake met him. He then picked me up in Boise, and we were free to go wherever our gas-money could take us.

We decided on New York. The first weeks, we spent most of our time in the forest west of the I-87. We would take day trips to Albany so Jacob could eat normal food and I could practice being around humans. After a couple of weeks, we moved to Manhattan, an extremely crowded place that was, as Jacob put it "the perfect place to practice."

And so there I sat, in the crowded café where people kept rushing in to escape the rain. "You okay?" Jacob asked, taking in my strained expression. "Not really," I said. "But it's bearable." He looked at me compassionately, knowing I was in pain. "It's okay, Jake. I'm fine. Talking about it doesn't really help me not think about it though." My voice was a tad to angry on the last sentence. He nodded and turned his attention back to his hamburger, knowing my moods well.

I sighed, regretting that I'd snapped at him, and looked out the window. I caught my reflection in the glass and stared at the familiar, yet strange face. Beautiful liquid topaz eyes, framed by a thick fringe of black lashes, stared back at me. I was very grateful when the bright red had slowly started to fade away and change into the familiar golden color. I hadn't intentionally looked in a mirror since I'd transformed, but now and then I would catch my reflection in Jacob's eyes, passing by a puddle, and, since we moved to the city, in windows.

Usually, I would look away or try to ignore the person in my reflection, but now I stared back.

I blinked, and so did she. When I parted my lips, she mimicked me. I felt my eyebrows pull together and saw hers do the same. Her face started to look disgusted, and her glare became hostile.

A strangers face. A glorious face that haunted me with the dark irony of it all. She mocked me with her beauty – the perfection in her pale and indestructible skin, the delicate purple bruises under her golden eyes and her strong sharp teeth, barely visible under a full and pink upper lip.

I started to feel an overwhelming anger. I despised her. I saw the brutal anger I felt reflected in the stranger's face. I could feel my throat starting to vibrate slightly, building up to a growl.

At the same time my hands balled up into fists under the table, something happened that startled me for the first time since I'd become a vampire.

The window shattered into pieces before my eyes, and the reflection fell apart in the broken glass. A waitress dropped her tray, startled, several people gasped and someone behind me shrieked. I slowly turned my head and looked at Jacob. His hand was frozen in the air, holding the glass he'd been about to take a sip of while he stared at me with wide eyes. Time stopped. Everything went silent.

"Should we leave?" he whispered, and I nodded frantically. We got up and jogged out of the café and into the pouring rain. I turned my head and looked at the broken glass spread out on the sidewalk, still unable to understand what had just happened.

No one had thrown anything at it. If anyone had, I would have heard and seen it long before it hit the glass. Nothing had happened. The glass had simply exploded for no good reason.

Jacob jogged past me and turned around to face me. I stopped and stared at him, begging him with my eyes to make sense of it. "What happened? What did you do?" he asked. I shook my head. "I didn't do anything, I didn't even touch it!" He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Did someone throw a rock at it or something?" I shook my head again. "No, I was staring out the window, I would've seen it."

"Well, something must've happened." I thought back to the anger I'd felt, how my hands had balled up into fists…

"I was looking out the window, and I caught my reflection in it. I was angry, upset… and I did something with my hands, and then it just exploded." Jacob looked impossibly more confused, and it was quiet for a while as we stared at each other. Suddenly his face lit up in realization. "Bella, didn't you once tell me about how some vampires have special abilities?" I shook my head, dismissing the idea. "That's only like… one in fifty, if even that."

"Really? In the Cullen-family alone you told me three of them had extra abilities. Maybe you can… like… smash windows with your mind, or something." Smash windows with my mind. How useful, I thought sarcastically. "I don't know… I don't know what happened."

A few hours later, when the day had faded into night, we were in The Rabbit, parked on a secluded spot by East River Park. Jacob had adjusted his seat to make room for his long legs and so he could lean more comfortably back and fall asleep. I sat in the driver's seat next to him, reading a book on nanotechnology that I'd "borrowed without permission" from a library.

Jacob was very still beside me, but I knew he was awake. He'd always snore ever so softly when he feel asleep. "Bella?" He said in a quiet voice that I knew very well. It was the voice he always used when he wanted to ask me about something he knew I didn't want to talk about. "Do you ever think about… trying to find them?" I knew very well who he meant. "No." I didn't need to think about my answer. I'd already thought about it a hundred times before. "Good," he said, his voice slightly angry, but I knew it wasn't directed at me. "They're very good people, Jacob, it's not that. I would just feel way too embarrassed." He furrowed his brows at that. "Why would you feel embarrassed?" I thought about it for a second, wondering how to phrase it. "I wanted so badly to be a part of their family. I wanted to be with him forever, and so –" but Jacob shot up in his seat and interrupted me. "You wanted to become a vampire?" he asked incredulously. "Jeez Jake, you could try to hide your distaste for my specie." He rolled his eyes at me. "I didn't mean it like that, you sensitive albino. It's just that you seem so upset about it."

My heart ached. It was hard to think about, and even harder to talk about it. "I didn't want to become a vampire just to be one, I wanted it because I wished to spend eternity with the one I loved, and join a family that I loved as well. I knew it meant making sacrifices, but I was prepared to do that. Becoming one now… that's a whole other story. All it's done is take away everything I care about. Except you," I said and looked at him with gratitude. I was very lucky to have Jacob.

