Chapter 10: As Long As You're There

All my life I've waited for the right
Moment to let you know I don't wanna let you go
But now I've realized there's just no perfect time
To confess how I feel, this much I know is real

"Gabe, what did you do?" Eliana asked. She knelt next to the collapsed soldier that Gabe and Kezia had been wrestling with. She glanced over at the group still gathered around Jed's body. There was nothing she could do for them; she had to focus on her mission of getting the rest of them out of the base alive, to hold her own grief and guilt at bay. Soon enough, she'd have to rouse them and urge them to move on.

Gabe also crouched down by the android's head and laid his hand on it again. "I found a way to turn them off."

"Them?" Her voice rose with incredulity. "How many of 'them' are we talking about? All of them?"

"Yeah. I think I could turn them all off." Despite the magnitude of his revelation, he sounded defeated. "I just wish... I wish I'd found it sooner."

Eliana glanced over at her grieving friends. Wild hope warred with despair in her gut. "You may have just saved the rest of us, Gabe. What do we need to make this happen?"

"Access to one of their terminals. They have a switch deep inside their central processors. I was only able to access it when I touched this one, but I think I could insert a worm into their system that would flip the switch in all of them."

"Like the masking virus?"

"Yeah, exactly like it."

Her mind started churning out plans and scenarios. She chewed on her bottom lip as she considered them in turn. "Once you were at the terminal, how long would you need? How long would it take for them all to go dark?" The question on her mind was this: how long would they be vulnerable to another attack?

"Well, now that I know how to tap into one of the remote access boxes, I can get in quick. Implanting the master switch command will take a few minutes. Then it should disseminate to the individual units as soon as they access the central processor."

"Gabe—," she tried to keep the impatient whine out of her voice and failed.

"Ten minutes, tops, from the time I get into the system."

She frowned. Ten minutes was an eternity in a hostile combat situation. In less than ten minutes, they'd gone from daring rescue to deadly encounter. She struggled to think clearly, to make a decision, afraid that any path would lead to more of her friends dying. But if she didn't get them moving soon, they would all die when the next attack came. She pushed herself to her feet, forced herself to make a decision—any decision—that would get them out of this damned corridor.

"All right. We'll retreat back to the supply room where you tapped into their computer network before. We know that area and it's defensible. Get the others ready. I'll talk to Zeke and Josh."

Gabe stepped over to where Kezia was dressing Matthias's wound and spoke softly. She packed up the medical kit and they began to ready themselves. The angel moved on to the others sitting or standing nearby in stunned silence.

As Eliana approached where Jed had fallen, Burke stood and caught her arm. "Eliana—"

She turned to him, her face a mask of anger and pain. "We have to go, Pete. I know they're in no shape, but we have to keep moving or we are going to get ambushed again." The words came out harsher than she'd intended, but she couldn't help lashing out.

Wincing, Burke leaned in closer. "I was just going to ask if you were okay."

"I'm not injured," was her tight reply. She shrugged off his hand and knelt next to Zeke. She kept her eyes down, or on Zeke or Josh, anywhere but the face of her friend and charge who had died under her command. The wall that held back her grief was tissue-paper thin; seeing Jed close up would shred it completely. She began to imagine briefly how she would answer to the Council of Elders, look Jed's father in the eye, stand under the disapproving gazes of Levi and Malachi…. But she pushed the image back down. What would she be feeling now if that stray bullet has struck another member of the group that had been huddled around Jed? If it had been Zeke? Or… or Burke? Not now. Not now. Later, she'd have the luxury of unpacking the ache in her chest when she imagined Burke being shot. She took a deep breath, tried to swallow past the constriction in her own throat. "I'm sorry, Zeke, but we have to move from this place. Gabe has a plan, but we need go back to a more secure area."

"What?" Zeke's head swiveled toward her. The sight of his streaked face and red-rimmed eyes almost undid her. "What? But… but Jed… we can't…."

"We'll take him with us," she answered, voice quavering. "But we have to go."

A shadow fell over them. "I'll carry him," Misha's gruff voice offered in a surprisingly tender tone.

Zeke looked over his shoulder and up at the gorilla, then nodded. He reached out for Josh. His movements were slow, like he swam through a thick fog. "Josh, c'mon." He tugged on his brother's arm. "We're moving now."

"Jed?" Josh whispered.