Jacob was quiet for a while, thinking about what I'd said with far-away eyes. "But why would you feel embarrassed, though?" he asked, remembering his initial question. I smiled darkly. "Because I'd feel… like I was trying to force myself on them. If they didn't want me then, I don't see why they would want me now." Jacob sighed. "And back then you were all shy and nice, and now you suffer from rage blackouts," he said mockingly and grinned. I punched him in the arm, which made him laugh harder. "You're like the Hulk."

"Hey, you're the one who turns into a big scary monster when you get upset," I pointed out. "True. I guess we're both kinda freaky."

A few moments later I could hear the familiar and soothing sound of Jacobs soft snoring. I sighed, looking out the windows and thinking. I thought back to the incident at the café, wondering what had happened and thinking about what Jacob had suggested about special abilities. I went over it over and over again, but I couldn't come up with a better explanation. I remembered how my hands had clenched at the exact moment the glass had exploded. I looked at the book on the dashboard. Well, it doesn't hurt to try. I stared at it, trying to focus all of my thoughts on moving it, but it stayed completely still. I tried clenching my hands, but still nothing happened.

In the café I'd been upset. Maybe that was the key. I tried to make myself angry again, thinking about the dark irony of my life and the girl in the reflection who mocked me with her beauty. Getting angry was easy. I could already feel the bile rising in my throat. I focused in on the book again, trying to imagine that it was the source of all my agony. Then I slowly clenched my fist and to my amazement, the cover opened ever so slightly and the pages fluttered for a short second before it fell closed.

I stared at it with wide eyes, my mouth open in shock.

8 hours later, Jacob started shifting in his seat, smacking his mouth a little as he slowly started to wake up. He opened his eyes and stretched, his mouth wide open in a yawn.

"Good morning. How was your night?" he asked. "It was… interesting. I learned a new trick," I said and smiled. "What?" he asked in a dull voice, still tired and looking at me with heavy lids. "Watch this," I said. I closed my eyes in concentration, visualizing. It was easier when emotions were involved.

After a few minutes, I opened my eyes and glared at the book. Then I reached out my hand and slowly moved it to the right, envisioning that I was pushing the book, and it slid over to Jacob's side of the car.

I had practiced all night and my mind was exhausted, something I'd never felt since I'd become a vampire.

Jacob shot up in his seat, staring back and forth at the book and me. "What!" His voice was a few octaves lighter than usual. I shrugged at him. "You were sleeping, and I got bored." He picked up the book and inspected it. Then he looked back at me, and his face broke into a proud grin.

"Jake… I can't practice anymore, I'm exhausted." We were at a dump yard, surrounded by garbage, old furniture and pieces of broken cars. "Come on! One more time," he said eagerly. I was sitting Indian style on the ground and rubbing my temples, and it reminded me of how Alice used to do it when she'd focus really hard on her visions.

We'd been practicing for days, and I was getting better. I had more control over it, like I could feel the invisible arms in my mind, but stretching them out was draining.

I opened my eyes and focused in on the rusty car-door again. It helped when I used my hands, so I reached them out and visualized that I was lifting the door. It slowly levitated, going higher and higher, until my arms dropped down in exhaustion and it fell back down.

"You've got to admit it's pretty cool," he said as he walked over to me and sat down. "Yeah, I guess. It's kind of useless, though," I answered in a tired voice. "Useless?"

"Name one way to make use of that," I said, motioning to the car door I'd lifted. He thought about it for a while, but couldn't seem to come up with anything. "Still pretty cool, though."

"Would've been cooler to have a power that I could do something with. Like make money appear out of thin air," I said.

Neither of us had any identification. Even if I'd had my credit card or checkbook, making withdrawals from my account would be too risky. We barely had any money left from what Billy had left for us in the dashboard of the car. Getting a job probably wouldn't have been so hard if it hadn't been for the fact that people were a tad skeptical about hiring people that didn't have any ID and who wanted their pay in cash.

If we didn't find a solution fast, Jake would have to go back to eating exclusively in wolf-form. "Yeah," Jacob answered, looking just as lost as I felt. "We still have enough gas and money for you to drive back home," I said, all the while trying to push back the sadness that threatened to overpower me at the thought. "You don't have to stay with me," I added. He smiled sweetly at me, and I knew what he was going to say. "I know that Bella. I want to stay with you. Would've been nice if staying with you meant living in a hotel suite in Vegas though," he said with a grin.

We sat there for a while, both of us silently thinking.

"I used to think humans were so ordinary compared to vampires, who were so beautiful and strong. Like it was some huge accomplishment," I said, thinking back. "I see things so differently now. What really makes people who they are is what they do with the cards they're dealt. Vampires can run fast, but humans built cars and planes. Vampires have better vision, but humans invented microscopes. And here I am, a vampire, and I can't even figure out a way to make a few bucks to feed my friend." Jacob put his arm around my shoulders. His heat and scent didn't bother me anymore; I rarely even noticed it.

"So, what are we going to do with the cards we've been dealt?" he asked. I had an idea then, and I felt my face light up. "Gamble."