"I will bear him gently, my friends," Misha reassured as he stepped in and helped the distraught brothers to their feet. Then he bent down and slipped his arms beneath Jed's folded wings, lifting and cradling him against his chest.

Satisfied that they were finally up, Eliana turned to look for Burke. He was huddled against the far wall, talking in low tones to Virdon. Galen stood next to the blond man with a white-knuckled grip on his arm, whether to support him or keep him from fleeing, she wasn't sure. When she approached, Virdon looked up at Burke, and she could see his eyes were red and sunken, his lips twitching as he muttered something. Burke squeezed Virdon's shoulder and shook his head, a curt denial.

"Not gonna happen, Al," Burke insisted, his voice full of determination and finality.

"Alan, Galen," she interrupted, "are you able to keep going?"

Galen stammered, "Yes… yes, I… I think so," as he looked to Virdon for confirmation.

Virdon cleared his throat before he could croak an answer. "Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here."

They moved through the complex as a strung out line with Kezia, Matthias, and Nethaniah ranging ahead and behind to cover them. Eliana led the main group, frequently glancing back over her shoulder as if she expected more soldiers to pour out of the cross-corridors they passed at any moment. Behind her, Misha carried Jed's body. Burke watched Josh, his shoulders rounded and shaking, trail along after Misha, Beside Burke, Zeke leaned on him for more than physical support. Behind him, Virdon stumbled along despite Galen's supporting shoulder. They were in no shape, physically or emotionally, for another encounter.

He wanted to find a dark corner in a room, slide down to the floor, and let his grief and anger flow freely and overwhelm him. The rest of the world was a nightmare frozen in time, where nothing breathed or thought or felt or moved except the slow crawl through this death trap toward what they all hoped would be safety. If they got out of this—

He knew that Josh and Jed had been dancing around each other for years, both afraid to take that the leap into the unknown, the same commitment he'd avoided for years. In his old life, he'd had all the excuses he'd ever needed—the military, NASA, the mission planned to take him away from Earth for seven months. That had been a year and a half ago. Then they'd been on the run, fugitives fleeing for their lives, under constant pursuit by Urko. The excuses seemed endless. Except now that had run out.

Urko was gone. The threat of the Ape government was gone. Alba represented civilization, a place where he and Alan could settle down and try to salvage the wreck of their lives. Still, they had both resisted and larked off again on a crazy search for some shred of the past. And this time, someone else had paid the price for their adventure.

Thinking back on Grul's prophecy, and the argument he and Alan had over which of them was the Ashima, he became convinced that it really meant both of them. He and Virdon were hopelessly entwined by their fates. They were willing to risk their lives for each other, and maybe that was both their biggest weakness and their greatest strength.

Maybe if they were both willing to surrender to the siren song of Alba, that would be enough. No more death. No more sacrifice.

Burke felt Zeke sway again as another wave of emotion sapped his strength. Zeke had held him back when Virdon had been captured, prevented him from rushing headlong into danger; now it was his turn to keep Zeke going. He knew that Zeke and Jed shared a bond beyond friendship, beyond lovers, beyond the closeness he and Alan had. Jed and Zeke had been ahuvi, an old word that literally translated meant "beloved". But like other terms unique to Alba, it had come to mean something more—something akin to "the other half of my soul". Burke had once thrown Zeke's use of it for Jed at him in anger, not understanding that it didn't necessarily carry a romantic attachment. Zeke had insisted that Burke and Virdon where also ahuvi, and despite Burke's protests at the time, maybe Zeke was right. Thinking he had lost Virdon to the soldiers had been devastating. Then even knowing it was a trap, he'd rushed into danger in a desperate rescue attempt. After the ambush, Virdon had pleaded for Burke to leave him in the base, that he would find a way to keep the soldiers off the rest of them until they could escape without any more casualties. And despite what Virdon had done to him only hours before, Burke still vehemently refused to even consider it.

Ahead, Eliana raised a closed fist, signaling the group to halt next to an open doorway. Matthias came out of the storage room and nodded to Eliana, who waved the rest of the group inside. As Burke and Zeke hobbled past her, she cast a miserable, furtive glance in Burke's direction. He couldn't read her in that moment to tell what it meant.

When everyone was inside, she closed the door; Gabe was already at the door control panel tinkering to override it so only they could open it.

"All right, Gabe," Eliana said when he was done, "work your magic."

Burke eased Zeke onto a pile of containers, then sat down next to him. He cast a glance around the room. Virdon and Galen huddled together as the ape fussed over the suffering man. Misha gently eased Jed's body onto a desk and arranged his limbs and wings with a touching reverence. Josh stood over the body in a fugue, stroking the back of one still hand over and over.

Kezia approached them, Jed's medical kit in one hand and a backpack in the other. "When's the last time either of you had something to eat?" At Burke's noncommittal shrug, she pulled two wrapped bars out of the pack and pressed one into each of their hands. "Eat. And make sure to drink, too."

She retrieved the sensor from the medical kit. "I have some minor training as a healer," she explained, apologetic as she ran the instrument over both of them. "You're both in rough shape, but I don't want to put any more drugs in your systems right now."

"Can you give something to Josh?" Zeke asked suddenly, breaking his silence. "To ease the… the pain."

Kezia looked sympathetic but shook her head. "There's no drug that can cure grief, Zeke," she said gently. "Even if I could give him something right now to… to zonk him out, it would all still be waiting for him afterward." She reached out and squeezed Zeke's uninjured arm. "I'm sorry. I wish I had an injection to give us all that would help, but I don't." She pointed to the food bars in their hands. "Eat those. It'll help the exhaustion."

She moved on to Virdon and Galen, completing the same ritual of pressing food into their hands, then doing a quick assessment of Virdon's deteriorating condition.

Burke took a bite from the food bar then suddenly found himself ravenous. He resisted the impulse to shove the entire thing in his mouth, worried that his stomach would still rebel. When he swallowed the first bite, he turned to Zeke, who still hadn't moved, just sat staring at the tableau of his brother standing over the body of his best friend.

"Zeke," he called gently, trying to draw Zeke's attention back to his own needs. "You need to eat."

"So much pain," Zeke whispered, the hoarse words filled with anguish. Zeke dropped the food bar unnoticed and pressed his hand to his forehead. "Everyone's pain; it's too much. I can't… I can't…," he broke off with a sob.

Burke winced at the sudden realization that Zeke was dealing not only with his own pain and grief, but he was empathically picking up the physical and emotional distress of everyone else around him. Including Burke. His body still burned from the neurogenic shocks; his muscles were throbbing knots of agony. Despite the stimulants still coursing through his blood, his brain felt muddled, and his eyes stung so much that he had trouble focusing. He squinted and blinked to try to clear his vision.

"Hey," he said, wrapping an arm around Zeke's shoulders. With the other hand, he cupped Zeke's chin to turn his face toward him. "I don't know if it will help, but try to focus on me." He swallowed hard and pushed the ache and exhaustion down, allowed the feelings he had for Zeke to come to the fore. "Focus on this. I'm not leaving you. For better or worse," he paused, choosing his next words very deliberately, "ahuvi, you are stuck with me. We're going to go back to Alba, I'm going to get a nice nine-to-five, and I am not leaving again."

"Pete—." Zeke closed his eyes, his face still pinched, but Burke could feel some of the tension leaving the angel. "Don't make promises you won't be happy keeping. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear."

Burke shook his head. "I'm not, Zeke. I've been thinking about this a lot lately." He glanced toward Virdon then pitched his voice lower. "About what you said about chasing this crazy pipedream. About what Grul said about letting go. I'm listening, Zeke. Even to all that stuff Mal has said to me over the last couple of months. But it's hard giving up on my old life, on the past. But look at this place. A tomb full of ancient soldiers who are holding onto ideologies that are long dead, for reasons they don't remember or even understand anymore." His voice softened. "I don't want to turn into one of these relics, Zeke. I want to make a better life in the here and now. And I want that life to include you."

Burke ignored the sensation in the pit of his stomach not unlike the drop at the start of a high velocity dive in a jet. He pushed ahead. "Look, I know you are going to need time once we get back to… to deal with things. But me? I got nowhere special to be and no particular time I need to be there by. When you are ready, I'll be here." He laid a hand over Zeke's heart. "Feel this. Focus on it."

Zeke nodded, and when he took a slow, deep breath, he began to project a calmness that even Burke could feel. The astronaut would pay a price later for pushing down his own physical and emotional pain, but a quick look around the room convinced him that he'd done what was necessary to break the spiral of negative empathic energy between Zeke and the others. Josh let Kezia lead him away from Jed's body to care for his need for water and food. It was enough for now.

Even though she was expecting it, Eliana still jumped when the assault began. The motors that controlled the door mechanism whined at the attempt to force them open. Deep in the walls, the echoes of gears clanking and metal stressing reverberated. Her rifle was instantly in her hands as she ducked behind stacked crates that formed a barricade in front of where Gabe worked. In her peripheral vision, she saw the others take refuge behind other barriers, their weapons at the ready. The door didn't budge. Yet.

"Gabe?" she called out anxiously.

"Almost there!" he answered.

A shower of sparks erupted from a spot in the center of the door at about head height. A blob of molten metal bubbled from the spot and immediately hardened into a ridge beneath it. The sparks separated, moving apart but connected by a glowing red line.

"They're going to cut through!" Burke shouted from somewhere to Eliana's left. The cuts quickly turned corners and began to descend toward the floor.

She glanced behind her. "We are running out of time, Gabe!" If Gabe couldn't get this crazy plan to work, her people would be trapped with no escape. She'd let them be backed into a corner. Fear and doubt rolled in her gut. How many more of her friends would die before she won them free of this place?

The molten lines touched the floor and the thick slab fell inward, clanking dully as it hit the floor. A curtain of smoke obscured the gap. Three canisters billowing more smoke rolled through the fog. They had all donned respirator gear earlier against an expected gas attack to which the androids would be immune.

After a few moments, one of the soldiers ducked into the doorway and sprayed the room with a quick burst from a rifle before retreating back out of sight. An answering volley from one of the Albans followed him. Eliana took a deep breath and forced herself to lean back out from behind her cover. This stand-off would not last forever. When the soldiers realized the gas was ineffective, they would have to rush the opening. All those bullets flying in such an enclosed space—

As the moments ticked by and stretched into what felt like an eternity, she could hear the others begin to shift restlessly in the quiet that had fallen. "Gabe?" she asked hopefully, turning her head to risk a glance at where he crouched.

He sat back on his haunches. "I think that's it," he replied with a mix of uncertainty and wonder. "I… I think they're all shutting down."

"You think? I need to be sure!"

Gabe picked up the modified sensor and studied the screen. "Power levels have dropped significantly. Yes, they are all turning off." He looked up at her, his features relaxing slightly.

Eliana closed her eyes as the rush of relief left her feeling drained. When she spoke, her voice was thick and heavy. "Great job. You just saved us all."

As a flush rose in his face, Gabe ducked his head and turned back to his equipment. "If we can spare a few minutes, I want to delve a little deeper into their system, make sure it can't somehow override the kill-switch command."

"Sounds good. I don't want these guys coming after us when we are almost clear." She hefted her rifle again and stepped toward the still-smoky opening. Kezia, Matthias, and Nethaniah emerged from their cover and moved to join her and flattened themselves against the walls on either side of the doorway. Sweeping back and forth with her rifle, she glided into the hallway. She turned a one-eighty then slung her rifle on her shoulder by its strap.

"It's all clear!" she called to the others. "They're just standing here, immobilized!"

As the others began to file out, she walked up to one of the soldiers and couldn't resist waving her hand in front of his—its—face. Its eyes were fixed open, its face frozen in a grimace. With the threat neutralized, she could examine the android. She pushed a finger into the flesh on its arm, amazed at the realistic feel.

"Eliana." She turned. Burke clung to the edge of the doorway. His face was flushed, but the color was mottled and hectic. A sheen of sweat glistened on his skin.

"Kezia!" she called as she rushed over. She caught him as he fell over, startled by the waves of heat pouring off him. "Pete? What—?" She gently eased his limp body to the floor, cradling his head in her lap.

Kezia knelt next to them and ran a sensor over Burke. "Fever. Some kind of massive infection. I can't tell more without real equipment. We have to get him back to the transport. I can get him stabilized there, but we really need to get back to Alba to a real healer. Alan needs real treatment, too."

"Is it contagious?" Eliana asked. A terrible thought occurred to her—had the androids released some sort of biological agent against them? "Could it be something in the air here?"

Concentration creased Kezia's brow as she tapped a different setting into the scanner. "I—I don't think so. I'm not detecting any pathogens in the air. If it's contagious, we're all exposed already."

Eliana looked around at the crowd who had gathered around her. "All right. Time to go home."